#relationship experience

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . but the language of love did not yet come easily to her . . .

L. P. Hartley, from My Fellow Devils

[aploheartz]

Dating: Fictional Other vs Non Fiction

dating a fictional character is better than dating someone outside of fiction because your f/o technically can't leave you unless you decide so. breakup fucking hurts, I don't want to experience that again at least for a while even if it's already been a while since last time. I see nothing wrong with this train of thought, dating Casper now has brought joy and I finally can see someone else's face (Casper's) instead of my real life ex when I think "my boyfriend". dating my ex was nice, TMI but it was an awesome years long relationship, but the afterthoughts when it was over make me hate remembering him even if it was nice because I don't want to miss him anymore, it's been long enough, it just makes me angry to think about atp.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I’m a 19Y female with very limited experience in dating. I always thought that I should delay this till I pass 18 and become more mature, but now I feel that it’s too late. Most people my age are more experienced and my major problem is that I’m so afraid of deception. I feel like i need to go out and meet new people, but I’m afraid they will be using me, specifically males.

for more context, 2 years a go I was once with a girl, who was my friend but then pretended to love me and only after a year she left me and said it was just for fun. I felt so stupid, and even though I’m straight I was with her because I thought females would be less manipulative but it wasn’t the case. now, I know that I need experience, but how to start if I’m afraid, I feel like it’s a cycle that i cannot escape. I read a lot about relationships and psychology and communication, but everything I read suggests that experience is a key, and I luck it.

other problems is that I have social anxiety, not so serious, but still it makes things more difficult, I also came from a conservative background where it’s so bad to communicate with people from the other sex, and where people usually marry arranged way. Fortunately, I’m an immigrant, but I lived most of my life in my home country, and my parents still believe the same way about relations. I’m not financially independent yet, and if I would date, I will feel I’m using my family resources while not respecting their beliefs. I don’t share these beliefs, and I want to get to know someone and become their partner by myself. i once thought that I should delay dating till I become financially independent, but this takes time, and I then would be just starting, how I will have time to have experience, and only then to be with someone?

additionally, I don’t know from which background I should date, I believe that people are unique their background, but people of my background would think I’m bad for dating, and from more open background would find me inexperienced and probably would not understand my limitations.

Could you help me? I’m an infp if this helps. My problems are 1 fear of deception and manipulation. 2 my luck of experience (which also makes me insecure). 3 fear from parents judgment. 4 who to date (or it doesn’t matte?) 5 and finally how and where to find people in a healthy way (not online)

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I will address the problems as you list them:

1) Relationships require risk-taking. You don't know everything about a person before you meet them, so you won't be able to see all of their negative qualities right away. This is why it's important to take relationships slowly and allow enough time for you to see who someone truly is. Learn to spot red flags and use them to decide how close/distant to be with people. It is useless and self-limiting to be afraid of bad people. You should make yourself smart enough to see them and grant yourself the permission to remove their negative influence from your life.

2) You overthink and overcomplicate things for no good reason. Do, learn, and grow. That's how we all have to go through life. There is no way to do relationships perfectly. Every relationship has its up and down sides, as well as up and down phases. The key is to try your best to do things with respect and kindness at all times, both for yourself and others.

Lack of experience can only be remedied by doing and gradually gaining confidence through learning from mistakes. This means you must make mistakes in order to grow. Change your view of mistakes/failures and treat them as opportunities to learn how to do better. Past experiences shouldn't hold you back but rather make you smarter. You won't get smarter by hiding away in fear.

3) An important part of becoming an adult is learning independence. Independence cannot happen as long as you are stuck in the false dichotomy of "conforming" vs "rebelling" - this is teenage mentality. These are not the only two options in life. When you conform, you give up your freedom to self-determination, which is harmful to you. When you rebel, you are not exercising freedom but rather mere defiance, so you are still choosing to be controlled by something external to you.

Real independence is about knowing the truth of yourself, what you need, and what is in your own best interests. Acting out of genuine care for your well-being and the growth of your future self is how one becomes a real adult, mentally. Realizing your potential to be a better version of yourself means that you have to let go of your investment in the things that harm you and hold you down.

You want to be a good person and not hurt people. That's a good thing. But you cannot feel like a good person and be proud of who you are as long as you hurt yourself. Until you have a good understanding of healthy relationship boundaries, you will take on too much duty and responsibility and hurt yourself, and/or you will encroach on other people's boundaries and hurt them. To have healthy boundaries is essential in relationships, because it is the lack of them that allows people to exploit or mistreat you. Healthy boundaries help you find the right balance between your needs and others'. Please read up on the topic of boundaries.

4) The foundation of a healthy relationship is kindness, which means that respectful behavior is always the first thing to look for. The rest is dependent on your (personality) preferences, your needs/wants, and your aspirations.

5) My personal opinion is that I don't think it's good to meet new people with romance as the main goal, because it enables the mentality of "using" people and discarding them as soon as they don't meet your expectations. Also, desperation isn't a good look. You need to have a bigger picture view of things, if you hope to build a healthy and full social life for yourself.

A better way is to get involved in the community through clubs, congregations, volunteering, or other forms of service. Make yourself a useful person in the world and you will naturally meet many new people. When you click with someone, develop it into a closer friendship. Put out the effort to build a good social support system for yourself and you are sure to encounter opportunities here and there for romance along the way.

[coalaclumsy]

So here’s the case: In 2020, I graduated from high school, and like every girl, I had a crush on someone during that time. I never had any special connection with him until 2020, when he reached out to me through WhatsApp, saying he needed someone to talk to because he had just broken up with his girlfriend. As someone who casually had a crush on him, I started listening to him through late-night calls for months, maybe even years. We called each other every night, texted frequently, and even went out twice. Since I had known him since high school, I felt very comfortable around him, even though it was actually my first-ever date with a boy.

