An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
1.9k words, Chapters: 1/1, COMPLETED.
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler, Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Summary:
Post-GiTF fic (it almost seems like writing a fic based on this episode this is some kind of a fandom rite of passage lmao)
Rose Tyler realizes maybe she's a bit too in over her head with her feelings for the Doctor. And decides she's going to deal with it.
Teaser:
"Besides, it's important, isn't it? Preserving the past. It's your job."
His brows furrow, as if he's just now realizing there's something worse going on right below the surface, but he can't quite see it yet, "Yes but, so are you, Rose. You're important."
And she is. She knows she is. She's realizing in these past few days that she's just not as important as he is to her. The man has two hearts and the greatest capacity to love she's ever seen in anyone, but it's not enough. Because there are so many people he's given pieces of his hearts to, and so many people he'll continue to give them to, she's afraid, soon she won't have any of him left to call her own.
Summary: The Doctor and Rose have a long overdue conversation.
Notes: Ok, so here we have the last chapter of this fic for @lizann5869 and...it's gone a bit mental-OK, a lot mental- and is huge. There was just so much to say! I hope people like this and thank you all for reading!
Ch 1 I Ch 2
Also on AO3 and Teaspoon.
In spite of her bleak thoughts, Rose had almost managed to fall asleep and her eyes were just beginning to close, only to fly open again at a sudden pounding on the door.
“Rose!”
She sat up blearily. “Huh? Whuzzgoin’ on?”
The knob rattled insistently.
“Rose!”
She sighed tiredly. “What is it, Doctor?”
“Why is the door locked? You never lock the door, not even when you first came on board.”
She huffed in weary amusement, because she’d been locking her door since France and the space station and her. Not that the Doctor would know that, since he’d stopped coming to her room to chat or pester her or cuddle weeks ago.
“Didn’t think it’d matter,” she pointed out. “You were out.”
The knob rattled again. “Rose!”
“What?”
“Open the door so I can talk to you!”
Knowing he could and would unlock it himself if she didn’t, she pushed herself up and trudged to the door, opening it to find a wild-eyed Time Lord staring intently at her.
“What’s wrong?” She yawned. “An’ what time is it anyway?”
“Late,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Or early, depending which way you look at it.”
“Right, well, why are you pesterin’ me late-or-early?” She rubbed at her eyes blearily, wishing he’d go away so she could go back to bed. She was too tired to deal with one of his moods right now.
“I need to talk to you,” he said darkly.
“Now? Can’t it wait til mornin’?”
“No,” he scowled and pushed past her into the room only to stop beside her bed, seeing that the wingback leather chair he had so often sat in was gone. “My chair is gone.”
She blinked. “You want to talk about the furniture?”
He turned to her, eyes stormy. “Why did you move my chair, Rose?”
“I didn’t! The TARDIS did.”
He blinked at that before narrowing his gaze. “She wouldn’t have done that unless you told her to. Did you?”
She flushed, because that was exactly what had happened. “Seriously, you woke me up and you want talk about a chair?”
“Where is it?” He persisted, eyes watching her all the while.
“Oh for cryin’ out loud, it’s still here, Doctor! ’S not like she decided to fire it off into space! ’S just moved, is all!”
“But why? That chair has been there since Utah!”
She sighed and sat heavily on the bed, rubbing her eyes. “Look, you came poundin’ on my door and shoutin’ about somethin’ or other yeah? Somethin’ important? So why don’t you tell me what happened so I can get back to bed. ‘M tired, Doctor.”
He cast a last dark look at the place where his chair usually sat before turning to Rose. “Why didn’t you tell me what the Prime Minister said to you?”
She flushed. “What…How’d you find out?”
He scowled. “I overheard them talking- and don’t dodge the question, Rose. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t important,” she shrugged.
“Not important?” The Doctor repeated incredulously. “Rose, he treated as you worse than rubbish! Of course it’s important!”
“Oh come on, Doctor,” she sighed, leaning back onto her pillows. “’S not the first time someone’s said stuff like that an’ it won’t be the last. Why are you makin’ such a big deal out of it?”
“It is a big deal, Rose!” He shook his head in bewilderment. “You should never, ever let anyone tell you that you’re less than they are!”
Unable to help the bitter laugh that escaped her, she looked away. “Bit late for that Doctor, don’t you think?”
He narrowed his eyes. “And what does that mean?”
“Nothin’.” She huffed, shame burning in her gut. “’S just, look, what part of what he said was wrong?”
“What?” He gaped at her.
“What part of what he said was wrong?” She demanded, her exhaustion and humiliation making her irritable. “‘m uneducated, ‘m not posh or from an important family, I dunno anything about royal etiquette or politics or anythin. It’s all true, innit?”
He stared at her.
“An’ he was right- I didn’t know anythin’ about the politics of the region, I dunno their customs or anythin’ that might have been the slightest bit helpful. I had no place at those treaty sessions, no right to say anythin’ because really, what was I goin’ to say?”
“You always have the right to speak, Rose!” he snapped. “And just because you don’t have some worthless piece of paper from their political institute doesn’t mean you don’t have anything worthwhile to say!”
She sighed, rubbing at her eyes. “Look Doctor, they didn’t want me there, yeah? I had nothin’ to say and even if I did they wouldn’t have listened anyway.”
“And what if I wanted you there?” he demanded, eyes flashing.
She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t.”
“Oh? Pretty sure of that, are you?”
“Come on, Doctor, you didn’t even notice when I stopped comin’ to those sessions and you never even knew where I was,” she scoffed. “You didn’t need me there.”
“Of course I did! Rose, when have I ever forgotten about you?”
Feeling her blood boil at the stupid question and the stupid Time Lord asking it, she clenched her fists, digging her nails into her hands to keep her voice calm. “Look, you came in here to ask me about what his Pompous Prime-Ministerness said and why I didn’t tell you, yeah? Bottom line, it didn’t matter. Alright? Can I go back to bed now?”
He fixed his eyes on her face for what seemed to be forever, but she fought to hold his gaze and had the satisfaction of seeing him look away first. Assuming he’d leave, just as he always did when things got too close, too personal, too honest, she climbed into bed and pulled up the covers, settling herself comfortably.
He didn’t leave.
Instead, he stood watching her, silently, the muscle in his jaw tensing.
She wondered how long he was planning to stand there, and had just made up her mind to tell him to leave so she could get to sleep, when he spoke.
