20 y/o • Aspiring Game Director • Bisexual Genderqueer Dork 🏳️⚧️ • Autistic Shut-In • Reluctantly Midwestern 🧀 • 1/8th Canadian 🇨🇦 • Online Uni Student • Lead Director of an Anonymous Fan Game Project ✨️ (PFP drawn by my BFF)
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 1 - Tuesday, January 13th, 2026: Getting to Know Me
Alright first post here. I made this account following a recent split with a close friend of 3 years because I want to meet someone new, but also as an opportunity to have a more healthy medium to share my daily thoughts and feelings. You can call me Wise! (I guess become my friend and I can share my real name ✨️) I'm a 20-year-old dorky agoraphobic bisexual from the Midwest (Wisconsin to be specific), though I really wanna move to Canada someday. If I can ever actually get past said agoraphobia. ._.
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I'm autistic, have OCD, (likely ADHD), and bad social anxiety so I'm a bit of a shut-in and have never had any real irl friends. I hate leaving the house and only really ever do for appointments. I also never learned to drive, have never had a job, and am currently attending online university.
Additionally, I am trans 🏳️⚧️, but not in the typical sense. I am biologically male, and I identify as a boy, however I'm transitioning physically to have a female body. Essentially I wanna be a boy is a girl's body. I've been on HRT for a year and a half now and I'm definitely feeling much more comfortable with my body. It's a bit outside of the norm, (can't even find an official name for it so I primarily indentify as genderqueer) but I'm gonna be what I wanna be!
I'm a very mature, intelligent person (if not a bit uh... thirsty sometimes from having been so lonely 😭), but I also can be very fun too! I do talk a lot though, especially when it's a topic I'm super autistic about (Ace Attorney). In my spare time I love playing video games, my favourite genre being murder mystery visual novels like Ace Attorney, Danganronpa, and AI: The Somnium Files but I also like all kinds of games! (Including Deltarune, Undertale, Hollow Knight, Subnautica, Little Nightmares, Minecraft, Terraria, Honkai: Star Rail, Reverse: 1999, and of course the GOAT: My Singing Monsters) I also really enjoy doing voice acting, building LEGOs, and I'm a very creative and talented writer especially with writing dialogue. I'm even working on a (currently anonymous) fan game project with my best friend and I really wanna become a full-fledged game director some day.
Overall, I want to meet more people like me, other shut-ins who are too neurodivergent to do normal people things. I get very anxious very easily dealing with people who are different from me, especially in terms of life experience, as much as I hate that my brain works like this, it's been something I dealt with for years and years now. So far all my life I've only met one person like me so far (my absolute BFF). I'm gonna keep this blog up until I find the ultimate and ideal partner for me:
🔥 A pale, mature, autistic transfem Canadian shut-in my age, with glasses who is also attending online university. 🔥
There's gotta be like... at least like three out there right? No clue what I'm gonna yap about everyday but like I said I talk a lot so I'll figure it out! As I stated before, I recently had my trust betrayed and was hurt really badly by someone I thought was my close friend, so I think writing whatever is on my mind everyday will help me distract from the pain and anxiety of it. I'm sure not many people will actually read it but it really does still help.
Additionally, I am a teetotaler, meaning I do partake in alchol or other substances like that, nor have I ever have or ever will. I personally find that stuff disgusting and have no interest in interacting with anyone that does it. It's incredibly anxiety-provoking for me, it just really freaks me out and I want to stay away from it. So each of my posts will just have a disclaimer at the bottom just so people know this if anyone is ever interested in reaching out. I just can't handle that anxiety of talking to people that have done that stuff... It's just.. blegh yucky.
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 149 - Wednesday, June 10th, 2026: Another Forgettable Day Honestly
I dunno man, it really does feel like the days are just blurring by sometimes... I just.. I don't know..
