Thinking back to how Saezuru began, and following the narrative thread until the last chapter, I have the feeling that the ending of Saezuru will be very similar to its beginning, with the two protagonists separated from the world around them. The path and all the changes undergone seem to lead to an exchange of roles between Y and D. Y seems to distance himself from the Yakuza over time, D, on the contrary, feels very at ease. Saezuru is a healing journey that aims to rediscover oneself through love. Every step forward brings us closer to the origin, to the true identity of the protagonists. Unlike D who deliberately chooses to be part of the Yakuza world, Y has always felt trapped in this world. So, I wonder, will it be possible to see them together in the end? It's hard for me to imagine an ending that isn't a goodbye. Maybe I'm to pessimistic.
I think a key to unlocking yashiro’s anxiety with intimacy is for him to see doumeki’s enjoyment in sex come through. doumeki has kept himself in tight control this whole time; clinical, like it was described. with good reason, but it’s not allowing yashiro any room to breathe from the scrutiny. he’s trying but I can’t imagine this makes things any easier for someone so private with his emotions.
but when he sees doumeki’s expression as they position into missionary, he actually laughs and touches the other’s face - he relaxes! he sees doumeki isn’t unaffected! it’s the one part of the chapter where there’s nothing complicated about his reaction.
what I’m saying is, he needs to flick doumeki’s sensitive nipples (as noted in the 2007-2017 fanbook by sensei) or lick an earlobe and watch doumeki’s face contort or moan, and think - oh, I can do that to him. he likes it. and I think this will be a catalyst.
This is the thing that he truly desires. Affection. Tenderness. Care. Love...
But at the same time it is the thing that scares him the most. True enough it's like a curse that always binds him. The curse that love brings. The curse of loving and of wanting love. The curse of not getting the love he truly deeply desires. The most painful curse.
That's why he tried to run away from it, trample it, kill it. But it was futile. This curse is haunting him. And he is searching for it. Waiting for it. Desiring for it.
Yashiro is always at this curse's mercy. Always helpless at its feet.
What do you want to happen next in saezuru and who do you think will confess first?
Well we're probably going to be getting more Yakuza plot (which I'm actually looking forward to since I'm a sucker for anything mafia/crime related) the crime filled underworld of the Yakuza fascinates me. And also- in the last chapter they were told that the Kyokuseikai may/may have not stolen money from the club.
Which I definitely want to get more info on. Doumeki and Yashiro though? Yeah I doubt they are going to get their shit together any time soon . But we might be inching closer to a confession that we might think- in the last chapter Doumeki asked Yashiro "would you like it if I violate you?
That's not the most accurate translation, but that's more or less what he said. What Yashiro's response to that is going to be idk. But I have a feeling he won't be able to shove away his feelings any longer. And is going to be pushed into confessing (since Doumeki keeps ebbing on the fire and applying pressure) by asking him things like "is it that you want to be treated gently?" And asking him whether he really prefers him over Inami or not.
So yes, I can see Yashiro losing it (finally) and pulling him aside all for himself 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴? Not verbally (bc that would be asking for too much) but I can definitely see him being rash and pulling Doumeki aside for himself and maybe/maybe not kiss him? I mean he already dragged him into an elevator, despite Kamiya being right there.
So he could do something rash like that again, in the next few chapters. And considering Doumeki was already dragging him out of the room in the last chapter- well we'll just have to wait to see where that will lead us.
I've been re-reading Saezuru a lot and I cannot see this relationship working out at all in the moment. I just can't. Why? Because there is an imbalance in the relationship.
Currently, even after the timeskip, Doumeki is the one that is mostly giving while Yashiro receiving. The basics of a relationship is in my opinion, give-and-take. There is an exchange of something between the individuals whether emotionally or physically. But there isn't that between Doumeki and Yashiro.
For this relationship to work out, Yashiro needs to be the one that makes a move. Because I think that Doumeki is right now at his limit. Doumeki is unsure and is confused on the direction this is heading. Hence why Yashiro needs to step in.
Their lack of communication is also not helping at all, in fact making its making it worse. They don't speak in the same channel and only more misunderstandings piles up. I really hope that YK finds a way to resolve it without making it feel half-assed. There can only be so much misunderstandings before they tear apart.
And a small observation. After the timeskip, I don't think a PoV has been given to Doumeki at all. It has either only been Yashiro's or the 3rd PoV. While I think this may be intentional (?), if Doumeki does not get a chance to speak up or give his PoV without getting brushed off, on my opinion, I think their relationship will not progress due to again, misunderstandings.
Apologies if my rambling is out of place and doesn't make sense. I love Saezuru but with the way things are going right now, it just feels inconsistent (?), frustrating and exhausting.
Hi today i would like to say something about Yoneda sensei. The more i read Saezuru the more i admire her hardworking on researching about Raped victim’s behavior, she didn’t just write it out of nowhere but definitely has do some research about it. That why it’s so realistic + the way she tide the story together, the way she shows every character’s emotion through the drawing of their face is just Amazing. Excuse for my grammar and i just hope i can talk about saezuru’s psychology with someone!
