(that change all about the way post timeskip Sae is being conceived)
So, I stopped making posts on here months ago but with some of the reactions I’ve seen towards the new spoiler/chapter - mostly on Twitter and Insta -.. I had to come on here and set some things straight.
The version of Doumeki we are seeing right now has always existed. The only thing that’s new is that he’s now also directing this side of his at Yashiro. It is not new.
Doumeki is not the good boy y’all make him out to be and it’s really severely damaging the way people are perceiving Post-Timeskip Sae.
The Doumeki most have in mind and get hung up on is the version of him that Yashiro imagines he is pre timeskip. It wasn’t Doumeki who was clouding his vision and only taking in what he wanted - and yes, Doumeki/YK also did their part in it to make that possible.
Doumeki was always sneaky, dark, manipulative and extremely intelligent in really sly, deceiving ways. He is a morally grey character at its finest with a big nudge towards the darker end of the spectrum - proof? All over the manga.
Doumeki is not the softest of soft boys that is just adorable
He is a guy that was emotionally neglected by his parents, that went on to get raped by a school nurse at least twice his age when he was 12/13.
He is the guy that talked about how close he was with his sis and when a buddy claimed she loved him, without reconfirming, when she was around 12/13 he just dropped her. He admitted himself: He ignored her existence, wouldn’t even talk to her, turned a blind eye to her degrading health and social circle, acted deaf towards her pleading and crying, brushing her off and walking out.
He is the guy that at 20 was tough enough to have a veteran-esque cop coworker astounded by his nerves of steel
He is the guy that put his own dad almost into his grave at maybe 21 with his own fists - which means he felt bones break, there was a lot of blood, no mercy in the struggle.
He’s the guy that sat through jail and acted like it was nothing - while barely being of age in japan
He’s the guy that doesn’t enjoy hurting others yet he does with no remorse, no flinching, no pausing, no nothing
He’s the guy that regrets not killing his dad
He’s the guy that barely out on parole, while being threatened by one of THE yakuza bosses, keeps playing yakuza, even half crushing a cop with no care, for an interest he couldn’t even explain at first
Doumeki is not the innocent baby
He is the guy that sees someone get done and doesn’t flinch
He’s the guy that can look at someone like Yashiro and state flat out everything about him is beautiful and that he wants/likes everything about him - which includes all the sexual things
He’s the guy that got raped for being so flat out with his words
He’s the guy that let Yashiro suck him off while knowing he was impotent for long enough to make Yashiros jaw hurt - Yashiros
He’s the guy that didn’t even hesitate at the fact he was horny for a guy, he just ran with it
He’s the guy that gets so engrossed in watching porn he doesn’t even listen to Yashiro - his one and only interest at the time
He’s the guy that likes boobs of all kind and stunning legs even if the person ain’t his thing
He’s the guy that sucks, licks, noms anything that comes close enough to his mouth more passionately and with more enjoyment and less hesitation than even Yashiro while barely getting red in the face
He’s the guy that is canonically ready to bottom any time Y would ask
He’s the guy that canonically is genuinely interested in trying out acting in porn
He’s the guy that is open for threesomes, even if it’s just him watching to a certain degree
He’s the guy that enjoys watching porn with his first love
He’s the guy that canonically gets the weakest when his nipples are being teased
He’s the guy that knows exactly how to use his body, smooth as a fish in water, even after 4+ years of sexual draught
He’s the guy that knows exactly how to do it in a car
He’s the guy that gets sucked off and treats it like a pro
He’s the guy that was willing to suck or get sucked by whoever at an onsen
He’s the guy that openly admits to getting himself off in front of Tsunakawa
He’s the guy that’s as blunt as can be
Doumeki is not homosexual
Now, I’ve seen someone specifically here on tumblr talk like Doumeki saying to Tsunakawa he’s into older women is like a lie - it’s not. Stop erasing his sexuality for the sake of your ship while Yashiro himself is canonically bisexual. Doumeki has been canonically with at least 3 women, and those are only the ones Y asked for aka the ones that had the legs of his type - that he was actually dating. He is into older people, those include women. And we have no Intel about his actual "Bodycount".
