I want to address what you said directly, because framing BDSM as “just abuse with a label slapped on it” and implying that I want to dominate and hurt people is not only inaccurate, it’s a serious accusation. Abuse is not a matter of opinion or aesthetics. It is defined by the absence of consent, autonomy, and care. Reducing consensual power exchange to abuse erases those distinctions and, frankly, disrespects the people who have been harmed by real abuse. Now, ethical BDSM is not about hurting people for pleasure or exerting power without accountability. It is rooted in communication, informed consent, and mutual desire. Power is not taken, it is offered. Boundaries are negotiated in advance, checked during interactions, and respected at all times. Consent is ongoing and can be withdrawn without consequence. When that does not happen, it is not BDSM. It is abuse, and it should be called exactly that. And to be very clear, I don’t dominate people because I want hurt people for the sake of hurting someone. I engage in consensual dominance because, for some adults, power exchange can be emotionally intimate, affirming, and deeply connective when practiced responsibly. Any physical or emotional intensity involved exists because it is wanted, discussed, and agreed upon by everyone involved. There is a profound difference between chosen vulnerability and harm imposed without consent, and putting those two ideas into one does real damage. It’s also important to acknowledge how much misinformation exists around sex and kink. A lot of people’s understanding (yours included as it seems) comes from adult media that prioritizes shock and intensity while omitting negotiation, consent, aftercare, and emotional responsibility. That absence does not reflect healthy D/s dynamics, and it often contributes to the very harms people claim to be criticizing. Porn is not education, and conflating the two creates unsafe assumptions. So I want you to keep that in mind. But you are absolutely entitled to dislike BDSM or to decide it isn’t for you. You don’t need to participate in it, support it, or understand it to set that boundary for yourself. But accusing someone you don't even know of being abusive because their sexual preferences don’t align with your comfort or values is not a neutral stance, it’s a harmful one. It silences consent-driven conversations and replaces them with moral panic. If your concern is genuinely about preventing harm, then the conversation needs to center on consent, communication, and accountability, not blanket accusations. I’m willing to talk about those things. But I’m not willing to accept being characterized as someone who wants to hurt people simply because you misunderstand or disapprove of consensual power exchange.
