While tidying up old CDs recently, I stumbled upon some of my uncle's collection, there's more, but I only choose few to take a photo (I especially love the Kate Bush one.)
My uncle passed away when I was young, only in his early forties. He studied at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco and dreamed of becoming a great director like Ang Lee. (I think my artistic talent might be inherited from him.)
He was gay, but back then, everyone had to hide their true selves. I only learned this from my mother when I grew up. He had a beautiful and capable girlfriend, but of course, my uncle didn't marry her as my grandma wished.
Although my uncle was very proud and stubborn, and not easy to get along with, he was truly a very talented person.
I remember sneaking into his room and peeking at his Apple computer and art supplies on his desk. I remember his bedroom walls were a somber dark blue, and there was a large painting on the wall, seemingly a naked man painted with yellow-orange oil paint (somewhat in a Cubist style like Picasso). My dad said that painting was a gift from one of his "friends." That person was also an artist, and they lived together. He attended my uncle's funeral, but left quickly (my mom said he cried a lot at the time).
My dad's family is somewhat homophobic (including my dad; they actually knew my uncle's sexual orientation but chose not to), so my uncle never came out until his death.
My mom and my uncle had a good relationship, like close friends. She said my uncle once asked her what she would think if her child was gay. My mom answered with things like "Impossible, I'd beat the shit out of her," and he just laughed. Looking back, he was testing my mom, seeking her approval and understanding, because in that family, only my mom and he could truly connect. (My parents were quite sad when my big sister came out(she’s les), but they eventually got over it.)
Recently, for some reason, I often think about the past (including my gay uncle). I think it's because I'm getting older—I'll be 29 this month (jeez🥲)—and it's only in the last year or two that I've truly confirmed my sexual orientation; yes, I'm bi.
There was a girl in junior high school who used to stare at me while I drank water, and during our graduation trip, she even pinned me down on the bed, but I didn't react either time and just pushed her away. (Maybe I didn't have any particular feelings for the same sex back then, and she wasn't my type either.)
Later, at a high school party, a boy also stared at me while I drank, and then I directly asked what he was looking at. He seemed surprised that I would ask him directly, and he could only shyly say it was nothing. (I genuinely didn't know what he meant at the time, but he wasn't my type either.)
Looking back now, both experiences were clearly hints, but I was so clueless back then, incredibly bad at feelings. It's so dumb and funny lol
If I had any regrets now, it would probably be about my first crush in elementary school. He was clean-cut, smart, and mature, and didn't tell silly jokes like other kids his age. We got along really well. He later moved to the US, and communication wasn't as advanced back then, so we only chatted a few times via Yahoo Messenger and that was it. (Looking back, it was nice that he was willing to chat with me despite the time difference. He's probably married now, and since it’s impossible to find him anyway, let's just leave the memories at the best.)
As for dating experience, I'd say I have, but not really, because it was an online relationship ,and we never actually met in person.
The girl was quite cheerful and talkative, but she was also incredibly clingy and immature, with naive and unrealistic ideas. (Maybe it was because of our age difference; she was six years younger than me.) I really dislike constantly reporting what I'm doing to the other person; I value personal space, so I ended the relationship after about six months.
Anyway, What strikes me most is how fortunate I am to live in an era that isn't as closed off as before. If my uncle were still alive, I would definitely let him know that there are people in this family who support him in freely pursuing his own happiness.
Here are a few of my uncle's drawings. These works are wonderful; if I hadn't shared them, they probably would never have seen the light of day. (P.S. He loved watching sumo.)
