❤ 💬 ➤
have you been watching the mgas this season? our team kt did so amazingly last night! i’m very proud and i hope you are too! team foh!cus has lion hearts instead of a boy other than xuxi ㅋㅋㅋ to all the contestants who continue and those who sadly do not, please hold onto that hope and the fight that got you to whatever point of the mgas you’ve made it to! no matter how many auditions, how many rejections until you make it to where you want to be, this is not the end for you but another beginning! i have as many friends who have debuted who came from the mgas that didn’t. i myself was street-casted ㅋㅋ is that believable when i wear these glasses and become ahreum? ( cough cough please watch game development girls too after you catch up on the mgas ㅋ ) to team kt too, i hope you’re proud of making it this far no matter what too because being a semi-finalist and a finalist is not an easy feat. could i even keep up these days? ㅋ to our lovely dancing kyul, i hope you continue to shine as bright as you have been and come back to me at kt ㅠ ㅠ please follow our lovely kt babies and support them no matter what the results in the finale! i know you’ll be amazed either way and you’ll see why i’m so proud! 💖💖💖💖💖
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2 weeks ago ✧ august 2019
▰▰▰▰▰▰ MNET GLOBAL AUDITIONS, SEASON 5 ˟ EP. 6 PERFORMANCE ▰▰▰▰▰▰
over a month in and they’re here: semi-finals. it’s a joke, right? this could all be a pipe dream. okay, two more seconds and he’s gonna wake up from a deep sleep with dabin sitting on his chest and slapping his face because according to one of the youngest of kill.u.strate, that’s the only way to wake someone up. he can’t wait for the day dabin gets a serious girlfriend and minho’s gonna rub that sentence in his face. dabin’s too similar to him— he just hasn’t heard the siren call yet.
he still can’t believe it, a month has come and gone, and he thought he wasn’t gonna make it past day 0. because the comments are right. sure, the rumor isn’t confirmed but it’s true— he left convex because he chose his girlfriend. he chose her over them and that won’t go away. no matter who he receives support from, even if they’re members of convex, he knows it’s too late. the ink has stained his ledger. coming onto the show, he pretended it would be a blank slate but he knows it’s far from it. his decision put him right back in the public eye and he’d be a liar to say he doesn’t enjoy being on stage again. he’d be a liar to say he’d be fine in the end. mijoo, his father, seik, everyone dear to him told him not to act like it was nothing, like he was okay, and the more honest he is about his own feelings the more scared he is.
being put on the trc team reminds him of his triple threat audition, how he said let it go but he’s the one still holding on. he’s the one thinking about that phone call with his sister, how she called again this week and the one thing he couldn’t hold onto in that moment was himself.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ PAUSE, REWIND ⭯
›› 7월 29일 , I KNOW WHEN THAT HOTLINE BLING 📱
[ TW: MENTION OF INJURY, IMPLIED PANIC ATTACK, *CAPTAIN AMERICA V/O* LANGUAGE ]
“i think you should quit.”
it’s not the first time he’s heard those words coming from his sister’s lips, not the first time she’s said it since he signed up for the mgas again, not the first time he’s sat with his back to the wall in his apartment, the waning moonlight the only source of light in the room as he sighs, head thunking against drywall as he leaves her unanswered. he wishes the time difference was greater, that his sister didn’t work in an industry where she’s awake at the same hours of him, ironically working as late as early morning. usually, it ends the same way. usually, it’s him once again telling her “i don’t know what you want me to say, han.”
an echo because of how empty the room is, because he’s isolated himself for the nth time. because he used to think he was lonely in nova because of the competitiveness but it was also him. a large part of it falls on him, on how he let everything get into his head while giving off the impression there is nothing in his head, no substance to his mind and soul when really he carries it all on his shoulders.
maybe that’s what happened to his shoulder in the past. it wasn’t just because he wasn’t letting himself properly heal for the sake of being signed, for continuing to dance, to live the lifestyle he kept up with. it was because he kept all that tension up there too, gloom in his headspace until it clouded his judgment. that was what turned his vision to black and white.
“are you listening to me?”
a deep sigh. in, out. “yeah.”
“are you sighing at me? you’re lucky i—”
he tunes her out and it’s unlike him. choi minho, who grew up being told that he should listen to every word a woman has to say, every word any person has to say because their opinion is important. it’s theirs, it has merit, it ought’a be heard but this? this? he doesn’t want to hear it again. over and over again, his sister is always right. she can do no wrong.
it’s out of love. he knows that, he knows this, so why is it so hard? his sister who he’s admired for so long even if she thinks that he prefers jake. his sister, who was the first one to show up to one of his dance competitions and scream til she lost her voice so he wouldn’t be sad that his parents couldn’t come, that their father refused to come even though he could, even though he was the only parent in the country at the time. his sister came, holding chris’ hand and insisting he couldn’t let go no matter how embarrassing it is. that’s how she is. headstrong, protective, because he’s not the only one who had to grow up at a young age.
if anyone knows about carrying weight on their shoulders, it’s her.
he realizes, that’s why it’s difficult. he doesn’t know how to tell her that she doesn’t understand when she’s tried the hardest in their whole family to understand him as far back as he could remember.
“—members are coaches and olivia. are you fucking kidding me, mason? you can’t tell me you’re not making goo-goo ga-ga eyes at her like the lovesick fool that you are. i’veseen you.”
hands rubbing over his face, he feels the pressure in his chest, how it rises up his throat and lodges itself right there until he can’t breathe. again, inhale, exhale.
come on, one more time. inhale, exhale.
you can do it, he tells himself, in and out—
shit, fuck.
no, he can’t and the way he struggles sounds like forced chuckling. it feels like it could be if he pulled it off, if he pulled off making it sound like he was just laughing, because it must be a joke. he is the joke and, who knows, maybe that clown wig really foreshadowed the rest of his future on the show.
everything his sister says, he already knows. he thought it, felt it, wanted to run from it for a moment because it was overwhelming.
but why, why, just why does he have to hear this from his sister? his brother’s flight is due in a few hours and he’s going with the guys to pick him up. as soon as chris got the confirmation that he could see the show live, he booked the flight. chris is happy for him, for moving onto the next round, regardless of who showed up on that stage as coaches. actually, part of him thinks chris didn’t realize at first, that he doesn’t care because mason says it’s alright.
it comes with being the youngest, he knows that’s why chris wouldn’t do it but it’s right up hannah’s alley but he just— if he could just breathe.
