#romance normativity

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

not sure if this counts?

but hearing people say "when are you going to get a bf/gf" to literally anyone

bonus points when they are asking that to someone whos openly notromanticallyattractedtomen about a bf or someone whos openly notromanticallyattractedtowomen about a gf or someone whos notromanticallyattractedtoanyone about either of them or even in they just dont want a romantic partner

its so normalised too sadly

This is amatonormativity.

Non-partnering people exist, whether they are aspec or allo. Why can't people accept this already?

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

Amatonormativity and aphobia is the choking fear I've had for most of my life that if I ever *did* """fall in love""" and get married every person who's ever said "oh you just haven't met the right person yet" would feel justified in believing that aspec identities ""don't exist""

This is romance-normativity and arophobia.

Even if you had fallen in love, it wouldn't have delegitimatized your arospec identity, because not all aromatics are bold stripe aromantic, aqueerplatonic & analterous, and non-partnering.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

People always assuming saying "I love you" to someone is romantic despite saying itʻs platonic (and the fact youʻre aromantic)

On the same topic, people trying to force aspec folk into a typical heteronormative and amatonormative relationship despite the aspec person not wanting it - 👔🐇

This is romance-normativity.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

People that have a genuine hatred of people that do hook ups

Not too long ago I saw a comment on tiktok(?) of someone saying hooking up is equivalent to cheating????

Why is casual sex such a crime to people omg

Even more annoying when people say they hate hook ups but don't keep that energy when it comes to friends with benefits (not that they should, just hypocritical) cuz thats also hook ups just with someone you know more

This is romance-normativity. People think sex is impure unless done within the confines of romance - nevermind that sex is not inherently romantic, nor does romance inherently include sex.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

I had my first appointment with a new therapist today, and when I told her I was aromantic and asexual, her first question was if I had experienced sexual trauma

This is amatonormativity.

Caedrose (people who lose sexual & romantic attraction due to trauma) and stresrose (people who lose sexual & romantic attraction due to stress, mental health issues, or trauma) are valid aroaces, but it is disgustingly inappropriate to ask someone if their asexuality or aromanticism is due to sexual trauma. It is inappropriate to ask ANYONE "do you have sexual trauma" after they come out to you, regardless of what the orientation/identity is.

It doesn't matter that she is a therapist. Making assumptions that someone's orientation is the result of trauma perpetuates the stereotype that aroaces don't exist outside of trauma.

Also, as a therapist, she should know better than to randomly bring up sexual trauma anyways, because not everyone is mentally prepared to delve into that. Even crazier that she did this on her FIRST DAY with you.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

My friend was acting romantically while we hung out, said "this is for flirting with me", but gave me space and had no hard feelings when i revealed i was taken

Well, later i told my mom, and she asked why he thought i ever flirted with him

I said "i guess i occasionally say that i love him and that he's nice?", and she was like "well no wonder then, if you don't add «as a friend», how is he meant to take it?"

This is romance-normativity. (Maybe heteronormativity too but I don't know your gender.)

You shouldn't have to clarify what you mean when you say you love someone. Saying "I love you" shouldn't have automatic romantic connotations.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

I dunno if this is the right blog to send this to, but:

In my specific experience, coming out to my parents as trans man was less scary than coming out as aroace. My dad still asks about potential partners because I never told him. I dont know if I ever will tbh 🥲👍

This is amatonormativity.

As a side note, its weird how coming out as a person with a multifaceted queer identity goes differently for each person, depending on which aspects of queerness the people around them accept.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

I used to self-induce crushes because of the understanding that I'd always be in second place to my friends if they had romantic partners and I needed to be a priority for someone. I still seek out explicit romance for this reason despite now knowing that im arospec (quoiromantic)

This is the result of romance-normativity.