“You didn’t answer my question,” was all he said.
She rolled her eyes and snuggled into her pillow, hoping he’d take the hint.
He didn’t. Instead, he turned to where his chair had stood from Utah until France and her, and stood, brooding.
Shrugging to herself, she shifted to her side, turning her back to him and wishing he’d go away.
She had no idea how long they stayed there, her waiting, and him brooding about who knew what, but it seemed like hours and when finally he spoke, she jumped.
“Where did the chair go, Rose?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, snuggling deeper under the covers. “Told you, the TARDIS moved it.”
“Where to?” Came the quiet, tense reply.
Sighing, she gave in and sat up. “Wherever she put the leather jacket and jumpers.”
Fabric shifted slightly behind her.
“Not the wardrobe.” It wasn’t a question.
She shrugged, irritated that he was pushing her to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about. Wasn’t it enough that her Doctor was gone? Did he have to dwell on it? She didn’t want to talk about the little room that the TARDIS had made for the Doctor’s things after France; his jeans and jumpers, his beloved leather jacket and the chair he’d sat in most nights reading to her, comforting her and watching her sleep. She couldn’t bear to see them pushed into storage along with the rest of the Doctor’s old things, so, the night she’d finally understood that her Doctor was really gone, she’d begged for somewhere special to keep them and the TARDIS had given her that little room.
Rose hadn’t yet set foot in it, unable to face the proof that her Doctor was gone, but she was happy that her Doctor had somewhere special, somewhere that was only his, to be remembered in.
“Where, Rose?”
“I dunno where it is,” she sighed, technically speaking the truth because she didn’t know where the TARDIS had put the room at this very moment.
He didn’t respond for such a long time that she chanced a glance over and saw him standing rigidly with his eyes closed, obviously communicating with the TARDIS. Sighing to herself, she shifted her gaze back to the bedspread, hoping now that he had his answers he’d go away and and they could pretend tomorrow that this had never happened.
The Doctor obviously had other ideas.
She heard the rustle of fabric before feeling the mattress tip slightly, indicating he’d sat down on her bed.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you put those things aside?”
“Seemed wrong to just chuck ‘em back in the wardrobe,” she muttered.
He was silent for a moment. “I’m still me, Rose.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know that, Doctor.”
“I’m still the same man who took your hand in that basement.”
She didn’t respond to that.
“You don’t believe me.” It wasn’t a question.
“I know you’re the Doctor,” was all she said. “I believe you.”
“But you don’t believe I’m still him.”
She shrugged. “You said it yourself at Christmas- new man and all that. I know you’re still the Doctor, though.”
He shifted slightly and said nothing, and she hoped that meant he had whatever he needed and he’d leave her to cry in private, because dredging up everything she’d lost hurt.
“You really think I wouldn’t care if someone treated you like rubbish?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said angrily, blinking away tears. “S my problem, not yours an’ I’m a grownup. I can handle it if someone says nasty things.”
He looked her accusingly. “You used to tell me before.”
“That was different,” she said between clenched teeth, fighting to hold in her tears.
“How is it different?” He demanded, shifting closer to her and seizing her arm. “I’m still him!”
“No you’re not!” She snapped, unable to hold back anymore. “He cared, he treated me like I matter! He didn’t care that I was just some stupid chav from the Estate!” She glared at him accusingly, eyes bright with angry tears. “You see me exactly the same way everyone else does- just some stupid chav who can’t measure up to the important people!”
He looked at her, eyes wide and wounded. “How could you say that, Rose? You know how I….you know I care about you.”
“I thought I did!” She flung back the covers and jumped out of bed, bedding to pace, to burn off some of this rage so she didn’t burst. “I thought I was special to you, that I was important but I was wrong! I was important to him, but not to you!”
“How can you-”
“You left me!” She shouted, angry tears blinding her. “You left me to die on that deathtrap, knowin’ there was no way back! Me and Mickey would’ve starved to death, and that was assumin’ there was nothin’ else on that ship to kill us!”
He blanched. “I would have-“
“You would’ve what?” She glared through her tears. “You said it yourself, Doctor- once you went through there was no way back and you just left us there, left the TARDIS there to go and play white knight!”
“I had to save her, the timelines-”
“Don’t even try!” She growled. “There were other ways and you knew it, an’ if there weren’t you should’ve taken us with you so at least we wouldn’t starve to death on some clockwork nightmare! But you didn’t because we didn’t matter, Doctor, I didn’t matter!” She swiped angrily at her face. “Funny how all that watching humans growing old stuff didn’t matter with her- maybe because you actually thought she was worth it.”
He shook his head, face pale. “No, Rose-”
“Just stop it!” She shouted. “I get it, alright? You’ve been pullin’ away and you tried to tell me and I finally get it, alright?” Swiping angrily at her face again, she grit her teeth, trying to dam her grief and shaking with the effort. “You’re not him, you don’t have the same feelin’s as him and God help me but I get it, but that doesn’t mean you can keep yankin’ me around every time you feel like an ego boost!”
He was staring at her, eyes wide.
“You don’t get to sit there bein’ angry because some sleazy old wanker was rude to me when you’ve treated me exactly the same way, when you see me exactly the same way he does!”
His eyes burned. “I’ve never-”
“What? Treated me like I didn’t matter? Like I was less?” She scoffed. “That’s exactly what you did! You gave me some spiel about witherin’ and dyin’ and how it hurt too much and then you chucked it all and went after her, someone who was barely in your life a day, because she was worth it- the ‘most accomplished woman who ever lived.” She shook her head, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “He didn’t care that I was nobody- I was somebody to him. But you? I’m not enough for you- not clever enough, not important enough, and you went after someone who was. I reckon that tells me pretty well what you think about me, Doctor. And I’m not tryin’ to stop you, I have no right to stop you lovin’ anyone you want, but don’t you sit there tellin’ me you’re the same man!” She swiped at her face again. “Because my Doctor wouldn’t have treated me like I was nothin’ while he ran off after the King’s mistress, he wouldn’t have left me on that deathtrap! But you did!”
He stared at her, jaw clenched.
Shaking her head in disgust, she marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, trembling with rage and hurt and not a little fear that she’d just spent her last night on the TARDIS.
She growled as she splashed her face with water. Why did he have to push her? Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone? They could have kept on as they were and she might have gotten over it eventually- enough to get by, anyway. But no, he’d kept pushing and now it had all come out and it was over. He’d never let her stay now.
