#really frustrating

[darkwood-sleddog]

Welp the canadian company I was going to get kicksled from no longer sells to the states. Trying to figure out next steps (mail forwarding box vs calling a bunch of random retailers for this company and seeing if they’ll order a sled for me).

[wanderingmind867]

I woke up at midnight today, right around when my dad leaves for work. Or well…he works from 1 am to 12 pm. So let's say I woke up 12:50. From there, my night didn't get too much better. I looked at my phone to check the time, and I managed to fall back asleep eventually (around 2 am, I think). But I then woke back up around 3 am. I don't know why I woke up again, except that I must've been too on edge from the events of my waking up around midnight. Well that or it was just bad luck. It was probably just bad luck. But who can say, really? Not me.

I don't know why I woke up at 12:50 to 1 am last night. I wish I did actually understand how it happened. I wish I knew. Was it because I was nervous? It could've been. It could've been. My dad worked a full shift last night and today, running from 1 am to 12 pm. He only worked a half shift yesterday, so maybe I was nervous for being all alone in the house. Maybe I blew it out of proportion and then had such a light sleep that I woke up super easily. Maybe I keep waking up because I'm sweaty. Two out of the past three saturdays (in which i've woken up early all three days) have had me wake up and be really sweaty. So maybe that's involved in it? I don't know.

Honestly, it could just be bad luck. I keep wanting to see some grand explanation in everything. And maybe there is one. Maybe it is my paranoia over being all alone that's making me sleep worse. It's possible. But do you know what's equally possible? That it's all unrelated and I just have bad luck. I mean… having sleep problems three saturdays in a row is weird, but it's also not impossible. It could all just be bad luck and coincidences. I think I do struggle with sleep more when my dad isn't home, but that doesn't mean every instance of bad sleep has to come back to that. Sometimes it is just about luck.

I'm beginning to feel really exhausted. Like I could lay down in our new recliner and fall asleep. Maybe I'll try doing that, because the exhaustion isn't great. I know it's my fault (or the fault of my freaking stupid brain) but still. It's not like I actually wanted to be woken up at 1 am. It happened, but I didn't exactly want it to happen. It just happened, and now I've gotta deal with it. So deal with it I shall, in as best a fashion as I can manage.

I'm laying down with a blanket in the recliner. I'm laying on my side. It feels rather precarious, but bizarrely also not too bad. Awkward, sure. But not too uncomfortable. I don't think I'll sleep. But even resting my eyes would be fine.

Well, I laid down for a bit. My hands feel really clammy now, but I actually feel better otherwise. It took me a minute to adjust to wearing my glasses again now that I'm sitting up, but I think I'm better for laying down. And from texting my dad, I think I actually have a better understanding of why I might've woken up at 1 am last night. And it looks like it may go back to being bad luck.

Apparently my dad stepped on our dog's foot accidentally, and she then made a lot of noise. So that could've been what woke me up. I think that makes just about as much sense as everything I was speculating did it. I can't actually prove anything, so let's just meld it together. I was sleeping lighter because I'd probably just gotten to sleep an hour before. I was nervous about my dad going to work. And then the noise of the dog probably woke me up. So yeah, it's just bad luck. Three bad saturdays in a row. Purely coincidental, but still bizarre to observe. And kind of frustrating. sigh…

PS: I also wound up masturbating today, and I feel complicated about that too. So add that to the list of things I feel rather weird about.

[mutationgirl]

really fun to be fucked in the head and unable to take advantage of objective improvements to material conditions because of it

[bloopitynoot]

This is getting annoying

I'm not sure what's triggering this but it's now been 2 posts in a row with a content flag.

I just wanna talk about Thousand Autumns ☠️

[cryybabyycatzz]

i keep having nightmares and it's really lame

[anxiousdragoncollector]

I play guitar -> I make mistake -> I get mad at myself for making mistake -> I get mad at myself for getting mad because it's completely natural and part of the learning process -> process repeats

[drakey-wakey]

something i really really dont understand about anti mask folks (mostly on the left bc lets face it most right wingers have no empathy or community care drive) is just.. why would you choose against doing something that makes your community safer? why would you choose the option that makes life harder and worse for some of the most marginalized folks out there? it is genuinely such a nice feeling for me to just be wearing a mask because I do when i go most places and for someone to come up and tell me that theyre glad I am or that it makes them feel safer going out. why would you choose against community care and safety and still call yourself a leftist? if you constantly talk about mutual aid and caring for your community but refuse to even wear a mask I don't really want to hear what you have to say tbh

[c0rpseductor]

today is apparently the day my brain is like Remember all those trauma feelings you aren’t supposed to think about? yeah me too. NOW CRY LOSER 🔫