IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU HAVE GOT TO GIVE — ♡
as much as any of them could say they expected this, none of them could truly be prepared. tiffany could only remember how relieved she’d been to know there wasn’t a prompt or theme for the month. now that should’ve tipped everyone off but it wouldn’t be the first time the company was actually giving enough to allow them a break but thinking back on it, given how rare it is, how could she have let her guard down?
a company’s relationship with its trainees feels more like take than give and she knows better than to expect equality. it’s trainees who have to give their all, not the company and to expect them to be ready at the drop of a hat, it’s not shocking. well, it shouldn’t be.
yet that’s what she feels. shock. a little annoyance, but most of all she’s not ready. it’s childish how she wants to feel ready for everything, how she’s tired of all these surprises as if life owes her more than that. as if life ought to be fair to her.
a child who hasn’t learned her lesson.
that’s what she is, what she becomes, and not a single song comes clearly to mind.
retribution for thinking this isn’t right. it doesn’t take her long to realize this is her chance to have fun, to lighten the mood for those so anxious because of this eval, to make them smile and maybe even laugh, after everything they’ve gone through. as with the song she chose to sing for the samsung commercial filming, this isn’t as much for the trainers or staff that watch them but for her fellow trainees.
( yo, i'll tell you what i want, what i really, really want
so tell me what you want, what you really, really want
i'll tell you what i want, what i really, really want
so tell me what you want, what you really, really want
i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna,
i wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah )
it’s seeing taeyeon run out that confirms her reserve to keep singing— even the most impressive of them could fall short. what bothers her most is how young some of the trainees are, how strong they want them to be when evaluations already put enough pressure on them, the need for approval and perfection. if she could’ve, she would’ve run out after taeyeon herself but there’s a nagging part of her that remembers this is still a job. singing this song is so they remember that it’s a job but for most of the trainees, it’s also their dream.
( if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
make it last forever, friendship never ends
if you wanna be my lover, you have got to give
taking is too easy, but that's the way it is )
LOVE THERAPY ( 0:20 - 1:00 )
★ EXY & EUNA KIM FT. ZIA ( ...AGAIN )
‘be careful what you wish for’ has never felt more appropriate.
as he’d quickly learned at the beginning of the month, the silence about may’s evaluation had stretched further than just sphere. the absence of any information had him on edge for the first week or so and the last week or so, but the quiet in the middle had been bliss. not having to worry about a make it or break it four minutes at the end of the month meant that he had time to worry about other things; fun things like his youtube covers and rewatching ‘a new hope’ on the forty year anniversary since it’s release in the us. of course, he would focus on his performance skills, too, alongside his ‘lounging in bed with apple slices and a dvd’ skill and his ‘long, embarrassing talks with mum’ skill, but it had felt good to take a breather.
naturally, they weren’t going to get off scot-free, and the very feeling seungcheol had pooling in his stomach for those first and last few days had been dread at what would eventually come. but, he’d promised his mother he’d do more ‘living in the moment’ (and he’d quite honestly forgotten monthly evaluations existed without sphere breathing down his neck to practice and perfect whatever he was bringing to the table).
still, he knew he was nothing special. everyone else would be feeling the same, and from conversations he’d had (or more often, heard in passing), majority vote was ‘relieved but suspicious’. he couldn’t say he didn’t agree, honestly.
he theorised, though, just like everyone else. are they watching our day to day behaviour? how we interact with others within and outside of our companies? are they watching our behaviour outside our training? perhaps they’re using our daily mini evaluations to gauge our progress? but the more he thought about it, the more nervous he got that he would fail, so he did his best to avoid the topic just as the staff at the company were doing also.
may 31st rolls around more quickly than he expects, really. he’d been comfortably riding the wave of freedom for the past few weeks, practicing for his youtube covers and indulging in well-needed seungcheol time. he supposes he should’ve expected something to happen, and on some level, he does — he’s not shocked to be pulled into a theatre with the other sphere trainees and asked to perform on the spot, but it’s not like he knew it was going to happen either.
neutral. for once, he’s neutral.
