I've been wondering, do people not use the term "headmate" anymore, and if so, why? I used to see it go by all the time in system related posts and now that I've been realizing might be part of a system myself (still learning the terminology though) I think it might describe like. The other parts of me better than "alters" but if it's a problematic term I don't want to use it? I'm still very new to all this and I've been nervous to look into it because I've been in denial about it for a long time. If you can't answer that's OK! I'm able to do my own research too, it's just something I realized when I noticed I never see the term anymore it seems.
Hello, thank you for the ask!
Many people still use the terms "headmate" - but I do agree with you, it is rarer nowadays to see people using "headmate" as a catch-all. Nowadays, I think the common catch-all is "system member". It does not mean the word "headmate" has become offensive - it just means the plural internet users we see prefer other terms nowadays. I think it's a linguistic shift akin to English-speaking people using "genderqueer" as an umbrella term in the 1990s and 2000s, and "nonbinary" in 2010s and 2020s.
This is anecdotal, but I remember, just a few years ago, it was seen as more polite to use "headmate" as a catch-all in plural communities. Why? Because "headmate" is considered more neutral than "alter/part" (which have medical connotations) or "soulbond" (which have spiritual connotations). The use of "headmate" is not a jab against people who are more medical or spiritual, but it is usually preferred in large spaces where we can't know who uses which terms. It's like people using "they/them" as a default in queer/LGBTQIA+ spaces - it's polite, but of course, not every person prefer it individually.
(also, the medical and spiritual are not necessarily separate for many plurals)
Neither of the above terms is "problematic" - the only time it's problematic is if you use a term for someone, when they already said they don't want it used on them.
It all comes down to personal preference - what feels right to you (all).
Any plural is allowed to have label preferences. Some collectives can prefer "plural", some "multiple", some "system", others "collective", others prefer a combination (like "plural system"), and more. Same as individuals. Some prefer "system member", others prefer "part", some prefer "soulbond", others use more than one for themselves. Some prefer being called "you", others "you&" or "you+", etc.
(For example, I myself prefer "system member", "headmate", and "walk-in".)
So yes, you are allowed to prefer the term "headmate" over "alter". Anyone is.
If you want some plural resources that are inclusive of all more-than-one experiences, morethanone.info and healthymultiplicity.com are good places to start.
Best of luck and take care of yourself/yourselves in your discovery ❤️