Right like today wasn't bad? I got some writing done. Played some more Nine Sols. Eigong is such a cool fight, even if she's tough! Gonna save beating her for tomorrow though. Seems like I fucked up because I guess the game bugged out and didn't prompt me to continue Chiyou's questline.. So yeah uh.. not a great result there after passing the point of no return. 😓 Luckily I've seen that it resets to before it after you get an ending so, I should be able get that done when I wrap around to get what I understand to be the true ending.
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But yeah I dunno.. for some reason days like this just don't leave an impression. I'm just not sure what's up with that. I dunno.. bleghhhhhh... I was also all stressed out about A earlier too... I'm still so nervous about whether or not she'll return this summer.. Especially with it getting so close to the period of time in which I've predicted she might return during.
I dunno. Sigh.. I'm also anxious because.. my close friend Nicole just departed for a trip to Brazil to visit her girlfriend and y'know.. I get nervous about that stuff so I'm a bit on edge because of that. I know she'll be safe but I just get worried easily about the people I care about..
Anyway, I suppose I'll wrap up here. I'm tired. Sigh I've been getting really tired really early lately too, what's with that..
Anyway, signing off for now y'all. 😔
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 148 - Tuesday, June 9th 2026: Did Literally Nothing Today
I'm not even kidding. I did nothing. Like I just kinda sat and did jack shit today.. Ugh.. stupid executive dysfunction sucks so much... Like I just did nothing and the day just.. passed? Ugh I need to get properly diagnosed with ADHD because this sucks... I dunno if I need medicine or something but this.. I dunno don't want this to continue as much as it does.
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In other wonderful news... This morning sucked. I woke up from weird dreams in a shitty mood. And I was dealing with awful stomach issues... Just immediately when I woke up.. Which turned into washroom issues.... immediately in the morning.... I spoke to a cisfem friend of mine and she told me periods can affect irritable bowel stuff so that might be why it.. hit so hard so fast..
And on that topic! Getting wonderful cramping right now... ;~; Ough it was so bad earlier that.. I honestly felt like I was gonna throw up. Not in a nausea way but like.. a "being punched in the gut" way.. I had some warm soup and that helped a little I think? Or it just was a coincidence that it calmed with that I dunno. I still feel a very mild dull pain though.. bleghhh..
Anyway, signing off for now y'all... 😖
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 147 - Monday, June 8th, 2026: First Half Sucked, Second Half, I'm Happy ^^
I've had a very nice evening! The first half suckkkkked though. Period shit and all. Didn't get too much cramping today but my body sure has been sore. And I was super grouchy this morning and didn't feel like doing anything... So I didn't.. ._. And then I slept until like 4. So yeah that sure sucked.
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But things picked up in the evening! First off, I got through the anxiety and finally heard what my friend Nicole sounds like! I asked her to send a voice clip and listened. It took a bit to finally do it but I'm happy I did because now I can go forward with calling her some day with less anxiety. Kinda crazy she sounds so similar to how I sound in recordings. 😭
After that, I introduced a new friend of mine to the first Ace Attorney game! Someone I met through this blog. She had taken an interest in my fan project and so I wanted to introduce her to Ace Attorney since it's really my favourite game series ever. And yeah I finally showed her tonight and I'm really happy with how positive she was. She loved it a lot. ^^ I was drenched in sweat because I was so nervous she might not like it.. 👉👈 But yeah she was totally digging the vibe so we definitely will play again another time! Which I'm quite happy about. I can't wait!
Anyway I'm gonna relax now because I'm getting a headache and I think cramps are coming back bleghhhh..
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 146 - Sunday, June 7th, 2026: A Little Anxious And Dysphoric
Sigh my anxiety medicine is making me dizzy right now so you aren't getting anything good outta me. 😔
Well I'm a bit anxious (and in physical pain from hormone related issues). And it's because guess what tomorrow is... 🥁🥁🥁
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Yeah my period. It's my period again yippee. ;~; Already been 29 some days.. I think that's kinda the in between time for me? It's hard to say because hormones are still adjusting and stuff. Augh the last increase has made periods so much rougher, I'm a little worried how bad it'll be after my last 50mg increase for spiro later this year.