(he does curse his father a little once he realises choi is early alphabetically, though.)
he knows that for a lot of trainees, this is only the second time they’ll see him open his mouth, and that the first time had been a slightly questionable song choice from a boy of his outward appearance, but he’s not sure whether to feel embarrassed by that fact or not. he can’t deny that it’s almost sad how little he’s socialised since he got here, but it’s not like he can help it when he feels like a nuisance to new people, especially having come into a space where everyone already had their social circles established before he arrived. he wonders what those people think of him based on that one performance and the one soon to start, but that’s too dangerous territory to delve deeper into right now. he shouldn’t dive in at the deep end minutes before he’s due to stand before them; he doesn’t want to mess this up enough to make his fears a reality.
time isn’t of the essence as the trainee he knows is immediately before him starts their allocated minute. he has a hundred ideas swimming around in his head, but he can’t pin one, and likely won’t be able to until he’s stood up there, the pressure crushing him until he opens his mouth. what will it be? he’s forced to rap (be careful what you wish for!) but rap what? the plot line of rogue one? everything right with jar jar binks? snoop dogg’s rap parts in hangover? god, he hopes that’s not what spills out of his mouth once he gets up there.
“choi seungcheol.”
truth be told, it’s natural — at least after the first few seconds of him blinking blankly at the judges, expecting a cue to start, and realising he isn’t going to get one and the clock is ticking — that he hears the intro of his last youtube cover fast forward in his mind. what else would come to him first? it’s what he’s listened to the most this past month (that he can rap to, anyway); it’s all he’d practiced at home until he posted the video on the 20th.
this isn’t so bad, after all.
time line 연애 중 띄우고
모두 날 탐나는 듯 쳐다봐도
너 무슨 생각해?
네 손끝에 내가 닿을 때 딴 곳 보며 딴청해
넘 빠르잖아 이런 현상
우리 사이 뻔히 보여 흔한 결말
소심해 보이기 싫어 but I’m a so sick
내가 원하는 게 뭔지 다 알잖아
천천히 걷자 이 선선한 밤
넌 급한 일이라도 있나 봐
내 발걸음과 동시에 내 마음을 재촉해
하이힐 신은 것도 모르나 봐
하고 싶은 말은 못해 내 연애방식
에이 내가 예민한 거겠지
a형이라 그래
아님 또 누군갈 놓쳐버릴까
혼자 삼키는 밤
to keep time, he clicks his fingers to the beat, sways his body to the instrumental only he can hear. he doesn’t doubt that he’s a little off towards the start, having to pull something out of his back pocket with little preparation shaking his nerves ever so slightly, but as it always has been (especially when he closes his eyes briefly and pretends he’s alone), it doesn’t take long for seungcheol to lose himself in the ‘music’.
is this cheating a little? he wonders as he comes to the slightly more vocal line, but it’s so seamlessly within the rap and so short that seungcheol breezes over it and hopes for the best. in hindsight, maybe euna kim’s rap would have been better; it didn’t have the suspicious half-rap and is a little faster in pace, but it’s too late for that now. when stood before the expectant faces of the coaches and his fellow trainees, his brain had started the song from the beginning, not the middle. (makes sense, really.)
actually, when he thinks about it, he’s not sure who he’s more scared of not impressing today — the stone faced coaches or his equally as expressionless labelmates.
(when he thinks about it after the performance, when they’re not all watching him like hawks, he realises it’s the latter. his superiors have the power to kick him out or harden his training, but his colleagues have the power to ostracise him even more and that’s far scarier than overtime.)
closing in on freedom once more, he allows himself to look a little more animated. something he’s never understood is the wild arm gestures of underground or ‘serious’ rappers, but he can appreciate the disadvantages of standing still, too. seungcheol’s not exactly overflowing with stage presence by himself — his recent collaborations at the yeouido flower festival had proven that he truly came alive on stage when by someone’s side — but that doesn’t mean he won’t try. there’s a spring in his step as he absentmindedly shuffles, and he rounds off the last line as smoothly as he can, making sure he doesn’t instinctively leap right into the chorus.
once silence falls over the theatre, he seeks his starting position again and bows ninety degrees.
nice try, sphere. his performance isn’t anything to brag about, really, but he doesn’t think he’s done bad, either. he won’t stand out as anything special, but maybe this month, that’s for the best.
