☼︎ 𓂃 Christianity is mentioned, particularly in a bad sense, due to my experiences. I want to speak about it. I want to get it off of my chest. That is it. I accept and support Christians as much as I do Spawnists.
☼︎ 𓂃 I stumbled across a very sweet post about Christianity, and it made me feel nice. I enjoy seeing the soft side of things, but it also reminded me that I've been unable to EXPERIENCE that soft side of things.
☼︎ 𓂃 We used to have to go to a Christian bible camp, we have two bibles from it. None of us are really Christian, but our family is.
☼︎ 𓂃 Our mother is HEAVILY Christian, to the point that it is bothersome. She is extremely obsessed with us being a ''straight, Christian woman''. We don't want to be Christian, we are not straight, and we are NOT a woman. We do not identify as one.
☼︎ 𓂃 She refuses to call us by our chosen name or pronouns because it ''makes her uncomfortable''. Excuse my language, but - she still fucking deadnames our brother, who has been out for...6 years, maybe more?
☼︎ 𓂃 The Christian bible camp wasn't that bad, aside from the fact they weren't very supportive of LGBTQ. (We were still figuring ourself out, back then.)
☼︎ 𓂃 It's very rough to deal with it, especially since she wants us so badly to believe in Jesus and God, while most of us are apart of smaller religions, or believe in the Greek or Roman deities.
☼︎ 𓂃 I do know she is ATTEMPTING to be accepting of us being transgender, but sometimes it does not feel that way.
☼︎ 𓂃 I just don't want our experience with Christianity to ruin the way that we see Christians.
Comic I made at the beginning of quarantine for a collab! The theme was queer in quarantine and I might translate it in English if people are interested :3
hey! you may be unaware, but gynesexual is often used by terfs to mean attracted to cis women. it’s best to use other terms such as lesbian/neptunic due to this association
Hello! I looked this up because of your concerns but only found one or two places that said something like that. If you have other sources (anything really; videos, websites, posts, etc) I would greatly appreciate that.
For those who don't know, Gynesexual means being attracted to femininity and being any gender, but some people define it as being attracted to only cis women (and this can sometimes imply that women are nothing more than their sex). I can see why the second definition can be problematic. However, most people and websites that I've found use it in a good way.
(Sorry the rest is under the keep reading because it is a little long)
I looked up the term neptunic and found that, while they are similar and some people could definitely use them instead, it doesn't exactly mean the same thing. Neptunic means being attracted to women, feminine non-binary people, or neutral non-binary people. Some people also describe it as the attraction to all people except men, or masculine- aligned non-binary people.
The term lesbian describes women who are attracted to women (though anyone can use the term)
The issue may come here when someone who is non-binary feels attraction to femininity.
They may not feel comfortable calling themself lesbian because they may not like the idea of being described as a woman. The term lesbian can also be an issue because they may not be attracted to exclusively women (they could be attracted to feminine presenting men or non-binary people).
And the same sort of issue can come with the term neptunic. They may not feel attraction towards neutral non-binary people.
Another term that some people may find better for them is the term trixic. While not meaning exactly the same thing as gynesexual, it describes non-binary people that are attracted to women and/or more genders so some people may prefer to use this term.
All of the above terms work and are excellent but they may not apply to all people.
While it is true that gynesexual can be used in a less than good way, I've found that it is often used in a good context.
Some people may prefer and/or be ok with this term or want to reclaim it while others may not, it really just depends on the person.
He finally found it. A single tower in the dark forest surrounded by ruins, the once sturdy walls now just piles of broken stone with only the single tower and a small fraction of the once great castle still intact. Prince Valentine entered a large rectangular room he needed to pass through to get to the tower; the remanence of a throne room with only a single thorny, blackwood throne standing on the dais. He wasn’t surprised to see a man standing in front of the caricature of a true throne, dressed in a black and green imitation of the prince’s own royal clothes.
Valentine eyed the man with suspicion as he entered and shouted, “I am Prince Valentine and I am here to save the princess, do not stop me!”
The man glared back, not needing to raise his voice knowing it would carry in the empty space, “There is no princess here, there is no reason for your being here.”
“The king and queen sent me here to find her, everyone in the village says she’s here!” He shouted back.
“There is no princess here,” The man said again and drew his sword, “I must ask you to leave.”
Valentine drew his own sword, “The villagers say there are an evil knight, a witch, and a dragon keeping the princess here, can I assume you are that knight?”