“stop.” his voice is soft, raw, doesn’t sound like him at all. she asks what and all he hears is her saying “i think you should quit” and the reasons she listed on replay. worse than the it’s a small world song and he thinks he’s seconds away from pulling his hair out.
he couldn’t do it. couldn’t listen to her telling him that he’s being stupid again, that he’s setting himself up to fail, that he’s walking right into their trap, that they keep bringing up convex for this moment, for the moment two convex members come out as coaches and he goes from being in the sphere practice rooms to the trc team.
arguments form in his mind but he can’t get them out, like if they really wanted to fuck with him, he’d be on the nova team with sunmi and wendy, who he trained with before debuting in convex. if they really wanted to fuck with him, if they really knew, if sphere did know who he’s dating, he could find out this way, right? what crueler move than to put him in his girlfriend’s team. but he’s not. he’s not so it can’t be, right? having to ask these questions upset him and he could ignore them, keep them buried or toss them out of his mind because he knows better but hannah makes them stick.
her reasons, his rebuttals, they’re stuck, trapped in his mouth as he tries swallowing his pride to just make it through this call so hannah can say her piece and he can be content with the fact that he tried, that he does what he’s been taught to do, that he listened instead of dismissing her thoughts.
but this doesn’t feel right.
it doesn’t feel right, to feel like this because of a loved one. his sister tells him this because she’s concerned, because she loves him, but fuck he forgot how much love can hurt when he’s been sheltered since the moment mijoo first said she likes him and then when she said she loves him. sheltered until the moment he was asked to give her name and he hurt everyone around him. sheltered because he thought he was safe and he spends every week thinking he’s not despite what others say. other contestants, netizens, his friends. being labeled as a supposed golden boy, as a favorite when he knows a lot of it is probably because his participation alone causes drama and invites competitiveness.
another case of damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.
every week opens him up to comparison, to judgment, to the possibility of elimination, to the reminder that he’s much older now, that he’s older than… all of the contestants left? probably— it opens him up to someone saying if they can keep up with him, if they can beat him, what kind of idol was he? what was the real reason he’s no longer in convex? it’s an exaggeration, more likely, but he knows it’s there, that some contestants see him as the one to beat and then what? what’s next for both of them? for all of them?
what’s next— that’s what his sister doesn’t touch on and she should. that’s an answer he definitely doesn’t have right now. he just wants to know right now, he wants to know that stage, standing in front of all five ceos again, hearing the audience, knowing he hasmore to him, that he can change, that he can grow again and it could work this time. he might make less mistakes along the way this time.
he hears it again, you should quit, and he has the answer. he’s held onto it for years, kept it to himself like some sacred treasure. it’s validation. when he came to seoul, when he moved his whole life for the chance to be on stage, the mgas gave him validation and he could be too desperate for it after having to leave convex but so what?
she’s seen his performance for the skill battle— the one time he could say it without feeling choked up like he is now.
don’t know why i’m pathetic and don’t have nerve.
he doesn’t want to be like that anymore. he doesn’t care in the end if they’re going to make a fool of him. this is for him. this is for mijoo. this is for everyone who believes in him. everything else is just noise. he wants to keep showing that he’s more than what he’s being called, he want his sister to believe he’s still on the show because ofhis performance.
“please, hannah… i need you to trust that i know what i’m doing.”
he has to grow up sometime, handle his own battles, and she needs to let him.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ PRESS PLAY, BACK TO THE SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
●●●●●● LAST WEEK, ON THE FOURTH EPISODE OF MGA S5 — 7월 25일 ●●●●●●
those words are weaved with his name again, along with kyul’s and heejin’s, but he doesn’t feel as happy as he wants to be. because top three isn’t the same as number one and he feels guilt settling on his skin the more his feelings unfurl— truthfully, he is happy but he’s happy for nakyung because she won without him, because she proved she is more than her partner, and he feels so fucking relieved when it’s not his burden to bear or he shouldn’t take it on. it is his burden, he thinks, but he shouldn’t let it affect him now, he shouldn’t let it affect his current teammates. because he’s sorry to them, he’s sorry that maybe they thought they’ll get the win because he’s there but they didn’t.
still, he hugs them when they’re told they’re top three, smiles fondly at how kyul and heejin hold hands, and he wants to protect him the same way he wanted to protect nakyung but he can’t. he can’t worry for them at the same time while they’re also each other’s competition and then there’s seunghun. he wants to see seunghun reach the finals too. he wants themall to reach the finals but, even then, there’s a chance none of them could win and he comes to another realization: is he really sorry to them or is he sorry to himself too? is he covering for the fact that he wants to win, wants to stay at number one, but feels ashamed that people think he shouldn’t even be here? he can’t continue to hide his shame or his greed in his fondness for them and so when he talks to both of them after the filming, he apologizes but there’s no welling of his eyes like he’d done when facing seunghun next week.
no, he needs to stay strong, especially after seeing the coaches.
he can’t think about it, he shouldn’t. instead, he places more rules on himself like no looking at his girlfriend even if it’s been months now since he held her, since he got to be with her, since she was this close. she stands closer to jinki and jinwook than to him and he closes his eyes for a second, hears the siren call competing with the background music of convex’s debut song.
he can’t be like this. he can’t. not when he chose this again, to put her through this, to put them through this, he can’t waver when he’s so close. he swears he’ll make it back to standing on the same stage as them again.
standing outside the trc building, he’s unable to take the first few steps closer just like the week before when he was outside sphere. this time, it’s for different reasons. this time, it’s a team he’s working with. this time, they all know at least one person will be eliminated no matter what and he worries he’ll step in there and it’ll be peak competitive hours. what if he walks in and they look at him like he’s poison? he’s choi minho, must be moving onto the finals right? wrong, he wants to tell them all they’re wrong, that he feels the need to fight for his right to be there as much as they do, but that’s not for his team. that’s something he should tell the camera, the audience, something he ought to say to everyone and not just his team who haven’t done anything wrong to him yet.
dinner the night before seemed good. some were shy and some were more outgoing. he’s used to that, feels like he does well in those situations, especially when they’re at the restaurant he used to work at, with his old boss proudly serving them himself and telling stories about how minho was a mess when he started there. he thinks he did a helluva better than his old boss says but he wouldn’t fight with him either, minho adores the old man too much, is fond of him like a genuine uncle, and it makes him more comfortable to be there, to be with his new team for the week. they’re all dancers from what he remembers and while that should be his first hint they’ll be amazing, he knows there’s a chance they could clash over it too.
he’s wrapped up in his thoughts again, standing there at an ungodly hour because he couldn’t sleep and the last thing he expects is for seik and dabin to show up again.
“you guys are like ticks.”
“shit, who peed into your cheerios this morning?”
“it’s barely morning,” seik grimaces, stifling a yawn with his arm before stretching his arms above his head. “when do you sleep?”
“he doesn’t,” dabin says, less jokingly than both minho and seik expect, both looking at him. the youngest shrugs and kicks a stone on the sidewalk. “he did this last week too. it’s like we gotta hold his hand so he goes inside. what would you do without us?” his cheekiness comes back as swiftly as it disappeared for a moment and minho rolls his eyes, reaching out to push dabin away from him.
“i know what i said before,” seik starts off. “but i don’t wanna see you shaking in your boots all the time. you’re making us look bad.”
“yeah, as the official rep of kill.u.strate—”
“woah, woah, woah, who said i’m the official rep?”
“we voted.”
“without me there.”
“same difference.”
he’s laughing and looking up at the sky. the sun’ll rise within the hour, he’s guessing. sunrises and sunsets hit differently now.
“can you go in now since you laughed?”
“we didn’t bring jae so there’s no clown wig in your bag this time.”
“i know it’s there.” there’s a hushed damn from dabin’s direction and minho rolls his eyes once more. “you guys didn’t have to come.”
“you’d do the same.”
“you did the same.”
minho doesn’t look at either of them, knows what they’re referring to and he thinks it’s pointless to bring up now. he made his choice, didn’t go to that starbright audition. yeah, he could’ve maybe signed with nova earlier than he did the first time but who knows if he would’ve made it in anyway? what if it wouldn’t change the outcome and where he is now? who he is now?
all he knows is that he has family and friends who love him and he’d be damned if he doesn’t go in there trying to make more friends despite the competition because he thinks they do or will resent him. it’s not like him. he tells himself this again and decides to go, clapping a hand on both their shoulders before he walks off.
