“Sir. You are exhibiting persistent, high-frequency caretaking behaviors toward younger, smaller, emotionally dependent team members with a history of attachment needs and a desire for proximity.“
“Are you diagnosing me with parental instinct?”
“Yes.”
“I reject your theory.”
“You can’t just opt out. That’s not how parenthood works.”
“Neither is being diagnosed with it! They’e more like parasites I can’t get rid off!”
“Do you typically make lunch boxes for parasites and tuck them into bed?”










