#questioning bi

[groovy-lady]

I’m attracted to fictional men and women and real life women; I have dated a few men, but I wasn’t super happy in those relationships because they weren’t the best guys tbh and I only had sex with one of the guys I dated and I hated it, so I’m turned off from dating real life men ever again. I only want to date real life women. I have been rumored to be a lesbian when I was in college; I was asked if I was a lesbian from how I used my tongue to get crab meat out of a snow crab leg (yes, this really did happen); and I was told by a now former guy friend, “Just come out as a lesbian already!”. Does any of this count as being bi or lesbian?? 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️ (I’m also Graysexual.)

Am I Bi or a Lesbian?

Bi

Lesbian

Voting ended onJun 10

[questioning-culture-is]

Questioning culture is identifying as a bi girl and then getting a crush on a boy which causes you to question your entire life because all your sapphic friends make jokes constantly about how being attracted to men is gross and bad but god damn he’s so funny and cute and then all you can think about is this boy and maybe you are just straight but also girls are very pretty. Help please I am so confused

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[queerpride]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t have to be attracted to men or women to call yourself bi.

[lesbian-ed]

I've been reading your comphet section and I'm starting to believe I may be a lesbian. I'm realizing, I only really want men's attention. I want them to want me. I relate a lot to the using sex as self harm. And that's always reinforced in me that I must be bi. But I've always been repulsed by how men look even though I wanted them to look at me. I know you say you can't tell anyone what they are, so I just want to thank you for helping me understand myself, no matter what conclusion I come to

Hey, hon! I’m glad we could help a bit. We really can’t guess, the only person who can truly know is you, but I hope as time goes by you’re able to get to know yourself even better, and come to terms with your sexuality, whatever it may be. I also wish you a healthier relationship with sex, you truly deserve it. 

My advice would be to give men a bit of a break, and maybe try being with women since you already know you’re attracted to them. See how that feels, see how it’s different, your attraction to them, your reaction to their attraction to you...  

Anyway, good luck, and thanks for taking the time to send this ask. Take care!

/Mod A 💖

[raavenb2619]

Okay, I'm a 25y woman and just starting to figure out my sexuality. I recently discovered I liked girls too so I started calling myself bi cause boys were still fun. But now that I have had a fair share of women I noticed that it isn't the same, boys kind of lost the little fun they used to give me and girls make me feel like WOW. And it's making me really confused cause I really don't know if it's just a gender preference or if it is compulsory heteronormativity and I'm actually a lesbian

I’m neither bi nor a lesbian, so I don’t know that there’s that much advice I can give that’s specific to either of those identities. I’d encourage you to reach out to or follow some bi and lesbian blogs, since they might be able to help you better. But if it helps, here’s how I as an aroace think about attraction. 

Sometimes, your brain picks a particular person, and says “here’s a list of various activities that you think you’d like to do with them”. If that list of activities follows some sort of pattern, you might try to categorize the attraction as being of a particular type (sexual, romantic, platonic, aesthetic, etc.), but you certainly don’t have to. If you end up doing some of the activities on that list with that specific person, you’ll probably enjoy them a lot (although it isn’t necessarily guaranteed); on the other hand, if you end up doing some of the activities on that list with a different person, you might or might not enjoy it. 

However, if you like (or think you’d like) doing some activity with someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re attracted to them, especially if you’re not sure if it’s so much that specific somebody or just the idea of somebody in general or even just that particular activity. Add in compulsory heteronormativity and societal pressures and it can be super tricky to figure out if you’re experiencing attraction. The good news is, you don’t have to figure this stuff out right away, or even ever. If you’re not sure of what labels you want to use, or not sure if you’re attracted to someone, that’s okay. Your feelings are real and meaningful, even if you don’t totally understand them. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. 

[transwarlock]

there’s probably more, but hopefully the ones I missed are slightly more specific versions and/or variants of the definitions of bisexuality I included. (but IDing as bi isn’t mandatory! some people who fit these definitions also fit/prefer to ID as pan/ply/lesbian/gay/etc.)

if your orientation fits any of these definitions, the bisexual label is available to you, and our community welcomes you with open arms 💌

[nonbinarycryptic]

Hey guys, I've recently wondering if i am bisexual. I don't really know if there are ways of figuring that out but if there please let me know

[sunrysez]

Compulsory Heterosexuality?

Hi ok I've been big confused about my sexuality lately. (This is gonna be lengthy I'm so sorry) I was in a relationship with a boy for about 2 years, I was in love, sexually attracted to him, enjoyed physical touch etc. We broke up and now there's a new boy in my life who's been my best friend for like 3 years who has had a crush on me the entire time but I've never felt romantically or sexually interested in him ever. Well the thing is is that I told him I'd give it a shot but I'm not looking for a relationship. We've kissed and had sex already but its made me really reevaluate my life choices.

Thinking back on my first relationship (the one I mentioned above) it took me about 4 months in to the relationship to not be grossed out by kissing him. After I was comfortable with that we moved on to having sex and the first time I was like "ok this is fine" but then when he brought up doing it a second time I dreaded it. (We were both virgins prior to dating lol) after doing it probably 5-6 times I got comfortable enough to where I enjoyed it but it seemed like afterwards every single time I just felt,,, off. Same goes for every male I've had sex with after him. I just felt off and HATED kissing them, unless I was in a position where I was on top/in control/ etc. This is probably TMI but I only like sex if I'm the one on top or in control, any other positions make me feel really bored or uncomfortable and I just feel weird.

I consider myself bisexual, I've never been with a girl romantically or sexually but I have kissed girls and immediately enjoyed it unlike when I've kissed boys. When I've read the "symptoms" for compulsory Heterosexuality I feel like some of the things I don't relate to because I've always much preferred the company and friendship of boys over girls and just felt like I could relate to boys a lot more than to girls especially when it came to talking about girls who were pretty or "hot". I have always been able to tell what girls boys would find attractive, but with guys it was always more of a mystery. Especially when my mom or a girl friend would point out a "hot" guy that I literally didn't give a second thought too. The first crush I ever had was on a boy who I didn't start liking or even notice he was in my class until his mom saw mine at the grocery store and told her he liked me.

I remember in elementary school new girls coming to our class and me being oddly obsessed with being their friend, and even jealous when other girls would be friends with them first. (Only new girls who I thought were pretty tho, I now realize) the same thing sometimes would happen with boys but I rarely would find myself having feelings for them I would just genuinely want them to be my best friend.

With my first boyfriend I didn't start having feelings for him until he said he liked me first and then I was in limbo about deciding if I felt the same for about 6 months after he told me, and I think I only realized I liked him when I thought he had lost interest in me and only then did I decide to shoot my shot.

I guess I'll just keep going by bisexual, I think the really only way to know is too like experience shit with gals but let me know if you have opinions about my statement?? Or if you can relate???? Pls help me