The man shook his head in disappointment, “There is no princess, no knight, no witch or dragon. This is your last chance, leave or parish.”
Valentine laughed as he lunged into battle. The knight lifted his sword and defended as Valentine slashed at him, but the knight easily caught Valentine’s blade against his own.
The knight shoved against Valentine’s sword and pushed him back. He grinned, “They say left-handed fighters have an advantage since most practice against right-handed opponents. I would not count on that giving you an edge here.”
“I needn’t rely on something so trivial to win a fight,” Valentine said, pushing forward again.
It seemed to be an even match, for every attack from Valentine, the knight would block and counter. As Valentine pushed him back, the knight tried for the high ground, stepping up the dais behind him, but it wasn’t enough to unbalance Valentine. It was however enough to make the knight trip slightly when he put his foot back believing there to be another stair to the dais. Valentine took advantage of the knight’s mistake, pushing forward and making the already off-balanced knight fall backwards, and twisting his blade until the knight dropped his sword.
“You’re disarmed, knight, yield,” Valentine said leveling his sword at the knight’s chest.
The knight rolled back and dashed behind the throne as Valentine charged forward and lodged his sword into the throne. While Valentine was stuck, the knight jumped up from the other side of the throne, raised his hand, and Valentine had barely a second of warning as green lightening ran from the knight’s chest to his hand and shot out. It hit Valentine in the chest and sent him flying across the room, leaving his sword still buried in the throne.
Valentine pushed onto his hands and knees, trying to regain his breath while his body still shook from the hit and the shock of the lightening.
“You are outmatched,” The knight called and Valentine turned to see him walking off the dais, carrying both swords that had been left there.
“You cheated,” Valentine said, still out of breath but gaining strength. Suddenly, his sword clattered to the ground next to him.
He looked up at the knight, “There’s no reason to keep fighting, there is no princess, and you are no match for me. Leave.”
Valentine looked between the sword and the knight, and after taking a deep breath, he grabbed his sword and pushed up to lunge at the knight again, but the knight had his sword at Valentine’s neck before he even got to both his feet.
“Why are you still fighting?” The knight asked, tapping the edge of his sword to Valentine’s Adam’s apple.
Valentine glared at the knight, “I will never stop fighting for good! I vowed to the king and queen to return their daughter, and I will save her or die trying!”
“There is no prin-” The knight sighed exasperatedly and shook his head, “You know what, fine! Come on, stand up, move.”
The knight pulled his sword back from Valentine’s neck and sheathed it. Valentine stood up and hesitated, but then sheathed his own sword and followed the knight to a door on the left side of the throne room, down a short hallway, and finally up a winding stair case.
“Where are you taking me?” Valentine asked, though there was really only one place it could be.
The knight didn’t answer until they reached the top of the tower where a single heavy wooden door stood. Valentine watched expectantly as the door was opened, this was where the princess was kept.
The room was full of furniture made from the same blackwood as the throne down stairs; a fourposter bed, a wardrobe, a desk, and a table all made of twisted black thorns. Next to the desk was a small library and along the same wall as a display case filled with various small jars of colorful liquid and a cauldron bubbling over a fire. But, there was no princess.
Valentine couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Where is she?”
“She was never here,” The knight said, “This is my room, where I live and practice magic.”
Valentine looked at the knight, “But, the king and queen cried, the villagers swore, she was here. You are the knight and the witch; they wouldn’t make up an entire princess.”
The knight sighed and walked to the small table. He waved his hand and his eyes glowed green as a tea set shrouded in green magic hovered to the table. Valentine watched for a moment and when the knight offered him a cup, it seemed rude to refuse.
Once Valentine sat down, the knight began, “Once upon a time, there was a king and queen who were liked by their people and loved by their allies. However, they desperately needed an heir to their throne, and after a small ordeal with a witch, the queen became pregnant. The entire kingdom was overjoyed when the birth of the princess was announced. She was kind and rambunctious and beautiful.
“Everyone saw the future of the kingdom in her, but she never felt right. There was something wrong when it was announced, “Her highness, the Princess.” She asked her parents to be trained as a knight, and they allowed it, of course all princesses go through their knight phase; they’d let her train and when she got tired of it, they’d respect her decision to quit. But she didn’t get tired of it, and in fact, she came to them and said, “I want to be a prince.”
