I’m finding my way alone in this life
Figuring out what makes my heart bloom the brightest, a genuine smile cross my face
Yet I have such an intense desire to be loved, to be cared for
To be swept up off my feet, treated with gentle, loving words and intertwined hands
My heart aches and yearns for a companion, someone to share the high and low tides with
Maybe it isn’t my time yet. Maybe I need to be alone for longer, and be patient until the right person expresses that they want to be in my life.
Waiting is painful sometimes.
I know love isn’t all that’s there to look forward to— I have plenty else that lightens and invigorates my spirit, more soul-searching to do and myself to work through.
I want to be the closest I can be to my best self, so that when the time comes, I can treat both my partner and I with the care and compassion we need. To embrace one another with a warm, peaceful love that says, “I am imperfect, I have my flaws, we both do— and I think that I’d want to experience life with you.”
I’m a romantic, melancholic, poetic. Awkward, for sure, easily confused and clumsy.
I am also very passionate, artistic, sensory, sentimental. Flawed, scarred, uneven.
Scared. Hopeful. Lonely. Loving.
Yet that is how I was made to be.
Maybe someday, I will find even more meaning in sharing myself- good, bad and ugly- with another who embraces my flaws, and does not “put up with me despite them”.
Love will find its way. I need to remind my heart to be patient, to ease the pain of feeling alone, to remind myself that while lately I am getting much better, improving every day, finding peace within, that the right person and the right time will come.
For now, I need to figure out how to be the right person for myself. I need to fight my way out of the darkness and out of the fear I feel so late at night. To be comfortable and secure in myself is what will unlock the closed doors I see myself surrounded by.