“hyung!” dabin calls out to him and minho knows it like clockwork, turning with a smile and pounding a closed fist against his chest before pointing back. isn’t he letting mnet back into his head every day at this point?
he’d been right about some parts, that there would be a disagreement but it comes down more to their song choice than the choreography or anything else, which is surprising to him. surprising but it feels great too. at least he knows they’re all passionate about it, all have their own opinion, and all want this to work, to work together.
the song is one he thinks of as fun and he enjoys those kind of performances the most. it’s fun but the choreography from the peeks he takes at yeji and hyunggu when they’re working on it while he, ryujin, and chaeryeong work on their raps, reworking and rewriting it to be their own, to be personal, makes him grin because he thinks they might not all have the same styles but they see eye to eye on what the choreography should be for a song like this. that’s all he can ask for, all he wants, and it’s more fun when they work on everything together, the pieces falling in place in a way dancers and choreographers can best communicate: throughmovement.
from icebreakers to shared food to drinks, he thinks little by little they’re becoming more of a team, more of a maybe somewhat dysfunctional family because they’re not all particularly close but he could see it getting there. maybe if they could have more time, maybe if they didn’t have to deal with that looming elimination over their heads despite how well they do.
working with the coaches is different for him and he senses a kind of hesitation or pause when it comes to him. he understands. he’d be the same way at first but he’s also the type to let something go in a second, to brush things off like that, especially the past. minho’s been doing that for so long that he doesn’t think of how it doesn’t necessarily work the same for others so he’s patient, happy when they talk to him without honorifics, without hesitation, and he expresses his appreciation of all of them, as coaches and on the mgas before. age, status, whatever, he thinks he has a chance to learn from anyone at least once in his life.
●●●●●● NEXT ON STAGE, WE ARE YOUR ANTIDOTE, EP. 5 — 8월 1일 ●●●●●●
their introduction is one he thinks of as cheeky as their performance will be. it’s another dance battle, he realizes, but he hopes the other aspects will make up for it the way they used those differences to help chaeryeong feel comfortable about doing a song by the same artist as her performance the week before.
the set-up is different this week and he has a sense of nostalgia for being able to see everyone in the same room at once, to watch the stage live and mere feet away, when it’s only been a week. it’s like post-concert depression, he’ll call it post-stage depression and chuckle at how he’ll miss filming for the show and it’s not even the last episode yet.
outfits coordinated, choreography perfected, and lyrics memorized, he tries to walk onto the stage last so he can see them all just before they get up there, so he can smile wistfully at how he wishes they had more time: to get to know each other, to work on more songs, to explore all the styles each of them have and learn from each other all over again. he wishes they’ll have another chance to do this again.
nostalgia doesn’t suit the song and after their intros, he changes, he becomes the dancer he was born to be. the performer he’s hoping to continue to be from here on out.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ WHIPLASH ♫
CHOREOGRAPHY IS SELF-CREATED BY HYUNGGU AND YEJI W/ GROUP CONTRIBUTIONS // ALL RAPS ARE SELF-WRITTEN BY EACH RAPPER // * DENOTES CHANGED LYRICS
NOTE: THE GESTURES & EXPRESSIONS IN VIDEO ARE SIMILAR IF NOT WRITTEN !
he takes the first rap verse, the theme of male vs female dance battle hinted at in their formation, in the color of their clothes, in the choreography, and he wouldn’t tell anyone but he thinks the girls’ choreography has the most impact. he’s the more impressed by it, not because the first part isn’t as great, but because of their formation changes and how theylook performing it. he could imagine them promoting as a group and that alone makes him feel like they’re all getting there, like one of them doesn’t have to go home and they can all move on together. it’d be ideal but it’s also more naive than he wants.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
EVERY WEEK, EVERY THURSDAY*
복잡해진 마음, 숨을 내쉰다*
I GET MIXED FEELINGS AS I BREATHE OUT
오늘 뭐 실수는 없었었나*
DID I MAKE ANY MISTAKES TODAY?
관객들의 표정은 어땠던가*
HOW DID THE AUDIENCE SEEM?
그래도 행복해 난 이런 내가 돼서*
I’M HAPPY WITH WHO I’VE BECOME
그 때 만약 오지 않았다면 PHONE CALL
형 부모 세게 품에 안고나서 떴지 “아르바*”
IT WOULD’VE BEEN DANGEROUS IF NOT FOR THAT PHONE CALL
I LEFT MY PART-TIME JOB
어느새 나는 너의 옆
여긴 더 위에서 움직일 공간이 많으니깐
SAID GOODBYE TO MY PARENTS AND MY BROTHER
SUDDENLY, I’M NEXT TO YOU
어서 올라와 GIRL
SO COME ON GIRL
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
his lyrics cater to the story of his journey on the mgas, for all the contestants who have everything riding on this too. as ryujin joins in with him on certain lines, he feels more adrenaline coursing through his veins.
dancing like this, rapping like this again, it’s different than his previous performances. he’s part of a team again.
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
전진 끝없이 달리네 꿈을 향해*
I KEEP RUNNING TOWARDS MY DREAMS
점점 날 비워가네 언제까지 내 것일*
I START TO LET MYSELF GO
순 없어 큰 박수갈채가*
THE THUNDERING APPLAUSE, I CAN’T OWN IT FOREVER
이런 내게 말을 해, 뻔뻔히*
I TELL MYSELF SHAMELESSLY
니 목소릴 높여 더 멀리*
RAISE YOUR VOICE HIGHER
영원한 관객은 없대도*
EVEN IF THE ATTENTION ISN’T FOREVER
난 계속 갈거야, 계속 랩 할거야*
I’LL KEEP GOING, I’LL KEEP RAPPING
오늘의 나로 영원하고파*
I WANT TO STAY THIS WAY FOR LIFE
영원히 예능인이고 싶어 난 AH*
I WANT TO BE AN ENTERTAINER FOR LIFE
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
the girls take over and he can feel the surge of energy on the stage. even as they move into the dance battle, there’s electricity between them. currents running from one person to the next, almost too chaotic until chaeryeong brings them back together, as she did in practice. it’s poetic how they managed to work it in.
SHORTY GIVE ME WHIP-WHIPLASH
this is it. it’s becoming a pattern, how he says this every week. it’s right. this feels right, and he can take that back to his sister the next time she calls.
no, the next time she calls, he’ll make sure there’s no way she could tell him to quit now. this is his journey.
the hard part was over with, thank god. all that was left were the interviews, and to tingyan, that was the most fun part. while she intended on showing her personality, she was fairly certain the interview would have some sort of impact on her success throughout the show, so she was careful with her words. so after a few minutes rather impatiently waiting on the interviewer, she's asked if she's ready to begin. smiling at the woman, she nodded, encouraging her to begin asking the series of questions. "sure! let's get to it."
"alright, welcome to the interview! could you introduce yourself, please?"
tingyan was immensely grateful for a much friendlier interviewer than she'd been provided with last time, smiling in agreement as she began. "of course. my name is chong tingyan and i'm a university student and model from shanghai, china! i'm not a princess - but i'm this season's queen!" putting her hands in the form of a crown over her head, she can't help but laugh. the statement is a little silly and boastful at best, but it's her way of getting her name stuck in the judges' head.
