Sometimes actions speak louder than words indeed, and they crawl inside of our mind with a very specific meaning about ourselves: if you keep being neglected and abandoned, feeling unseen, being treated harshly through small but repeated acts that makes you feel invisible to the other even if just on occasion (but those are the occasions we remember the most and focus on cause they're negative and they suggest a threat to our mind), you start learning that such behaviour is normal for you, it's what you deserve, and it also feel safe even if it hurts. If someone else in fact comes in trying to give you the opposite, to show you and give you love, to see you, do things for you, care for your wellbeing... that feels unsafe. So unsafe you wanna run away (physically and emotionally). And that's when you self sabotage. And you push away love to search for that same old type of toxic relationship. Cause it feel safe and/or cause, maybe, you think you can make it better. Try to fight this fear, please. even if it feels impossible and even if it acts unconsciously. Know it, know how it may act. Stop running away, talk about your feelings with that caring soul, ask for patience and time. You deserve the love you have been missing for so long.
