#self conciousness

[sin-cognito]

A little late birthday present for @bonesaws-and-dust! I try to write spicyhoney more often and your birthday was a perfectly valid excuse reason to do so! I hope you’ll enjoy! =D

SFW spicyhoney.

"hmmm, i'm not too sure..." Swap said as he took the clothes Edge was handing him.

"WELL I AM. YOU'LL LOOK GOOD IN THESE HONEY, TRUST ME."

Swap reluctantly got into the dressing room and let out a sight as he began removing his orange hoodie.

Swap absolutely hated buying new clothes.

He still wondered how the hell had Fell convinced him to go shopping with him. It wasn't going on a date to the shopping mall with his lover that bothered him, it was more what Fell had commanded suggested. They were having a good time, drinking coffee and making out and all, when all of a sudden, Fell's hand accidently knocked Swap's cup of coffee over, the drink spilling all over his hoodie. Fell said in a very flat voice how sorry he was but that it was no big deal and they should buy a new sweater for Swap, because 'quite fortunately, they just happened to be hanging out in a shopping mall'.

Swap had agreed, thinking maybe it could be quick if they just went into the first store they found and buy whatever sweater would fit Swap... But Fell would have none of it. He dragged Swap into every fucking store in the mall, examining each and every piece of clothing. Even stuff that weren't sweaters...

When Fell began making Swap try on a pair of jeans, the lazy skeleton knew it had all been just a scheme from his boyfriend to get him to buy new clothes...

In the dressing room, Swap looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was now wearing a black and red tank top and a pair of leather pants. Of course, Fell would have picked up such clothes for him to try on. It was a very weird feeling, wearing clothes that he found absolutely sexy on his boyfriend, but finding exactly zero sexiness when he was the one wearing them.

He didn't look good in those. He didn't look good in anything.

"Swap? Are You Okay?" Fell asked and his head popped out of the dressing room curtain when he heard no answer. "Honey?"

"can we just go home?" Swap finally asked.

"What's Wrong Babe?" Fell asked, as if he didn't know how Swap felt. It wasn't the first time he had tried to convince Swap that shopping wasn't an activity to be dreaded.

Swap turned around to face Fell and let out en exasperated sigh.

"here's what's wrong! i'm ugly!"

Fell's eyes widened and his jaw opened comically. He seemed as if he had been deeply insulted.

"Excuse Me?! No, You're Not!" He said with a frown.

Swap wasn't in the mood to do this again, he just turned away and began gathering his discarded clothes, muttering an unconvinced 'yeah yeah'. Fell grabbed his arm and made him face him again. He looked at him in the eyes and said in the most serious tone Swap had ever heard him speak in. And that was saying a lot, since Fell wasn't know for being a facetious monster.

"Swap, I'm Serious. You're The Most Beautiful Monster I've Ever Seen," Fell said as he cupped his face in his hands. "And I Love You. You Do Know That, Right?"

Swap couldn't help the golden blush glowing accross his cheeks. No matter how bad he felt about himself, Fell could always find the right words to make him feel better. Still it was hard believing Fell when he said he was beautiful.

The skeleton must've felt what was on Swap's mind because he unwrapped his arms from around him and said in a commanding tone, "Strip."

Swap obeyed and was surprised to see Fell doing the same. In no time, they were both facing the miror with nothing on but their underwear.

"Look At Us. What Difference Do You See?" Fell said.

"i'm taller," Swap immediately replied, drawing out an unamused sigh from his lover.

"Shut Up."

Swap chuckled a bit.

"What I See, Are Two Skeletons Who Look Exactly Alike," Fell began in a soft voice. "One's Ribcage Is Covered In Scars While The Other's Is Pristine And Smooth As A Babybone's. One Has Sharper Teeth And More Prominent Cheekbones, While The Other's Face Is Softer And Made For Kisses," he marked his point by nuzzling Swap's face, drawing a light laugh from Swap. "One Is... Taller... JUST A TINY LITTLE BIT! While The Other Rocks Heels Like No One's Fucking Business. But The Most Important Thing I see Here Is Two Beautiful Skeleton Monsters Who Love Each Other Deeply. And That's All That Really Matters."

Swap's blush intensified and he turned his head to look at Fell. The edgy monster smiled and kissed his lover tenderly. After a while, Swap broke the kiss and smiled happily. He didn't know he could fall even more in love with the other, but each time, he managed to do just that.