"how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?"
"ah..." she doesn't want to mention the fact that she laughed, although being true it didn't sound good from an outside perspective. "i was in shock! there were...so many people at the first auditions? ah, it was crazy..." her eyes become faraway, returning to the hectic day she'd first came in to show her talents. it seemed like it was just a few hours ago - and now here she was, at the second round. even though there were still many contestants, more had been cut already, and it hadn't even passed the first interview. tingyan couldn't help but wonder what that meant for her, and how many of the people she'd grown to like would be leaving soon. if she would be leaving soon. but there was no time for such negativity. so she concludes with a "i'm so ecstatic to be here! i can't wait to show even more of myself to you all."
"how was it seeing the set for the first time?"
"it was so beautiful! really, i got excited before anything had even started," she confesses, covering her mouth as she lets out a laugh. did they expect anyone to say anything but good things? "really, i used to watch the show all the time when i lived in shanghai. i always was fangirling over the contestants - i was quite a big fan of season 2!" she figures bringing it back to her childhood sounds a little humbling, not so focused on her confidence now and more on the teen she once was. "when i walked on set, i felt like i was really a teenager again, living out my dream! i was so nervous, i could barely speak!"
"what did you think when the judges were revealed?"
i expected it? she almost says, the mga fanatic aware of the judge's appearance. however, her casual bluntness she's used to displaying won't work this time, so she decides to focus on the excitement she got from it. "i thought i was nervous before they walked in?" exhaling, she looks to the sky, hands pressed to her cheeks. "oh my gosh, it got so much more intense! i know everyone else felt it too. that's when it got really quiet, like we were all fighting for our lives." in a way they were, but instead of their lives, each was battling for the most screentime and a chance to win a contract. "i noticed hyun bin-ssi looked really handsome," she notes, immediately regretting the statement as her cheeks turn red and she covered her face. didn't everyone, though? the statement was a result of both her flirty tendencies and hope to get nova's attention, but it wasn't exactly supposed to say it out loud. falling over into a fit of giggles, the girl waves her hands, as if to ask the other to forget she said anything. "unnie...could we cut that part out, please?"
"how do you think you did?"
truthfully? she doesn't know. the audience seemed fairly please, but, as always the judges had kept their poker face up for the majority of the time there. it was hard to read them, especially when she was so reluctant to look them in their eyes, but one thing was for certain . "i had a lot of fun," she says truthfully, thinking back on the fun song shift. "i think i did very well! i tried my best to show my confidence, enthusiasm, and skill!" she lists each, counting them off with her hand. "it was different, and my goal was to gain their attention by switching things up. it worked well to me!" her subconscious tells her to die down the boasting, so she flips the script by lessening her praise on herself. "but of course, there were a lot of great competitors. i'm looking forward to seeing what the judges thought and how they can help me in the future!" she's sure to put the thought of her remaining in the competition at the front of her mind, knowing better than to seem pessimistic on camera. if she wanted something, she had to speak it into existence.
"did anyone stand out to you?"
"mm, of course! there was moonbok ( @moonbokrk ) ," she says, the name sticking with her. many others did as well, as she'd tried her very best to retain them in case an interview such as this was initiated. she wanted to be a queen, but not careless, after all. she's sure other mentioned him as well, if not for anything for his desirable hair. "i remember seeing him at the first auditions! i mean, of course his hair is beautiful - i want it so bad!" she laughed, twirling her own curled strands. "but aside from that, i didn't expect him to rap! it was really nice." she sits silent for a moment, thinking over other performers that she felt were nice. "to be so young, hohyeon ( @rkhyeon ) seemed very confident in himself and his skills. i think he'll have no trouble getting used to the competitive atmosphere."
"were there any performances you liked?"
"oh, a lot!" really, she hadn't been paying attention the first half due to crazy nerves, but she won't let that slip out. of course, being a very opinionated person, sharing her thoughts is in her veins, and it shows in the way she sits up with excitement. after all, they're asking a girl who used to have a mga opinions blog - what did they expect? "well....yoorim's ( @rkaisha ) performance was really good! or was her name aisha...? i think she goes by both. anyways, she was such a bada-" she stops herself before the curse can properly exit her mouth, her claim of a graceful queen ringing at the back of her mind. "she was very cool, i genuinely enjoyed watching her perfomance." tapping her fake nails on each other, she tries her best t think of the others she watched. a certain face popped in her head, the younger so eager to support everyone during performances she can't help but support him. "there was also youngjae ( @ericxrk )! he had a lot of enthusiasm, and i have to say, i was really surprised his performance was that good." it's not intentionally a diss, but for such a childish personality it was hard for her to take him seriously as a performer. he'd obviously proved her wrong.
"were there any performances you didn’t like?"
"ah....that's a little rude to answer, right?" scratching her ear, she feigns remorse, but on the inside she's living for this. there'd been a few performances which had been a little underwhelming and she was never afraid to say so....unless it may affect her results. so she spoke carefully, saying her opinion but gentler than she may have otherwise. "i think yewon ( @rkumji ) could have performed a little more confidently. of course, everyone makes mistakes but...what matters is recovering from them. i don't think she did that as well as she could have." to be fair, tingyan's skills weren't top tier, but the way the interviewer looks expectantly proves they were looking for more than a few words to spice up this seasons drama. alright, alright. whatever gets more screentime. "i'd also say vernon ( @rkchwev )?" she says hesitantly. "he was good, don't get me wrong, but the performance was lacking something...maybe fun?" it sounds bad, but it was really the only way she could put it. "i like fun, excitement, all that. it seemed to lack those, which sometimes can be more important than talent."
"what did you think of kyulkyung's performance?"
"jieqiong ( @rkkyul )?" she asks, the second name being the one she remembered in her mind. "it was...good?" she asks, confusion etching her features as she wonders why they'd center the attention on her. she wonders if it's because of their shared hometown, both hailing from shanghai. "she was good! that performance was totally something i'd do," she says, wondering if they were trying to start some sort of rivalry. if anything, foreign muses needed to stick together, so she decided against slandering her. "when she took of the pointe shoes? ah, i was really shocked! i'd be excited to see what she has prepared in the future."
"is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?"
"for sure! there's chan ( @rkchris ) - even if i saw some who were better skill wise, he's very creative and shows a lot of promise! i'd imagine they'd want to keep him around. and maybe....haruto ( @rkharuto )?" more than anything, he crosses her mind because he'd looked a little pitiful to her, like a lost puppy as he wandered around the auditions. he was still so little, but more than anything tingyan hoped he'd win the judges favor. “and yuzu ( @yuzurk )? who could forget about her! she has enough confidence to last a lifetime, she may even be able to compete with me! idol material for sure.” when the interviewer coughs to say tingyan’s said more than enough, she blushes and nods in understanding. “alright, that’s all for me! don’t forget about your mga queen - miss chong tingyan!”