& . THERE’S A BOY I KNOW, HE’S THE ONE I DREAM OF .
LOOKS INTO MY EYES, TAKES ME TO THE CLOUDS ABOVE,
( TELL ME IS IT REALLY LOVE )
HOW WILL I KNOW ?
5월 EVALUATION —————— ✦ ˟
may comes and goes, like the showers that thundered throughout april and have since faded into may -- as well as the flowers that have grown in bloom, they’ve fallen silent with each passing day. much like most of the staff, it’s like a ghost town of nerves and anticipation. when the first of may goes without their usual announcements and evaluation preparations, jihyun wills herself to stay calm.
as the first becomes the second and so easily the twenty-second, her worries fade much like the month does. she loses herself in other thing, and rather than ringing crystal-clear harmonies along muffled microphones, her fingers grow calloused and rough along plucked strings.
so when she’s pulled from the hall, guitar in hand, jihyun fears for the worst.
rounded up like cattle on the behind of a pick-up truck, jihyun actually feels her heart fall into the depths of her stomach. lined amongst the trainees, she peeks over jieun’s shoulder only to blanch at the sight of the panel ahead of them.
if there was ever a moment to come unprepared, jihyun wished it hadn’t been this one.
( the slightest ache rings in her ears, an undeniable sting against her fingertips -- mouth painstakingly dry ; she was definitely not prepared )
it goes without saying that, without the heads up, jihyun hadn’t practiced today -- she hadn’t even had the chance to warm up, which, for jihyun, was her ultimate downfall. there was no way she’d make it through this evaluation unscathed. and as confident as she usually was in her vocals, there’s a clear distinction stricken along her spine.
the sickly-straight posture, curled fists and fidgeting feet were far too obvious to be overlooked.
as everyone takes their turn, one by one, performing to their utmost capable of abilities, jihyun feels herself grow faint; lips chapped, the swipe of a nervous appendage doing nothing to ail them.
it isn’t until the unmistakable, “lee jihyun --” is called, that she rises; the first of many times that she untangles her fingers from their fists to push dark tendrils behind her; feigning whatever bit of confidence she could muster in that moment to flaunt to the coaches, the staff, to so jisub. all of whom gazed upon her, unreadable and strong like an iron wall.
her fingers curl once more as she fights the nerves that tickle the nape of her neck; nails digging painful crescents into pale palms. she recites a tale she’s done for almost four years now; “i’m lee jihyun,” she bows her head, like she’s done for many months too many, before dark hues fly through those of the judges, towards the farthest corner. the darkest little indent in the back of the room where the nerves could no longer reach her ( at least, she hoped, they couldn’t ).
“i’ll be singing how will i know by whitney houston.” if she couldn’t sing her last month, she might as well do her this month -- it was the only few melodies jihyun could remember on short notice.
she realizes upon first breath, she probably should have tried to run the lyrics in her head before she spoke, because here she is, first breath given and left on a stand-still. what were the words?
panic has yet to set in, it’s a slow, inevitable death -- she thinks as she watches their stares harden, and it isn’t until she hears one of the coaches clearing their throats,
“you can begin, jihyun-ssi.” that she realizes, she’s yet to even start.
her own gaze wavers, nails dig deeper into her palms, an uneasy smile rising to an uncomfortable facade. “i’m sorry, of course.” fingers uncurl from their firsts once more to tangle again, tightening as her eyes blur and she’s fading eyelids closed; she breathes heavily through her nose and once, slowly pass her lips.
OOOH -- HOW WILL I KNOW?
IF HE REALLY LOVES ME,
I SAY A PRAYER, WITH EVERY -- HEART BEAT.
she begins, slowly reciting the words in even breath, steady beat. jihyun can only hope that the melody is fitting between the words, sung along the lines; desperately clutching for a life boat to save her from the mess that was her slowly succumbing to panic. she can hear the way her breath is falling much too quickly between the notes, how raspy her voice was becoming from the lack of practice she’d down that day.