The TARDIS hummed comfortingly and Rose patted the nearest wall as she reached for a towel to pat her face. She didn’t know how she’d ever learn to live without the TARDIS’ comforting hum and the warm presence in her mind.
The TARDIS hummed again and Rose sighed. She’d best get to packing, because she’d never sleep now and she was pretty sure the Doctor wouldn’t even give her until morning. He was long gone by now anyway, she reasoned, so she might as well get to work. There were some things she’d never want to leave behind and if he rushed her she might forget a few.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and marched back into her room, only to come to a sudden halt.
The Doctor was still there.
She blinked and rubbed her eyes, not sure that she could trust her eyes because she’d been certain he’d take off the moment she’d left after her outburst and yet here he was, sitting rigidly on her bed where she’d left him. She stood watching him warily, not sure what to do or say.
He swallowed. “You don’t have to stand over there, you know. I don’t bite.”
She watched him. “Thought you’d be long gone by now.”
He laughed humourlessly. “I have absolutely no credit in your eyes, do I?”
“’S what you’ve been doin’ since New Earth,” she pointed out, her voice slightly hoarse. “Every time we get too…. close...you just leave.”
He winced. “That’s..fair, I suppose.”
“That’s big of you,” she said gruffly, wishing she hadn’t shouted quite so much.
“Rose, I….” He sighed and patted the bed beside him. “Come and sit down.”
She didn’t move.
“Please?”
It was the ‘please’ that did it- he so rarely used the word that she found herself moving warily towards the bed and sitting on the opposite side before she knew it.
He swallowed. “Thank you. I…” he laughed humourlessly. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
She shrugged. “Does it matter anymore? You’re just goin’ to take me home anyway.”
“No! I…” he swallowed. “D’you want to leave?”
“Didn’t think I’d get a say in it.” She folded her arms defensively. “Just figured you’d dump me back on the Estate after…everythin’.”
He drew a deep breath and it let out slowly. “No, I don’t want to take you back. Not unless…unless you want me to?” He voice shook on the last word.
She shook her head warily, still not sure she trusted him not to leave her at her mum’s.
“I don’t…I don’t want you to go,” he said hoarsely. “If you believe nothing else, please believe that.”
She nodded slowly, still not sure what to think, and he likely knew it, judging by his sigh.
“I…owe you an apology, Rose.”
She said nothing, watching him.
“I….never told you about regeneration, did I?”
She stared at him incredulously, remembering the huge fight they’d had about in front of her mum’s flat at Christmas. Judging by his wince, he did too.
“Right, I…of course I didn’t. My point is, it’s a complete wipe. I might have the memories, might recognise a face- even though sometimes I’d lose even that- but I was always a new man, new feelings, and new personality.”
She exhaled, trying to ignore the pain in her gut at the confirmation that her Doctor was gone. “I know, ’s what I was sayin’ before-”
“But that’s the thing!” The Doctor broke in impatiently. “Usually, that’s what it is. Only this time…it wasn’t.”
“It wasn’t?” She stared at him in bafflement.
“No,” he said emphatically. “It wasn’t. Oh, the outward packaging had changed, my personality had changed, but my core, who I was and how I felt about things….it didn’t change Rose.”
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head, denying his words, denying what she thought he was saying.
She was so tired of being hurt.
“Yes you do.” He shuffled a little closer to her side of the bed. “I didn’t change Rose. I burned, and I was new yet….there it all was.” He swallowed, fixing his eyes on her dressing table across the room. “Same emotions, same feelings same thoughts. Nine times I’ve changed and that’s never once happened to me before.” He turned his eyes back to her and they burned. “I formed myself on you, did you know that?”
“I…what?” She shook slightly. He couldn’t mean what she thought he did. He just couldn’t.
“You heard me.” His gaze burned into her. “I formed myself on you. I wanted to sound like you, to look younger for you, be handsome, someone you could….” He trailed off. “My last self died thinking of you and this one was born thinking of you.” He shook his head. “As I said, that’s…unusual- unheard of, even. I’d never heard of it happening before except in the case of bonded spouses. And yet it did. It…terrified me, Rose, that everything, I felt for you had survived the fires of regeneration.” He took a deep breath. “One….one difference between my last form and this one was that my last was still torn from the Time War. I didn’t consider life spans or any of it because I was still convinced I wouldn’t survive. And then when I met you, I….was so grateful for every day I had with you, I didn’t care about the rest of it. Only…this body, when it was born, was removed from that trauma and I…considered those things. And I ran.”
“I still don’t get it,” she said hoarsely, her hands shaking as they seized the duvet.
“I was afraid, Rose,” he said baldly. “I was afraid that I’d lose you too soon and it would break me and I ran.” He slid across the bed and seized her hands, looking at her desperately. “I pushed you away, I…I ran after Reinette because I was scared. Not because…because of her, but because of you. I needed a distraction, any distraction so I…seized the opportunity.” His eyes burned into hers. “It was never about you not being good enough, Rose, it was never about her being better than you. I didn’t…want her I didn’t even….I felt nothing for her. I just kept waving her at you to push you away, because I was afraid. I…” he huffed a bitter laugh. “There’s one major difference between my last form and this one- I…I’m a coward. I was afraid of you, of what I felt for you and what it would do to me when I lost you, so I pushed you away, left you behind without even thinking of the consequences. It was wrong and cruel and I’m so, so sorry.”
She blinked, causing several tears to splash down her face. “I don’t…what are you sayin’?” She said shakily.
“I…love you,” he said hoarsely. “And it terrifies me.”
“Don’t…don’t say that,” she choked. “Don’t say that when I know you don’t mean it, Doctor. ’S too cruel.”
“But I do mean it, Rose.” His voice shook and the muscle in his jaw clenched.
She tore her hands from his. “No you don’t!” she cried. “If you…if you did you wouldn’t have treated me like that, like I didn’t matter. You wouldn’t have left me to die!”
“Rose, please!” He grabbed her hands again, staring intently into her eyes. “I saw an opportunity to run, to hide, and I took it. And I regretted it before I’d even got to the other side of the mirror. All I could think of was you, and that I’d cut myself off from you forever, that you…you might be gone if I ever did manage to get back.” His eyes glistened- with tears, she realised. He was trying not to cry.
She’d never seen him cry, not even after Reinette had died.