“They weren’t sure what to make of it. There are tales of princesses who dress up as princes and train as knights, and those all ended with the princess coming home and becoming queen. So, they let their princess be a prince, but only in the castle, only when no important allies were visiting, only when they were the only ones to see.
“When she asked to go to a ball as a prince, the king and queen got angry. She was supposed to have gotten tired of pretending. She was supposed to only pretend when the doors where closed and no one could see. She was only pretending to be a prince, she would never really be a prince. And they weren’t going to let her pretend any more. No more short wigs, no more binding her chest, no more fake names.
“So, she wasn’t going to pretend any more. She went to the court wizard and asked about changing. She had grown beautiful, delicate, and demure, and she asked the wizard to become handsome, strong, and confident. He couldn’t do anything at the moment, but, he taught her the basics of magic and helped her research the depths of transfiguration.
“Eventually, the king and queen found their studies. They blamed the wizard for cursing their daughter; by chance, he was the son of that witch the queen had gone to for help getting pregnant. So, they- they…” The knight paused, staring blankly into his tea, “I never saw Magnus again. I’m not sure if they exiled or executed him; I left before they did it.”
Valentine spit his tea onto the floor, “You where there? What happened to the princess?”
The knight looked confused at Valentine before rolling his eyes and explaining, “I am the princess.”
Valentine’s eyes went wide, “What?”
“Well, I would be a prince now if my parents hadn’t disowned me,” The knight said and took a sip from his tea. “As I said, I left when Magnus and I were caught. We had made a potion that, if taken consistently for six months, would make me a man permanently. My parents thought I was going too far in my pretending.”
Valentine stared at the prince-knight, “But, why?”
“Why what?” He asked, looking at Valentine with venom in his eyes. “Why be a prince? Or why were they overjoyed to have a princess and then ashamed of a prince?”
“I just,” Valentine couldn’t understand most of it. “Why go through all that, just to become like this?” He waved at the room around them, and implied the shambles of a castle beyond it.
The knight shook his head, “I don’t expect you to understand, but this is who I am. I am a prince. When they called me prince, they were playing along with a game, and they stopped when it got boring. But, it was never a game for me. I was never pretending to be a prince, I was trying to be a prince.”
Valentine nodded his head and quietly said, “That, I think I can understand.”
The knight raised an eyebrow, “Really?”
“I, you’re…” Valentine ran his hand through his hair, and looked back at the knight, “You are more prince than I am.”
The knight looked at him and waited, but when Valentine didn’t elaborate he started, “Well, you’re not obligated to tell-”
“I wasn’t born a prince,” Valentine said, jumping into it like he usually did. “I just, walked into a town one day, after accidentally killing an evil witch tormenting the people there, and said I was a prince sent to help them. That’s what princes did in all the stories, and that was all I ever wanted in life. But then, more towns asked for help and I can’t refuse a call for help, I just can’t. And then the real royalty asked for Prince Valentine and wanted to know who I was, what kingdom I was from, what family I was related to. I always managed to avoid answering those questions, but…”
“You can’t run away forever,” The knight said, and laughed at the similarity of their situations, “Well, that’s certainly interesting. Are my parents convinced that you’re…?”
“Yes,” Valentine said, “It’s part of why they sent me after you.” Beat of silence passed and then Valentine asked, “Wait, so, if you’re the princess and the knight and the witch, where’s the dragon?”
“Oh, that’s Sif,” the knight said, his eye’s glowed slightly and the sound of slithering came from the fire next to the cauldron. “She’s my familiar.”
Valentine watched as a giant green snake slithered from the fire and up the chair where the knight was sitting. It came to a rest around his shoulders but its head stretched halfway across the table towards Valentine, making him give a slightly terrified laugh, “Ah-haha, that’s a snake.”
“An I can turn her into a dragon if I don’t feel like fighting the ridiculous people my parents send after me,” The knight said and the snake let out a small breath of green fire. “That usually scares them away.”
“Holy…” Valentine said as the heat brushed across his face. “Can- can I pet her?”
The knight smiled, “Yeah, sure.”
Valentine reached out and ran his hand along the snake’s head, “Wow, so smooth.”
“I keep her clean and well fed,” the knight said, “And she keeps the rats out.”
“Oh, yes, the villagers said this was once a grand castle,” Valentine said, lifting his tone at the end to make the statement a question.
