#river puns

[theriu]

I'm sorry to report the dryad of that White Pine in the park has been arrested. Yeah seems she's been selling state secrets every December to get extra cash for Christmas presents. You could say her crime was treesonal.

[theriu]

Did you hear that dryad's gossip about a scandal at the winery? Apparently she heard it through the grapevine.

[theriu]

The bridge troll has been accepting personal confidences as payment for crossing his bridge, but I don’t know—I think some secrets are better left untolled.

[theriu]

How To Frustrate A Faun

ME: (holding up rare flowers) Special delivery!

FAUN: You got them! Thank you so much, I could never have gone near a hydra. Was it difficult?

ME: Nah, turns out I knew him and he exchanged some for a favor. On that note, I need to wash my sword.

FAUN: (eating a flower; eyes roll in delight) Fantastic! My dinner party will be a hit with these in the center dish!

MMEe: Oh yeah, people'll be fauning all over it!

FAUN: . . . I thought we agreed when I hired you that there'd be NO puns?

ME: Shoot, I completely forgot! My baad.

FAUN: (deadpan stare)

ME: Sorry! It's hard to stop when I get goating—going.

FAUN: . . . (sighs) Well, I can't fault your actual work, so I'll let it slide. Let me grab your pay.

ME: Thanks! So what dish are you using the flowers in?

FAUN: You know, I haven't completely decided. My mother is coming and she's a bit picky, but I know she likes a good salad, so I could use them to top a Mediterranean mix or brighten up a simple Caesar. What do you think?

ME: I'm sure which . . . ever . . .

FAUN: . . . ?

ME: (sweating)

FAUN: . . . No, no don't you do it—!

ME: I’m sure whichever you make will satyr.

FAUN: (throws money bag)

ME: (catches and runs) I sense you aren't kidding, boy I feel sheepish, guess it would behoof me to leave, don't bleat 'em all at once!

FAUN: (yelling in distance) I'M TAKING A STAR OFF MY YELP REVIEW!

ME: PROBABLY FAIR!

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(A/N: I had this one on the backburner for months because I had so many goat puns but couldn't get the delivery right. I wish I was actually this quick-witted in person, but then again, I'd probably have more enemies. XD; )

For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!

[theriu]

A mer told me she was afraid of swimming.

I told her she was literally maid for it.

[theriu]

Never tell a dragon to get to the point. Turns out they have several.

[theriu]

I had a really nice marble gargoyle once, but he left me because I took him for granite.

[theriu]

A flock of pegasi has landed in my yard, and now these featherbains won't stop horsing around and get out of my hair. I don't want to be whinny but I canter deal with this today.