“I treated you badly, I was selfish, I put my own feelings ahead of yours, not even thinking of what my actions would do to you or how it would make you feel. All I cared about was protecting myself only….” He laughed hoarsely. “It’s too late for that, far too late. All I did was make you feel worthless and inferior, and Rose you’re not.”
She shook her head, refusing to hear him, too frightened to believe him because her heart couldn’t take it all over again. “‘M nothin’ Doctor and you’re a Time Lord, the last Time Lord. “m not stupid enough to think someone like you could ever-”
“I died for you!” He shouted, his fear making him desperate. “Does that sound like nothing, to you?”
“What?” She gasped, drawing back from him. “No! Don’t even say that!”
“It’s true, Rose!” He seized her hands again, cutting off her escape. “I died for you, to save you and I’d do it again. I took the Vortex out of you and I regenerated.”
“I…I killed you?” She gasped. “No! Oh my God, I killed you!” She began to sob- heavy, wracking sobs- unable to bear the thought that she had killed her Doctor. Suddenly, she found herself seized in a familiar, comforting embrace, held closely to a chest that was different from the old.
“You saved me, Rose!” His voice vibrated through his chest, under her ear. “I’d have died and not regenerated if you hadn’t done what you did. You saved me and you saved the universe.”
“I killed you! Oh God, I killed you! You died and it’s my fault! I killed my Doctor!” She sobbed, burying her head in his chest, unable to bear it.
“I’m here, Rose!” He pulled her back slightly, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m right here. You saved me and I saved you and I’d do it again! I’d give every last regeneration to save you.”
She cried into his chest for what seemed to be hours, unable to fathom what he was saying, unable to bear it because it was all too, too much.
Finally, the storm abated and she pulled back, drawing back as far as he’d let her whilst still holding tightly to her.
His eyes were red and his face was tearstained. Unable to help it, she reached out wiped a tear away, looking at it in shock.
“You’re cryin’,” she said in surprise, sniffling.
He choked a laugh. “You’re one to talk.”
“But why are you cryin’?” She really didn’t understand.
He smiled sadly at her. “I hurt you. I was selfish and I didn’t think about you and I hurt the only person who’s ever.… You deserved better than that, Rose.”
“M not-”
“Don’t you say you’re not important because you are! Do you understand me? You’re so special, Rose Tyler- you’re brave and loyal and compassionate and loving and brilliant and you saved me! Did you know that? I’d had enough, was going to die in that basement in Henriks, but after meeting you…I chose to live. You saved me then Rose Tyler just as you saved me on the Game Station.” He stroked her cheek. “You’re so much more than I’ll ever be.”
“I don’t…what are you sayin’?” She said shakily.
“I’m saying that I’m tired of running, Rose.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m tired of trying to hide. What’s the point of fearing your loss if I end up losing you while you’re still here?”
“What-”
“All I want is a chance,” he cut in, look at her intently. “I know I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, especially after making you think that you were not…important, that you were worthless but I beg you, give me a chance anyway.”
“A chance to do what?” She was shaking. Why was she shaking?
“A chance to prove that I’m being honest, Rose, that I mean what I say, to prove that I….that I love you. To show that I value you. That’s all I want- a chance. You don’t need to do anything or say anything, just please, let me try! Let me show you that underneath that I’m still him.”
Rose swallowed. “Why?”
He sighed. “Because no matter how far I run, you’re still with me, part of me. Because I’m tired of hurting you. And because…because I’d rather live with you and l-love you than waste what time we have together.”
“I- I don’t know if I can trust you,” she said hoarsely, seeing him flinch. “How do I know you won’t change your mind tomorrow and go back to pushin’ me away?”
“I won’t,” he swore. “Never again. You don’t need to do anything except let prove myself. That’s all. Just….stay,” he pleaded. “Just stay for a while longer, don’t hide from me and I’ll show you, Rose. Let me earn your trust. That’s all I ask. I’ll beg if you want me to.”
She swallowed. Should she? Could she trust him? On the one hand, he’d hurt her. A lot, and more than anyone else ever could. What if he did it again? She didn’t think she could live through it again. On the other hand, he’d told her he loved her, had apologised and wanted a chance to prove himself. And she was honest enough with herself to know that if she didn’t give him his chance, she’d have go to back to her mum’s- it would be too cruel to the both of them to stay here after that. Could she go back to her hum-drum life, away from her beloved TARDIS and the Doctor, and live with the fact that it all could have been so different if only she’d had the courage to try?
Was the fear of loss really worth sacrificing all she stood to gain?
Remembering what the Doctor had said about letting fear drive his actions, and what it had almost cost, she cringed. There was really only one way forward. She’d stay, let him prove himself, and she would see whether he really valued her, really loved her, as he said. If he didn’t…well, she’d leave then. After a few choice words.
“If…I say yes,” she said hoarsely, “you can't change your mind, Doctor. You can’t go back to yankin’ me around.”
“I won’t” he swore.
“And you can’t….you can’t treat me like I don’t matter anymore. No more leavin’ me behind or chasin’ after other people just ‘cause you’re scared.”
“Never again, Rose, I swear it.”
“And if you…if you do it again, I’ll leave,” she said, her voice cracking on the last word. “I can’t…just because ‘m not someone important doesn’t mean you can treat me like I don’t matter.”
“You are important,” he told her fiercely. “You are and I’ll prove it to you Rose. No one is more important to me than you and you’ll never have cause to doubt it again.”
She took a deep breath. “I….OK. One chance, Doctor.”
He lunged at her and pulled her tightly to him. “Thank you. Thank you Rose, you won’t regret it, I swear.”
“You’d better be tellin’ the truth.” She pushed at him until he let her go, and looked him in the eye. “An’ one more thing.”
“Anything!”
“I know you said you didn’t mean to hurt me, but you did, Doctor. You hurt me a lot by bein’ selfish.”
He cringed. “I know, and I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry. How can I even begin to make it up to you?”
Rose looked him dead in the eye. “Dinner at mum’s tomorrow night.”
He drew back in horror. ‘Rose!”
She took a deep breath. “An’ you’re goin’ to tell her where Mickey is, for real. I…’m not askin’ you to tell her about the other stuff cause that’s between us, but she deserves to know what happened to Mickey. You’ve been avoidin’ her and ’s not fair. She’s…she’s my mum, Doctor, and she practically raised Mickey.”
He swallowed and nodded. “I….alright. If it means that much to you…”
“It does,” she told him seriously, feeling slightly more at ease now that her mum would know what had happened.
