#self doubt tw

[trauma-is]

Trauma is doubting yourself. It wasn't that bad, right? So I have no reason to feel this way. But I still hurt. Other people have it worse, this is normal, it shouldn't hurt. So I don't really hurt! Let's push this sensation to the depths of our brain and try to forget about it...

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[oflostinfound]

"Hax...you okay?..." They reach a hand out tentatively towards them.

|| 💛 ||: ❝ Go- Away! ❞ || 💛 ||: ❝ Get lost! ❞

Hax curls up tighter on themself as the two distinct voices echo out. Fingers curled in their hair, arms pressing tightly to the sides of their face. Trying to hold themself together- literally and metaphorically. They could feel the seam down the center of their face, feel themself slipping. They were terrified- but that fear only fed into what was emerging from inside them.

Hieron can read minds, they already know how much of an awful person you are. They're just being nice- If they touch you they'll know just how much of an awful person you really are.

|| 💛 ||: ❝ I SAID GET LOST-! ❞ || 💛 ||: ❝ please leave- ❞

[dysphoric-culture-is]

dysphoric culture is being so confused why your feeling dysphoria but unsure if this is really dysphoria or not bc isnt it supposed to be a STRONG feeling??????? why it not strong?!??!!?!?!?! and feeling lowkey a lil invalid over it :,(

Dysphoric culture is!

Also, it doesn’t have to be strong. Some people have low dysphoria or none at all! Totally valid anon. If something related to your AGAB feels bad and wrong to you, you can call it dysphoria no matter how mild it is.

[nsr-junction]

NSR Rocktober Day 23 - Lyrics

Yeah, I like songs with vocaloids, shut up. The lyrics are from -> this <- wonderful cover!

You can find the prompt list here!

[darth-does-stuff]

The two vigilantes sat in silence. It couldn't be said to be a comfortable one, but it wasn't a tense one either. It was more...a loaded silence. Logan knew the other wanted to say something. But Virgil didn't. So he didn't push. He simply waited.

"Am I a bad person, Logan?" Virgil finally blurted out from his position on the floor, shoulders slumped.

Logan looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. "'Course not, Virge. What makes you think that?" he asked.

"It's just--I've done bad things before, y'know? I've...I've hurt people. Scared them. Made them fear me. And it's just...not sitting right with me. It's like it's all coming back to me at once and it's overwhelming."

Logan looked at him sympathetically. "Virgil, just because you've done bad things before doesn't mean you're a bad person."

"But how do you know that, Logan! I've done such shitty stuff before and I feel like it--reflects...on me..." Virgil laid his head in his hands, letting out a long sigh. "Virgil, I know you aren't a bad person because I know you. You, Virgil Gyles Bronte, are a good person."

"I just--gah! It's so fucking hard to explain. I feel scummy. I feel like shit. I've hurt innocents. I made people fucking terrified of me. So much other just...awful shit. So how in the world am I a good person?" Virgil threw his hands up, his back now resting against the wall.

"Virgil. Something that you need to understand is that sometimes you do bad things. Things you regret. But just because you've done bad things does not make you a bad person. I have done bad stuff. Things I deeply regret. Would you say I'm a bad person?”

"What? No! Of course not!"

"Then why are you any different?"

Virgil sat in stunned silence for a few moments before weakly replying, "Because...it's...me."

Logan sat up from his chair and sat down next to Virgil, simply offering his comfort while respecting Virgil's boundaries. "The truth is, Virge, is that there isn't much of a difference. The only real difference is your self-esteem and your mindset. Those two factors are affecting your rationality and clouding it. But you need to remember it's not true. Not in the slightest. You're a good person. All of us, this team, are good people. We've all struggled with this too. But now we're going to help you with it. You aren't going to suffer alone."

Virgil gave Logan a long look, the latter knowing that they were trying to see if Logan was truly genuine. Finally, they decided he was and slumped back even more. "How do you know I'm going to get better?" he asked quietly.

Logan rested his head against the wall, a small smile on his lips. "Because we're your friends. And friends don't give up on each other. No matter what."

logan only uses his full brainpower to help his friends ok. the rest of the time he’s using like 10% and thats mainly for dumb shit

[bxttenbound-archive]

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[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

A Prince’s Room

Part 2

Concept by @yeet-ceit

TW: Unsympathetic Sides (Except for Roman), Perfectionism, Self-Doubt, Cursing, Arguing, Injury? (Roman gets slapped). If I missed any, pleased tell me and I will add it.

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1807

Roman wants to be perfect. No, he needs to be perfect. And part of being perfect is being a good friend. Roman loves the other sides. He loves them more than anything in the world. Even more than Disney and musical theater. His friends are the main reason why his still holding on. He doesn’t want to lose them. He can’t lose them. He won’t survive if he does.

