I believe you when you say you aren’t an addict, because neither am I.
But I wonder, because many people who claim they aren’t addicts have an absurd double standard where they think they are the only ones capable of having control over themselves, and that everyone else is a slave to their addiction.
I’ve been clean for over a year, so what harm is there in starting again? When I have proven that I have full control and am not addicted? When it is merely something that would make me feel better sometimes?
There, at least someone with a brain who actually has experience with this and can assess this situation correctly.
And what exactly are you wondering? You did not pose any question here. There are many people who are merely users and not addicted, so why should only one person be able to have control over themselves? But there are differences between each person, and some exceptional people in the population with unique brains, I will not deny that. Everyone's brain chemistry and their reactions to drugs are different. As are there certain predetermined factors who develops drug addiction or not, like genetics and epigenetics, psychological development, as well as other characteristics which influence it, like intelligence. So there can be certain people who are immune to it and won't ever develop it, however much they use.
'Being clean' is just a social construct, trying to pressure people into fitting into a norm by some perceived morality and behaving like society expects a 'productive member of society' to act, which is also just a stupid construct. There are also successful drug users, who surpass the average of the population, like me. So why should I change any of my behaviours just because people want to guilt trip me into feeling bad because they themselves do not agree with my actions? If I caved at everything people think I am doing wrong I wouldn't even be myself anymore, as nearly everything I do is perceived as weird or abnormal by the standard population.
And when exactly is someone considered to 'be clean'? Humans consume psychoactive substances all the time, even the ones who persecute others and shame them for drug use. Coffee is a psychoactive substance able to be addictive. Even tea contains theobromine and theophylline which are two psychoactive stimulants, thus technically also drugs. Also chocolate contains theobromine, caffeine and sugar, which also influences brain circuits involved in feeling pleasure and can be addicting, and has adverse health effects in overconsumption. But of course people only consider the 'bad drugs' to be truly drugs. But what is a bad drug? Bad does not exist and is once again just a social construct trying to pressure people into approved behaviours. Why should a molecule be bad or illegal? Molecules do not have a morality. This whole system is idiotic. A human can never be truly clean, as long as they consume anything. Is Ibuprofen also a drug? What about opiate pain medications? Antidepressants? Where is the border when psychoactive substance usage is considered to be medical, recreational, and when is it abusive and addicted? Is someone who is 'clean' and is prescribed an opiate for a broken arm now not clean anymore? Or is this different, because it is prescribed by a doctor. But why is it considered 'prescription drug abuse' if someone disobeys the orders of the doctors, even though they still got is prescribed but just take one pill more? The substance stays the same, still binds to the same brain receptors, still causes the same neurotransmitter release with the same effect on the user, so why is it different? Just because social norms which do not even exist? Chemistry, science, that really does exist and will still continue to exist after mankind perished, but social norms and constructs are not truly real and will pass. Cocaine and morphine used to be legal in the 19th century, freely distributed for every small ailment like toothache or melancholy, or just because it was pleasurable and fun. So what suddenly changed? Did the substance itself magically become something else? No. Just the social norms. I will abide by chemistry and science, not social norms. So it is your own decision. Do you want to adhere to social norms or do what you think is good for yourself? You yourself are the only one who knows what truly is the best for you, not stupid society. So assess whether anewed usage would have more benefits or disadvantages, whether the fleeting pleasure of drug use is worth any possible consequences. But truly take note of all possible consequences.