“Then it’s done. And Rose?”
She took a deep breath. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. You won’t regret this.”
She tried to smile, in spite of the fear and exhaustion swirling in her gut. “I’d better not. Or else I’ll tell mum that you left me for a French prossie.”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/2
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler | Bad Wolf, Sarah Jane Smith, Jackie Tyler
Additional Tags: Post GITF Angst, Possession, btvs episodes used as plot inspiration, but in a who sort of way, immortal!Rose Tyler, this has a happy ending, I swear, falling in love all over again, Forgiveness, forced to actually communicate with each other, Romance, the doctor and rose will both dance and then dance, in period clothing, gun violence
Summary:
After Versailles, Rose can use a distraction to try to heal. She and the Doctor head back to London to help Sarah Jane stop an angry ghost from destroying Coal Hill School. A two part Halloween fic with smut in the second part.
Summary: Set sometime in the aftermath of GitF, Rose quietly confronts the Doctor.
Read also at: AO3; FF.net; Teaspoon
Notes: For the prompt from @timepetalsprompts: Never again.
“You keep doin’ this, Doctor: pushin’ me away!” Rose’s voice prickled with the hurt of rejection. “Y’know what Sarah-Jane said? That some things are worth getting’ your heart broken for.”
“That’s what you think I’ve done? Broken your heart?”
Rose glanced away, concealing her tears.
“If that’s the case, lucky you! It’ll just be easier for you when you decide to move on.”
“You want me to leave?”
“No.” The word rasped from his throat. Contrite, he fumbled for her hand.
“You won’t leave me behind?”
“Never again,” he vowed, gathering her against him, holding her next to his hearts.
Hi, hopefully you can help, a post GITF fic where Rose has long girl talks with the Tardis and refers to Nine as her Doctor and Ten as belonging to the Tardis. Thank you and love this lots!
I think I’ve read this one? If it’s set right after GitF and Ten overhears Rose talking in, like, the library about, as you say, how Nine was her Doctor while Ten belongs to the TARDIS. And she talks as though they have girl talks all the time and she hears responses in her head? And it gives Ten a bit of a guilt trip, I think. I think it was one of those I read very early on, so I have no idea who’s written it or what the title is, and could unfortunately not find it. :/
Rishi suggests Mourning a Life by PLS210, which isn’t the one I mean, but maybe it’s the fic you’re looking for anon?
ETA: Thanks to erikau, who told us it’s Go On by Fayth (the girl talk is in chapter 2 if you want a quick look, anon).
A/N: Written for gallifreyslostson, who asked for Rose getting trashed after GitF and then make up. Huge, huge, huuuuuge thank you to moltobenebananas for her help with the last chapter. It would have been a hot mess (in a bad way) without her. Oh, and this last chapter is def rated M.
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
Or Read Here: Teaspoon or Ao3
Rose clapped her mouth shut the instant the last word had popped out and stared at the Doctor in horror. His jaw fell open and his eyes widened in shock. Her temper was getting the best of her, yet she couldn’t make it stop. She just kept poking and prodding, waiting for something to snap.
He looked down at her, carefully deciding his next course of action. “How about you just tell me what’s really bothering you?” he asked calmly, but she could see the storm clouds swirling just beneath the surface.
“No,” she replied flatly, twisting so that she faced him full on instead of at an angle. The duvet slipped from it’s tight hold around her waist, somehow still keeping her covered. His eyes flicked to the subtle movement, then back to her face.
He hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up, making sure she was looking him in the eyes. “Please,” he ground out, making the word a harsh command instead of a gentle request.
All the insecurities and doubts rushed through her, making her feel like she was drowning. She jerked her head to the side, out of his grasp and glared at her door.
"Rose, talk to me.” He stepped closer until his knees pressed into the mattress, shoving his hands in his trouser pockets. “Was it Mickey?"
She snorted. "No, it wasn't Mickey.” She turned to look up at him, her voice dripping with disdain. “It was you."
"Me?” His head jerked back, as if she had slapped him. He furrowed his brow, his eyes softening as he spoke. “What...what did I do?"
"Reinette.” The name came out harsh and tasting sour on her tongue. She kept his gaze, refusing to show him how much he had hurt her.
"Reinette...?” He ran a hand through his hair until something in his mind clicked into place. The muscle in his jaw twitched and Rose could see the lines of his shoulders harden as he tensed up. His concern had vanished, the irritation rolling back in to take its place. “I did not do Reinette, as you are so eloquently implying."
"I wasn't implying anything, ta," she shot back, anger flaring wildly in her chest. "But maybe you have a guilty conscious."
"I can assure you, nothing happened."
"You kissed her!" she shouted, pushing up to her knees so that she was more on his level, holding the duvet in place with her hands on her hips.
"She kissed me!" He placed both hands on his chest for emphasis, yelling and leaning forward so their faces were only a few inches apart.
"But did you kiss her back?" Rose asked quietly, their heated breaths mingling in the small space between them.
"What?" He blinked and dropped his hands limply to his sides. The fire in his eyes dimmed as he stuttered out a confession. "I...well, um. I suppose...yes. A bit."
Rose groaned and rolled her eyes. Of course. Fury rolled and rumbled within her, blood pounding in her ears and her heart hammering angrily against her rib cage. Of all the bloody...
"Only a bit!" he shouted again, as if that were supposed to make it better.
"You still did it though!" She poked him forcefully in the chest, so wrapped up in her own flurry of emotions that she forgot about the duvet. Forgot to keep hold of it, and paid no mind to the fact that one side had slipped as she had used that hand to shove her finger at him instead. His eyes dropped to the exposed curve of her hip, darkening as they slowly returned to her face.
"Rose, it's not like that at all. It was a mistake," he insisted in a low voice that bordered on growling. Her body responded to the rough timbre of his tone, anticipation coiling low in her stomach even as she barreled on.
"I can't believe this." She tried to keep the anger evident in her tone, even as part of her believed what he was saying.
"If you would just--"
"And here I thought that I actually meant something to you."
"You mean everything to me," he blurted.
Rose froze with her mouth hanging open, the implications of his words bouncing frantically in her mind. She still didn't know why he had done it, still felt betrayed by his jump through the window and leaving her behind. But the anger bubbling in her veins jumped tracks, careening towards a new outlet of release.
