This is a long post--
Listened to my friend compare me to his guy friends; how I'm 'more mature' than them, even though I'm younger than them. And he did the spiel of 'girls mature faster than guys' and also saying how they're all awkward shut ins and irresponsible and going nowhere in life. And at least one of em has really bad anxiety that hinders him in doing 'regular things in society'... And I was just thinking like... Im not any better. I might be better at hiding that Im Like That. I still live with my parent at 26, going on 27. I have anxiety over shit every single day and have to work really hard to 'get up and do the responsible thing'- like being an adult and going to work and not having breakdowns in the bathroom, etc. My job causes me a considerable amount of stress and I wish I could simply quit. Even going out with friends causes me anxiety sometimes. It sucks and I feel so guilty if I cancel on people last minute. I have to make notes for EVERYTHING, set multiple alarms and reminders for stuff, otherwise I WILL forget within 5-10 minutes, both for work and my everyday life. Like I dont understand how people turn up their noses at shut-ins, like "omg can u believe. they have so many problems existing in society. Ugh! What an inconvenience to me!!' I hate this. I hate the grind. Call it laziness or whatever, but fuck this society where we have to grind or die. That in and of itself is tiring- add to it that so many people are suffering with mental and or physical illnesses and disabilities, in a world that is not built to accommodate them- a whole new level of tiredness. Like congrats if you don't have to take a bunch of extra steps to do One Regular Adult Task. But Stop being holier than thou about 'shut ins' or other people that don't fall within the 'normal'. lol And please don't fucking compare stupid shit like 'girls mature faster than guys'- I am afab and the oldest sibling, and even as a child, always had to conform to that 'you need to be the responsible one and take care of x,y and z duties. Oh and don't ever fuck up. Why are you so shy and quiet? You should be more responsible than this tsk tsk!' I am STILL a people pleaser because of this shit. And its unhealthy and annoying. lol Yes most of the time, I am physically capable of adulting, but fuck if my mental health hasnt been in the fucking garbage buried underground for years because im trying to hold up this 'responsible' persona that I've had drilled into me since birth. Please just stop. lol
