Hey, conflicted enby here! I'm very confused about my sexual and romantic orientation. There's a possibly I might be like, a panromantic lesbian? Maybe panro bisexual? I've no idea. All I know is I'm very confused. Maybe I'm just demisexual panromantic???? No idea. Honestly may just call myself queer at this point. Any tips?😅 (they/them)
I think calling yourself queer is a great idea, if you’d like to. It’s broad and expansive, and you don’t ever have to use a more specific label if you want, even if you find a more specific label that fits. That said, if you do want a more specific label, here’s some stuff that might help.
You might find it helpful to distinguish between different forms of attraction. The most common categorization is probably sexual vs romantic attraction, but it can be any categorization you want. Maybe you have difficulty figuring out if something is sexual or romantic attraction, but aesthetic attraction feels distinctly different, so you decide to think about attraction in terms of sexual-and-or-romantic and aesthetic attraction. Or maybe you can tell the difference between sexual and sensual attraction, but they always happen together, so you mostly think of it sexual attraction. Or maybe you can’t tell the difference between forms of attraction or you don’t find it helpful, so you choose not to categorize your attraction at all. It’s up to you.
If you find it helpful to categorize your attraction, you don’t have to give an orientation label to every kind of attraction. For instance, if I chose to label my sensual orientation, it would probably be demipansensual, but it basically never comes up, so I don’t really think or talk about myself in those terms. Or say that someone eventually realizes that they’re bisexual and biromantic, and there’s a clear separation between sexual and romantic attraction. They can just call themself bi or bisexual if calling themself biromantic isn’t something they want to do (be that because of circumstances, they don’t want to explain it, they don’t find it a useful label, or any other reason).
Orientation labels can be super powerful, expressive, and flexible, but they can also be a bit overwhelming if you don’t know where to begin, so don’t worry if you’re not sure what to call yourself. Look for labels that are helpful for you right now; if a label you use stops being helpful or a label you don’t starts being helpful, that’s fine, you can always change your labels whenever you’d like. And if you’re not sure if a label fits, give it a test drive. Trying on a label is a great way to get a sense of what it really feels like, and regardless of whether or not it fits, you learn a lot about yourself. Finally, feel free to take your time with this, there’s no need to rush to figure everything out.
Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.