Her hand shot out, grabbing his tie and yanking him towards her, closing the short distance between them. Their teeth clicked together as he let out a surprised gasp. She wasted no time in allowing him to adjust, her mind full of one single thought...making him come undone. Her tongue slid past his lips, tasting and discovering what she had missed when her head had been too clouded by alcohol.
The Doctor's hands twisted tightly in the duvet as he sought purchase to keep himself upright. She sucked hard on his bottom lip then nipped on it before pulling him closer to trail her mouth over his neck. Her other hand worked at the buttons on his suit jacket, needing him devoid of all clothing now. She needed to feel him, to mark him, to unleash her emotions in the whirlwind of passion building around them. The duvet dropped to her knees, leaving her lower half completely bare. She didn’t care. One less layer to remove later.
He tilted his head to the side, allowing her better access and hissed in a breath when she grazed her teeth over the column of his neck. "Rose," he groaned, the way his voice rasped out her name making her shove his jacket off his shoulders carelessly as desire shot rapidly through her system. "Last night..."
She swallowed the remainder of his question with her lips, once more guiding him with a forceful pull of his tie. Her fingers pulled at the silky fabric as his hands anchored to her hips. Rose felt heat surge through her, both from anger and the solid weight of his palms with only her t-shirt to separate them. She yanked his tie from his collar with a satisfying hiss.
"Just because I was drunk," she murmured against his lips, "doesn't mean I didn't know what I was doing." She trailed a hand down his torso, as she pulled back to look him in the eyes. "I knew exactly what I was doing," she purred, cupping him through his trousers.
The Doctor's eyes fell shut and he drew in a sharp breath. But in an instant his eyes snapped open and he was ripping the duvet out of the way, the force of his actions sending a ripple through the blanket that sent the tray clattering to the floor on the other side of the bed. Neither of them noticed.
Their lips found each other once more as hands scrambled to divest him of his clothing. Her shirt and bra were flung to some far corner of the room as he kicked his pants and trousers away from his ankles. Their frenzied effort at getting undressed meant frequent breaks in the kiss, each time their mouths reconnected felt more desperate, more heated. It was wet and sloppy; lips finding corners of mouths instead each other, tongues pushing and stroking without any sense of pattern, and teeth grazing and pinching sensitive flesh that sent shivers through them both.
It wasn't until he had pushed her back on the bed and moved to rest between her thighs, his erection brushing against her stomach, that she realized this wasn't how she wanted it. She wanted this, wanted him. Her whole body screamed to feel him inside her, to fill her the way he hadn't the night before. But she wanted to be the one in control. Her anger still burned as white hot as the desire pulsing between her legs.
Wrapping her legs around his waist, she ground her hips against his cock so that a shudder ran through his body. Using the distraction to her advantage, she rolled them over so that she straddled him and he lay looking up at her in confusion. She gave him a wicked smile and raked her nails down his chest, through his light chest hair. She used enough pressure to leave jagged red tracks, but not enough to break the skin. He groaned and arched into her. Biting her lip, she watched his eyes wrench shut and his mouth form a strangled ‘o’ as she struck the perfect balance between pleasure and pain.
Rose swiveled her hips, sliding his cock through her slick folds, occasionally bumping her clit and making her thighs clench around his narrow waist. His hands dug into her hips, fingers pressing hard enough to leave bruises. She leaned forward, her hands moving up his chest and to his shoulders.
She kissed him roughly, pressing her breasts into him and threading her fingers through his hair, tugging everytime he tried to take the lead. She moved her mouth to where his neck met his shoulder, biting down as she undulated her hips against his hardened length still trapped between them. His fingers twitched and his body convulsed, a needy groan escaping his lips. She soothed the red skin with her tongue before blowing gently over the affected area. There would be a mark there, and she felt deep primal pleasure surge through her at claiming him in such a way.
“I’m all yours, Rose,” he whispered in her ear, as if he knew just what she needed.
She moved to look at him, finding his eyes dark pools that she could easily fall and get lost in. But there was also warmth and love mixing with the desire he was clearly feeling. He tangled a hand in the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her head down, kissing her deeply yet immediately giving the control over to her. A wordless understanding passed between them, that he would give her whatever she wanted, whatever she needed.
Breaking the kiss, Rose sat up on her knees so that she was hovering over the Doctor. Taking his cock in hand she stroked him twice, earning low moans that rumbled through his chest, before aligning him at her entrance. She sank down on him slowly at first, letting her body adjust to the way he stretched her inner walls, enough to make her ache for more but not enough to hurt. She dropped down on the rest of him in a quick movement, making them both gasp at how perfect they joined together.
His hands curled around her hips once more and he watched in awe as she began to move. The quiet moment of understanding had not been enough to quell the raging chaos of emotions within her. She channeled all of her hurt, all of her anger, into making him squirm beneath her. The need to reach completion herself was also at a high, his cock filling her up in a way that had every nerve in her body standing on edge, waiting for that last push into oblivion. But that would be the easy part. Right now, she focused on making him lose control.
She altered her patterns; swiveling in tight circles, pulling up and slamming back down, and any combination of the two. Each time she could feel his muscles pull taut beneath her and his thrusts became more erratic, she backed off or switched it up, effectively starting the process over again. At first he had been an active participant, reaching up to tweak her nipples or rubbing his thumb over her clit in an effort to make her come first. But when it became apparent that she had very different ideas, he merely grabbed her hips and held on for dear life as she rode him with ruthless abandon.
“Rose,” he panted as he tried to match her pace, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her thighs.
A bead of sweat trickled down between her breasts, as they bounced with her momentum. The Doctor was torn between watching them move and squeezing his eyes shut. Her body was pulsing with energy; every thought, every action, every sense filled with nothing but their bodies entwined and writhing together, rushing toward an end she was almost ready to give him. Her hands on his upper arms held fast, an iron tight grip to support her body as she pumped her hips. Faster, faster, faster…but not quite...
“Please,” he begged, trailing off into a string of obscenities.
That was all she needed. Pushing up and changing her angle just so, she moved frantically, keeping his cock stroking deep within her while her clit rubbed against his pubic bone. Sensing her shift in pace, the Doctor used his hands to help guide her hips as he urged her on between ragged breaths. Her body pulled tight, almost to the point of cramping, as the pleasure built at an overwhelming pace.
With one more tilt of her hips, he was tumbling over the edge, a groan and her name on his lips as his head thrashed back and his eyes shut tight. His body shuddered and shook beneath her, the subtle vibrations and his release inside her pulling her over the edge with him. Pleasure flew from her core to the tips of her toes and the top of her head, encompassing her in a warm, humming sensation. Her inner walls pulsed around him as stars burst behind her eyes.