FALLING IN LOVE -- IT’S ALL BITTERSWEET.
somehow the words fit, and it’s the slightest bit of warmth that fills her. it makes her think of better things, keeps her mind the slightest bit away from how absolutely hard this song was to sing. it has her second-guessing her choice the moment the high notes begin and she’s out of her league. because without practice, fitting no longer mattered, not when the way they executed was trailing further and further away from excellence. she’s breathier than usual, her voice off a few notes, much more sharp than what it should have been. and it’s further from her control as she watches pens quickly dabble against white pages, turned and once more inked.
she fears the worst, once more.
IF HE LOVES ME, IF HE LOVES ME NOT.
HEY, HOW WILL I KNOW?
if her ultimate demise that day was fearing the worst to come, perhaps, she should have seen it coming. perhaps, if she had steered clear of sky-reaching high notes and beautiful runs, she wouldn’t have had to fear so much.
✦ ˟ —————— HOW WILL I, HOW WILL I, — HOW WILL I KNOW ,
HOW WILL I KNOW?
but as her last note comes much too messily, runs wildly away from her as her last breath escapes her, and the note breaks; she feels her nerves collapse and her heart stop.
if she had feared the worst, no longer did she have to -- because the worst have finally appeared.
boy this all for you just walk my way
just tell me how it's looking babe
just tell me how it's looking babe
♥ ( 0:04 - 1:05 & look )
“relax jie, i’m sure it’s nothing.” despite her friend’s words, it did nothing to ease her nerves. evaluations were usually brought up by this point, giving the trainees time to prepare for their performances and gather partners if needed. but nothing. and that did not settle well with her. “but what if they do something crazy?” she spoke in hushed tones, afraid one of the passing staff members would hear her. but her friend just sighed before patting her head. “we’re all crazy here, honey.”
apparently they are.
jieqiong couldn’t help but chew her lip as sphere trainees were sorted off from the rest - watching with curious eyes as the other trainees do the same. “do you know what’s going on?” she whispers to the other sphere trainee in front of her. her answer is met with a shake of the head before they’re continuing on with whatever and jieqiong pouts in response. what was going on?
when finally arrive at the stage, the trainee feels herself relax a bit. may evaluations, that’s all. for a moment, she considered the fact that they were all in trouble. but clearly it was just a little surprise for them - a wrench thrown into their daily routines, something the girl didn’t find all that bothering. it was something interesting definitely a relief and not an impending stress.
immediatley, she began forming basic choreography in her head - listening to the songs they were playing for the others and taking notes on the other performances ( a pro to being last ). but unfortunately for the last performer, that meant all eyes would be on them. she needed to do well.
the trainee carried herself to the stage confidently when her name was called, zhou jieqiong echoing throughout the theater before the soft steps of her shoes padded towards center stage. she bowed to the panel of judges before taking a deep breath - shaking out her limbs before settling into a natural standing position.
the short intro of ❝ yonce ❞ began and jieqiong immediately threw herself into the mood of the song, head lazily rolling once as she allowed a slight smirk to appear on her lips. "gimme some!” she raised her hand as she motioned towards the panel - keeping eye contact with a few members of the panel as she slowly begins descending to the floor.
jieqiong was glad to be able to show a new side to herself - showing sphere that she could do a dance with more of a mature side ( well, at least for her ). she couldn’t help but feel newfound confidence in this stage as her body began blending itself in with the beats of the song. although she was certainly lacking in some areas, she was happy she could show this side of herself.
♪ ~ see me up in the club with fifty-eleven girls
posted in the back, diamond fangs in my grill
brooklyn brim with my eyes sitting low
every boy in here with me got that smoke ~ ♪
it wasn’t a jieqiong performance if she didn’t throw in a wink somewhere. so she winked at baek jiyoung ( she didn’t know where the courage to do that came from. actually, she did - they accidentally made eyecontact and the trainee just went with it ) as she rose back to a standing position. she bounced slightly on her feet before swinging herself into the next counts, the side of her hand sliding across her forehead and her eyes scanning the panel ‘up and down’ before moving on.