So, to make sure he doesn’t he takes notes. He writes down ways to make sure he’s constantly improving. Any bad habits that the others point out or flaws he writes down and tries to fix. 

The lists went on and on. Hung up on the walls of his room to make sure he always remembers. And as time goes on, more and more is added to the list. Every small addition getting him one step closer to perfection.

Remember to keep your voice level normal. Don’t talk too loudly.

Stop being so dramatic, you're taking too much attention away from the others.

Don’t be too confident, it comes off as cocky and no one like someone that’s too cocky.

Don’t rant about your interest for too long it gets annoying and boring.

Don’t be selfish, no one likes a selfish person.

....................

The chart came along a few months later. 

Roman had already been taking notes on how to please his friends however he decided to reorganize his notes into a chart. Each side had their own section containing list of what they liked, disliked, what cheered them up, and what upsets them.

Logan

Likes: Crofters, astrology, coffee, books, teaching, silence, human anatomy, schedules, deadlines, Thomas being productive, debating, constellations, being listened to, law, learning, classical music, poetry, Sherlock.

Dislikes: Being ignored, unnecessary emotions, sweets, dumb people, someone being too loud, childish movies, games, being behind schedule, illogical decisions, jokes, unrealistic dreams.

What makes him happy?: Stargazing, writing, meeting deadlines, winning debates, telling random facts, rapping, his onesie, reading, being left alone, being called cool, teaching.

What upsets him?: Being treated as a joke, being teased, being reminded of his mistakes, making mistakes, being ignored or overlooked, losing a debate, feeling dumb.

Patton

Likes: Cookies, drawing, cure animals, compliments, happy songs, seeing his friends happy, t.v shows, helping others, singing, dancing, playing dress up, stuffed animals, gifts, holidays, baking, sweets.

Dislikes: Screaming, loud noises, getting stuff thrown at him, blood, weapons, violence, seeing his friends injured, sad movies and stories.

What makes him happy?: Cuddles, movie nights, being showered with affection, cookies, drawing, karaoke nights, talking about his emotions, playing games with his friends, helping others, his onesie. 

What upsets him?: Seeing an animal die, seeing people in pain, being forced to grow up, seeing his friends in hurt, not being able to help someone, disappointing someone, letting Thomas down, letting his emotions control him.

Virgil

Likes: Candles, alternative music, spiders, his hoodie, Tim Burton films, My Chemical Romance, headphones, fidget cubes, staying up late, drama shows, bats, knives, collecting pins.  

Dislikes: The ocean, sudden loud noises, cheesy pop music, people that are too optimistic (except for Patton), someone being mean to his friends,

What makes him happy?: Doing makeup, painting his nails, listening to music, Patton’s baking, playing with his pet spider, meditating, watching murder myterious, watching Disney and Tim Burton movies.

What upsets him?: Being put on the spot, being called evil, being treated like an innocent kid, being called a darkside, being called a disorder rejection, talk about serious topics such as suicide and self harm. 

Remus

Likes: Gore, blood, mud, fighting, collecting weapons, deodorant, musicals, inappropriate jokes, Fleischer Studios, pranks, dancing, mythical creatures, things that glow in the dark, random t.v shows, horror movie, slime, candy, octopus, skirts, crop tops.

Dislikes: Cheesy love songs, rules, normal food aside from fast food, birds, learning, shaving, reading, romance movies/shows, backstabbers, lying, shaving cream, showers, losing fights.

What makes him happy?: Dissecting stuff, fighting, pranking others, dancing, singing, coming up with outfit ideas, punching stuff, playing with slime, reenacting horror movies, inappropriate jokes, hanging out in his trash can, being pet, Shrek, eating deodorant, someone doing his makeup.

What upsets him?: Being abandoned or left behind, being told he isn’t good enough, being compared to me, seeing Janus upset, seeing Virgil upset, being told to shave.

Janus

Like: Snakes, philosophy, Greek mythology, sewing, horror movies, mystery books, murder documentaries, self care, sleeping, warm baths, weighted blankets, debating, law.

Dislikes: The cold, when someone takes his hat, dumb comedy movies, eagles, action movies, unnecessary violence or gore, close minded people, liars, sharing secrets, being vulnerable. 

What makes hims happy?: Massages, weighted blankets, cuddling, hanging out with Remus, acting, having debates, seeing Remus and Virgil playfully argue, watching murder mysteries, singing.

What upsets him?: Being called evil, being ignored, seeing Remus or Virgil upset, Thomas not taking care of himself, being replaced, being left behind, people not understanding him, someone making fun of his scales, taking off his gloves.