☆ MGA5 EPISODE TWO ; JULY 4
#5008 HA SUNGWOON ; interview
much like the last episode, the ceos retire to discuss the results of the performances while the contestants are ushered one by one into private rooms to be interviewed on the day’s events. sungwoon wonders if this will become a staple from now on. if so… he’s not entirely sure how to feel—the interviews broadcasted last week were interesting, to say the least. he supposes it adds some excitement to the broadcast along with giving viewers a glimpse into the personalities of the contestants. it also feels like russian roulette, like the producers are waiting for someone to inevitably say something damaging during their interviews and metaphorically shoot themselves in the foot.
but maybe the moment of reflection is a good thing too. sungwoon appreciates getting the chance to reorient, to breathe and consider the day’s events and performances in one go. he never truly struggles to answer, so his complaints are probably less valid than most. rather than being truly worried, he’s eager to get this over with and get to the results.
when his name is called, sungwoon rises and gives his friends a double thumbs up before following the staff to the interview room. a quick touch up of his hair and makeup later, he’s seated in a familiar chair in front of the interviewer in a set-up not much different from last week. he greets the interviewer with a smile and makes some idle small talk about the weather and how their day is going so far until the cameraman indicates it’s time to begin.
showtime.
so, welcome back, sungwoon. you’ve managed to survive the first cut, but what did you think of the results last week otherwise?
ah. he expected this one. cutting fifty people from the competition at one time is a lot. of course they’d be asked about it. “i didn’t expect there to be quite as many eliminations from the beginning, so it was a little nerve-wracking, to be honest.” sungwoon is grateful his friends survived alongside him, but admitting as much might sound like rubbing salt in the wounds of people who were separated from their friends.
he decides to keep it neutral. “all my predictions for who would make it to the next round came true, though! well, except one.” poor chan. sungwoon really thought he was good, but his opinion doesn’t count for much when it comes to rap. “i guess that disqualifies me as a psychic? unless i make sure to include a disclaimer that there’s a 16% error margin on all predictions?” he laughs, embarrassed as he realizes his mental math might be a little off. “actually, don’t fact check me on that number.” math isn’t his strong suit, but he refuses to be make a fool of himself over numbers on national tv.
shaking his head slightly, he taps his fingers against his knee in thought. “it was disappointing to see so many talented people go home,” sungwoon adds slowly. “but it’s a competition and, well, i have to believe the ceos made the decisions they did for a reason.” they clearly know what they’re doing, and it’s not for him to question them yet.
how did you feel when you realized you were through to the next round?
“i was relieved, mostly,” sungwoon admits readily. a sigh escapes his lips as he thinks back to the moment his name was called—he’d felt weak and weightless at the same time, even more so when the others made it through safely. sungwoon would like to say he never had any doubts, but that isn’t entirely true. there’s always room for doubt. “i would’ve been mortified to get eliminated so early in the competition.” honestly, he’d be equally mortified to get eliminated now, but it feels unnecessary to add that into his answer. “it also felt right, you know?” he continues with a sheepish smile. “i felt acknowledged by the judges, and that went a long way towards boosting my confidence for today’s performance!”
many people have expressed concern about the number of previous mga contestants participating in this season. as one of the people highlighted as a former contestant during the episode, how does the backlash make you feel?
well, this is one he didn’t expect. of course sungwoon is aware of the backlash—the previous episode literally broadcast one of the contestants’ thoughts on the subject, and the netizens seem united in the opinion that this year has too many old faces. and as one of the old faces, his opinion on the subject should be pretty clear: it sucks, and he doesn’t agree that just because they’ve been on the show before, they have no place on it now. he’s not sure why the interviewers would ask this, unless they’re hoping he gives them something juicy to air? sungwoon is determined to avoid that trap, to think carefully over his response before he gives it.
honesty is the best way to play this, in his opinion. “it’s not the greatest, i’ll admit.” wringing his hands together, he shoots the interviewer a distracted, what can you do, kind of smile before raking his fingers through his hair. “i think it’s disingenuous to act like being on the show one year means we can never come back or to claim we’ve used up our one and only chance. it’s not like we stopped dreaming just because it didn’t work out the first time.” for many, including sungwoon, participating in the mgas increased his desire to stand up on stage.
“i also believe people might be under the impression that we’ve had tons of opportunities for success following the show last year?” being on tv might’ve brought a little bit of localized fame for a brief period of time last year, but all that is gone now, leaving old contestants as forgotten relics of a different time. “but i can tell you that’s not really true—personally, at least. no companies were looking to sign me, and i didn’t have any other prospects.” a bitter pill to swallow, but there it is! he chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “compared to a lot of other competitions, the mgas are accessible, so yeah, i gave them a shot again, but because this might be the only way i ever make it. i’m sure others feel the same way.”
god, he said a lot more than he intended to. sungwoon takes a deep breath and shakes his head, forcing a smile he hopes looks natural. “if the new contestants are worried about facing the old ones, well, a little healthy competition never hurt anyone, right?”
i see. moving on, how do you think you did this week?
“like i said, i’m never satisfied.” he feels like this will be a familiar refrain if this question continues to come up again, but it continues to be true. he needs the persistent buzz under his skin, the nagging voice that tells him he can do better. it drives sungwoon to improve, and that’s worth the temporary discomfort. still, his feelings towards today’s stage is largely positive overall. “i know my performance wasn’t as exciting as some of the others. that’s always the risk when you do a ballad, right?” sungwoon was well aware of it from the beginning. “and for once i didn’t play an instrument. that was nerve-wracking, let me tell you.”
he straightens up in his seat. “but i wanted the focus to be on my voice today.” no bells and whistles, just sungwoon showing the judges what he’s capable of. “so i chose to sing a korean song, one that ended up becoming pretty personal for me. i think… i did all i could up on the stage, and i hope it resonated with everyone who listened. that’s all i can really ask for.”
who do you think is the best under each skill?
oh, now that’s an interesting question. sungwoon wouldn’t have been able to answer it last week due to the sheer number of people performing, but after watching the episode and sitting through today’s stages, sungwoon is in a better position to judge the rest of the contestants. the interviewer catches the grin spreading across his face and asks him if he’s thinking of naming himself, to which sungwoon responds “oh, no. no,” with a laugh. he wouldn’t dream of it. “i’ll try not to name only empty enigma members either, but you can’t blame me if a few slip in.”
for singers… sungwoon feels like quite a few of them are strong. this is the only category he feels qualified to talk about at length, in any case. “i think heejin is a strong singer, maybe the strongest in the competition. i enjoy her vocal color, and i think her voice is powerful. she has a strong stage presence too, so i definitely think she’s someone to watch for.” he wants to mention a few other singers as well, but he’s determined to keep his picks to one each this time. or… maybe two. two picks, maximum. “hyojin too! he sang one of my favorite day6 songs, and his range is insane. i can’t wait to hear more from him.”
dancers are harder to comment on; sungwoon doesn’t know enough (or feels confident enough) to choose the best in this category. “uh, i think i’m only qualified to talk about who i liked the best, so take all this with a grain of salt.” he probably shouldn’t say park woojin, but the first name that comes out of his mouth is—”park woojin, for sure. though to be clear, i would pick him even if we weren’t friends. his performance was powerful and captivating—i think he’s easily the best dancer here.” he wants to mention kenta as well, but he doesn’t want to come off as too biased either. “i also think yugyeom is a good dancer. i don’t know how i feel about him in general, but i won’t deny talent when i see it.”
rappers are possibly harder to talk about than dancers, so sungwoon takes his time running through the list of performances before answering. “i think the number of female rappers in the competition this year are pretty cool, so i’d have to pick one of them. sakura, maybe? i was surprised by her performance, but in a good way.” his second choice is so obvious, sungwoon wonders if he even has to state it out loud. “and mason, obviously. he’s a good rapper, maybe one of the best, but that’s a given.”
