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So, I’m frayromantic arospike. I only get crushes on people I don’t really know and sometimes my romantic attraction goes “hello! I exist now!”
Can I still identify as panromantic? Occasionally panromantic? Demi-pan?
yup. pan refers to the genders you're attracted to not the frequency of your attraction, so you can absolutely use it!!
-toni
I think I’m ace? I’m 15 and basically everyone in my class has had sex or thinks about it and I just can’t relate. The idea of sex doesn’t appeal to me, I just don’t get why people would want it, but a romantic partner sounds nice! Someone I can kiss, cuddle or play games, I don’t mind the gender, so I think that makes me pan-ace? Is that what asexuality is? The lack of interest in sex or things related to it?
It definitely sounds to me like you could be asexual and alloromantic. I’m neither bi nor pan, so whether what you are feeling would better be described as biromanticism or panromanticism is something I can’t really speak to, but I’d definitely encourage you to do some research and try on some labels if you want.
Some aces are sex-favorable/can enjoy having sex, while others are sex-indifferent or sex-repulsed, so I would characterize asexuality as a question of whether one experiences sexual attraction, rather than if someone is interested in sex and sex-adjacent topics. That said, it’s fine if you explain your sexual orientation to other people by talking about how you don’t experience sexual attraction and aren’t interested in sex, because then you’re talking about your personal experiences, not the experiences of the entire community.
Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.
I identify as bi currently, but I might be pan. I'm not sure, because I've only ever met people of the two cis genders as far as I know. I don't know if I would be attracted to an nb person because I've never met one. Bi means "attracted to two or more genders", so I think that fits me. I'm not sure if my approach to this is okay. I'm not transphobic, it's just that I don't know if I'd be attractive to an nb person.
Okay, first things first–you can be cis/binary trans and bi and attracted to nonbinary people, the only difference between ‘bi’ and ‘pan’ is the difference between ‘sweet’ and ‘sugary’–they’re synonyms, one of which is generally more specific.
Secondly, your sexual orientation doesn’t depend on who finds you attractive, it’s the other way around–but that might have been a freudian slip, so I won’t harp on you for it.
Thirdly, you can still be bi if you’re not attracted to nonbinary people, as long as you’re attracted to more than one gender. But, and I’m not an expert on this, I’m pretty sure you won’t be pan, since the pansexual people I know define pan as “attracted to all genders,” and all the other definitions I’ve seen are just different variations of that one.
We’re always happy to talk about self-discovery, so if you have any more questions, don’t be afraid to ask!
Hope this helps!
questioning culture is thinking you're bi, switching to pan, then thinking "wait oh shit do i not have an attraction to men?" and switching to lesbian, then feeling the faintest of crushes on a boy and thinking you're pan again, then wondering if any of it was romantic attraction in the first place (in my case because the characters were fictional)
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Sexuality questioning post:
Cw: sex and sexuality and attraction will be mentioned but not talked about in detail
I chose to make this anonymous due to things and people in my life that I don't want word getting back to until I'm ready.
Current labels and self identifiers:
AFAB
Presentation is ????. Femme? Stem? Soft butch? Not sure. Somewhere in there.
Nonbinary (transneutral and neutrois)
Acespec and mspec (dellosexual and pansexual)
I'm comfy with my gender labels but unsure about my sexuality labels.
My sexual attraction is 100% women and femme presenting or androgynous presenting people. Like. Even butch women, dykes etc. Hot as hell. I am very sexually and romantically attracted to women of any presentation. I'm also romantically and sexually attracted nonbinary/trans/gender expansive people of femeinine or androgynous or light masc presentation.
Hyper masc people? Not really attracted.
Men. Zero attraction.
But like. I feel like I could maybe? be sexually attracted to hyper mascs and men given enough time and connection.
And I dont care about gender. My preferences are purely presentation. Don't care what's between your legs don't care how you identify or how you were born. If you present femme your hot as hell.
But I also dislike men.
Plot twist. I'm married to a. Cishet man and have been for a very very long time. My husband.... I.....I enjoy sex with him most of the time. And. I Can see that he is good looking. But idk if I'm actually sexually attracted to him and it's confusing as hell. And it took me awhile to be romantically attracted to him. We had to have a really deep friend connection first.
I've also never been with or had any partners that weren't cis men (though several men ended up coming out as gay after we broke up.)
So I'm left wondering. Is it comphet? Am actually lesbian/Sapphic? Or does the Dellosexual and delloromanantic label still fit?
I'm just confused 😕 help?
alright so from how i understand it you seem to be delloromantic and either pansexual with a type for feminine ppl/non-masc ppl or lesbian/neptunic. However I can't determine your identity for you and you will have to decide for yourself if you want to identify with any of these or if something else fits better.
Hope that helps anyone feel free to add on!!
