People used to think I was gay growing up.
Cause they didn’t know what to make of me.
I didn’t register as cishet guy. There was always something… feminine about me.
I liked dinosaurs, and running around in the mud, and the color blue sure. But I also liked pink, and dolls, and romantic comedies.
Sometimes I was asked if I was gay… cause that’s the closest box people could fit my gender nonconformity into.
But I didn’t even get gender growing up… not really. I liked what I liked. And people called me a boy, so I guess I was. Even though most of my friends were girls… and especially as puberty hit… hanging out with boys often made me uncomfortable in ways I couldn’t describe.
Then everything became a tangle of self hatred during puberty. Hating my body… and realizing I was seen implicitly as a risk to women. I tried to be a good man… but I feared becoming a man.
And I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Why I hated being a boy… as soon as I was able to understand what being a boy meant.
Turns out in the end I am gay… just not in the direction people sometimes thought I was…
Im a trans woman, and a lesbian.
