Jan 26
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These guys...
Bonus:
I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’ve decided that Naruto is absolutely batshit from tenzo’s POV
Imagine you’re all but bred in a lab, then forced to fight for this man who says you’re fighting for this village as a whole. Except you’re almost entirely isolated and this village doesn’t know of your existence, let alone name.
The man orders you to infiltrate this OTHER shadow organization, and eventually kill this other guy who is known as “friend killer”. You’re extremely powerful, and expect to take him down easily. Instead, he beats you and takes you under his wing??? Doesn’t kill you??? Even though, from reports, killing is pretty much all he does????????
So then you’re like. “Okay, I owe my loyalty to him now.” And that’s how it stays from then on. But you quickly realize that his world is an entirely different thing than yours. He’s just battling chakra monsters on the regular. You’re doing actual ninja shit while he’s trolling this entire idiotic village (you’re still not sure why he’s allowed to do half the shit he does) carrying around an inappropriate book and failing students left and right. Also, the village at large seems to think him a lazy idiot. Your captain, who saved you and is one of the few that has earned both your respect and fear, is known as “that guy with the porn book”. It’s like only knowing Percy Jackson on the battlefield and then seeing him at Camp Half-Blood, teased and jerked around by kids half his age. You’re watching people roll their eyes at him or say slightly treasonous shit and you’re internally thinking “he’s killed people for less”. But then he lets Maito Gai hang off his shoulders and he dresses up as some dunce named Sukea and at this point you’re wondering if ANBU kakashi was the farce
Then, you’re put onto a big mission. You’re filling in for your former captain, and taking over as his students’ sensei. Only, come to find out, one of those students dipped, so guess what? You get to relive your childhood trauma through some dumbass kid who reminds you FAR too much of yourself. This dumbass kid endlessly antagonizes his teammates, but somehow his teammates are worse????? If you hadn’t learned a little more about human relations in the past few years, you would’ve assumed they were grieving a dead spouse with how they moped around and spoke of nothing but this “Sasuke” kid who, as far as you were informed, was some loser who defected due to an inferiority complex.
This is only the BEGINNING of your troubles because, come to find out, your former captain has been wrangling two POWERHOUSES with the emotional stability and overall sanity of FEILD MICE in the middle of HARVEST SEASON. One of them is regularly turning into the fucking DEMON FOX (which you’re pretty sure killed his dad??? Did this child kill his dad???? Kakashi, please answer the fucking phone) and the other one seems to have some sort of personality disorder (Kakashi. Will she kill me. What is the actual danger. Can I sleep. What is the threat level. Please pick up the fucking phone) and both of them are strong as hell. As in, level mountains during casual training strong.
So now you’ve gone from Dark Ninja Novel to full-on Blockbuster Action Movie because your captain adopted three protagonists (but lost one somehow?? Except that guy is back now. And doesn’t know your name so he’s just never spoken to you) and by god you are going to KILL Kakashi as soon as you’re done dealing with the Ghost of the Uchiha(?!?), the Plant Man(???????), the guy who genetically engineered you(?!), and the woman(??) living(???) in the fucking moon(!!!)
No voy a desarrollar
Naruto guys finding out they’re going to be a dad? Let’s gooo.
Featuring: Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, Shikamaru, Choji, Neji, Lee, Kiba, Shino, Gaara, and Kankuro
Notes from the Batcave: Do we want a version with the Sensei’s? Idk, considering it. LMK in the comments 🙂↕️
🍥Naruto Uzamaki🍥
He’s thrilled. Like, runs full-speed through the village yelling about it thrilled. Immediately hugs you so tight he lifts you off the ground, and his first question is, “Do you think they’ll have your eyes?”
He spends the next hour crying, laughing, and trying to brainstorm baby names, Then panic hits, “WAIT. I NEED TO BE HOKAGE BEFORE THEY’RE BORN SO THEY CAN BE PROUD OF ME.”
You have to talk him down. Multiple times.
Prepare for a very clingy, very protective Naruto who has never been happier.
🐍Sasuke Uchiha🐍
He freezes. Stone-faced silence while his mind spirals: Can I protect them? Will I be enough? Can I fix the world before they come into it?
But then you take his hand and place it over your stomach and whisper to him again, “you’re going to be a father.”
His voice cracks when he says, “I already am.”
He’ll sit with you in quiet awe for a long time, holding you like you’re the most precious thing left in the world. Which, to him, you are.
🎨 Sai 🎨
He smiles in that slightly unnerving but sweet Sai way, “So you’re growing the baby is in your belly? That’s very artistic.”
He wants to draw your baby bump every week to track progress. He reads all the parenting books and takes notes in the margins.
