#retail warrior

[drinksomecranberryjuice]

there’s nothing worse than being a valued employee when you hate working

[ignitelimelight]

I am a goddamn VIKING GODDESS I AM A VALKYRIE A WARRIOR PRINCESS WHO ORGANIZES FUCKING PANTS LIKE A TRUE CHAMPION

[adampascalfan]

Pro tip-

if you come into  my store and start off with “do you know how much money I spend here?” when asking me to do something, I’m going to assume you’re an asshole and have actually NEVER spent money in this store ever.  

(also I’m not going to do what you’re asking me to do because I already told you i’m not allowed to do it and that’s why you want me to know how much money you allegedly spend here.)

[retailbadger]

No, I can't "just".

"Like, can't you just let it slide? I don't understand why it's such an issue. I've never had this problem before at *other* locations." No lady, I can't "just" exchange more than $100 worth of merchandise for you that you claim you lost the receipt for months ago and give you "your" cash back for it. I don't care if they're the same thing, if you don't have a receipt or credit card used at the time of sale there's nothing we can do but offer you a merchandise credit by mail. And if you've "never had this issue before" who the hell was letting you do it all this time?

[robinhoodcosplay]

Dad jokes.

I met the dad who began the dad jokes. I had to sit down I was laughing so hard.His daughter even said "This is why I can't take you places."

I WAS AT WORK.

[adampascalfan]

I can't decide which I hate more...opening shifts....midshifts or closing shifts.....

[adampascalfan]

Things I wanted to say all weekend long at work but couldn't.  

(Note...I work in retail on the weekends and spend about 99% of my shifts in customer service.  I do a lot of biting my tongue. A lot.) 

To customers on the phone

Our hours? Yes they are exactly the same as the ones you just quoted to  me from the automated recording you get before you get to me. Exactly.  Yes our store that is 15 minutes away is open the exact same hours as us.

No I don't have any idea what time the other stores here close. Mainly because I'm working and not shopping them at this exact second.  Also we are the first here and the last to leave so yeah I have no idea when anyone here is open.

No I don't have the phone number to the store three storefronts down from us. No we don't have a phone tree listing the numbers of every store in this shopping center.  No.

We have about three different ads out right now. And we've had them sitting on our docks for about two months. You are going to have to give me more specifics than "the vacuum cleaner in the ad."  At last count we had five of them in each ad.  

I would be thrilled to help you find an item.  If you could give me description more than "it's kind of black" it would help. Also I'm not telling you that I have a customer in front of me in order to piss you off, I'm telling you because it's going to take me a minute and you've called three times and hanging up because someone doesn't answer my page on the first call.

In the store

If the item is a gift and you don't have a receipt, how can you sit here and swear the person you got it from had to have paid more money than what I am offering you?  Cause unless they bought it the day it came off the truck?  They didn't pay full price.

I'm not telling you the computer won't let me do this action because I enjoy pissing you off. I'm telling you because this is company policy and the computer won't let me do it.

An exchange is when you exchange an item for a different item.  A return is when you get money/credit back for an item.  These are not the same things.  Please stop using them as if they are.  And stop looking at me like I am dumb because when you say "I want to do an exchange" I ask if you have the other item.

An exchange is one item for one item.  In this store it is for an item at the same original price. Not the sale price. Bringing back five items for the one item is not an even exchange.  Not for us.  

I am sorry you feel that having to walk to the back of the store to do your  return is just too far for you.  However I have nothing to do with the design or the fact this is an older store that isn't slated for a remodel to the new store lay out yet.  (Oh and you want to know how we know people are stealing if our return desk is all the way back here? For starters they are usually the ones who ask that question....)

It may be perfectly true that your grandmother sent you the wrong sized item.  Just know that the last five suspicious returns I had all said the same thing and proceeded to bring out clothes that indicate their grandmothers are blind/never actually met their grandchildren. In short if you are going to be a really blatant thief, why you gotta bring your grandmother into this?

I realize we have this item in our ad and we are currently sold out.  This ad was also printed about six months ago so we really had no idea how popular an item would be.  But keep telling me it was in the ad. That will make it magically appear in my stockroom.

I know you think you are funny when you joke that if we don't hurry up we'll be here all night cleaning up.  But we are going to be here at least an hour cleaning up all those shirts you just opened up and threw on the floor.  So don't start that.

And can you explain to me why you needed to open every medium/large/small/extra large/extra small of a shirt by the same designer in every color we carry?  

Yes we are aware the bathroom needs attention. That's why there is a giant "restroom being cleaned" sign in front of the door you walked past and why my housekeeping guy is standing there waiting for you to leave the bathroom.

That 15 minutes till closing announcement?  We really aren't kidding about that.