#selfish parents

[help-my-relationship]

34M / 35F – Living together, pregnant, 5 kids, chaos every day. I love her but I’m drowning. Need real advice.

My specific questions are: How do couples in blended families set and enforce consistent parenting rules when one partner shuts down or becomes defensive during discipline discussions? What are realistic, non-punitive ways to address severe household chaos and lack of structure with young children when only one adult is enforcing rules? How do you protect your own child from unequal treatment in a blended household without the other parent feeling attacked or “unwanted”? For those who’ve dealt with trust issues alongside parenting conflicts, how do you keep anxiety from past dishonesty from bleeding into current arguments and communication? What steps can be taken before couples therapy to stabilize a situation like this when a breakup isn’t the goal but the current dynamic is unsustainable?

What a goddamn fucking mess. What in the hell did you think would happen, not only subjecting your son to such a hateful, toxic environment, but bringing another goddamn kid into a relationship with a woman whose parenting style doesn't mesh with yours at all and is completely at odds with it? Here are my real answers you refuse to fucking hear.

They talk about their parenting styles and expectations and walk away when it's clear they are completely incompatible.

There are none. This is chaos. The children will clearly follow the parent who doesn't make them do shit and who teaches them there are not consequences for things, especially when that parent is their only biological parent in the situation, as that's who they're likely to end up with if you split.

By leaving and not subjecting your child to that in the first place.

The person who lost trust must take accountability and do serious and concrete work to rebuild trust.

Be compatible. Listen to each other. Respect each other.

Nothing else matters because, at your core, you two are completely fucking incompatible, and your child is suffering as a result. Break up and seek custody. I wish the other children could be helped more, but you can't make someone change who doesn't want to change.

[kairo01]

nobody knows (2004) dir.Hirokazu Kore-eda 

Kids learn fast when they have to. Kids also don't really get the gravity of situations either. Sometimes a distressing situation is that way to all but kids, who come up with their own solutions with stark simplicity. To them every day is a new one, and so when a truly new day happens it feels like any other. As long as they can make it to the next, that's about as much as it matters.

Nobody Knows refers to the fact that nobody can know that these kids have been abandoned and live on their own, but really the title should be called Everybody Knows. The convenience store worker who sees a young boy with torn-up clothes and slovenly hair, the landlord who walks into a room that's smelled like trash for months, the distant fathers who give them cash instead of love as if they were paying for a clean conscience, and especially, especially the runaway mother who still tells herself she'll come back for them soon. Everybody knows what's really going on, everybody knows there's no future ahead, everybody knows nobody else cares, everybody knows besides the kids.

They don't really know, but they continue regardless. They'll learn fast what it is they have to do. They have to.

[i-wish-i-could-tell-my-family]

So my mom just tested positive for Covid. Just great. She has cold/fever like symptoms, nothing really bad. But I'm already hearing "if it's just this, then I don't see what everyone is so worked up about" like, no mother, you probably won't die from it. You have a good immune system that others might not have.

She doesn't even want a vaccine. Still not. The only reason she would take a vaccine is so her own vacationplans aren't cancelled.

[epsquish]

Story time: I have a chronic illness and a weird immune system

With the virus going around, I mentioned to my mum that I barely have any hand sanitiser left. Which is tough when I have to catch the bus everywhere (including regular trips to the dr office, which is also bad). I’ve been picking up viruses left right and centre anyway so I should’ve bought it earlier. My mum said she’d look for some (implying she was looking for me)

Well fast forward a few days and she’s visiting me again. “I found a store that had them, so I got three!”

Wow! Great work mum! Great strategy! One for her, one for me, one for my heavily pregnant sister who lives in a higher risk area.

Except... she’s not given me one. She’s bragged about having them and I think she’s keeping them all for herself?? That’s actually hilarious. I don’t know why I imagined she’d drop the narcissism for the sake of my health, lol!

I’ll hope she gives me some next visit. She’s travelling at the moment and hell, if 3 bottles of sanitiser is going to stop her from dragging that virus into my house then go for it. Maybe I’ll get scraps. But I’ll keep an eye out for some for myself I think, lol. Only I won’t take 3 whole bottles just for myself. For the love of.

[helloiamausacresfan]

This apartment design predicts a dystopian future of hunting and gathering for food and using canoes to get around — see inside

The prototype apartment is filled with clues about how life might look in 50 years, with hunting gear, kayaks, and tools for growing food.

Oh yeah, the family they show living inside this climate crisis-adapted apartment seems to have a REPRODUCED YOUNG CHILD. Keep in mind there’s about a 30-40 year lag in emissions affecting us (which means this family’s dealing with the effects of emissions from the 2010s), and that most likely as of Feb 2020 we’ve locked in global warming WAY beyond what people will have to deal with in 2050. Kind of selfish of that couple, don’t you think? 

[nastyglintinyoureyes]

So my sister and her family have been staying at my moms house for 2 years. And since her and her baby father finally called it quits, the kids are here part time and with their dad part time. But she immediately moved her boyfriend in after baby daddy finally left. Neither of them have jobs, but both have their "businesses". Neither of them have found a new apartment for them or their kids. Now me and my mom have finally found a new place, and baby dad is in his cousins house with the kids and my sister is with us and the kids with us part time. Its like....you guys had 2 years to get it together. 2 years of complaining about having to live with your mother, but 2 years of doing nothing to get out of that situation. And now we're moving tomorrow and she has nowhere to go because we no longer have an extra bedroom plus the new landlord made it pretty clear that only people on the lease can live there. I feel bad but when were you going to take this seriously? We've known we had to move for a long time. Also if your "businesses" aren't enough to sustain you and your kids, then maybe go get a job until you reach that point. My niece and nephew deserve stability but their selfishness and stupid outlook have left them here. Like she just turned down an apartment because it was too small but you and the kids have been sleeping on couches and sharing beds for 2 years. But the apartment is too small? Not to mention this is the one and only apartment she looked at and it was after we found our place and starting moving in. I'm just done and I feel bad but get your shit together seriously. Mind you, she and baby dad have "businesses" , her new boyfriend does nothing, has no job, is fresh out of prison, has his own kid and baby mom, AND wants to be a rapper. So 3 damn parents and no job between the 3 of them. No place to live between the 3 of them. Like....... they look down on me and my mom for working regular jobs but it's kept a roof over our heads and yours......AND baby dad and my sister both got unemployment and back pay and all that so had they managed it right and took it seriously, they could have a place to live for their fucking kids. They had more money than me and my mother at one point and seemingly nothing to show for it.

[toongrrl-blog]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but when you become a parent, you have to take an interest in your own childrens’ interests and if you have adult children still wanting you involved, enjoy that gift because most adult children would rather be done with a self-involved, self-centered, narcissist like you. 

[whitegloved]

You know how humans supposedly act quid pro quo? My parents sure do.