So yeah.. I dunno hopefully it won't fuck me up emotionally like it has the last three or four months but.. I dunno I'm feeling mega anxious and dysphoric so who knows.. Trying my best to manage it right now though.
Oh yeah, I'm almost finished with Nine Sols I think. Good game. I'll have to see how this last little bit goes. From what I understand, from here is the point of no return so yeah I'm saving it until next time. I'll try to finally do another game updates after I finish because boy has it been far too long!
Anyway, signing off for now y'all. 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 145 - Saturday, June 6th, 2026: Weird Day Honestly?
I dunno as usual I'm tired and don't wanna write a lot so I'll keep this pretty brief.
Yeah today was kinda weird? It wasn't necessarily bad but like- Yeah I dunno just.. off.
Currently I'm going through a little bit of an anxiety spike. For some reason my agoraphobia is flaring up even though I'm inside my house so I'm not really sure why. I just.. yeah sitting out in the living room.. I was feeling just.. that feeling. Like I need to hug myself and.. press my back up against a wall and such... ngh.. Luckily I'm snuggled in bed now.
For now I'm gonna try to relax. Hopefully I can actually get some writing done tomorrow since I've been slacking. I've come to realize I literally can't write unless I'm drinking Monster. 😭 Just can't find the energy for some reason I dunno. 🤷
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 144 - Friday, June 5th, 2026: Still Dysphoria, Still Nervous, Still Missing Her
Sigh.......... So much stuff sucks...
I came to realize this morning that.. something that could help a lot with my bottom dysphoria would be the support from a romantic partner.. which obviously has led to me missing A greatly again.
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I don't know I'm just so nervous.. Nervous that even if I get surgery eventually someday, things still won't be good. That it'll be an issue with me.. and my body rather than the equipment. Or even worse.. that my body won't be able to adapt correctly to fem parts and will.. still function in the crappy male way.. I dunno it's stupid to think about since it's not going to happen for so long I'm sure.. but it's still a strong fear and.... I don't know.. Like I said this is something that having romantic support could really help with. I dunno.
To end good news at least, I likely will be able to be squeezed into driver's ed lessons this summer. Shockingly they'll honour the payment we made like 4 years ago. 😭 It's only three in-person lessons for adults but my mom says if I need more, we can probably pay for it. So.. yeah hopefully that's something I can start working towards. Would be a welcome distraction from everything else that sucks.
I guess I'll leave off here. Just getting this outta the way so I'm not doing it last minute before gaming with my BFF like I wind up doing every Friday. 😭 Should do my Spanish practice soon as well.
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 143 - Thursday, June 4th, 2026: Feeling Trapped...
Currently writing this post through tears...
The dysphoria has continued into today as well.. from the moment I woke up.. It's been on and off but.. currently I feel terrible.... I... I feel so hopeless...
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I want surgery so bad... My life would be better in every way if I could... I can't take it. This dysphoria is.. just destroying me...
I spoke to my mother about it tonight but... For anyone who has kept up with this blog and is familiar with my family... it'll come as no surprise that she didn't really make me feel better at all.. I don't know... the best that came from it was.. kinda just first finding an adult doctor for me to see who handles LGBTQ+ patients. Since I don't really have a proper primary care. But I don't know... that's.. barely the tiniest step in the right direction... The salvation I actually want is still so horrifically far away.......
I don't know though... I feel so horribly trapped.. I hate my body so much.. But there's nothing that can be done.. I just have to sit and suffer... And what's worse is.. my mother basically treated my crying and horrible depression/anxiety over it as unreasonable and desperate... It's awful...
Anyway, signing off for now y'all...
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 142 - Wednesday, June 3rd, 2026: Worst Dysphoria I've Felt In A Long Time
Today was... rough.. To at least give a positive, today officially marks 2 years since I first started estrogen! Woo. 🏳️⚧️ So.. it's ironic that I spent the entirety of today being so horrifically bottom dysphoric.. I was.. depressed all day honestly.. I still am...