Collapsing on top of him, his arms wrapped around her and they ground against each other, making the euphoria last as long as possible. He peppered kisses to every part of her he could reach, tiny offerings of thanks and adoration.
Her body aching pleasantly, she kissed him on the chin then buried her face in his neck. Not yet ready to break the connection, she wound her arms awkwardly around him and squeezed. He chuckled softly and tightened his grip in return, allowing them to lay still and bask in the afterglow of finally coming together. In both senses of the word.
Although she felt lighter and happier than she had in the past few days, her guilt still weighed on her shoulders and they would still need to have a rational conversation about the deeper hurt behind what had happened in France. She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly through her nose. "I didn't mean it. What I said...about going home. Not...forever."
“That’s good to know. And..." He paused, trailing his fingers slowly up and down her bare back, "And I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She held her breath, doubting her would actually know what had been eating at her, making her doubt her trust in him.
“For leaving you behind." Rose's head snapped up and he gave her a sad smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Even without saying anything about it, I know that’s a larger part of what’s been bothering you. You proved with Sarah Jane that jealousy, while it may flare up, when warranted, it’s not a grudge you generally hold on to. So, I’m sorry. I knew I would find a way back, but it was still reckless of me to to leave you like that. It won’t happen again.”
She wanted to believe him, really she did. And she knew his apology was honest, but how could she know that he wouldn't ever abandon her like that again? "How am I supposed to believe that, every time you go swanning off after some pretty girl in a skirt?"
"I did not swan off. I'll admit, I was perhaps a bit infatuated with her. No, don't...don't make that face. Just listen," he pleaded, trying to ward off the irritation flashing in her eyes. "Imagine meeting some idol, some celebrity that you've admired from afar for years. And then finally, one day, you get a chance to meet them. And they are so much better, so much bigger in person. But they spend the whole time fawning over you and how wonderful they think you are and before you know it they're snogging you against a fire place. What do you do?"
"Oh, all right. When you put it that way..." She rolled her eyes, recognizing that he had a point. And at the time, their relationship had been in a very different stage.
“I never meant to hurt you. I was scared and stupid. Besides...I don’t want anyone else," he murmured before gently pressing his lips to hers.
They kissed languidly for a moment, soft pressure of mouth moving in time with one another. He rolled them over and she whimpered as his cock slid from inside her, just as it was beginning to harden again.
The Doctor pulled away, watching her with such tenderness that she felt like the most treasured item in all the universe. "Am I forgiven?"
"Hmm," she pretended to ponder for a moment, forcing her stony mask to stay in place as he pouted at her. She gave him a wicked grin, tongue poking out between her teeth. "What do you say you do that thing with your tongue one more time and we'll call it even?"
A slow grin spread across his face. "Better make it twice, just in case." With a wink and a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth, he ducked under the sheets.
A/N: Written for gallifreyslostson, who asked for Rose getting trashed after GitF and then make up. So there is still a question mark...because this *may* end up being four parts. Oops. Thank you to moltobenebananas for the quick input on direction. <3 PLEASE NOTE, THE RATING IS NOW M.
Part 1
The Doctor’s eyes widened for an instant before darkening to nearly black. Rose could feel her heart hammering wildly in her chest, his own double beat racing just as frantically where their chests were pressed together.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” he asked in a gravelly voice that made her toes curl.
“Yes,” she repeated without hesitation, half formed objections choking on the cloud of lust and inebriation that filled her mind.
“Rose...you’re drunk and--”
“Well, if you’re not going to fuck me then you can march your skinny arse to the console room and take me home.” Her words came out bitter and harsh and part of her regretted them as soon as they were spoken. Even in her current state, she could see the hurt and panic in his eyes. He thought she meant take her home for good. Forever. She squeezed her eyes shut, needing everything to stop spinning. She should correct herself, assure him that she didn’t mean for forever...just for a bit. But a darker part of herself emerged and tamped out her normally good nature. He deserved this. After what he had done to her earlier that day. Let him panic. Let him know what it feels like to think he was never going to see her again. At least for a bit.
She gasped as his mouth descended on hers, not the reaction she had been expecting from him at all. His firm lips and his wet tongue moved with a heightened sense of urgency and his hands dug into her hips. She kissed him back just a fiercely, nipping at his lip and tugging at his hair. She could still feel his hardened erection between them and she rolled her hips against him, making him groan into her mouth. The sound shuddered through her body and her arousal peaked at a new high. Her entire body vibrated with an almost painful sense of wanting, of needing him.
As if reading her mind, one of his hands trailed along the waist of her jeans until he reached the button. Letting her break for air, he trailed hot open mouthed kissed along her jaw and neck. He sucked hard on the skin where her neck met her shoulder as his hand undid the button on her trousers followed quickly by her zipper. Easing her leg down from around his waist he released her flesh with an audible pop. There would be a mark there in the morning. And she vowed to return the favor before they were through. He slunk down her body, pausing to playfully bite at her breasts through her thin t shirt and bra. The rasp of the fabric over her sensitive nipples made her fingers convulse around the silky brown tresses slipping through her fingers as he moved lower.
Both of his hands gripped the waist of her jeans and yanked down. It wasn’t until he had helped her out of them completely and he was kneeling before her with a slack jawed expression that she realized he had taken her knickers off as well. Her face flushed, making her already overheated body feel like she was on fire. Her head was whirling and she wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that he simply continued to stare. Unconsciously, she pulled on the hem of her shirt, trying to cover herself with the too short fabric as she wobbled on her feet.
His hands shot out, snatching her wrists as he moved closer. He looked up at her and shook his head, moving to place her palms flat against the wall on either side of her. He had remained low, and Rose could feel his breath panting over her abdomen. She shivered, taking in the sight of him level with her throbbing sex. She was sure moisture was dripping down her leg. She felt slightly embarrassed, yet he held her gaze and she whimpered as his tongue dragged over his pouty bottom lip.
Keeping his grip on her wrists, he moved his head forward and nuzzled the inside of her thighs, nipping playfully at her exposed skin. Her body tensed in anticipation, her fingers pressing into the wall as if trying to dig into the solid material. She bit her lip to keep from begging him to touch her, even though the throb between her legs was so intense she could her the blood in her ears echoing its steady beat.