“My family’s from a long time ago,” The knight said, “It was damaged in a war and they never fixed it. I’ve been using my magic to restore it, but… I mean, I’m basically building a castle by myself. Plus, I keep having to stop for people who’ve come for the princess.”
Valentine blushed, “I’m sorry about that, I feel like a fool for attacking first and asking questions later. The first thing you said was the princess wasn’t here, and I just assumed you were lying.”
“It happens,” the knight said. “The question now is, what are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?” Valentine asked.
“You vowed to return the princess, and she doesn’t exist, at least not as my parents want her to,” the knight said, “Are you going to go back on your vow? Go face the consequences of that? Probably fess up about your lineage? Or force me to come back with you?”
Valentine thought, “I don’t know. I don’t want to do any of that. I am my word, it’s all I’m known for, completing impossible quests and following through on my word. And… I’ll have to face the consequences of my… lie eventually. I’m definitely not going to force you to do anything, you’ve had enough of that.”
The knight nodded as Valentine talked through his options, and in one of Valentine’s pauses he spoke up, “You know, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
Valentine looked back at the knight after staring off into space considering his future, “What?”
“You could just stay here,” The knight offered, “I’ve almost finished restoring another room. I was going to make it my new study for magic, but I can easily make it another bedroom for you.”
“Really?” Valentine asked and looked around, “I- will that not cause problems for you?”
“What do you mean?” The knight asked.
“Well, you said it’s taking a long time to restore the castle,” Valentine said, “And I don’t know where you’re getting your food? You’re out here alone with only a snake for company- though a very nice snake- and, I don’t know, I don’t want to put you out.”
The knight chuckled, “No, I- I spent most of my life alone, hidden by my parents, or hiding from my parents. I had gotten used to it and I didn’t mind being alone here. But now, I- you’re going to think this is so sad- but I’ve started looking forward to the people my parents send? It’s the only social interaction I really get. And it’s kind of fun winding them up and fighting and being dramatic.”
He paused and took a sip of tea before quickly adding, “Oh, and half of magic is gardening, I can grow enough food to feed a small village for a few days, and if need be, I am surrounded by a forest full of animals, hunting has never been difficult. And- you could help restore the castle, if you want to do that.”
“Well then, I guess I could stay for a little while,” Valentine said, then awkwardly added, “But it would be helpful to know your name, if you don’t mind?”
“Alistair,” The knight said, smiling.
“Well, Prince Alistair, it would be an honor to be your guest,” Valentine said and Alistair might have giggled at his exaggerated “proper” tone.
I'm ftm and I deal with a lot of hate for "not being trans enough" because most of my friends are girls or trans guys. I also enjoy flower crowns but other than that I just can't do it. I'm also Pansexual and have a crush on a guy, according to someone in my friend group doing those things is considered "too feminine" to be trans. Oh I also like to curl my hair, but I pass a lot lately. Any advice on what to do. I haven't started t or surgery,
Hey man, I know the pain and unfortunately i think a lot of trans guys do. It’s important to remember that this idea of not being “trans enough” is bullshit. It’s basically saying if you don’t conform to oppressive gender roles and society’s outdated ideas on masculinity then you aren’t a man. If curling your hair makes you happy, you go for it. If wearing flower crowns makes you happy, wear them. Would you say a cis man isn’t a man because they have curly hair? Absolutely not, and it’s no different for you.
In terms of passing, I would say start with hair. try to avoid fringes (bangs) if you can because these are seen as quite feminine and most men don’t have them. If you have short hair ask the barber/hairdresser to square off the ends by your ears (or you could square them yourself if you’re brave enough). I also read somewhere that you look more masculine with darker hair. I’m not sure if this is 100% true but you’re more than willing to try it out (I mean I’m naturally blonde and I dye my hair back and don’t really notice the difference but who knows maybe others do).
Working out and gaining muscle can help ease dysphoria. My only warning with this is to be careful, especially if you’re new to exercise, don’t over work yourself or you’ll be in a lot of pain.
if you have small feet: trainers (sneakers), converse, Dr Martens and heap equivalents are all gender neutral. Wear shirts a size up so they don’t cling to your chest.
you can also look up voice training videos on YouTube if you want to lower your voice (safely!!!)
But ultimately, you don’t have to do any of this. Whatever makes you happy is fine. We both know you’re still a man when you’re wearing boxers and when you’re wearing stilettos.