I totally agree! She definitely put a proper amount of research into the psychology of victims of child abuse. It’s such a delight when author’s in this genre take heavy topics like this seriously, because way too often the seme’s dick heals everything.
Which reminds me of how much I love Yoneda-sensei’s decision to give Yashiro the four years to come to terms with what happened between him and Doumeki. It’s just so much more believable for him to change slowly over time instead of a rushed happy ending after the Hirata arc. The sex with Doumeki didn’t heal him. It showed him how broken he really was. So he needed this time for himself to pick up his pieces, to realize how much of a lasting impact Doumeki left on his life and to properly feel the loss of his presence beside him.
And Doumeki, too, needed the distance from Yashiro to grow more independent as a person. There was no way Yashiro would have taken him seriously as a partner as long as he saw the baby bird in him that followed him blindly and that he felt he needed to protect. Yashiro always had to be strong. For himself and for Doumeki, too. He was able to relax around D, but he couldn’t allow himself to be weak, because it would have put both their lives at risk. He never saw Doumeki as an equal, and that’s why I’m super excited to see how he will react to this new Doumeki who doesn’t take any bullshit from him anymore and who has learned to stand his ground against him.
It leaves a peculiar pause in the air, the new chapter. The aura that Doumeki is exhibiting is beautiful, because he as a character is evolving. There is introspection in this new chapter especially with his relationship with Yashiro which is pleasant and endearing. The theme of sex is evident in the manga however this chapter highlights the importance of sex and of having a healthy relationship with sex and sexuality. Doumeki represents the archetype of the warrior and lover. He is malleable. Not only is he able to be brave and courageous, but he can melt and succumb to his emotions such that his isn’t afraid to cry in front of someone who he cares about or fight to protect the people that he holds dear to his heart.
But what this chapter highlights really well is fear particularly the fear that Yashiro has of Doumeki. Fear overwhelms people and it has the insidious power of making you run away from something that can help you grow. Maybe by fearing the potential of new growth Yashiro believes that by rejecting Doumeki he is more in control of his life and his decisions. Would it mean that Doumeki challenges Yashiro’s life view: of having only the Yakuza left as an only option to survive in life? Does being in the Yakuza symbolize Yashiro’s loyalty to Kageyama and essentially that is why he still remains in the Yakuza? By quitting the Yakuza would Yashiro realize that he might have had a different life and different circumstances if his decision wasn’t based around Kageyama? Maybe Doumeki symbolizes growth and evolution hence he is constantly knocking on Yashiro’s door. Growth enables you to become more self-aware and self-reflective and it builds new found confidence and like a tree as it grows its roots start to spread and become stronger. Both of these characters are wonderful they display one aspect of growth in humans.
Kageyama likes Yashiro but gave up on him too soon...
I know that Kageyama has some haters in the Saezuru fandom but I’d like to think that somehow, both of their personalities are the greatest factor as to why they did and could not work out as a couple. So here’s my theory:
Both Yashiro and Kageyama were infatuated with each other but both are shy to admit it and eventually resigned to the fact that neither can fall in love. Now I can hear people disagreeing with me right now, but let me explain.
Let us put emphasis on the last box. “Now he always brings me band-aids whenever he catches me with scars.” It’s touching, I know. Given that no one actually bothered to give Yashiro that kind of care that he needed but seriously?! We all know Kageyama’s magical obsession with scars but I think that pity is only half the reason why he gives Yashiro the band-aids.
I mean, come on guys, does this look like pity?!
HELL, NO! IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MEDICAL EXAM!!!
In my opinion, he started giving those band-aids because it really distracts Kageyama, to the point that he does not realize this himself. Kageyama may have at least thought that he is weird himself (honestly with a fetish like that?) but Yashiro did not judge him for it, so he used the situation to his advantage. I’d like to think that this must have been a dream come true for Kageyama, obviously since no one was willing to bear with his weird fetish. And Yashiro states that they have been doing this for about two fucking weeks.
TWO FUCKING WEEKS, EVERY SINGLE DAY. AND IT DID NOT END THERE!!! THEY JUST HAD TO FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO DO THAT!!!
To hell with it, these two are fucking oblivious fucking idiots ugh, it’s annoying me!!!! They just had to deny this and deny that and ugh. And look! They both look so fucking depressed because none of them wanted to clear up the suspicion, of what their relationship really is.
Sheesh man, this is really tough... But you know what, this is not going to work anyway. Why is that? They met in a very compromising situation (being classmates and all) but suddenly it became a very uncompromising situation (with Kageyama starting to touch Yashiro like this). I think the reason why Kageyama was afraid to ask was aside from the fact that it isn’t his business, he is afraid to be rejected by Yashiro, his first and only real friend.
And what does Yashiro do? Slap reality on Kageyama’s face.
Oh Kageyama’s reaction on this one is so fucking real, hahaha! To other people it might have looked like he was just in shock what I first saw was a pained reaction. I bet Kageyama was already starting to question his feelings at this point but Yashiro made the wrong timing of telling this right at that moment. It made Kageyama feel that he was being compared to the infamous stepfather of Yashiro’s. It’s like... his mind translated Yashiro’s words to:
“My stepfather sexually abused me since I was a kid, now don’t you realize that you are abusing me too while using your weird fetish as an excuse?”