Doumeki is the master of grey zone lies and calculated moves
From the beginning Doumeki was the one monopolizing the path DouShiro were on. He held back the info about when they first met, that he’s in love, that he could get it up again, that Misumi had threatened him as soon as they met, he lied about not remembering the entirety of his first time for his own sake and comfort, he didn’t tell Y what happened with Inami, he kept Sugi out of the room for his own comfort, he didn’t talk about his chat with Nanahara, he was messing around with Y behind more or less closed doors yet used the “doesn’t touch underlings” excuse to get Nana to drop his hopes of getting it on with Y at some point,......
He’s the guy that only answers to exactly what you ask, making his replies grey zone lies, because of how private and wary he is.
He’s the guy that denies having had back door fun in jail, yet he was sexually harassed by his cellmate until he gave in and got sucked off
He’s the guy that lives double life's like that’s all he’s ever done - on parole without the Shinseikai guys knowing, out of jail without his fam knowing, in the yakuza without anyone knowing (more than once), bi/pan without anyone knowing, in love with Y without anyone knowing etc
The Doumeki that everyone labels as DarkMeki isn’t DarkMeki at all - it’s just Doumeki. A Doumeki that has always been there. A Doumeki that doesn’t listen to rules, authorities, that’s stubborn and stepping on toes and pissing people off while at the same time being able to be the entire flip side as we can see he’s still capable of with Nikki or even Kamiya.
There is no DarkMeki - there is only one difference, Yashiro isn’t getting the special side anymore right now which is all that most have focused on because.
And trust me, I get why fans are hung up on the pre timeskip romance plot version of Doumeki - but y’all are ruining your entire post timeskip experience with not letting go of the rose colored glasses.
Doumeki is not this good, precious bean that’s soft and a little stupid. He’s a guy that grew up with no love, that got raped, had his sis fall for him, had to watch his dad assault her, had to let go of all he had in life, had to be in jail for most of his early actual adult years, had to do construction work, had to be bullied and abused by his first love for 3 months while watching Y mess with anyone under the sun, watch Y almost get killed twice, while getting slashed in the face, shot twice by Y, almost die because of Hirata, get called the same as his dad by Y, be aware that he’ll be thrown away for weeks while desperately trying not to blow his cover,.......
Doumeki deserves more understanding and love outside the romance plot. Yes, Yashiro is the main character and he’s a mess - but in order to understand DouShiro and Sae you have to genuinely love and understand them both separately.
Doumeki didn’t actually change - he’s just not giving Yashiro the special treatment anymore as before and he’s got a crap ton of actual as well as caused by misunderstandings and lack of communication reasons for that.
I will end this with saying: Just as Yashiro has to grow to understand and love Doumeki, the one not put on a pedestal by him, the genuine and raw version the way Doumeki has loved him in his entirety for years now the fandom has to do the same in its most parts.
Do you think Yashiro's love for Doumeki is deeper or "realer" from that he had for kage?
I feel like he fell for Kage not for who he is but because he was the first person to notice him, while I believe that he loves Doumeki as a person, but idk maybe I am biased because I don't really like Kage.
Also I feel like Yashiro admitted that he loves Kage because he doesn't have much of a personality and he wouldn't actually come close to him or understand him, so maybe it was easier to admit that he loves him? cause he is something he cannot touch, while Doumeki is getting closer and loves him more and more and he truly, actually notices him and loves him whole no matter what and that actually scares the shit out of him.
That leads me to believe that he hurts way more with Doumeki. Like he realizes this new scary feeling "I am able to experience real love" and that terrifies him for many reasons but also cause in love there is no upper hand, while in Kage's situation he had that safe space that he could not get closer and that in a way was an upper hand because he could act accordincly and I'll take a guess and say that the distance between them made him recognize romantic feelings for a person like Kage and allowed himself to call it love.
With Doumeki he has No idea what to do ( as he says) but he still let it happen and he let him break his heart (especially when he allowed Doumeki to make love to him) and that to me seems that Doumeki is the greatest love that he has ever experienced because he has never let someone break his heart, especially in that kind of way. :(
P.s sorry for the grammar I'm not native haha
Please don't apologize for not being a native English speaker; I understand you just fine. And I'm not a native speaker, either. So, we're in good company with one another.