"thanks fell. I love you."

Fell caressed Swap's face, brushing lightly his thumb across his cheek and then bent down to grab his clothes. Swap picked up the black and red tank top he had just tried on, thinking that it would have looked good on Fell. Maybe he could convince to buy it for him? As much as he didn't like to buy new clothes for himself, he had to admit that being able to admire Fell in different clothes was something he absolutely freaking loved.

He turned around and froze.

"fell... why are you wearing my clothes?"

Fell was finishing slipping on Swap's stained hoodie. Before Swap had the time to comprehend what was happening, the other grinned and actually winked at him.

"I'll Be Waiting For You Near The Checkout!" And with that, he was gone.

"fell wait! i'm naked! what am i supposed to wea-!" Swap cried as he stepped on Fell's discarded clothes...

...fucking smartass.

[devonynchus]

earlier today I remembered something mildly embarrassing I had done and vehemently thought “I want someone to grind me up and cook me into Hamburger Helper” and tbh points to my subconscious for originality

[d-kee]

my friends: why do u hate the beach lol

what i say: aha lol the sand gets everywhere and the water is gross lol

what i mean: wearing a bikini makes me feel like i’ve gained 10 extra kilos, watching you guys take photos for insta makes me feel bad because i’m not confident enough, my thighs are too big, i haven’t shaved and my swimsuit hugs my body too tight but ill never tell you guys because i don’t like expressing emotions

[fallingintoplac]

I mostly just reblog bcuz

My self-consciousness and social anxiety doesn't just go away whenever I'm on tumblr. I feel it everywhere. For me, posting something myself and actually contributing something to this amazing community on here is very weird and makes me anxious.

I freaking love writing though. I love writing about my feelings. It helps me understand myself better because I get a nice overview of what's rushing through my buzzing mind. I just prefer not to share it with anyone.

In my opinion, you have to feel a deep desire to share something like that. For me, that desire might only be triggered by a very close friend of mine. I could imagine writing a loved one poetry and then reading it to them... kind of old school. Yeah I'm old school, baby. And freaking anxious and nervous.

I think I've got ... TUMBLR ANXIETY.

[lamelamorsa]

pensavo che non saremo mai liberi nel senso più profondo della parola, e che alla fine ci conviene così, basta essere convinti che la nostra gabbia ed il nostro collare ce lo siamo scelti noi per farci sentire tutto più leggero.

[morglachance]

They want you to feel important but not too important; because to recognize your indefinite potential and influence as a conscious being, is to challenge a system which depends on its people to accept and satisfy their social destiny.

-something I’ve been thinking about lately 

[pinkeoni]

i just wanna wear clothes and not feel uncomfortable for once

[markihigher-blog]

Just a quick piece of advice: Never apoligize for any "weird" phases in your life, especially in your teens. You were experementing. You did what you liked at that time. And it played a role in who you are now, no matter if it was a short or long phase, if it was 'good' or 'bad' or if it is considered embarrassing or cool by today's standards.

I was into hardcore metal once. I was a goth too. I also had my hardcore 90ies-teen phase. In every phase people told me that the only way to enjoy a movement or a clothing style or a music 'scene' is to go there all the way or don't go at all. That's not true. You can be diverse. You can love Taylor Swift and Slipknot at the same time. You can own all your phases, no matter if they are in the past, the present or the future. Don't let people put you in a box just because you like something and they think that's the only right thing. (Goes for religion and sexuality and everything human really).

I went through all these phases, and I sometimes felt guilty about listening Backstreet Boys when I was supposed to only enjoy Manson. But one day I refused to be judged for something like that and I owned being goth without having to wear black all the time or hating sunshine. Stereotypes are bad, but they always have some root, and sometimes people liking a thing are pushing the sterotypes of the thing more than anybody else. I owned being a metalhead with a love for classical music and Britney Spears. And I still own all of it. I still listen to metal and goth, but it's not exclusively that any more. I still LOVE 90ies pop and toys and tv series. It played a part in who I am today and in my taste in ... everything.

"Phases" are a part of your life - but just because something is only a phase it doesn't mean you're not allowed to enjoy it or take parts of it with you. Don't be ashamed for going through them. Don't judge others for a phase. Own it. Be proud of it. Be proud of experementing, of trying out new things. And don't lose the ability to do so, just because you fear someday somebody might judge you for it!