Summary: Jamie Barnes begins making small changes to her appearance. First it’s her hair, then her name, and then her clothes. As Bucky watches his daughter change before his very eyes, he can’t help but feel like there is something more going on...
Characters: Bucky Barnes, Jamie Barnes, Steve Rogers
Warnings: transphobia
A/N: Two fics in one day, say what?! Since it’s Pride month, I really wanted to write something for it! Some of this comes from my own experience, but if I offend anyone with phrasing, etc. please let me know. As always, thanks for reading! Tags and requests are open!
One Shot Masterlist
When his daughter chopped almost all of her hair off, Bucky barely blinked. He smiled from his seat next to hers at the hairdresser’s as she ogled her new locks. He couldn’t help but notice how much she looked like him. Her newly-short brown hair waved in just the right places, and he felt like he was looking back in time.
“Now you just need a metal arm,” he joked, waving his left arm in her face. “Then you’ll really look like me.”
Jamie just giggled and continued to admire herself in the mirror.
When she asked him to start calling her “Jay”, Bucky barely put up resistance.
“What’s wrong with Jamie?” he asked as he took a bite out of his pizza.
“Nothing,” she replied. “I just want a nickname.”
“Okay, Jay,” he replied, giving her a wide grin. He made sure to text everyone on the team to let them know about her new name.
When she began borrowing clothes from his closet, he thought nothing of it. At first, she just needed to borrow a shirt here or there because she “forgot to do laundry”. Then, when they went shopping for new school clothes, she went straight for the men’s section.
“Honey, why are you looking over here?” he asked as she flipped through different shirts.
“These shirts are cooler,” she replied. She looked up and saw his curious gaze. Gulping, she pushed the clothes back on the rack and walked over to the women’s section. “Never mind, there’s nothing here,” she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. They didn’t buy any clothes that day.
When she talked to Bucky about joining the boy’s soccer team at school, he could no longer ignore the pit slowly growing in his stomach.
“Isn’t there a girl’s team?” he asked.
“Well, yeah,” Jay admitted. “But all my friends are on the boy’s team.”
Bucky stared at Jay as if the answer should have been obvious. “But you’re a girl,” he said slowly.
Jay’s expression fell. “Yeah,” she replied. “I guess I am.” She took her backpack and headed into her room, closing the discussion.
Two days later, Bucky heard Jay and Nat talking in the common room of the Avengers Tower.
“So,” Nat said, “new hair, new name, new style. Seems like a lot of change.”
“I guess,” Jay shrugged. Nat stared at her intently, but Jay refused to meet her eyes. Nat had a way of reading people’s souls, and Jay wasn’t sure she wanted anyone reading too much into hers.
“It’s okay to experiment and try things,” Nat reassured her.
“What if…” Jay trailed off. Nat looked at her expectantly. “Um, nevermind,” Jay said, shaking her head.
Nat hummed thoughtfully. “That’s not your color,” she said suddenly.
Jay looked down at Bucky’s old, black t-shirt. “It’s not?”
Nat shook her head. “Nope. Try stealing your dad’s red henley. That would look great with your hair.” She nodded and smiled. “Or,” she gently suggested, “you could buy some men’s shirts of your own.”
Jay opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no words came out. “I’ve gotta go,” she said, bolting out of the living room. She rushed past Bucky without even seeing him. He heard Nat sigh from the couch, and he released one of his own as he gently banged his head against the wall.
Steve, Bucky, and Jay went out for Sunday brunch two weeks later. Jay was still sporting her new hairstyle and had even managed to borrow Bucky’s famed red henley. She caught up with her uncle until the waitress came over to their table.
“I’ll have the western omelette, please,” she said, as the waitress took down her order.
“I’ll have the same,” Bucky announced when it was his turn.
The waitress chuckled. “Like father, like son, huh?”
Bucky expected Jay to correct the waitress. Tell her it was a mistake, and that she was a girl. But she didn’t. In fact, her smile seemed to get a bit brighter at the idea of being called his son.
Steve eyed Bucky’s clenched jaw, and gently squeezed his knee under the table. Bucky took a deep breath and forced a smile through the rest of the meal.
When it came time to pay the bill, the waitress was there waiting. “I hope you boys have a wonderful day!” she called after them as they left the diner.
Bucky tried to contain his emotions, he really did. But when Jay started talking to Steve about the football game that would be on tomorrow night, he couldn’t stop himself.
“You didn’t correct her,” he interrupted.
