Taking a physical rest day to stretch out my tight and tired legs, but mentally I can't stop planning for the impossible. I'm currently spending my lunch break trying to figure out how I can run a half marathon a week after spending a week in Spain. It really was horrific planning, but I wasn't going to not go on a surpassingly affordable vacation with friends because of a race. But I also don't want to run in a strange country alone, so I feel as though I set myself up for failure. I know I need to shake that feeling. It's been haunting me for two months, cutting long runs short and creeping into the back of my mind at all times. Today, on a beautiful spring day, I'm taking the first steps toward that. I dove into the Run Selfie Repeat podcasts, where she talks about feeling like she failed the London Marathon because she didn't get a BQ time. But she finished a marathon! She did something that seemed impossible a few years ago. As I was listening, I realized I'm a similar boat. Sure, with different injuries and circumstances (not to mention a much slower pace and shorter distance) but I'm also struggling with that fear of failure. That fear of an injury flaring up. That fear of not beating the time from my first race. That fear of others thinking less of me for stopping to stretch or going too slow. That fear of letting myself down. But how can I let myself down after running 13.1 miles? I never cared about times or paces before (I still hate thinking about it), I only wanted to finish and finish as best I could. I know this race, my second half marathon, is going to kick my ass. I know it. And I'm terrified. But if Kelly (Run Selfie Repeat) can finish her race feeling everything I'm feeling, I know I can finish mine too. The fear I feel now will make crossing the finish line that much more rewarding.