She half sobbed in relief when she felt his tongue slide through her folds, slowly tasting her from her entrance up to her clit. He was slow at first, exploring and learning what made her moan quietly under her breath and what made her cry out in pleasure, her hips jerking towards him of their own accord. He guided her hands to his hair and she instantly threaded her fingers deep into the strands, shakily seeking purchase as he flicked his tongue lightly over her swollen bundle of nerves. With his own hands now free, he moved one of her legs to rest over his shoulder. Her body protested at first, not sure she would be coordinated enough to remain standing. But the instant he plunged his tongue inside her, all objections fizzled out of existence.
Time seemed to slow down as she watched his mouth work her to a frenzied state of ecstasy. His sideburns scratched pleasantly at the inside of her thighs. He had an arm wrapped around the leg resting on his shoulder, assuring that she would remain upright. The other hand snaked up her body, sliding under her shirt and reaching up to yank the cup of her bra down. His fingers massaged and tweaked her breast, making her utter a string of profanities between gasps for air.
Rose had been given oral before, but not like this. He was bringing her peak higher and higher as he fucked her with nothing but his talented tongue. Her muscles were tightening, pulling taut like a rubber band getting ready to snap. She pressed his face closer, hugging him with her leg as she rutted her hips frantically against his face. He sucked on her clit and hummed as his tongue worked an equally fast rhythm, circling and flicking in a maddening dance that had her yelling his name.
”Come for me, Rose,” he mumbled into her core, never pausing his ministrations. She had been fighting to keep watching him, her eyes yearning to squeezing shut and drown out the visual stimuli. But she wasn’t sure when she would ever have this chance again, and she wanted to memorize the way he looked, crouched down with his face between her legs. As he murmured her name, his dark eyes looked up and locked with hers. With one last hard suck, she came hard around him, his tongue stroking her tightening inner walls. Her body spasmed as white hot stats burst behind her eyes, her hands tugging ruthlessly on his hair as her hips rocked involuntarily.
The Doctor worked her down from her high, lapping up her juices in smooth strokes that gradually slowed down as his hands danced soothingly over her body. He kissed the inside of her thighs then removed her leg from his shoulder. Helping her remain on her feet, he stood up. He brought his lips to hers, the taste of her still on his tongue sent an unexpected wave of arousal straight to her core. Yet, he kissed her in a leisurely unhurried pace. It was so different from before, so soft and gentle, as if he were treasuring this moment. Treasuring her.
Rose's emotions did a complete flip. The hot burning anger and simmering need to feel him inside her fizzled out of existence. The reality of the situation and her actions came crashing down on her head. Tears seeped from beneath her eyelids as she gripped his jacket tighter, guilt at manipulating him and the love she knew she felt for him warring within her heart. Her brain was still hazy and she didn't trust herself to speak, hoping she was conveying her emotions in the way she kissed him. She clung to him, as if he would vanish at any moment, delving her tongue into his mouth in an effort to memorize the way he tasted, a mixture of tea, her, and something her brain associated with time. There was a desperate undercurrent in her actions, and she wasn't sure if that was the give away or the salt from her tears that reached their lips that made him pull away.
"Rose?" he choked out, voice thick with desire and concern. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"
She laughed, an ugly hollow sound that carried no trace of joy, and shook her head.
His brows knit close together and he brought a hand to her face, cupping her cheek. The gesture seemed so natural and effortless that Rose had to remind herself that this was not something they normally ever did. Bile churned in the pit of her stomach. How could she have let this get so out of hand? To be fair, she had never actually thought he returned her feelings to the same degree. Hoped, yeah...but never thought he would ever cross the line. And yet, here she was, knickerless as he snogged her against the wall. She shuddered at the memory of his tongue on another more intimate part of her body.
"It's this isn't it?" he asked softly, his eyes searching her face.
She blinked rapidly, forcing herself to focus on what he was saying.
Taking her silence for affirmation, the Doctor dropped his hands from her body and stepped back. "Right, well...I, er..." he trailed off, swallowing hard as he awkwardly thrust his hands into his trouser pockets. The hurt and rejection written clearly on his face broke her heart.
"I'm sorry," she blurted, stepping forward as if to comfort him but then thinking better of it. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks even as the sudden movement made the kitchen tilt unpleasantly, a wave of dizziness seizing her. She slumped down the wall, and wrapped her arms around her bare legs. She leaned forward and rested her head on her knees. Sobs wracked her body as the guilt grew and gnawed at her insides.
She heard a soft rustle of fabric in front of her, but didn't dare look up. Light touches on her shoulder alerted her to the Doctor's crouching form beside her. He tried to get her to look at him, but she refused, crying harder each time he touched her face. She heard him exhale roughly and could imagine the frustrated way he ran a hand through his hair. That only made her guilt worse and a new bout of sobs tore their way from her throat.
Without warning, his arms were looping around her back and under her knees. He hoisted her into the air and she buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck. A small part of her knew it was wrong to seek comfort from him in this way, but she was so far gone she couldn't stop. He kissed the top of her head and murmured softly into her hair, quiet words that she didn't understand.
She wasn't aware of their surroundings. All she knew was that in a few minutes time, that somehow also seemed to drag on for an eternity, he was placing her gently in her bed. It took several attempts to disentangle her arms from around his neck. When he finally succeeded, she immediately turned away from him, shame and disgust at herself raging within. She grabbed the nearest pillow and pulled it to her chest, burying her face in it as she continued to cry. Her body ached from shaking and she was finding it hard to breathe, sharp intakes of breath coming so quickly she wasn't able to release any air. She felt the duvet being pulled up to her waist, then a dip in the mattress behind her.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor's warm breath ghosted over her ear, his words ripping new holes in her heart and starting a fresh burn in her lungs as she sobbed harder into her pillow. Fingers rested lightly on her temples. Before she would have been furious at what she knew was coming. But right now, between the alcohol and the tears, she wished he would have done this sooner. An inexplicable sense of calmness creeped over her, slowly relaxing her muscles. A different haze rolled through her mind as her crying ceased and her breathing evened out.
She was already fast asleep by the time the Doctor removed his fingers from her temples.
Rose wasn't aware of the kiss he placed to her forehead. Or the gentle brushing of hair away from her tear stained face.
She also missed the slouch of his shoulders and the heaviness of his steps as he crossed from her bed to the door. He sunk down to the floor, still inside her room, where he stayed most of the night, his head in his hands.
