#potentially triggery

[entrenous88]

Earlier this week my cousin died unexpectedly of an overdose.  It’s been heartbreaking and terrible trying to get from day to day since then.  There are so many things I wish I could have changed for her, burdens that she had to bear that I feel like I should have been able to lighten more.  What’s  horrible isn’t so much the regrets of the past but the shock of this stasis now - nothing can ever change for her again.  There’s nothing else we can do. 

[whirlawakeagain]

hi, this is an overdue self indulgent Life Update Post because ive been meaning to write here for a while and 11:07 on nye seemed appropriate

the last couple of month ive been in a weird daze, because ive come to realize that in a lot of ways my life is now changing faster than it has in many many years. this time a year ago, things were so bad--school, anhedonia, my health, blah blah. three? four? months ago I started taking prozac and im writing abt it because it honest to god might be the best decision ive ever made. it changed everything. so many years of panic and self loathing and just listlessness that i’d accepted, not wanting to make a show of my ‘not-serious’ shit or assuming it was all normal. but it’s the strangest and most enjoyable thing to now uncover new, more rich, more human aspects of myself all the time, things id thought other people had, but not me. i like music now more than I have in many years, I look for new songs all the time. I actually, genuinely want to read. i wear more makeup. im not scared to go back to school. i enjoy what im studying now; ive had a class change my life, something I dont think I would have been open to some time ago. i write better, a professor i admire said my writing was beautiful. my romantic & sexual interests are closer to normal, I think. even my ED has improved somewhat and the physical symptoms are abating; my hair loss is reversing and im looking forward to getting a decent haircut some day. 

the point is im forever in high school and so i feel compelled to write an end-of-year thing on tumblr as ive done since i was 14, where I regurgitate the same shit every year because nothing ever changed. but now i think things can actually possibly maybe change, because i actually really want to participate in the world. my shyness, or social anxiety, or whatever, makes it essentially impossible for me to communicate or connect with other people, which is now more frustrating than it ever was before; I have energy and more than anything I want to share my life with others, and im starting to feel im worthy of that. but im really really going to try this time, and im feeling optimistic abt it. 

good night guys, happy new year 

[oceannanotoceania]

/looks up at the sky

so help me i will find a beta for this fic

[triddlegrl]

Tonight I was walking home from the train station when I realized something pretty grim. Now it's relevant to know that I usually either ride my bike home from the station or get a ride from my sister, because by the time the metra rolls in from Chicago dumping me off work, it's dark out and even though I stay close to the station it's still an eight minute or so walk in the dark on mostly unlit streets.

So as I was walking home, battling that creeping sensation every woman knows when she's alone in the dark no matter how "safe" the neighborhood- I was going through the list of reasons why I was highly unlikely to be jumped, raped, and left for dead in the middle of my safe suburban neighborhood. I even recalled all the times I'd biked home and left my bike parked right beside the garage all night without a care in the world. As if to say, "see Meg, you felt safe enough then". That's when it hit me. I'm somehow less afraid that a stranger will spot my bike unchained beside my garage and decide to steal my property, than I am that a stranger will spot me alone in the dark and accost my body.

I wholly expect someone to treat unattended property with more respect than they might if they spotted an unattended female.

[grassangel]

...did the Hiddles fandom even pay attention to the other hour and twenty minutes of the Wallander episode Sidetracked Tom Hiddleston wasn't in?

Because while it isn't as good as any of the episodes of season three (the clues were obvious) everything was shown, not told and go you Henning Mankell for writing about corruption in the justice system and the abuse of women by those in power.

And why is no one fangirling Anne, the one who always tags along with Kurt and appears to be directly under him? Is she in the novels? I want to know if there's more of her. The dementia/Alzheimer's of Kurt's father is threatening to me with feels as well, especially since the last book/upcoming BBC episodes is about Kurt loosing his memory. It's inheritable and no, not good.

Nicholas Hoult was Stefan and that was so weird. Why are you being pretty in a crime drama? Although it does make playing Degrees of Kevin Bacon/Doctor Who with the MCU so much easier. (Hiddleston, Hoult,/Flemyng, Tennant; Hiddleston, Cumberbatch, Gatiss OR Hiddleston, Smart which are quicker but less satisfying.) I play those with such a severe handicap of not seeing a great deal of movies/TV series and it kind of shows. (I also play by insisting they had to have a scene together.)

[grassangel]

[luciferious-archive]

Why can't I just not think about these things? Why do the images have to run through my head over and over again in every possible horrifying scenario?