Sometimes I Get So Scared
At first, sometimes I got so scared when you didn’t talk to me, didn’t reply to my messages, didn’t see them either.
It felt like you don’t remember me. You don’t miss me. You don’t need me as much as I need you.
Then I wanted to smack myself in the face for being so goddamn needy.
“Why can’t I just be on my own for a second!” I would think to myself & cringe.
You see, I like to think of myself as certain things. Not only because they sound cool but because things are supposedly going to go down easy for you this way.
Aloof.
Cold.
Confident.
Deep.
Attention hungry definitely doesn’t qualify that list. Then why?
And then when he’d finally leave a text, even though I had been contemplating whether I should ask about this entire zoning-me-out thingy before, I’d appear indifferent because I wouldn’t want him to think I’m this uncool.
And you get used to it. I realize that he maybe passing his time out having fun with his numerous other friends & he isn’t liable to follow you around all the fucking time because you are lousy at making friends & staying friends. He shouldn’t have to carry your ass around.
You start using that time. Nourish some new hobbies, catch up on school work. And soon enough you don’t even miss him anymore all the time. Sometimes you do, but not all the time.
You don’t feel like you need to tell him that you stubbed your toe, or you accidentally pricked your finger on a safety pin.
Doesn’t mean you don’t like him anymore. It’s just you are learning to cope.
And then he starts talking.
Five minutes.
Ten.
Twenty.
Thirty.
But you can hardly concentrate. Because times like this, you get scared of how empty will he leave you when he stops responding again.
Can you cope again?
