#htgfmc

[theriu]

I'm sorry to report the dryad of that White Pine in the park has been arrested. Yeah seems she's been selling state secrets every December to get extra cash for Christmas presents. You could say her crime was treesonal.

[theriu]

Some of ya'll use AO3 a lot more than me, so question: Would it make sense to post my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures on there? And if I did, WHAT category would that even go under? I've been browsing Uncategorized Fandoms since I know some people post original works somewhere on AO3, but there's like 20 categories that are along the lines of "fantasy" and I'm not sure if it makes a difference which one I pick since it seems likely only people following me here on Tumblr will see it (and ya'll have read them here already).

I'm mainly exploring it as a handy way to compile all of them into one spot until I make my comic, and to make it easier for people to comment who might not like using the comments/tags on tumblr. Anyhow, what do you guys think? Input is appreciated!

~River/TheRIU

[theriu]

How To Rehome A Brownie

ME: Sorry I'm late! I had trouble getting everyone together, we almost left Bruce and Brunhilde at the burrow.

FRIEND: It's all good—sorry, getting who together?

ME: (lifts basket; a bunch of little heads peek out) Oh right, I should make introductions! They're a small family, but they come HIGHLY recommended. This is Papaw Smuther and his wife Esne, and Jordan and Bruce and Brunhilde and Sally, and that's her husband Doolin and their triplets—

FRIEND: (waving hands) No, I mean, very nice to meet you all, but . . . (lowers voice to a whisper) Why did you bring a basket of tiny people to my housewarming party?

ME: (blank stare) I said I would, on the signup sheet! I was pretty excited when you gave the go-ahead, most people don't invite them nowadays and I'm always keeping an eye out for good homes—

FRIEND: (facepalm) You signed up to bring BROWNIES.

ME: Right! (indicates basket) Here they are!

FRIEND: I thought you meant the kind you EAT!

ME: (scandalized) You can't EAT them, what kind of barbaric—?

(Papaw Smuther zips up her shoulder and whispers in her ear)

ME: . . . Oh. Ohhhhh RIGHT! (turning red) That does explain why Janice said she'd bring cookies . . .

FRIEND: It's, uh, it's fine. Perfectly . . . normal misunderstanding. (looking everywhere but at sad brownie faces) But, uh, while I appreciate the offer, we're not really looking for house brownies at this . . .

FRIEND: . . . What happened to my flowerbeds?

ME: Oh, they weeded everything, deadheaded your daises, and made that bush look like a swan while I carried the triplets up the walk. I told them you were cool but they wanted to make a good first impression.

FRIEND: . . . On second thought, come on in!

(chorus of tiny cheers)

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(A/N: While M.E. has developed into her own character and is no longer me in a fantasy world, I feel like this sort of miscommunication is exactly the kind of thing I'd do XD; )

For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!

[theriu]

Guess who I been drawiiiiing :D

I've been wanting to tweak the Mythic Expert (M.E.)'s design for a while! Partly because I felt like her main outfit was missing something, partly because I first gave her the same face I've given all my characters that initially start out as a version of me and I want her to have her own distinct features. My niece @thatoneweirdpepsican helped me with redesigning her face, and I had the idea the other night to give her a capelet (split in back so she can still wear her swordbelt), which I think really improves her silhouette! Makes me feel like I'm making a little progress towards a proper comic series someday!

I dont know if this counts as a present but anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS EVER'BODY!!! (I did think it would be funny to have M.E. face off against Mari Lwyd for a Christmas post, but alas I haven't come up with anything yet XD; )

[theriu]

The bridge troll has been accepting personal confidences as payment for crossing his bridge, but I don’t know—I think some secrets are better left untolled.

[theriu]

How To Frustrate A Faun

ME: (holding up rare flowers) Special delivery!

FAUN: You got them! Thank you so much, I could never have gone near a hydra. Was it difficult?

ME: Nah, turns out I knew him and he exchanged some for a favor. On that note, I need to wash my sword.

FAUN: (eating a flower; eyes roll in delight) Fantastic! My dinner party will be a hit with these in the center dish!

MMEe: Oh yeah, people'll be fauning all over it!

FAUN: . . . I thought we agreed when I hired you that there'd be NO puns?

ME: Shoot, I completely forgot! My baad.

FAUN: (deadpan stare)

ME: Sorry! It's hard to stop when I get goating—going.

FAUN: . . . (sighs) Well, I can't fault your actual work, so I'll let it slide. Let me grab your pay.

ME: Thanks! So what dish are you using the flowers in?

FAUN: You know, I haven't completely decided. My mother is coming and she's a bit picky, but I know she likes a good salad, so I could use them to top a Mediterranean mix or brighten up a simple Caesar. What do you think?

ME: I'm sure which . . . ever . . .

FAUN: . . . ?

ME: (sweating)

FAUN: . . . No, no don't you do it—!

ME: I’m sure whichever you make will satyr.

FAUN: (throws money bag)

ME: (catches and runs) I sense you aren't kidding, boy I feel sheepish, guess it would behoof me to leave, don't bleat 'em all at once!

FAUN: (yelling in distance) I'M TAKING A STAR OFF MY YELP REVIEW!

ME: PROBABLY FAIR!

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(A/N: I had this one on the backburner for months because I had so many goat puns but couldn't get the delivery right. I wish I was actually this quick-witted in person, but then again, I'd probably have more enemies. XD; )

For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!

[theriu]

A mer told me she was afraid of swimming.

I told her she was literally maid for it.

[theriu]

Never tell a dragon to get to the point. Turns out they have several.