Hey, conflicted enby here! I'm very confused about my sexual and romantic orientation. There's a possibly I might be like, a panromantic lesbian? Maybe panro bisexual? I've no idea. All I know is I'm very confused. Maybe I'm just demisexual panromantic???? No idea. Honestly may just call myself queer at this point. Any tips?😅 (they/them)
I think calling yourself queer is a great idea, if you’d like to. It’s broad and expansive, and you don’t ever have to use a more specific label if you want, even if you find a more specific label that fits. That said, if you do want a more specific label, here’s some stuff that might help.
You might find it helpful to distinguish between different forms of attraction. The most common categorization is probably sexual vs romantic attraction, but it can be any categorization you want. Maybe you have difficulty figuring out if something is sexual or romantic attraction, but aesthetic attraction feels distinctly different, so you decide to think about attraction in terms of sexual-and-or-romantic and aesthetic attraction. Or maybe you can tell the difference between sexual and sensual attraction, but they always happen together, so you mostly think of it sexual attraction. Or maybe you can’t tell the difference between forms of attraction or you don’t find it helpful, so you choose not to categorize your attraction at all. It’s up to you.
If you find it helpful to categorize your attraction, you don’t have to give an orientation label to every kind of attraction. For instance, if I chose to label my sensual orientation, it would probably be demipansensual, but it basically never comes up, so I don’t really think or talk about myself in those terms. Or say that someone eventually realizes that they’re bisexual and biromantic, and there’s a clear separation between sexual and romantic attraction. They can just call themself bi or bisexual if calling themself biromantic isn’t something they want to do (be that because of circumstances, they don’t want to explain it, they don’t find it a useful label, or any other reason).
Orientation labels can be super powerful, expressive, and flexible, but they can also be a bit overwhelming if you don’t know where to begin, so don’t worry if you’re not sure what to call yourself. Look for labels that are helpful for you right now; if a label you use stops being helpful or a label you don’t starts being helpful, that’s fine, you can always change your labels whenever you’d like. And if you’re not sure if a label fits, give it a test drive. Trying on a label is a great way to get a sense of what it really feels like, and regardless of whether or not it fits, you learn a lot about yourself. Finally, feel free to take your time with this, there’s no need to rush to figure everything out.
Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.
Hey so i identify as female and am attracted to women/girls but also non-binary, agender, genderfluid, etc. people, just not usually men/boys/guys (but sometimes i am). That would make me pansexual, except that i don’t really want or think about sex. I’m only 16 tho so i don’t know if i’m pansexual and just ‘too young’ or not ready to have sex or if i’m ace. Could you help? I’m sorry and thank you!
If you don’t want to have sex or think about sex, that’s fine. Some people will tell you that that makes you an immature 16 year old, and other people will tell you that you’re too young to be thinking about that, but they’re both wrong. If you’re thinking about this stuff, if other people your age are thinking about this stuff, then you’re not too young to know that you’re ace. (That said, if you want, feel free to take your time. You don’t have to figure this out right away, and it’s okay if you’re unsure or questioning for a long time.)
Have you come across the term panromantic asexual? It refers to someone who can experience romantic attraction to anyone regardless of gender, but doesn’t experience sexual attraction. If you feel like you’re simultaneously pan and ace, this might be you.
Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.
Hey so idk if this makes sense but im aroace and im positive i am. but i also feel like im bi. I know that there are 4 attractions sensual sexual romantic and aesthetic so while i id as aro ace i feel i may be aromamtic asexual bi-sensual????pan-aesthetic???? Does this make sense? I feel as tho it doesnt.
Short answer, that makes sense and you’re valid!
Long answer, that makes sense and here’s why. Normally when people talk about being attracted to someone, they don’t specify how they’re attracted, just that they’re attracted, but if you find it helpful, you talk about different types of attraction. The list I know is (in no particular order) sexual, romantic, platonic, aesthetic, sensual, and alterous. Platonic attraction is (at least for me) wanting to be someone’s friend and hang out with them; it’s sort of like a crush, but without any romance or sexuality (this is called a squish btw). Alterous attraction is intentionally hard to define, neither strictly platonic or romantic, although it can involve aspects of both; for me, it’s sort of in between platonic and romantic, but not everyone sees it like that.
Not everyone has to give an orientation label to every kind of attraction, though. Some people aren’t sure if they experience a type of attraction, some people don’t know the right words to describe how their attraction works, some people find some types of attraction aren’t important enough to label, some people don’t want to use multiple labels, some people can’t distinguish between different types of attraction, etc etc. Basically, you can of course give orientation labels to multiple different kinds of attraction, but you don’t have to, either, even if you do experience multiple types of attraction.
So can you call yourself bi aroace, or aromantic, asexual, bi-sensual, and pan-aesthetic? Of course!
P.S. you might also want to read up on oriented aroace and angled aroace.
