may be unpopular opinion. Ok so I think Rodrift has more angst potential than happy ending potential. I came for best friends to lovers fluff, but after I got into it I know it's angst material. The fix-it's just don't hit as hard as the angst.
I'm feeling complicated feelings for this bc I really liked their dynamics when I started mtmte. Deep down my selfish desires want to see a happy friends-to-lovers ending for them. Now after finishing mtmte and a bunch of other idw drift stuff, it's clear the narrative prescribes angst to them.
Early mtmte Drift is lost. His ultimate need throughout his life is a faith, and religion/Rodimus is not good enough a solution, not in the long term and not for him. Rodimus in that era is not much better, he is insecure behind his bluff, and launched the grand crusade for the knights because he (and the tfs that followed him) cannot face the post-war world. Drift supports him which makes him feel better, but Drift is not the long-term solution too.
While these two can have happy moments with each other, ultimately it can't be healthy endgame because deep down, neither are suitable for helping out the other. In the case of a true end, best they can really do is besties.
The Lost Light is a ship that seek a purpose it will never find, and the meaning of the voyage is not the end but the process of going far away. In the end JR gave us the alternative to finding salvation in ideals, which is the salvation of the present. The adventure is meant to end and it's meant to make our hearts sore. Thanks JR it's beautiful and sad and happy at the same time, it's so well written I can't even find comfort in fix-its.
To be honest no one on the Lost Light is mentally sane enough for sappy romantic stuff. Everyone has baggage, no one walks away unscathed, they just find ways to cope and walk on. This is (personal opinion) the best message to end a non-fairytale story with.
May post later on why I support dratchet endgame out of the 4 important figures in Drift's life (and why wingdrift is still somewhat possible). The ending of Rodimus hurts a bit too much I don't think I can face it yet, but maybe sometime later.
Still I love seeing them as friends. While not endgame, they still provided each other with much needed remedy during lost times, and that deserves appreciation too. Thanks to fanfics sometimes we can just imagine the jouney never ends and they are just happy silly besties sharing the most epic adventure. Sometimes I betray canon for self-indulgent reasons haha
Also, for those who reached this point, thanks for reading all of this :)
If it was possible to miss someone while constantly being around them, Rodimus didn't know. Every time Drift met his eyes, a wave of pain splashed into his chest. It wasn't like the slight burn of the Matrix. No, that was pleasant. That made him feel like he was finally enough. This ache was different. Addicting in a sick kind of way, like if he let it simmer it would make him sick with a sweet poison.
The problem was that Rodimus didn't know how to say sorry. He had, of course, but it could never be enough. He had hurt his favorite person. Sent him away like any misbehaving soldier. And oh, of course, Drift had smiled at him, his way of saying he had been forgiven. Rodimus knew better. He knew that it had destroyed Drift, from the way he spoke softer, the way he had gotten repainted, the way he came back with his hand in Ratchet's...
The way he seemed to barely stand being in the same room as Rodimus anymore.
"Hey, Roddy." Drift said, walking onto the bridge. Rodimus's thoughts washed away with that familiar ache.
"Hey."
Drift surprised him by coming up to where he was sitting, putting his head onto Rodimus's shoulder. He tensed, but he allowed it. The ache was worse, but he was desperate for any semblance of their old normalcy.
"Watcha doin?" Drift asks, even though he can clearly see that all Rodimus is doing is doodling while being lost in thought.
"Just drawing," he mutters, showing Drift his doodles of stars and planets.
"Pretty." Drift comments then kisses his neck softly. Rodimus freezes the ache in his chest more of a roar now.
"Don't," he says quietly.
Drift pulls away. "Why not?"
"I'm no good for you, and I think you know that. Besides, you've got whatever you're doing with Ratchet now."
Drift remains quiet for a moment. "I just want to make you happy," he whispers.
Rodimus turns to look at him, to really look at him. "That's the problem. You'll do anything for me, and so I hurt you. I hurt you so much and I can't forgive myself for it, and I know you really don't forgive me." His voice was shaking a bit, his eyes leaving Drift's face every other second.
Rodimus isn't surprised to hear that, but he still feels a tiny pang of hurt in his spark at the words.
"No. It wasn't. I had-have too much influence over you. " Rodimus stands up, trying to push down the wave of nausea swirling around in his chest.
"But you miss me," Drift says softly.
Rodimus stills, torn between admitting it and telling him to frag off. He feels so, so sick, but he nods anyway, his eyes on the ground.
"Of course I miss you," he whispers. "But we can't do this again. I can't hurt you again."
Drift looks at him for a moment, then reaches out and softly cups his cheek before kissing him. Rodimus doesn't return it, no matter how much he wants to.
Drift steps back after noticing Rodimus's stillness, nodding. "Okay. We're still friends though, right? I can't leave you to suffer with Magnus and Megatron, can I?"
Rodimus laughs softly, choking down the sweet nausea. "Yeah. We're still friends.
The loudspeaker asks Rodimus to come to Magnus's office, and he starts for it. He gives Drift one more soft look before leaving. Maybe the ache will go away, but not today. Not when he can still feel the warmth from his lips.