Okay, CW for Saezuru: rape, child sexual abuse, sexual abuse, violence, etc.
To answer your question, I do think that Yashiro's love for Doumeki is deeper than his professed love for Kage. It feels to me like the difference between an innocent puppy love and the sort of love you're capable of only after you've had a few run-ins with love.
More rambling under the cut.
In fact, there's a part of me that thinks Yashiro's love for Kage is a crush that Yashiro convinced himself was love because Kage was safe. Kage could never love him back (and thereby ruin Yashiro's self-defense mechanism of "I'm not worthy of love."). Although he has his fetishes, Kage would never have sex with him (and thereby ruin Yashiro's self-defense mechanism of "I only feel sex when it hurts."). And just like you said, Kage doesn't try to understand Yashiro; when he does try, he misunderstands - he thinks Yashiro is pitiable and lacks empathy. Kage, therefore, could never truly understand Yashiro (and thereby ruin Yashiro's self-defense narrative of "I'm twisted."). So, if you ask me, Kage is a safe love because it's a love that allows Yashiro to keep all his defenses intact.
I do think Yashiro has feelings for Kage, likely because ironically, Yashiro did the baby bird thing and got attached to the only person who showed him any kindness or touched him without violence. I don't blame Yashiro; he was so affection-starved that anyone who showed him any warmth would have been treated like the next Wonder of the World.
Because Kage is safe, Yashiro knows how to deal with Kage. He makes himself an observer and maintains his distance. He even increases the distance by setting Kage up with Kuga. It hurts him to keep this distance, but the distance also allows him to keep his walls intact.
Contrast this with Doumeki. Doumeki only looked safe (and not for long, even). But Doumeki doesn't stay safe for Yashiro. He keeps insisting that Yashiro is kind, smart, and beautiful and he stays at Yashiro's side no matter what. He cries for Yashiro. He hurts for Yashiro and wants to protect him. This demolishes Yashiro's self-defense mechanisms of "I'm not worth of love" and "I'm twisted." And notice: Yashiro tries, over and over again, to keep Doumeki at a distance. (But he can't do it because he's as attached to Doumeki as Doumeki is to him.) When they have sex, Doumeki demolishes the last of Yashiro's defenses ("I only feel sex when it hurts.").
Being with Kage would allow Yashiro to carry on as he is. Being with Doumeki will demand that he confront his trauma and his Fort Knox of defense mechanisms. So of course, Yashiro has no idea what to do with Doumeki. He can't just make himself an observer like he does with Kage. His standard methods for dealing with "love" just don't work on Doumeki. He let Doumeki behind his defenses, and I think you're right: Yashiro hasn't allowed anyone get behind his defenses. This was probably terrifying for him. Because that's why we have defenses, right? To keep others out. If you let others in, you give them the power to destroy you. Yashiro's only given that power to Doumeki, and then, he tossed Doumeki out of his life because he knew that if anything ever happened to Doumeki, it really would destroy him.
It's telling to me that after the timeskip, we don't see Yashiro wondering about Kage at all. We do see him thinking about Doumeki, though. And he hasn't even seen Doumeki in four years. You mean to tell me they fucked once and Yashiro hasn't gotten over it in four years? People get over marriages faster than that. Yashiro is hopelessly in love. Poor baby.
TL;DR: I agree. Yashiro's feelings for Doumeki outstrip those he had for Kage.
delete apps and social media that lowers your mood
wear a new scent, throw away things you don’t need, delete contacts of people who make you feel unworthy, unfollow social media that makes you feel bad in any way
make a new playlist that makes you feel confident and happy
in a journal, write down why you want to change, the traits of the person you truly want to be, the places you want to go and people that make you feel inspired
write down the things that stop you and bad habits you have, and replace those with new mindsets and habits
before you sleep, make a detailed, achievable routine for the next day, that includes everything you want to do, including activities that genuinely make you happy
try new hobbies, like baking/cooking, playing a musical instrument, making art, learning a new skill, a sport, or a new language. you can easily get free resources online
think about the ideal version of yourself. you can be like that, if you try your best and work hard.