....................

“Come on pussy! Let’s just march into his room, what’s the worse that could happen?”

“Language!” Patton quickly scolds Remus.

“What if he’s in there and he screams at us for barging in?! What if he gets really mad and chooses to get physical!? What if we see something we don’t want to!? What if he’s asleep and he get mad that we woke him up!? What if-”

“Virgil,” Logan interrupts the panicking side, “Your anxiety is causing you to catastrophize. Please, take a deep breath and try to filter out your cognitive distortion.”

The anxious side nods and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself.

“Now, I would like to add that I personally believe that Remus’ plan isn’t the worst idea ever and is currently the best one we have.” The logical side states.

“Well, while I love to agree with Remus, he is wrong in this instance,” 

Remus smirks widely, “Awe! Thanks Jany~ You’re too generous~”

The deceitful side rolls his eyes, “Let’s just go.”

“Fine,” Virgil stands up, looking rather done with everything.

The rest of the sides stand up as well and begin to make their way to the prince’s room.

Once they make it to his door, Remus immediately just breaks the door down and lets himself in.

“Surprise!”

 They walk in, greeted only by silence.

“He isn’t here?” Patton mumbles to himself.

“Doesn’t look like it. Let’s not go then.”

The other sides nod and start making their way out. Well, everyone except for Logan. 

The logical side instead gets distracted by a paper stabled to the wall. He walks over to it and reads it to himself. Once he’s done reading his looks around the room and notices all the papers on the wall. As well, as the lack of theater and Disney merchandise.

“Wait, doesn't Roman’s room look,” He pauses to search for the right words, “Wrong?”

The other sides stop walking and looks around.

“Now that you mention it,” Remus mumbles, “His room has changed a lot since I last saw it...”

The other start reading through the endless papers of tips to improve himself and advice. 

Suddenly Patton stops in front of a chart titled “Duties”

He slowly goes over it and buy the time he is done he is fuming with rage.

“What the hell!? Guys come look at this!”

The others go over, slightly amused and concerned.

Each of them take turns analyzing the chart. 

Roman had spend his day at the Imagination. After the whole wedding accident, he’s been stuck in a very toxic place and well he thought a small guest might help. So, he left early in the morning and began his guest. He hadn’t meant to stay there for as long as he did but he lost track of time. 

“Kiddo, we have a lot to talk about,” Patton mumbles in a passive aggressive tone.

....................

As the tired side starts approaching his room, he notices that all the either sides are gathered outside his room. Once he’s a bit closer, Virgil is the first to notice him. To his shock though, Virgil rushes to him and slaps him

“Roman, what the fuck!?”

Roman stands there shocked for a few minutes before looking at Patton, expecting to hear him scold Virgil. Instead however, Patton just look away from him.

“ANSWER ME!”

“I-...” Roman bites his lip to hold back the tears in his eyes, “I-I don’t understand... W-what did I do....?”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!?”

The prince-like-side flinches and looks down.

Remus puts a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, "Let me handle this.”

For some reason, Roman thought that Remus would be on his side. He thought that if anyone understood what he was trying to do, it would be his brother. Or that his brother would at least explain what happened and let him tell his part of the story.

So, he looked up with a hopeful expression. 

“Don’t look at me like that. What the fuck is wrong with you!? If you think we were such a hassle then why did you stay friends with us!?”

Any hope that Roman had immediately leaves his body, “I-I... I never said that! Where is this coming?!”

“DON’T BULLSHIT ME, ROMAN!” Remus summons his morning star, “WE SAW THE FUCKING CHART! SO, WHAT!? WE’RE NOTHING MORE THAN “DUTIES” TO YOU!?” 

The usual confident side is now frozen in shock. They weren’t supposed to see that chart. They weren’t supposed to see his room at all. If Roman was being honest, he could understand why they took the chart the wrong way. The name of it wasn’t exactly the best but it was all he could think of while actually making it. Now though, he wished he would have pushed himself to think of a better name.

“N-No! You got it all wrong!” He is now crying, flinching away from his brother, “I was just trying to make you guys happy!”

Remus scoffs and puts his weapon away. He walks away from Roman and returns to Janus’ side.

“Whatever, Roman.”

His knees give out and he falls to the floor in defeat.

“I would greatly appreciate if you keep your distance from Patton and I from now on. If you fail to do so, I can’t exactly guarantee that I will be nice. Goodbye Roman.”

“Fucking pussy.” Remus throws out.

And just like that Logan sinks down with a crying Patton.

“And I thought I was the snake,” Janus adds, looking at him in pure disgust.

Then, they’re gone.

For a few seconds Virgil stares at the broken prince in front of him.

