#shitpost hazbin

[just-another-hhazbin]

Do you think the wiki team would kick me if I tried to change Alastor’s skin tone from grey to brown -

OH SHIT

Someone else already did, and it’s a huge improvement over the lie that was fucking “grey,” but, please, the way they worded this -

That’s not how you spell khaki. Good try tho.

Imagine going up to Alastor, the Radio Demon, and telling him to his face that he has khaki colored skin. The color of militaries and bad fashion choices globally. Tell him that. To his face. Not light brown. Not tan. Not beige. Khaki.

Just because it’s been an official color since the 1800s does not mean it should be used to describe skin tones.

Khaki.

[badvibes2821]

Charlie: Alastor! There is a dead demon in the hotel!

Alastor: Oh...hey...How did he get here?

Charlie: Aaaaaaaaal, what did you do?!

Alastor: Me? Uh, I didn’t do this.

Charlie: Explain what happened, Al!

Alastor: I’ve never seen him before in my life!

Charlie: Why did you kill this person, Al?!

Alastor: I do not kill people. That is...that is my least favorite thing to do.

Charlie: Tell me, Alastor, exactly what you were doing before I came home.

Alastor: Alright, well...I was upstairs...

Charlie: Okay...

Alastor: I was uh...I was sitting in my room...

Charlie: Yes?

Alastor: reading a book...

Charlie: Go on...

Alastor: And, uh, well this guy walked in...

Charlie: Okay...

Alastor: So, I went up to him...

Charlie: Yes...?

Alastor: And I...I stabbed him 37 times in the chest.

*Silence*

Charlie: Aaaaaaaal, that KILLS people!

Alastor: Oh! Well, I didn’t know that.

Charlie: How could you not know that?!

Alastor: Yeah, I’m in the wrong here. I suck....

Charlie: What happened to his hands?

Alastor: What’s that?

Charlie: His hands. Why—why are they missing?

Alastor: Well, I kind of umm...cooked them up. And ate them.

*silence*

Charlie: Aaaaaaaal!?!?!

Alastor: Well, I—I was hungry. And well, you know, when you crave hands...

Charlie: Why on earth would you do that?!

Alastor: I was hungry for hands! Gimme a break!

Charlie: Aaaaaaaaal!

Alastor: My stomach was making the rumblies. Charlie: Al!

Alastor: That only hands would satisfy...

Charlie: What is wrong with you, Al?!

Alastor: Well, I kill people and I eat hands! That’s—that’s two things!

[just-another-hhazbin]

There is absolutely nothing but morals and cowardice stopping Charlie from straight-up kidnapping people for the hotel rehabilitation program. Sure, redemption-by-force isn’t the recommended method, but isn’t that the only reason why half of society behaves anyway? 

[just-another-hhazbin]

Angel Dust tries to explain the concept of jumping out of a cake (and its many adult variants) to Alastor, who proceeds to (purposefully) wildly misinterpret said explanation and instead creates the unasked for and unwanted creepy jack-in-the-box serial-killer version.

[just-another-hhazbin]

From now on I headcanon that Vox has a photographic memory.

Solely for the pun.

[just-another-hhazbin]

I need Alastor to pimp slap me with his microphone and be like you got this ,go slay the day.

We all need this.

[just-another-hhazbin]

So I was going through those pictures of cursed shaved Pokemon the other day, when all of a sudden a thought came to me... Shaved Angel Dust.

why do you do this to me

[badvibes2821]

It’s cannon that Niffty has a thing for fan fiction....

Angel Dust: Hey Niffty, you write anything good this week?

Niffty: *nods excitedly and hands Angel Dust a bunch of papers* You know it! :)

Angel Dust looking over the title: A Taste of Metallic (Everyone x The Hotel / Lemon)

Angel Dust: *puts papers down and slowly exits the room*