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It's just such a horrible feeling. That things just.. don't fit on your body.. And the functionality for me is just.. totally broken.. it was even before HRT.. I don't know what it is.. I just have such a horrid sensitivity and discomfort about everything related to it.. In fact male genitalia as just a whole.. I find totally disgusting... It makes me queasy just thinking about the anatomy and how it works... It's totally gross and feels horrible to have.. So this just enhances that feeling of.. it's just wrong on body even more. I just don't have the right parts..
But what can I do..? I can't get bottom surgery anytime soon.. My dad is transphobic, it's expensive as fuck in the US, I'm terrified of surgery in general... But I still want it more than anything.. I hate living with these parts that just don't fit.. sigh... I tried to talk to my mom about it. I texted her explaining how I was feeling and asking if we could talk but... she said she wasn't feeling well and brushed me off.. So I went to my room and started crying. ;~; Which.. wasn't even the first time either.. I've been crying on and off all day because it's been so bad.. Because I'm just so uncomfortable with my body.. It's... been rough...
It's gotten so bad that I feel anxious around anyone who is AFAB at this point.. even my best friend. I fuckin' feel anxious even seeing female characters in a game.. It's... I just don't know.. I can't put up with this.. I really hope I'll feel better in the morning but it still doesn't solve the underlying problem.. I just don't know what to do.. I feel so trapped...
Anyway, signing off for now y'all...
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 141 - Tuesday, June 2nd, 2026: What Happened Last Friday (Finally 😭)
Alright.. oy vey time to get into this mess. Very, very long post today, might even be the longest one I've done in the history of this blog, so buckle up! I've been putting it off because I'm kinda tired of reliving it, but it's fine, I've spoken about it with others plenty already.
Started at like.. fuckin' 11am last Friday, hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. 😮💨 My BFF got a friend request on Discord.. and guess who that request was from.. T_T
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It was from my fucking ex. 6 months after our relationship came to a messy end. The person that hurt me horribly at the beginning of the year. The bad falling out that y'know, inspired me to start this blog in the first. The girl that lied to me, trampled on my feelings, and then blocked me and threw me out of her life in such a cruel way. I still have horrible trust issues to this day because of her, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to grow past them.
Listen the relationship wasn't good, we definitely both had our issues right? I definitely let my attachment issues get far too out of hand and was probably more possessive than I should've been. That being said, I still did so much to work towards being a better friend and person for her. All I ever wanted to do was maturely work out any issues that came out way together, and I was trying to do that even towards the end.
Unfortunately it's now evident to me that she never cared for me. I understand she had very bad anxiety issues. And I acknowledge that clearly I must've have done a lot to make her uncomfortable, however, she never would tell me. I openly encouraged her so much, as I do with all those close to me, especially online, if I'm doing something wrong or making you uncomfortable, please please tell me. I can't always tell right, especially when talking through text. And I never want to hurt those I care about so I really wanna know if there's stuff I can fix. However, she never did. She would tell me everything was great and that she loved me. That it was okay that we could still be romantic with each other despite her closed relationship with her partners. All while harbouring clear unhappiness inside, and in the end, unfairly lashed out at me for that, despite me being completely blindsided to that things weren't okay at the time. In retrospect, I can obviously tell the relationship was sitting on shaky foundation, but to say "it's okay I'm not going to leave you" 15 minutes before blocking me forever.. It's just awful.
Anyway back to the last friday. She had sent a friend request to my BFF. Which made.. well both of us uncomfortable. I never wanted to see her again and he sure certainly didn't wanna speak to her. I mean she acted like she knew him, when I think they spoke directly maybe like twice? Y'know what she said to him? She said that her relationship with me was "abusive" and that she wants to "do what she can to help him." It's just bewildering. That she feels I "manipulated her to cheat on her partners and that I manipulated her sexually." She attempts to contact my friend behind my back and try to act like I'm some abusive monster that he needs saving from??? Like she was trying to convince him to block me like she did?? Ugh it's infuriating. I never wanted to have anything to do with this girl again. I was quite frankly happy she was out of my life and I've grown so much from the horrible experience of that relationship. I'm in a much better place.