♪ ~ every boy in here with me got that smoke
every girl in here got to look me up and down
all on instagram, cake by the pound
circulate the image every time i come around
g's up, tell me how i'm looking babe ~ ♪
once again, she was surprised how fast her performance was coming to an end. her mind was still racing to place new choreography and movements but she was lucky to be familiar with the song ( mentally thanking herself for being obsessed with queen b no doubt ). she couldn’t imagine going into this without having heard the song before - the thought alone made her anxious. she still had a long way to go before she got to that point. but she needed to worry about doing her best now instead of what was to come.
♪ ~ boy this all for you just walk my way
just tell me how it's looking babe
just tell me how it's looking babe
(how it's looking babe)
i do this all for you baby just take aim ~ ♪
when time was up and all trainees had officially finished, jieqiong returned back to her schedule with a racing heart and energy to last her the rest of the day. they had never done anything like this since her becoming a sphere trainee and she was anticipating what was to come next.
sphere: may 2017 evaluations
reference: 0:32 - 1:13
To say that he was beyond surprised would be an understatement, but as the seconds tick by, the previous confusion was quickly replaced by nervousness, and not long after, panic. It was the worse time to have your brain blank out on you, really, but he guesses in a situation like this it was inevitable - and he was obviously not alone in his mini mental breakdown. For a moment, he’s glad that he’s a little behind the alphabet, but with how fast their plowing through all the names, it was getting harder to think about anything let alone try and figure out what they’re going to do. The fact that he’s a little low on steam when it comes to free styling isn’t helping him much either. He visibly shudders at the thought.
Everything was basically a blank slate, the truth waiting to jump out at them at the least expected moment. His mind runs a mile a minute, unable to keep up with his line of thoughts. He hated this, having to rush everything. The fact that that they hadn’t mentioned what song they will need to perform wasn’t helping. It feels like he’s doing this to survive more than anything else and it irks him a little, but he really didn’t have ample time to dwell on it. Instead, he looks at it as a way to improve on his freestyling. With a sigh, he decides to go and stick with something he thinks he’s best at (and most comfortable with) - hip hop.
Not a second later, he hears his name being called and he steps forward, a polite greeting before he chooses dancing. It was his strongest skill, after all, but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. He had nothing up his sleeves this time, no practiced steps to run through his memories and it took all of his will power not to panic on the spot.
With a deep breath, Bruno Mars’ voice reaches his ears and bounced off the walls. It wasn’t long before the beat of the song had him moving, taking advantage of the fact that the song had a nice groove and anything could practically go with it. He chooses sharp and fast movements though, keeping track of the rhythm so he could throw in a few pop and locks to keep things interesting, but not forgetting to maintain the fun the song originally had. He literally only had seconds to prove himself today, after all.
Sehun’s hips and legs are his base for this routine, pulling up everything he’s learned through the years - weeks of training and years of passion for dancing bleeding through his every move. There’s a lot more discipline in his execution this time around, thanks to all those exhausting training - his lines are much more defined, his pops and locks a lot more precise. For a brief moment he’s reminded of why he had fallen in love with dancing in the first place, and he tries his best to get that message across.
The thought tugs at the corners of his mouth, a small smile stretching on his lips just as he fans himself, keeping his movements big as a transition for the bridge where he keeps up with the fast tempo, enjoying every millisecond of this impromptu performance. When his mind went blank he goes freestyle, doing anything that first pops into mind. He wouldn’t have done something like this before, and at the back of his mind he’s glad that he’s somewhat able to do so. He’s a little out of breath from the strain. His minute was up, but the smile stays on his lips.
I’M SO FRUSTRATED, GOING CRAZY
I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING
I’LL GATHER UP MY COURAGE ONCE
MORE AND
---------- SEND YOU A SIGN, SEND YOU A SIGNAL!
may evaluations × twice ; signal × current mood: pull the trigger, piglet
unlike most trainees, sunyoung doesn’t think much about the absence of an evaluation this month. no, unlike most of the others who have taken to panicking in the midst of a surprise evaluation, or something even worse, if possible ( she has come to realize how wild their imagination can run when faced with the unknown ), sunyoung has accepted her fate. if something were to happen, then she would have no other choice than to adapt to it. but if not, then revel in the fact that there is a training god and he is merciful at times, allowing them to go through a month without the looming event of an evaluation.