If you word it like that it just seems...ouch man, you don’t have to shove it in my face. Nevertheless, he was glad that Yashiro opened up to him.
(That face though... Kageyama really looked like Doumeki ;_;)
Anyway, I think that this is the moment where Kageyama had to reevaluate his approach towards Yashiro, the exact moment where he decided to just be friends with Yashiro. In his mind (although this is not what Yashiro intended to do) Kageyama has wronged Yashiro, so he wanted to atone for his sins (if you want to put it like that). But still, he wanted to be close to Yashiro.
(We all know what this did to Yashiro, huhu)
I think some part of Kageyama thought that Yashiro is angry at him (as he seemed very glad to see Yashiro at the wake of his late father) and thus the relief on his face. But seriously, this scene is so unfuckingbelievable I don’t even want to believe they did not get together. like, ugh. WHY?
Okay, I’ve been dragging this too long, I need to stop ranting.
So going back to the point, what went wrong? I think it all went wrong here, in this instance where Yashiro confesses to him (this is the closest thing to a confession Yashiro ever said to Kageyama) and as we all know, Kageyama leaves the scene. Many people have said that it was rude for him to leave but Kageyama here, cannot fully understand Yashiro’s thinking. Actually, more like it led him to an unfortunate and painful conclusion.
(Note that this is the moment where Kageyama stopped resembling Doumeki.)
I know a lot of people found it rude for Kageyama to leave but if I were to insert my theory here, I would say that Kageyama was irritated by the fact that Yashiro could joke about something like that, given that if Kageyama really does have feelings for Yashiro, it would give him false hopes about Yashiro liking him. Also, considering the reason why he stopped touching Yashiro, he obviously does not want to cross that barrier because he cares about Yashiro.
One of my proofs of how much he is “fond” of Yashiro is this scene when he’s talking with Doumeki. Given that Kage is pretty much shy, I doubt that he can actually admit to Doumeki whatever it was he felt way back when. But the thoughtfulness on his face here is just so... idk. So sad..unfortunate...
OH just how stupid these two idiots are, ugh...
In any way, this started the misunderstanding between the two of them.
Yashiro thinks that Kageyama is self-centered
Kageyama thinks that Yashiro is the one who is self-centered.
Without really asking one another what they are really thinking, they both dismissed each other’s actions as such since they are both shy to ask anyway. Yashiro is too shy to admit that he likes Kageyama that he had to lie and pretend that he doesn’t while Kageyama has been lying to himself that he can only be attracted to women (given that it is what is expected from someone like him, the son of a doctor) while in truth he actually cares about Yashiro so much. In this part where he saw Yashiro went manic after someone insulted him, he didn’t ask why but he comforted Yashiro in the best way he can. (thus the hug)
(They didn’t show Kage’s face here but I can tell he’s hurt too ;-;)
Most importantly, they both are only infatuated with each other. Since Yashiro disappeared from Kage’s life, his infatuation for the latter eventually diminished. We all know Yashiro, he still had this twisted desire for Kageyama since then.
BUT OF COURSE, IT ALL VANISHED THROUGH THIN AIR WHEN KUGA AND DOUMEKI ARRIVED IN THEIR FUCKED UP LIVES!!!
As opposed to what I was saying earlier, Kageyama met Kuga in an uncompromising situation (wherein Kuga was beating one of Yashiro’s subordinates) and both settled for the compromising situation (which is to live together.) I know that Kuga is often compared to Yashiro, and honestly, I believe this is one of the reasons why Kageyama was initially attracted to Kuga, because he reminded him of a side of Yashiro that he rarely ever saw. Besides… Kuga is like the virgin Yashiro, so technically this will work for him. (He’s really perverted with the way he attacks Kuga btw… I don’t think someone like Yashiro, with a trauma and a huge hatred for men, can actually tolerate Kageyama’s perverted desires so yeah… you get that…)
Which is why, if Kageyama met Yashiro in an uncompromising situation back when he still looks and acts like this big oaf (which is barely 20 years ago), his reaction will most likely be like this:
Since Doumeki met Yashiro in an uncompromising situation (wherein Yashiro is being fucked by a detective) and later settled for the compromising situation (the bodyguard and boss drama), Doumeki’s interest to Yashiro just increased and made him want to ask questions. After all, Doumeki is more like the honest Kageyama for me. Like I said, Kageyama is really shy with his feelings and if he’s partnered with Yashiro, someone who is really shy as well, there will be no closure for the both of them. In fact, I think Doumeki asking Kageyama there about what he felt towards Yashiro was the closest thing to a closure Yashiro and Kageyama had since they never have really been honest with each other.
That is why I think Doumeki is perfect for Yashiro, hihi!
In any way, I’ll make a separate analysis for Doumeki and Yashiro’s impending relationship soon, so yeah, sorry for dragging this too long! So, what do you guys think? Let me know your thoughts, everyone!
