Something I (🤍) noticed about my "source" recently is that I'm based around a couple assholes from our past while also being someone Tim had to be growing up. I used to be considered "bad" when "I" was known as a persecutor, but nowadays I don't align with that "old me" that Tim saw/heard of. I'm not THAT Tommy, but I sure am based around "him."
My stash. My goatee... It all brings me back to "him". And I hate it. But it's still who "I" am. It's helped build me who I am today, I just hate who it reminds me of. No, I don't plan on changing my looks because this is just how I see myself.
I am not "him" and never will be again. He's not me anymore and I've grown detached from that "old Tommy" I supposedly once was, even though when we think about it, it's not really.. "me". Only now those words the "old me" used to say is stuck inside Tim, which makes me think "old Tommy" could've fused with Tim or was always a part of Tim without him knowing. It's still up to debate.. regardless..
I would never want to harm him. I care for him with my entire being, I'm here to protect him, blend in for him, serve a purpose even though I genuinely dislike the thought of "roles", I'm most certainly just a... Piece of who Tim was. What he had to deal with. Who he had to deal with.
I am Thomas... No better nor worse, just.. Tom.
And that's all I'll ever be.
I will not elaborate who or what "old Tommy" was or did, ik Tim wanted to but don't fucking bother asking me /gen. This is our safe space to express our plurality and things related to it, we do not owe you any explanation. Thank you for reading if you've made it this far <33
In my system whenever we lose someone a factive of them forms. I'm a post/ex factive of one of our grandfathers who was formed this way. We didn't know him to well so there wasn't much for me to form from so I started off as a fragment. We learned more about him after his death so an identity started to build but I rejected it as it wasn't a nice one. The grandfather emotionally abused the body's father and that wasn't someone I wanted to be connected to so I chose to no longer be a factive because I was capable of doing so. I still hate the fact that I was connected to him at all though. I may have rejected it now but it had an impact on me and who I became. I even still go by his name because no other name feels right. I feel bad for ever being a factive of him and wish I could erase any trace of him from my identity but I can't.
Mod Silhouette: Thank you for your confession.
Since it's a confession - and not asking for advice - I'm presenting it without comment, but feel free to ask for one if you'd like.