Why is she badgering my friend and making him uncomfortable in some attempt to paint me as some terrible person when it's clear that the situation was more complex than that. I definitely could've done a lot better, but to push all the blame onto me without taking any responsibility and calling me abusive??? It's not only baffling but it's fucking scary?? I'm genuinely scared that someone who hurt me so bad is not trying to horribly slander me.. I don't like that she's going around calling me abusive.. We both had problems and it's just good that the relationship ended so that we could both grow, at the very least for me that's how I felt..
I'm so grateful for how my BFF responded to her nonsense. He stood up for me and told her to never contact him again and said he hoped she could manage to not think about either of us anymore. And he then blocked her. But he was so incredibly mature and intelligent about it. Characteristics she could certainly use herself. 😮💨 It's made me so thankful for the friends that I do have. ^^ People that are actually y'know.. respectful towards my feelings and perspective of things.
I spoke to my mother about it as well.. She said it sounded like my ex has some sort of personality disorder. I'm not really sure about that but.. I don't really have as much knowledge on the matter as she does so I'm not really certain. All I know is.. more than ever I just don't want to see this person ever again. Prior to this I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt with her feelings, and I still do really want to acknowledge to faults I had with our toxic friendship.. but.. I just don't really have any sympathy for her any now that she's trying to toxically attack me like this with such unfairly indignant behaviour. Sebastian was the one who helped me everyday after she first blocked me. He was the one who was there for me without fail as I was sobbing and barely eating anything. WIthout him I don't know if I could've made it through the pain she put me through. He's an absolutely fucking amazing friend and I love him with all my heart. So her trying to sneakily (and quite futilely) get him to hurt me too is just.. It's not okay. You can take up whatever issues you have with me but I will not stand for you making him anxious and uncomfortable.
Sigh, sorry this is such a crazy huge rant. I dunno if I properly expressed myself well with all of it, it's overwhelming when I have something so big to yap about. This is why I put it off for so many days. 😭 Just yeah.. this kind of thing again scares me quite a bit. I very much hope what Seb told her is enough to get her to stop and maybe actually.. consider how things affected me in addition to how it impacted her.
Oh well.. I'll wrap up here. My fingers are getting tired and I have a headache. 😔
Anyway, signing off for now y'all. 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 140 - Monday, June 1st, 2026: Sighhhh... I Don't Wanna Post I Wanna Play More Nine Sols.. 😔
Yeah shut up I'm putting off talking about what happened last Friday again.. 😭
I wanna get back to playing Nine Sols it's a good game, even if it is creepy. I like how the combat especially is so parry-focused. It's very fun.
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So crazy story??? I got to the part with fighting Jiequan and.. well he kicked my ass so many times but then like... I fucking no-hit him??????? Like I suck butt at this game how the fuck did that happen. 😭 Good fight though, I quite enjoyed it. I'm curious what happens if you put the.. what is it.. the Gene Eradicator in the thing before activating the fight? Does that like make it easier or something? I didn't get a chance to after opening the thing. I dunno. 🤷
In other news, I wrote some today. Not a lot though. I'm pissy because Samsung Notes had an update and they did a buncha unnecessary UI design changes and I don't like it. I don't like change and UI changes piss me off so much. I never understand why companies change things just to change things. Sigh..
Anyway that's all. I'm gonna get back to gaming.
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 139 - Sunday, May 31st, 2026: Good News, Wrote A Lot! Bad News, My Brain's Burnt Out
Sigh I'm a little down right now. Sunday blues I think. I dunno why all Sunday's have to have such yucky vibes.. So yeah I'm too drained to speak about what happened on Friday. I'll try my best to get into it tomorrow since it is a very significant thing that I should discuss here.
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On the positive side, I wrote for like 3 hours straight today. Really got a lot done! That green Monster really gets me going. And it tastes so good too.