He’s a bit robotic with his excitement at first, but he starts leaving little sketches on your pillow of you holding a baby, until the night he admits, “I never thought I’d have a real family. Thank you.”
🦌Shikamaru Nara🦌
Blank stare.
A pause.
“… troublesome.”
But he’s blushing. You can feel the silent internal freakout. He’s already calculating diaper costs, sleep schedule shifts, and the probability of your kid inheriting your temper.
He sits beside you, hand on your stomach, and after a long silence, “Guess I’ll have to be a better man than my dad was.”
He thinks his dad was amazing, it’s a big title to live up to for him.
🦋 Choji Akimichi 🦋
Sweet boy FREEZES with a handful of snacks halfway to his mouth, “W-Wait… like… pregnant pregnant?”
you nod, he drops the food and scoops you up immediately. He’s crying, you’re crying, he’s already making a food plan, “They’re going to eat so well. Akimichi babies need strength! You’re going to be glowing, babe. I’ll cook every day. I’ll learn new recipes. Oh my god- can we name them after snacks?!”
He starts working out more too, lowkey preparing to be the softest but strongest dad ever. He’ll spoil you rotten.
☯️Neji Hyuga☯️
Stunned silence. He’s good at keeping his emotions in check, but not this time. You’ll see the flash of fear in his eyes (because of his family, his past, his losses)… but also overwhelming joy.
He kneels in front of you like you’re sacred, palms gentle on your waist, “I will protect both of you. Always.”
You catch him watching you sleep with a softness that makes your heart ache.
🍃 Rock Lee🍃
He SCREAMS.
Then sprints into a handstand and yells, “I WILL RAISE THIS CHILD WITH THE POWER OF YOUTH!!”
The training plans begin immediately (for him, not the fetus… yet). He vows to be the most passionate, present, and honorable father ever born.
Cue Gai-sensei crying beside him, clinging to you both like, “I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER!” 😭
Lee builds a mini training course in your backyard for the baby despite you telling him the baby won’t be able to use it for a couple years.
🐺 Kiba Inuzuka🐺
Oh, you don’t get to tell him. He already knows, way before you do. The second your scent shifts ever so slightly, he’s squinting at you. Sniffing the air. Akamaru whines knowingly.
“You smell different.”
“What?”
“You smell like… a pup.”
Kiba gets increasingly smug as you brush it off. He buys prenatal vitamins before you even take a test.
Once it’s confirmed, he beams, “told you. My nose never lies.”
He starts building a crib and teaching Akamaru to guard the baby like the ninja hound soldier he is.
Also, he 100% brags to everyone and cries when no one’s looking.
This man also gets super protective. Growls at anyone who looks at you too long. ☠️
🐞 Shino Aburame 🐞
Shino stares at you silently. For so long that you’re like “Shino??”
“My bugs already sensed the hormonal change. They didn’t want to alarm you.”
“EXCUSE ME WHAT??”
He steps forward, gently places a hand on your stomach, and murmurs something quietly to his insects like he’s introducing them to the newest member of the hive.
He’s very calm on the surface, but he upgrades the security of your home overnight and starts researching baby-proofing techniques even though you’re 5 weeks along.
“They will grow up feeling safe. That is all that matters.”
Also he’s very excited for the baby to be big enough that he can show them cool bugs.
🏜️Gaara No Sabaku🏜️
He panics internally. This is the Kazekage. His first instinct is to withdraw, scared he won’t be good enough or that the baby won’t love him given his past. But when you take his hand and guide it to your stomach, he melts.
“I never thought… I’d be allowed to have something like this.”
He immediately starts researching what kind of emotional environment a child needs, how to break generational trauma, and what not to do as a father.
He writes letters to the baby in a journal every night.
⚙️Kankuro No Sabaku⚙️
First reaction, “… wait. For real?”
Second reaction, “YOU’RE HAVING MY KID!?”
He’s grinning, stammering, half-panicked and half-excited. Pulls you into a tight hug and laughs with this slightly unhinged joy like he can’t believe this is real.
“I gotta make ‘em a puppet. A safe one. One that shoots confetti or somethin’- oh shit, what if they hate puppets?!”
He wants to be a “fun dad” but you’ll catch him baby proofing every inch of the house and sleeping with one eye open like a guard dog.
Deep down, he’s terrified he won’t be good enough, but the way he holds you while whispering promises to the bump says otherwise. 🥺
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🍥Naruto Masterlist🍥 🦇Return to the Batcave🦇
Here gremlins have this before I make another naruto as memes post🧍
I know we talk about kakashi being mentally screwed but I just know Yamato after the war arc was on watch💔 and probably before that because no person comes out sane from being around orochimaru more than 24 hours
he really needs to stop my heart can’t take it anymore