“You really are an idiot.”

He looks away from him and sinks down with a scoff leaving the weeping prince on the floor. 

Alone.

....................

[amethystpath-writes]

I’m craving angst but with some caretaking mixed in!

Think this is more fluff than anything, but hopefully it satisfies your cravings a little bit!

(TWs: Needles (briefly at beginning), stitches (briefly at beginning), mentioned past captivity, self doubt, disassociation )

******

"Do you even understand how much trouble you're in?"

Hero winced, a sharp prick of pain in her arm. "Yeah, I think I- ah! I think I get it."

Leader shook his head, pushing the thin bit of metal through his lover's skin once again. "I don't think you do, Hero. Because if you did, I wouldn't be-" He was interrupted by another of Hero's quick gasps of pain. "Just one more," he said. "I wouldn't be patching you up right now. I know you think you can handle these things on your own, but," His voice cracked. Hero thought is she opened her eyes, she would see Leader tearing up. "Hero, I need you to be okay. Because if you're not okay, then I'm not okay, and then the whole team falls apart."

"But I can do it," she promised. "I know I can. Leader, I didn't used to be on a team. I used to be my own operation, under the radar. This is just all so new and I-"

Leader stood from his stool and turned to the medicine cabinet. His love cringed as he pulled out a brown-amber bottle. "I know this is difficult for you, but you're here now, and you can't go off fighting every threat. They're prepared now, dear. They know who you are and anyone who thinks of committing any atrocity now knows to expect you. They train based off of your capabilities." As he spoke, he reached into another cabinet and pulled out a bag of cotton balls. "I know this is harsh to say, but you don't have much of a chance without someone by your side, even just as backup. I'd feel worse saying this if you weren't a pile of evidence to prove my point."

"I know you think that, but I- What if I quit the team? You guys would be good on your own. And maybe that way, crime is diminished at least a little faster since I'd-" She hissed as the cotton ball touched her cheek.

"If you quit the team, that doesn't fix the fact that every crook in the world knows your name, your face, your capabilities."

Hero bit her cheek, holding back words she knew would be hurtful. She loved Leader. She could never imagine not loving him, but she regretted letting him talk her into joining this stupid team of heroes. Before them, Hero fought crime, fought whole organizations, and won before they even knew she was there, with the exception of her last operation. Still, and she hated blaming anyone, the opponent always knew the team of heroes was there. There was always an ambush, a surprise attack. Nothing was easy like it was when she was solo, even if she was captured just the one time.

The burning cotton touched her skin again. "Can we just...can we stop? I feel fine."

"You'll get an infection if I don't clean you up. Trust me, you don't want that."

Hero repeated a little differently, "I can take care of myself."

Leader shook his head, a soft frown crossing his features. "Here, then." He spun and grabbed the amber bottle, along with the bag of cotton balls, and handed them to Hero. "Take care of yourself. I won't step in the way anymore if that's what you want."

She stared at his hands, at the objects in them before finding his face again. "I'm frustrated," she admitted, suddenly softer than she was before. "I'm not used to anyone being there to help me. I'm not used to having to rely on others. Everything was so much easier when I just did things on my own." Hero kept her hands on her lap. She looked at them now, pondering. It was such an odd question she came up with, but she thought, Are these really my hands?

The world felt oddly away from her. There was a time where she could reach out and feel every bit of Earth, of life, but things were different now. Her body didn't feel like her own, and it wasn't from the pain Villain caused on her last runoff. It was...it was something deeper than that.

Leader must have sensed her fall of emotion because he set the medical supplies on the counter, lightly grabbed one of Hero's hands, and brought it to his lips, kissing it just as gently as he held hold of it. Then, he pulled her close to him. "I love you," he told her. "You know that, right?"

"I know," she said quietly, letting herself be held. No one was this careful with her. It was why she spited Leader sometimes, but also the reason she loved him more than anything. "I've ready said it, but I regret letting you save me sometimes. I think that I should have been stronger and I should have saved myself."

"Darling, you-"

"Let me finish," she said. "I have thoughts like that often and they're miserable and the world feels unreal, but," Hero pulled away from Leader's hug. "You make me realize that it's okay to have a crutch. Without them, you can't heal. I'm still adapting to the idea, but I've acknowledged it and I think that's a good first step."

Leader hummed in agreement. "I know times aren't easy for you, love, but after everything you've been through, I don't think I could even stand anymore. You amaze me every day, my dear."

A tear glimmered in her eye before she swatted it away with an unbruised hand. "I love you, Leader. I really do." She smiled, not kindly, but mischievously. "Now how about a little race to the kitchen? I can hear Teammate sizzling some bacon."

******

Part 2 here