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i wonder if you have given any thought about what Vegas was doing or thinking during that scene when he had a meal for two after Pete escaped? how did he come to, clean himself up, and when did he decide to make a meal for himself and Pete? did he think "Pete will come back, and I should cook for him, make up for the noodles i wasted, he must be really hungry"? at what point did he start to think that Pete isn't coming back like the other time, that this time he fucked up so bad there's never ever coming back from this (what happened later at hum bar notwithstanding). but how he still tethered himself to that hopeless hope, until his guard came with news that shattered that hope to pieces. i just really love that scene.

oh god oh god. thanks for giving me a Very Important Reason to go watch ep13 again. i feel like i'm about to go on a very long ramble pls brace yourself 😂

let's say pete leaves around early lunchtime, gets back to the main compound by late afternoon, and noodle rice breakdown is a very late dinner. i think this is reasonable, and fairly well-supported by the show (though we can't say for sure).

so vegas has about ten hours or so to drop into a depressive spiral. hooray! that's plenty of time.

i think he wakes up, and he's dazed for a bit, because he's probably still in physical shock from having the living daylights punched out of him. and then he sees the open cuffs on the floor, and his heart drops into his stomach. he sits there for a moment, and then he bolts out the door.

and he's not really chasing pete - but he's looking for him. he is hoping so desperately that pete has just left the room, or something - that pete is still on the island somewhere, because this has happened before. pete has chosen to slip his cuffs, and pete has chosen to stay anyways. and if pete is still here, then vegas can fix this, dammit.

and he scours the whole island. he finds himself futilely checking the same places over and over again, even as it becomes starkly clear that pete isn't there. pete is gone.

i like to think that at this point? he's ready to chase. he's ready to risk it all, leave the island and hunt pete down, because vegas is still trying to salvage this. if he could just talk to pete, touch him so softly, vegas can convince him that everything is okay, that they can start over and set all of their pain aside.

but he rushes back into the house, to prepare to leave, and stops short, because he sees the food his dad flipped onto the floor. and he stumbles into the kitchen, and sees all of the food preparation that he knocked over in a blind rage.

and he limps into the bedroom, sees the noodles that he so deliberately poured out onto the floor, and this is when it really truly hits him. pete left for a very simple reason. it is because vegas wronged him. it is because pete deserves better than to stay.

putting the rest under a cut, oh god, why am i like this-

for the next few hours, my guess is that vegas oscillates wildly between having a mental breakdown and suppressing said breakdown to clean up. he seems like the type to attempt to enforce order on his surroundings when his life is falling apart. the whole while, he is also oscillating between hope and despair.

the urge to chase pete is gone, because pete deserved to leave. but the hope that pete might still come back? it's still there, because vegas is the best liar, and the best liars convince themselves that their lie is true. pete deserves to stay away, but pete will come back, because they saw each other. he hurt pete. but he's hurt pete before, and pete has come back. it might take longer this time, and he deserves that, but pete felt something for him, pete offered up his wrists and then grinned at him so contentedly. pete didn't promise he would stay, but pete also touched his cheek so gently before leaving. pete wants to come back, he does, he does, he will.

so vegas looks at himself in the mirror, shirt stained with pete's blood, and he screams. and then he rips off the shirt, stands under the scalding water in the shower and tells himself that he needs to be clean. he needs to clean up all of the food, show pete that he understands what he did wrong, that he is sorry, he's so sorry. he crouches on the floor, puts his head between his knees, breathes rapidly and shallowly. pete isn't coming back. he's alone again. the panic passes, and he gets up and starts cleaning again. if pete comes back, he needs to be ready.

and when he's done cleaning, he's crawling out of his own skin, but he also can't leave to go find pete, pete has to come back to him. that part is important. he doesn't quite get why, but he knows it is.

and he sees all of the remaining ingredients in the fridge after cleaning, and it's almost subconscious. i think that the urge to take care of pete properly, the way he should have, is eating vegas alive from the inside. (top drop, perhaps.) and so that's how he manages to cook a whole meal for two, arrange it so carefully, because if pete does come back - he'll be ready to give pete the whole world.

he sits there, and he waits, and the sun sets, and the food grows cold. and i think he knows, deep down. but by god, he wants it so bad that he can't convince himself it's impossible.

of course, eventually the guard reports back, and then he can't lie to himself anymore. it's over.

vegas sits down on the ground, starts to eat by himself, because there's no point in waiting any more. and then he stops eating, and starts crying, because there's no point in eating without pete there to eat the food vegas made for him.

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