#rant to self

[missbcm]

[safespace-skz]

There's some days where being trans and realising you can't get a 2nd childhood as that gender and you will never truly be physically how you want to be just leaves this empty space in you, having to settle for being 'somewhat happy' with physical features once you change. And its not the same as insecurities which everyone has and no one loves themselves fully, its bigger than that its literally missing a part of your physical body or being slightly 'different' again in how the average cis person looks. All we want is that 'normal' and being content in your gender with normal insecurities. Instead of always feeling less, and unhappy that you will get to 60%...70%...80% of your true self at most.

Cis people dont realise how lucky they are sometimes. Like i wish all i had were these massive or small insecurities but at least i had the features that belonged to me and never made anyone question who i am. Trans peoplr have the same insecurities and on top we just have to deal with body parts that dont belong to us

[hopperjane]

when someone really cares about you and your friendship, they wont just give it up so easily. if they wanted to stay, they would’ve messaged you or tried to talk to you. you’re allowed to be pissed right now because it sucks when you tell someone so much about yourself just to have them make you feel like shit for it when it’s over. you just have to breathe, save up that energy for someone who actually wants to talk to you. you don’t need them. you don’t need them. you don’t. 

[ianforshort]

I’m not in the closet.

I pretty out actually, I’m just not the kind of person that actively manifests it. I’m fine with people finding out, but I only worry when I know that if them knowing this part of me will hurt me in some form. 

Mostly this form is having my mom find out.

I have nothing against her finding out, but there’s such a generational/ cultural/ social gap that I don’t think it’s worth my time and effort in telling her, then going in and explaining to her that everything she thinks about queer culture is wrong and problematic for her to continue thinking and acting upon. 

A lot of this foresight comes from the fact that I know she grew up in the Philippines; where a large number of the queer community are in fact quite problematic, and not only that, their culture/ society and the media portray being queer as a joke - it’s like being gay means that you’re supposed to be comic relief, and that no one should take us seriously.

[worthysoriginal]

It's a little shitty knowing that things could already be quite different if I'd have put more effort into certain stuff! I suppose there's time yet though!

[awesome-bamon]

Elena is leaving and still some come up with Doom and Gloom to say that...

“This could mean that  BK will happen or this could mean a DE endgame” and because of that we won’t get Bamon”.

Like some take every little thing and turn it into how it could be doom and gloom for Bamon and the Bamon fandom. And U know that they are going to put every thing into the last four episodes as a last gift to the DE fandom. But no matter what happens with DE in the upcoming episodes Elena is leaving and Damon won’t be going with her.

And if someone is not breaking down how a spoiler or BTS pic of DE means a Delena endgame and that means that Bamon is doomed. Then they are doing things like taking one BTS pic of Kat posting a pic of shirtless Chris and somehow saying that it means that BK will get together even tho nothing on screen shows that Bonnie would fall for Kai anytime soon  and with Kai coming back only for the last couple of episodes there will hardly be any time to realistically have anything “romantic” between BK happen this season.

But some always want to think the worse thing is going to happen which can be a buzzkill to the Bamon fans who are excited for TVD Season 7 and for Bonnie/Bamon’s story but then either in tags or in askboxes someone comes up with a Doom and Gloom worse case and it can bring the “Rain on the Parade” of the of those who are excited about what is coming up.

Guess that everyone can’t have a positive outlook like me.

[iloveshippingkitty]

Todays almost like I never got over depression. Almost. I wont insult myself and say so cos I managed to get back to me from that far back and Ive not nor will I ever go back to that me if I can help it. But I just feel so lost, sad and lonely which is fucking ridiculous cos I like my job, I have a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything under the sun for me, brilliant friends and a mad family, but I know they love me as family do. But today I just feel like Im an island and I just wanna curl up in a small room with my thoughts and be sad with my thoughts (not even cry which is really worrying for me) but I want someone to come and take me from this cos I know thats unhealthy and I know where I end up when I do that. A proper fucking leave me alone Im lonely mood and Im to stubborn and angry and sad to go to anyone with it. And Im not worrying my boyfriend needlessly cos hes got loads to do so thats ridiculous and itll pass by tomorrow and anyone who goes hes pants he should be taking care of you Im willing to fight. Cos he takes care of me loads and I know this will stress him out. He'll insist its better I tell him but the deadlines tomorrow I think and if it passes its needless, if it keeps going it can at least wait a day. So I'll complain to myself, cos that I can do.

[foxwearingshoesandsocks]