were there any performances you liked?
sungwoon hates questions like these, mostly because he never has enough time to mention everyone he wants to. just saying ‘all of them’ would save a lot of time, but he’s pretty sure that isn’t allowed. also, it’s not truthful either. there are performances he definitely didn’t enjoy. the question is about ones he did, however, and sungwoon runs through the ones he remembers well enough in his mind before blurting out the first one that stayed with him. “daniel’s!” wait, that really isn’t going to help him sound less biased. his face warms and he scratches his cheek while rushing to gather his thoughts. “okay, honestly. i know he’s not the best of the rappers, but he wrote his own rap and the lyrical content was straight fire. his performance had me hyped up. how can i not mention it?”
aside from daniel, there are a few others he wants to mention. “eunji’s dance was… i know i mentioned her last week as a talented singer, but she’s a phenomenal dancer as well. her performance was really powerful and compelling. park jinyoung—i liked his voice, and i thought his song choice was very appropriate for his tone. personally, he’s one to watch for me as well.” pausing, sungwoon leans back in his chair and rubs his chin in thought. “yeji? i thought she did a great job too—really, a lot of the girls have been killing it this year. i wish i could mention them all because they deserve it.”
were there any you didn’t like?
“guys, seriously,” he laughs, letting his arms fall to his sides. “have people answered this?” how many have taken the bait and actually said something negative about their fellow contestants? the interviewer won’t answer that for him, so sungwoon is left wondering when he should bite or not. maybe he should, but gently? “there were a couple of performances i was let down by,” he admits. “kyungsoo, for one. i really enjoy his voice, but i wasn’t sold on his song choice, so i think that colored my opinion of his performance.” toxic isn’t a choice he’d make personally, and while he respects it, sungwoon isn’t sure it’s appropriate for this stage of the competition. “i also enjoyed suwoong’s performance last week, but not as much this week… i don’t know, i think he could’ve taken it a bit more seriously?” sungwoon shrugs. “they’re both good performers; just not my cup of tea.”
is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?
“is it time for sungwoon the psychic’s predictions again?” he taps his forehead, thought he’s… not exactly sure why. “uh, well, i think everyone i mentioned as the best of their categories will go through. special shout out to mason, because he’s going all the way to the finale! mark my words.” he doesn’t know if he has any solid picks outside of those. “yuri? she has a powerful voice and the necessary star power.” hm, maybe that’s all? no, wait, he remembers one of the dancers leaving an impression and struggles to pronounce her name properly. “jieqiong? she’s pretty and talented; i would expect her to go through.” sungwoon figures he’d better stop there—or he’ll end up naming half the contestants in the competition. “let’s see how many of these work out! remember, 16% error rate!”
is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?
“my third eye broke; i can’t answer that,” sungwoon says, completely straight faced. several moments pass before his expression cracks into a distant smile. “no, seriously—i’m not sure what criteria the judges are basing their assessments on, so i can’t answer. you’d think it would be straightforward, but someone who’s average in a skill can get far based on their sheer charisma and stage presence, right? so i think it could be anyone’s game.” he won’t speculate further; it’s not his place. and he’s worried that if he does start to consider who might be eliminated, a few familiar names could potentially pop into mind.
that’s all for now. thank you!
“thank you! you’ve worked hard.” sungwoon rises and bows to the interviewer and the staff before returning to his seat. he steals a bottle of water from one of the empty enigma members and polishes it off with a cheeky smile. “i need this, guys. i talked a lot,” he complains when they ask. when do you not? someone answers, and sungwoon glares at them playfully before promising to buy another bottle during their break. it’s much easier to stick to smiles and lighthearted conversation before eliminations, and sungwoon does his best to keep the atmosphere cheery.
That was something that she thought she would never hear again, but here she was, in front of a new crop of MGA contestants, playing the role of coach yet again.
Even though she was nervous about doing this again (the last time she coached, the end results led to her feeling like a disappointment to her team), she was determined to push those nerves aside and give them her best. That being said, she was glad when, as usual, Ariel was the one to speak up first when they were finally in front of their team. She was glad that they were on a team together this year, instead of facing off. Luda she didn’t really know that well, but she was thankful for her being there as well. She hoped they’d get to know each other better in the future as well.
When she was finally prompted to speak, she gave their team a genuine smile. “Hello, I’m Jo Haseul, main vocalist of Eclipse. I’ve been on the MGAs as both a contestant in season one and a coach in season three, so I know how exciting and stressful that this time can be,” she said, a little laughter escaping with her words. She’s not used to giving speeches like this. “I just want you to know that as a team, we’re here to support you in any way you might need it and you should all be proud. Not just because of how far you’ve made it, but for even trying in the first place. A lot of people don’t understand how hard it is to put yourself out there. I’m... not the most outgoing person, as I’m sure Ariel would be able to confirm, so I know how difficult it can be. So be proud that you took that first step towards reaching your dreams and keep working hard, because it seems to be working!” With that, she gives a slightly embarrassed bow of her head, stepping back, slightly hiding behind Ariel’s arm, but she is still smiling.
Actually getting into the flow of the team getting ready for their performance was interesting. The flow of ideas and the teamwork was fun to watch and she could see just how quickly the others seemed to fit in together as a team. She thought that they had done a pretty great job with their selections.
Her coaching style was one where she was there to offer any assistance that the others may need. She was quiet but friendly, her usual down-to-earth self. She could see a lot of her old self in these participants and she hoped that each of them got to have their moment in the spotlight.
‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ the skills challenge performance!
• • • singing be myself by gugudan // 0:09 — 2:03!
heejin despises the way her heart skips a beat the moment her name is uttered by one of the judges after an almost painful wait, flimsy syllables tossed out without a care in the world as if they hardly held any importance— as if they didn't make her up name, as if it wasn’t the very thing she'd desperately needed them to do. as if it wasn’t the very thing she was absolutely craving to hear. it's weakness she loathed having ( the sudden and intense need for verbal validation ), as if she hadn't already gotten enough of that throughout her short life so far.
no, she's become well accustomed to the sensation of praise, of meeting highly set standards with relative ease, hard work and a steady drive of determination propelling her towards the stars. it's here, however, now placed on such an imposing stage, eyes of skillfully perfected focus and unpredictability ready to pick her apart without any warning, that heejin can't help but feel her own walls of unwavering confidence finally begin to shake.
she hates it— knowing now just how terrifyingly easy nerves can be brought on simply by bated silence ( and just how quickly those nerves and can morph into questioning relief the very second good news is given ).
confirmation of her moving on to the next round only brings newer, more nagging thoughts to the surface. she'd done it— she'd proven herself yet again, a sure sign that she could do this, that she could pull through as she wanted to and secure victory. yet, that also meant the herd had been cut down significantly.
room for errors and mediocrity would become slimmer and slimmer the longer this went on, all until nothing short of perfection could be given without fear of leaving this whole ordeal empty-handed.
heejin refused to leave with nothing to show for herself.