do not overwork yourself or set overly lofty daily goals and forget to do things like drink water. make your sleep and health your number one priority.
spend less time on your phone scrolling through social media. have a method of focusing on other things, like Pomodoro method or using the Forest app.
if you can’t concentrate, commit yourself to doing it for 5 minutes. once you get into the flow it’s much easier to concentrate.
be patient and kind with yourself. it’s hard to change overnight. you’re the only one who can help change you, so be a friend to yourself.
once you start something, promise yourself you will finish it.
have new weekly routines, like going to a cafe every Wednesday afternoon or indulging in your favourite tv show every Friday night.
do not deny yourself of good things; there needs to be a balance. similarly, do not be too generous and overdo it too much.
dedicate a day to clean your room and organize your things if you feel stressed out.
it may feel scary to change, as you may feel like it’s not the real you. but you’re still you, just the best version of yourself.
have a relaxing morning routine to look forward to, like making a nice breakfast, having a skin care routine, stretches, journalling, or thinking about nothing for a few minutes
have a mental image that makes you excited to do something. visualize yourself completing the goal and concentrate on it every morning.
however, learn not to rely on motivation because your brain will often turn off motivation, especially when you first begin something. have a routine, a specific time to do something, and do it.
notice the places and people that drain your energy, and try to avoid them. find people who make you feel energized and places that calm you.
think about an enjoyable part of something. for example, when studying you can look forward to learning new things and when exercising, listening to calming music or using nice stationery. it’s actually more fun than you think.
even though it’s hard, don’t compare yourself. you’re on your own path, and it doesn’t matter if people are better than you, because there will always be someone better than everyone. don’t be afraid to suck. so draw badly, write bad poems, run slowly, make embarrassing mistakes and fail everything. you can’t be good at something unless you’re terrible at something first. and doing anything badly is so much better than doing nothing.
don’t tell anyone about your new beginning, just start and let the results speak for themselves.
you can change and be your ideal self. but it will be hard to do that if you don’t believe in yourself. so make sure you challenge negative thoughts telling you can’t do something. tell yourself firmly that you can do it and then prove your negative thoughts wrong.
To view in a better resolution - click on the picture, then right-click, choose ‘View Image’ from the menu, then click on the picture once again to magnify.
Doumeki is another prisoner of the past. And on meeting Yashiro, his empty life was filled with light, everything he hoped to throw away and everything he thinks of himself were defied.
The family he hoped to detach himself from, he now maintains constant communication with because of Yashiro.
He doesn’t want to feel again and yet he feels so much and so deeply because of Yashiro.
He doesn’t have anything to give he said, but what he gave are unconditional love, understanding and acceptance. And those are everything that Yashiro unconsciously desperately needs.
There are parts of himself he wants to get rid of but those same parts are what made him adorable in Yashiro’s eyes and what helped him reach and break through Yashiro’s walls.
He doesn’t want to go back and yet in that past he went back in time through a dream. Because in that past there is something, a detail, an encounter, worth going back to.
And so in this scene….
Doumeki in my mind is trying to tell Yashiro. “You’re wrong if I hadn’t met you…. my life would have no meaning” He would be nothing but an empty shell of a man filled only with guilt, fear and regrets, without purpose, without direction. But in meeting Yashiro, he was saved.
Doumeki's Character Profile From The 20072017 Yoneda Kou's Fanbook
Dohmeki Chikara (age 25)
Character profile
born on October, 28th
Scorpio, type O
190cm/82kg
Can be compared to: a dog (Golden Retriever)
Likes: white rice, mochi rice, sleeping, appreciating movies, reading (crime novels), kendou (participated in the interhighs)
Special skill: Kendou, Judou, Joint lock (in Judou)
His type: He doesn’t say (he likes people with beautiful legs)
Parameters
Degree of doggyness: 5
Unequalled: 5
Patience: 5
Intelligence: 2
Broad-mindedness: 3.5
Pride: 1
Easily moved to tears: 3
Ability in combat: [off the charts!] 8
Burns easily in the sun
Because he doesn’t smile often, he is scary, but, because of that, the power of destruction of his smiling face is great!