unfortunately, the former became reality, and sunyoung isn’t surprised in the slightest.
it’s a muted frenzy when the evaluation is announced literally last minute, panic, dread, fear permeates the theater in which they sit, filling it up to the brim with negative energy; sunyoung literally doesn’t have time for that. there’s no use for could of should have would have at this point -- she instead focuses on herself and what she should bring to the stage.
it’s times like this that she’s thankful for her dad blessing her with a surname that didn’t have her become the first sacrificial lamb -- and at the same time, it’s a curse. while nerves doesn’t prick at her as she watches some of the trainees sink ( and her heart weeps at taeyeon, feels bad for the other guy and many others who can’t come up to the plate ) and other swim, she becomes engulfed in the performances and almost forgets that this is an evaluation, not a performance show or something of the sort. she forgets and claps when needed, looks down when she can’t bare to watch any longer, and becomes so focused upon everyone else until--
the nerves come in full force as lithe legs slowly make their way towards the stage, forgoing the steps and simply climbing onto it with a swift jump ( classy ) before walking to the middle with a slight wobble in her step. the lights are hot and her mind is running a mile a minute and her hands and heart and legs are all an earthquake, shaking with a force that feels like the whole country is about to break away from the asian continent to chill with japan as an island -- when in reality her shivers aren’t all that noticeable. time is ticking and sunyoung is just standing there because what in the entire fuck is she supposed to sing?
( trying to let you know
sign을 보내 signal 보내
i must let you know
sign을 보내 signal 보내 )
the damn song is the only thing that comes to mind and she refuses -- she didn’t even like the group to begin with due to their lack of talent and kt girls doing cheer up last year was enough aegyo to last a lifetime, according to sunyoung. she begs her mind to give her something else to work with, another song that actually fits her skills... and yet ..
( sign을 보내 signal 보내
sign을 보내 signal 보내
sign을 보내 signal 보내 )
time is ticking, it’s probably been about 20 seconds of silence from her end, and coughs and anticipation from the judges and crowd and all she has said was a droning “uhhhhhhh ..... “ meanwhile the childish song still plays in her head, and she hates that she it’s the only thing her mind is giving her, but there isn’t much to do about it now.
if she’s gonna sing the fucking song, she might as well give them a show -- or at least have fun with it herself.
from some point, i started liking you
you fool
why don’t you know my heart?
when are you going to stop being so dumb
and only treat me as a friend?
‘cause that’s not what I want
it’s an odd place to start, right in the middle of the song at the main vocal’s entrance, but she doesn’t care. all caution is thrown out the window because this is a song way below her skill level ( she might as well of sung the pororo theme, and she’s actually regretting that she didn’t ), her deep tone sounding a bit off with the high pitched cuteness of the original, but it gets the job done, she supposes.
sending you a sign, sending a signal
electric electric electric electric
i want you, i want you
but why aren’t you reacting?
every time we meet, with all my heart
electric electric electric electric
i’m waiting, you can see everything
but why don’t you know?
embarrassment shows within her features as she starts to do the simple choreography, raising her hands posed as cutesy antennas while she ticks her hips to the time of her voice, throwing hearts every single way as the dance calls for it. she’s sure she can see some of the boys cringing at a 24 year old trying to do the dance of a fresh and sprightly teenagers, and there’s a portion of her that wants to laugh at them. at herself. at this entire situation, especially how the judges refuse to show any type of emotion at her talent show, but she doesn’t.
trying to let you know
sending you a sign, sending a signal
i must let you know
sending you a sign, sending a signal
if i look at you and smile, you should know
i’ve already looked at you and smiled so many times today
if i keep talking to you, you should feel it
i keep staying by your side
too bad that the only part of the choreography she knows is the chorus, because now she’s back to staying still and sunyoung decides to just wing it at this point. when the talking turns into singing once more, voice probably the most stable it’s every been and smooth as it transitions ( it’s hardly a challenge ) she dedicates this song to the judges and trainers up front, giving winks and extra hearts their way while doing body rolls and shaking her hips while not moving too vigorously -- her vocals were supposed to shine through. they might not match the somewhat innocent nature of the song, but if she’s singing it, then she could make it into whatever she pleases.
from some point, i started liking you
you fool
why don’t you know my heart?
when are you going to stop being so dumb
and only treat me as a friend?