At the same time, there was another boy who lived in my neighborhood. The thing is, he never went to the same school as me, and even though we grew up in the same area, we never really had anything in common. I just knew him as someone’s son who lived nearby. Unexpectedly, he started DMing me on Instagram in 2020, and we began casually texting. I realized it was a bit foolish of me to juggle conversations with two different guys while trying to maintain some level of interest and flirtation with both. As time went on, I found myself developing feelings for one of them over the other.

Eventually, both boys started asking me out, and, in a rather impulsive decision, I chose my crush over my neighbor. I was really enjoying our dynamic, which felt like a ‘not friends but also not in a relationship’ situation. Then, unexpectedly, the neighborhood boy confessed his feelings for me. Despite this, my connection with my crush was so strong at that time that I brushed it off. I didn’t feel the need to give the neighborhood boy much attention, even though, to be honest, he was also quite my type—tall, with tan skin, and physically almost similar to my crush.

Fast forward to 2022, and I guess I’ve forgotten some details because it’s been almost four years now. Unfortunately, I also lost my phone in 2024, so all the evidence of our conversations is gone. The main thing to remember is that my crush needed someone to talk to after breaking up with his girlfriend, and I was there for him, coincidentally fueled by my own feelings. We shared advice and stories, and he even encouraged me to go out with the neighborhood boy, which I promised I would consider, but I never actually did.

Eventually, my crush realized he didn’t want a relationship beyond his girlfriend. He reflected on his past mistakes and wanted to rebuild that relationship. It was tough for me to hear him express his intentions to confess to her again, and while I tried to support him, I couldn’t help feeling lost. I recall him asking me out one last time, but I urged him to focus on his girlfriend instead. After that conversation, he gradually faded from my life, leaving me to cope with the aftermath.

So, the story between me and my high school crush ends here, but I found myself confiding in my close friends about the relationship I had been in from 2020 to 2022. Reactions were mixed; some called me foolish for my choices, while others offered supportive advice. Many encouraged me to give the neighborhood boy a chance, suggesting that a rebound relationship might help me move on from my crush.

During the time I was still in touch with my crush, I continued texting the neighborhood boy out of politeness, not real interest. He asked me out to the cinema again, and that’s when the real complications began. After experiencing a genuine connection with my crush, trying to move on felt like a daunting task. You know that feeling when everything just clicks with someone? When it doesn’t happen again, it can leave you questioning what’s wrong with you or why things don’t feel as effortless.

The neighborhood boy kept expressing interest, but the dynamic felt strained. He made plans that he couldn’t follow through on, leaving me confused. When we finally met at a café, he awkwardly bought two drinks but didn’t offer me one, instead drinking both himself. It was a bizarre moment that only deepened my feelings of discomfort and self-doubt. Despite our previous connection, it felt more like a reunion with an old friend rather than a budding romance.

After that day, I continued to receive texts from the neighborhood boy, even into 2024. Initially, I thought maintaining a connection wouldn’t hurt, but the randomness of his messages began to annoy me. He would ask questions like 'Where are you?' or 'Who are you with?'—it felt invasive and lacked substance. We hadn’t built any real depth in our communication, and it started to feel more like I was responding out of obligation than genuine interest.

I started to feel blue because my crush, whom I had tried so hard to connect with, had ended up with someone else. Meanwhile, the neighborhood boy, who had expressed his feelings multiple times over four years, still reached out despite us having gone out only once. While I appreciated his kindness, I didn’t feel the spark. It left me feeling drained and exhausted.

As I grew older, I began to appreciate being single, especially since I’m still healing from past experiences. I’m aware of the danger of jumping into a new relationship just because I fear being alone. I want to avoid one-sided dynamics, especially if it means accepting the neighborhood boy without considering my own feelings.

People often tell me I should be with him because he seems to genuinely care, but what about how I feel? Don’t my feelings matter too? So here I am in 2024, dealing with someone who has consistently texted me for four years and has confessed to me twice. The neighborhood boy even confessed again in May 2024, but without any real foundation—no calls, no voice notes, no shared experiences. I’ve made it clear that while he may have feelings for me, I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship. Instead, I’m comfortable with being friends, hoping that would signal him to stop reaching out.

Yet, despite my efforts to be clear, he keeps texting me weekly, seemingly unable to move on. It feels like he doesn’t know how to manage his own feelings, which makes me question whether our connection is even mutual or if it’s just one-sided. I’ve tried to understand his feelings, reassuring him that it’s okay to feel sad about our situation, but it feels like he’s using that to keep trying to reconnect rather than moving forward. Ultimately, I’ve grown tired of the back-and-forth and have decided to ignore his texts for my own peace.

So that’s my love story, which I feel is a bit off, yet it contributes to my personal growth. I’ll take the moral of the story and focus on my goals. I may be confused about how to handle this situation, but I believe I will eventually be fine along the way.

[blankdem]

what's your opinion on cheating in relationships

I never really understood both sides tbh, idm if you go out with someone else as long as you don't lose interest in me cuz of it, but also. I would be way too fucking terrified to cheat on someone even if I wanted to.

[leezloaded]

Mishap 2 Latest Yoruba Movie 2018 Drama Starring Odunlade Adekola | Olaitan Sugar | Sunny Alli Adeniyi and Abike with similar past relationship experience find love in each other and their bond is a perfect match but just when life was smiling back at them, they experience a turn of events. Find out more in this intriguing movie. DOWNLOAD

[opensupplyventurel]

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