♡
there's little rest to be had, skin anxiously prickling more and more with each passing day, her mind preoccupied with nothing but sing, sing, sing— correct your breathing here, don't let yourself strain at this part, keep yourself as steady as you possibly can. run through after run through, correction after correction, all painstakingly repeated and ingrained in her mind. heejin is rarely home during this period of time, hardly seen by anyone who doesn’t come looking ( or, in some cases, can’t spare the time to break from their own preparations ), her only true opportunities for rest being forced on her by her academic schedules ( even then, tucked far in the back of her classrooms, something she rarely allowed herself to do, her mind is far from her lessons— no, all she can think about is how she could do better, what she needed to do better, all in the hopes of earning another success ).
it's tiring, so tiring, but she can't stop. she won't let herself.
it's only the day before she ( and everyone else ) are set to show up and perform that she finally gives herself a moment to properly breathe.
she feels stiff, far more rigid than she'd like to be, and that's when she knows she needs to pull back, if only for a moment. sat snuggly in one of the secluded practice rooms located in her schools' music department, she simply sits, letting peaceful silence take her over.
jungeun comes to mind, images of the blonde submerged deeply within her own element while on stage during the first round playing out as if she had seen them earlier that day, and heejin can't help but wonder how her own practice has been coming along— with her phone grasped loosely between small hands, the brunette almost hits the call button. almost.
it almost feels like a selfish thought, wanting to reach out for someone ( anyone ) who could possibly understand the growing exhaustion burning through her veins. who was she to distract others, though, when she'd done this to herself willingly? this had been her own choice, her own decision— she wouldn't pull for the blondes attention, not now, when her best friend was no doubt working just as hard ( if not harder ) for her own victory.
no, she had known what this would all entail the minute she'd sent in her application, bright-eyed and determined. she couldn't lose that fire, not this early over something so simple— heejin would figure this out.
her phone vibrates silently in her hands, catching her off guard, and it's only a moment before she sees what's been sent.
❪ ⤑ ✉ 3 new messages┆🌙💕 ❫
her lips break out into a gentle smile, tired eyes softening, and suddenly, she doesn't feel as beat up as before. eyes scanning his words, the warmth in her cheeks only grows, but it's pleasant— it's missed. with words so caring, so encouraging, at a time when she felt she needed them most, there's newfound vigor brewing in her body.
you will be awesome on saturday!
heejin could do this.
♡
walking onto set feels as daunting as it had the first time, her face blank ( save for the slight rise of a single brow ) as she lets curious eyes travel the space, taking it all in. the lack of people is noticeable right from the beginning, the area less stuffy with half the amount of original chairs gotten rid of, but that only makes heejin think— one hundred, such a large and strong number, cut down to a mere fifty with ease.
well, at least she was aware now that she had actual competition.
out of the corner of her eye, she spots unmistakable blonde hair filtering around the room, and heejin can't help but feel relief once more knowing they'd made it this far together ( just like she knew they would ). tearing her gaze away, she spots faces and silhouettes she's come to familiarize herself a bit more with thanks to the little celebratory outing yuzu had suggested the week before— short black hair recalls memories of pleasant conversation, of a possible friendship she wouldn't mind growing, and heejins legs take her to where ryujin is sat without protest.
she sits beside the younger girl with a grin, eyes shining with anticipation, and the thought passes by quickly— she wonders what the other has in store for them all today. while it seemed that singers made up the top percentage of contestants ( heejin being included ), the younger girl was grouped in with the dancers at second. while there were certainly others better at that particular skill, she couldn't deny that the other had a certain draw to her. similarly to kyulkyung, whom she'd also made sure to greet as she passed by, she was an entertaining act to watch.
of course, heejin had her own biases ( she would always sight jungeun as her personal favorite ), but that didn't take away from anyone else. ryujin was talented in her own right— it would be interesting to see her go far.
it's only once everyone's seated, noises sounding off and startling the brunette slightly, that it's finally time for things to start. unlike the first time, seeing who the judges are doesn’t cause her heart to beat wildly as it had before— now, it’s almost expected. after all, these were the ones who’d be taking the finalists into their companies when this was all over. who better than to pass judgments than them?
however, general nerves rear their ugly heads, and for a second, heejin can't help but question herself— question others.
what if she didn't stand out this time? what if she, despite all of the effort and time put into choosing her song and making sure it was perfect, fell short? would anyone going up before her be performing the same song as her? had her music choice in general been a mistake?
that last question had been one she'd thought of from the very moment she settled on her vocals— the choice had been difficult, but in her eyes, she felt like it was a necessary one to make. it hadn't been lost on her how, up until now, all of her performances had songs of the same caliber. similar vibes, similar emotions, similar technique. sure, they suited her ( at least, she felt they suited her better than anything else ), but she didn't want to grow stale, boring, in others eyes.
versatility was important no matter the skill.
so, watching as the first handful of singers go up and perform, her head nodding along to distant beats and rhythms as a way to soothe her own mind, heejin steels herself. there was no room for doubt anymore, not when her name was about to be called. she needed to be sure of herself, confident in her abilities and quality.
❝ CONTESTANT #5013, JEON HEEJIN— PLEASE TAKE THE STAGE. ❞
reaching for jungeun's hand quickly, she gives it a gentle squeeze, one that's gratefully returned as a sign of encouragement, and heejin rises from her seat. as she walks to the stage, she catches yuri's eyes and lets herself break out into a soft grin, nodding her head in acknowledgment. she would need to talk with the younger girl once it was deliberation time to tell her how good her performance was— well, would be, considering yuri was up after her.
she had all the faith in the world for her cousin.
brushing aside shorter strands of hair that weren't held in her low pony, heejin stands tall in center stage, a signature smile on her lips.
"hello, it's nice to see you all again—" she can't help but joke, a way of squashing any last remnants of nerves in her system, the mic picking up a small laugh as she bows. "i'm jeon heejin and today, while i'll be singing for you once again, i hope to show you a little bit of a more different side of myself. please enjoy this performance just as much as you enjoyed my last performance."
receiving nods to proceed, she awaits her music queue, ready to begin. her music starts and, immediately, she's heejin is focused.
날 향한 차가운 눈빛
둘러싼 소문만 참 많아
걱정 마 난 강인하니까
사소한 것에 겁내지 않아
더 강하게 ooh ah yeah
더 당당하게 ooh ah yeah
한계를 뛰어넘어 위험해도 좋아
더 색다른 날 보여줄게
unlike the first episode, she has no props— no guitar to play, nothing as additional help with the intent to enhance her showcase. now, everything is all dependant on her, on her voice and presence, those two factors being the sole reason she'd done so much in preparation. her vocals had to be spot on, carrying their own distinct flare while still delivering the most solid performance she could with the hopes of leaving her audience wanting more, facial expressions and body language all playing a role in only furthering that agenda.
her voice is clear, strong as it should be for the power the song holds, adlibs starting out smoothly just as she'd practiced countless times. right away, there's an attitude to be seen— nothing to be taken seriously once she's stepped down from the stage, but something to marvel and become immersed with as she sings.
flicks of her brow, blatant smirks forming here and there between the words that leave her lips, a sense of appeal heejin has only recently felt comfortable projecting. she's always been confident in herself, in her skills and what she's got to show, but this? this is a little different from her normal, a side to herself she'd rarely ever shown, usually in favor of something more soulful and indie.
hesitance aside, it's an image she likes— it's one she wouldn't mind expanding on.
be yourself 더 이상 망설이지 마
뭐든 네 멋대로
우리에겐 내일은 없어
난 규칙 따윈 몰라
모두가 깜짝 놀라
다쳐도 좋아 바로 지금
do it now
누가 뭐래도
nothing like what i do do do
내가 뭘 해도
good thing ( good thing )
좀 더 자유롭게 be myself
난 내 멋대로 살래
잘 지켜봐 yeah
as she comes to the pre-chorus, the tempo a tad slower, it's the perfect chance to show how smooth her tone can be, a dull fire emanating from her as she puts more soul into her performance. with something so pop, it's easy for ones vocals to flatline and become bland, easily overshadowed by synths and overproduction. heejin doesn't want this, no— she wants her voice to hold as much depth and pull to it as it can.
eyes closing, there's more focus, letting it all build up until the chorus breaks through, and her voice is lighter, rising and falling to hit her notes prettily ( she tosses a wink in at her almost whispered good thing, tone naturally on the huskier side with how lowly it's done ).
leading into the bridge, that same soulful quality returns, and she moves in time to the song, heel meeting the floor subtly in time to the beat.