‘cause that’s not what i want
she ends upon the same verse she started on, still doing ... whatever she was doing that could be passed off for dancing. sending finger guns towards the each one of the judges as the table before doing it to the crowd, pointing at her heart and pouting with the acceptable line, and doing the point dance one last time before she abruptly ends. that was a minute, right?
nothing else is needed, nothing else to be said as sunyoung simply bows and makes her way off the stage and back to her seat.
nam woohyun performing miraculous ladybug’s theme song. (0:50-1:50)
his nerves are on fire.
the moment the evaluation had been announced-- woohyun had choked, panic settling in his bones from his seat. glancing at everyone around him proved to be futile; no one else had known, similar reactions or lack there ofs only presented before him.
woohyun takes hours for preparation. how can he prepare in only just a couple of minutes for something?
swallowing back his nerves, he ducks his head and stares down at his legs, racking his mind for something. for something he can perform-- singers have all the freedom to choose, and only a minute to perform. what on earth can he do? acapella? that even limits him more.
maybe is woohyun hadn't been stuck in such a slump, this would have been easier for him to figure out. there's plenty of songs he could sing, plenty of parts that could showcase his growth. but he can't think of a single god damn one.
when his name is called, he looks up in a daze, croaks out a weak "coming!" as he manuevers his way up to the center stage. he tells his nerves to calm down, focuses on the lyrics of a song from a cartoon-- that's easy enough, right? there shouldn't be anything to worry about. the only ones here are his fellow kt trainees, his coaches, katie lee.
is fainting on stage a good showcase of talent? because it's certainly what woohyun wants to do.
he throws caution to the window, offering a shaky smile to the crowd as he sucks in a breath. he pushes to get it over with, stuttering out a laugh as he begins--
"i am a cat, just chilling out. but in the night-- she’s all i think about.” his voice is soft, hesitant-- amplified by microphones as he attempts his best at lyrics. “i feel so strong, when she’s around. she picks me up-- when i am down.”
it’s embarrassing, just a tad. to be singing a children’s show theme song, but it’s the best that woohyun has.
“oh no, you’ll never know.” he breathes. “my love can only grow. and when i see her smile, that’s when she becomes...” he holds out the note for a second longer than he’s supposed to, soft smile on his face as he feels the ambiance of the lyrics, imagines the beat. “miraculous, simply the best-- up to the test, when things go wrong. miraculous--- the luckiest, the power of love always so strong.” another repeat of the chorus-- his vocals don’t do the original female counterpart justice, but he tries his best. miraculous-- you are the one!”
he breathes out in relief when it’s done, close enough. he bows his head, squeaks out a thanks and hurries himself off stage.
(and he hopes no one can see the red tips of his ears as he stumbles off the stage in typical nam woohyun fashion.)
♫♪♫ May. EVAL: Tough Cookie ft. Zico (Ft. Don Mills)
So he raps. Because that’s what he does best.
Minsoo had been feeling lost and out of sorts over the last few months. Ever since he graduated, he found himself with a lot of spare time in his hand. ‘A lot’ is a bare minimal for an average person, but quite significantly ‘more’ for trainees. Nonetheless, he oddly kept his head down.
So he raps. Recklessly. Precisely. Mockingly. Accurately.
The cypher had done nothing notoriously out of control or is frowned upon, at least not per his usual standards. He almost meekly does whatever he is told. Almost submissively. Almost robotically. He has a job. He is working closer to achieve his dreams. He made amends with his mother. He has a beautiful girlfriend. He has amazing friends. He has the money. Cars. Brain. He has it all. Yet he has nothing.
So he raps. As though he has already achieved it all. As though he truly feels he has it all.
He was feeling stagnant again, and Minsoo hated every bit of it. Royal’s resident troublemaker felt restless. There was a need to do something unexpected. Something out of the routine. Something so unpredictable that it's so predictable because only he would do such a thing. Yet he remains quiet. Like a still cobra poised, silent and ready to strike.
But for now, he raps. Because that’s what he does best.