But yeah I used a lot of my brain power doing that so now I'm pretty burnt out. I'm real sleepy.. though I need to do my Spanish practice still. Gotta do double tonight since I didn't do it last night.
Oh one thing I also want to mention is that I met a friend through this blog a bit ago and I'm quite happy with how it's been going with her. She's very nice and comforting and a very good listener. It's very nice talking to her. Even if she isn't as available as other friends are, I still quite look forward to our chats. Just wanted to shout that out because it is one good thing that's happened.
So I'll leave it off here. Overall though, I think I am okay at the very least.
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 138 - Saturday, May 30th, 2026: Scared And Tired.....
I'm having a rough night tonight so I'm afraid I can't write much.. Sorry I wanna talk about what happened yesterday morning but I'm really anxious about a lot of stuff and honestly what happened has.. scared me a little..
I dunno I'm sorry hopefully I can go into it tomorrow.. Ugh I'm so stressed and sad and I miss A a lot right now...
I tried taking my as-needed anxiety medicine but all it did was make me tired.. Didn't help me feel less anxious at all even...
Anyway, signing off for now y'all...
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 137 - Friday, May 29th, 2026: Stuff Happened This Morning That Pissed Me Off (Don't Have Time To Talk About It Though)
Damn that might be the longest title I've had. 😭
Some shit happened right away this morning but I don't have the time or energy to get into. It's game night with my BFF and I need to be ready soon. Also I'm a bit tired from playing Nine Sols all day haha.
Good game though! I'm having fun, even if it can be a bit frustrating. The whole prison sequence was honestly a real drag. I must've died over 10 times.
Anyway yeah that's enough for now. Time to game with the bestest friend in the entire universe. ^^
Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
hope this is ok but I saw a post of your in the nine sols tag and just wanted to say - if the jumpscare that freaked you out was the one in the cortex center, that's the only one like that in the game! the rest definitely has its creepy moments but there are no more outright jumpscares that I can think of. enjoy!
Omg thank you so much for telling me, that's such a huge weight off my mind. ^^ I can handle some creepy stuff but boy do jumpscares give me such a bad feeling. Still have no idea what that was about though. Hope it's explained later on. 😭
Thank you though yeah, that's super helpful to know. ^^
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 136 - Thursday, May 28th, 2026: Sleepy, Sore, and Dizzy
Sigh my medicine is making me dizzy again wahhhhh...
Another kinda dull day. Though good news is I did get a lot of writing done! Which I'm pretty proud of. I think my dialogue is real good!
I did lose some confidence a little bit ago with it but I'm back to being happy with it. Though sadly I'm feeling anxious just in general so blegh..
Anyway that's all. Sorry I'm sleepy and can't think of much to say. 😔
Anyway, signing off for now y'all. 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
Autistic Genderqueer Shut-In Blog Day 135 - Wednesday, May 27th, 2026: Boring Day, Weird Morning, Tired, Don't Wanna Post
I mean.. you see the title. 😭
Yeah today was super dull I dunno. And I dunno I had a real weird morning. Not that anything particularly weird happened, it was just weird vibes. It's possible it's because my dad left on his yearly fishing trip so he'll be gone for 10 or so days. That could be throwing me off, though it is nice to have a break from one crazy family member.
Uh I dunno. Played more Nine Sols. It's a neat game, even if it's pretty tricky. But I did manage to beat the entire second half of a boss fight with only a sliver of HP left and I just blocked every single attack so that was pretty banger. 😎 It's cool, definitely will enjoy playing more of it I'm sure, even if it is a tad bit spooky.
Anyway, signing off for now y'all. 👋
🚫 NOTICE: If you're interested in reaching out, my DMs are open, however, due to past bad experiences I do not interact extensively with people who do drugs or drink alcohol, or have been willingly intoxicated at any point in their lives. I will also not respond to anyone that is significantly younger or older than me. I wish for your understanding with how anxiety-provoking it is for me. I'm very selective with who I choose to get to know because I've dealt with a lot of bad people in the past, so I ask that anyone who reaches out not be too angry if I say I'm too anxious to keep talking.