내가 결정해
나다운 게 뭔지 oh
눈치 보지 말고
좀 더 자신 있게
나를 보여줄래
고민하지 마
nothing like what i do do do
끌리는 대로
good thing ( good thing )
너를 표현해봐 be yourself
세상을 너로 칠해
널 보여줘 yeah
what you do
hand on her chest, she's still pleasantly steady in her performance, inhaling away from the mic when she needs to, and she's entering the final stretch. this bridge, mellow, yet still holding a certain sultry quality to it, allows heejin the slight refresher she needs before letting herself peak in the end.
opening her eyes, she lets her gaze travel around all who watch her, a brow raised in invitation— an invitation to what? to that, she’s not quite sure. praise? criticism? jealousy?
challenge.
be myself be myself be myself
가장 나답게
위험해 위험해 위험해
be myself be myself be myself
이 밤이 가기 전에
위험해 위험해 위험해
her voices echoes around the room as she finishes, music ending with her, and all that's left to be heard are her receding breathes as she pulls the mic away from her face.
it's silly, recalling how worried she'd been the last week— jaehyun had said it himself.
“ Congratulations on your ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing ”
With the performances over and done with, it was only a matter of time before he’d know the result, and he could do nothing now but to sit down and wait for the CEOs to return to their post. Or so he thought at least, but soon Eric came to notice people going and coming, dragged out by staffers to who knew where only to return moments later. As expected there were still things he couldn’t prepare for this time -- things that were bound to be different from before. Questioning of another contestant after returning revealed it to be another interview and the young teen was suddenly confused. Hadn’t they already been through that once already?
Eventually he himself got called and soon enough his questions became answered and he felt slightly stupid. Of course it only made sense to do a follow up interview on his opinions of the auditions. For a moment Eric’s thoughts rested on a noona who had once asked him a question on evil editing in the mgas. Was this some part of it too? If anything it was certain that Mnet enjoyed drama and he also wasn’t a moment in doubt that some people were actually going to fall into those viles and tattle on one another. There was absolutely no way every single contestant was going to be all chummy with each other. Eric could only give a shrug at it as it was really just the name of the game.
Well knowing that his every word was going to be used against him, Eric still had no intentions of holding anything back as he sat down to perform the interview. Whether his blunt attitude was going to be his downfall only time would tell.
First of all; how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?
A mild start he supposed, perhaps to ease people up and feel settled before the real questions began. Eric was surprised at himself for how skeptical he was towards everything they were doing -- it didn’t feel like how he’d usually be at all, but somehow the reminder that this was, after all, a survival show had him be way more conscious of what was going on around him. But for now he simply went with the flow. “Obviously I became happy!” he admitted although it might not have been an obvious matter for every contestant. “I think if I’d had gone through so much trouble to return and not even make it through the first round of auditions I might really have cried! And that would have been really embarrassing so I’m glad I made it to here!”
With that being said, how do you think you did?
No hesitation or thought was needed for Eric to answer. “I think I did the best I possibly could today.” It was a bold and confident declaration, but he gave a satisfied nod to say that he was serious. “Today’s Eric Sohn was at his peak for my current ability. No matter what I’m not disappointed with my own performance today.” This was nothing like the Triple Threat challenge where he already knew from the get-go that he hadn’t gone into it with an earnest mind. Today he was on fire and would be stopped by nothing. He wanted to make it to the next round. No, he was going to make it. If he didn’t believe in himself who would?
Were there any performances you liked?
“All of them!” Eric beamed in response, again needing no time to think before responding. But as always he was genuine in his evaluation. “Simply standing here today... I think that alone already takes up so much courage. I’m not really a person who’s easily affected by nerves myself so it’s hard for me to understand, but I know some people have things like stage fright and stuff like that so? Yeah. People like that standing up and performing in front of so many people, that’s impressive no matter how you look at it, isn’t it?!” Excited, he swung his arms wide open as if that would help prove the point he was trying to make.
“I think all of the performances were impressive in their own way. The fact that people have put thought behind what to do and how to perform. I think that’s something to be admired.” Satisfied with himself he gave a nod and crossed his arms before his chest, waiting for the next question. After a bit of silence it seemed the interviewer understood that he had nothing else to say on the matter.
I suppose you don’t have any performances you didn’t like then. In that case, among the performances today, do you have a favourite?
This time Eric took a moment to think the course of the day over. When it came to looks Kim Yewon had been incredibly cute and charming and Song Yuqi who, in Eric’s humblest opinion had been the very image of a youthful beauty. Joo Kyulkyung had performed a rather impressive ballet. Choi Yena’s song choice had definitely left an impression on him, as had her dancing capabilities and Do Kyungsoo had presented a very satisfying violin display that Eric had greatly enjoyed despite having no interest or knowledge in the instrument. But amongst everyone on stage, one had stood out the most to him. “It’s gotta be Watanabe Haruto.” Perhaps an unexpected choice, but Eric was certain in it. “When it comes to being unique he really got that one down! That’s for sure! I’ve never seen anyone use skates like that! And his exit from the stage was definitely memorable too although I feel kind of bad for him!”
I see. From everyone who performed today, is there anyone you’re sure will be eliminated?
Ah, here it came didn’t it? With a light chuckle Eric answered as he didn’t really need time to think that one over either. “Watanabe Haruto.” Seeing the understandable confusion on the face of the interviewer as he listed the very person he had just praised, Eric gave a nod to confirm that he hadn’t made any mistakes and began giving his reasoning. “Honestly I have no way of knowing what he showed before today so he might have been incredibly impressive and whatnot, but although his performance was definitely the most memorable to me it also seemed... Kind of irrelevant to the show? This is about music, about singing and dancing and stuff like that. He’s like totally talented no doubt about that but he just hasn’t shown it in the right area today. Plus I know the kid -- he barely speaks a word of Korean! I gotta applaud him for even signing up in the first place!”
He knows the feeling of not making it. With all the auditions and castings he’s joined half as a joke and half looking for a new challenge, Jonghyun knows how it feels to not be one of the chosen ones. However to get so far, to fall short right before the final stretch must be pretty damn devastating.
So the moment she steps into the dance studio he says nothing but only opens his arms. A wide smile on his lips it’s somewhat funny how they met through the show which did both of them dirty. “What’s good gorgeous, hm? You’re too pretty to be looking this down.”
Always the charmer he has no trouble saying those overly cheesy words with the biggest smile on his lips, all with the promise of kind treatment and soft encouragement. He met her as his fan, now one could maybe even call them friends? Jonghyun sure would like that.