He only drinks in moderation
His underwear are rather short boxer types
His normal clothes are Jeans and big/loose Tshirts
Surprisingly soft hair type
His eye sight isn’t good
His chest measures 107cm (Teasing his nipples makes him weak)
He doesn’t toss and turn in his sleep
He can crack the joints of his fingers.
When he was in primary school, he was going to the police kendou-club of his neighbourhood.
Shoe size: 29cm
There’s also this cute dialogue between Doumeki and his beloved boss:
Yash: Are you unexpectedly a crybaby? Up till volume 5, you cried
twice…
Doumeki: … I’ll pay attention not to cry in hard times.
Yash: Since it’s cute, cry more!
Doumeki: ……
The sweetness of the latest chap 22 spoilers gave me hope about the actual role the contact case is going to play and how it will affect Yashiro and Doumeki’s relationship.
If this were any other manga Yashiro would find the case in the suit pants Doumeki just got changed out of. He would flip and push D away for a while, until he would have sorted out his feelings. But sensei’s manga is anything but cliche.
In my fantasy, the contact case isn’t a wedge destined to drive them part but a means to bring them together and make their feelings known to each other. I know Yashiro isn’t going to confess his feelings to Doumeki in the traditional way but imagine telling him this: “You can throw it away, I have no use for it anymore”, while tracing his scar with his fingers.
In a reverse role, do you think theres an equivalent scene where Yashiro sees Doumeki being intimate with someone? 🤔 Lowkey want to see Yashiro jealous lol
Doumeki hasn’t been with anyone else since the timeskip and he’s clearly still head over heels for Yashiro so I don’t think it’s very likely.
We’ve already seen Yashiro jealous/possessive btw. In chapter 20, he gives Kageyama his version of the death glare when K examines D’s slashed face. Y does not like that at all. When K insists on stitching D’s wound, Y growls “It’s fine.”
What Y does next is even more telling. Before pulling D into the car, Y touches the very same spot on D’s face, as if replacing the ghost of K’s touch with his own. Y caressing D’s wound could also be Y expressing concern and guilt. He’s processing just how far D is willing to go to protect him and the realization that D might die because of him, fucks him up.
...and then he licks the wound, which feels highly possessive, like someone claiming their property. The message couldn’t be more clear: “This is mine.”
Hmm, I don't think post-timeskip Doumeki would pursue any woman to make Yashiro jealous, it doesn't really fit Doumeki's character imo but I can imagine a scene where Doumeki gets pursued by a woman or a woman approaching Doumeki like in ch 38 (mistress approaching Doumeki), because you know Doumeki is a chick magnet, with Kamiya, Nanahara and Yashiro wirnessing it first-hand since they are moving together.
I've been re-reading Saezuru a lot and I cannot see this relationship working out at all in the moment. I just can't. Why? Because there is an imbalance in the relationship.
Currently, even after the timeskip, Doumeki is the one that is mostly giving while Yashiro receiving. The basics of a relationship is in my opinion, give-and-take. There is an exchange of something between the individuals whether emotionally or physically. But there isn't that between Doumeki and Yashiro.
For this relationship to work out, Yashiro needs to be the one that makes a move. Because I think that Doumeki is right now at his limit. Doumeki is unsure and is confused on the direction this is heading. Hence why Yashiro needs to step in.
Their lack of communication is also not helping at all, in fact making its making it worse. They don't speak in the same channel and only more misunderstandings piles up. I really hope that YK finds a way to resolve it without making it feel half-assed. There can only be so much misunderstandings before they tear apart.
And a small observation. After the timeskip, I don't think a PoV has been given to Doumeki at all. It has either only been Yashiro's or the 3rd PoV. While I think this may be intentional (?), if Doumeki does not get a chance to speak up or give his PoV without getting brushed off, on my opinion, I think their relationship will not progress due to again, misunderstandings.
Apologies if my rambling is out of place and doesn't make sense. I love Saezuru but with the way things are going right now, it just feels inconsistent (?), frustrating and exhausting.
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