Jay’s smile only faltered for a moment before she composed herself. “What?” she asked.
“When the waitress called you my son, you didn’t correct her.”
“Bucky…” Steve warned.
“I didn’t notice,” Jay said quickly, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her gym shorts.
“Once, I might believe you,” Bucky retorted. “But she did it twice.” He walked in front of her, blocking her path, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. Bucky could almost hear her heart pounding out of her chest as he felt his own sinking further and further into his stomach.
“Say goodbye to Uncle Steve,” he said cooly. “We’re going home.” With that, he spun around on his heels and stalked his way back to their apartment.
Jay’s breaths came out in shuddering spurts as she tried to hold it together. Steve wrapped her up in a hug, and she cried in his embrace.
“You have to talk to him, kiddo,” Steve whispered.
Jay pulled back and shook her head violently. “I c-c-can’t,” she gasped. “He’ll ha-hate me.”
Steve’s heart broke as he watched his niece fall apart in front of him. He wiped away her tears and kissed the top of her head. “Go back to the Tower with Aunt Nat, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine.” Without waiting for a response, he bolted after Bucky. He finally caught up with him right outside of his apartment building.
“Bucky!” he yelled.
Bucky whirled around and glared at his best friend. “What?” he snarled.
“What the hell are you doing, Buck? That’s your daughter.”
“My daughter?” Bucky scoffed. “I’m not sure what you just missed, but based off of what happened at breakfast, it sure as hell she seems like she’d rather be my son.”
Steve stared at Bucky with his mouth gaped open in shock. Bucky’s breath caught as he realized what he just said. His chin trembled as he looked around wildly.
“She’s at the Tower,” Steve said. “I told her to go to the Tower.”
Bucky’s legs nearly gave out in relief. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean...oh god, what’s wrong with me, Stevie?” He sat down on the stone stairs and covered his face with his hands. Steve sat down next to him and gently rubbed his shoulder.
“Has she said anything to you?” Bucky finally sniffed, looking up at Steve.
“A little,” he admitted.
“And Nat?”
“And Nat,” Steve confirmed. Bucky shook his head and let out a half-laugh as he gently hit his hand against the stairs. “Buck, she just needed to talk it out first.”
“So, what, she couldn’t come to me? Her own father?” Steve fell silent, and Bucky looked down at his hands. “Hell, I wouldn’t come to me,” he said softly.
“She was afraid of how you’d react.”
“React?” Bucky laughed dryly. “I don’t know how the hell to react! How do you react to this?”
“You tell your kid you love them no matter what, and that everything will be okay,” Steve said firmly.
“I’m scared,” Bucky whispered. “When we were kids, this stuff didn’t happen.”
“It’s not the 30s anymore, Buck. Things are different. What we know about gender and sexuality is different.”
Bucky nodded silently, trying to process everything. He was being selfish, and he knew it. The pain and confusion he was going through was probably nothing compared to what Jay was going through. “I’ve gotta talk to her!” he exclaimed, jumping up.
Bucky barely remembered how he got to the Tower, but he got there in record time. His heart thumped wildly in his chest as he walked into the common room. Jay sat on the big, leather couch next to Nat.
“Jay?” he called, his voice cracking. Her head turned and she met her father’s eyes. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, and he could make out faint tear tracks down her cheeks. His heart broke over the idea that he had caused that. Bucky swallowed as Jay slowly walked away from the couch and towards him. She picked up speed, and before Bucky knew it, she jumped into his embrace.
“Dad-dy, I’m so-sorry I didn’t tell the...tell the,” Jay rambled as Bucky pulled her closer.
“Shh, I’m not mad. I shouldn’t have said those things.” Bucky pulled back and cupped Jay’s cheeks in his hands. “I love you so much. So, so much. Nothing you do will ever change that, you hear me? Nothing.”
“Promise?” Jay whispered.
“I promise, Jay. I promise.” He pulled her close again, and she let the rhythmic beating of his heart calm her down.
“Daddy?” Jay finally asked.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“I...I need to talk to you.”
Bucky gulped and looked over Jay’s head to Steve and Nat. They both nodded at him encouragingly, and he nodded back. He looked down and met his son’s eyes for the first time.
AHHHH I think im gonna explode. Long rant ahead. (Not really a vent, just ranting)
I was just talking to my mother about my friends birthday party sleepover thing next weekend and she was like who all else is coming and I was like me, (friend), and (friends friend who we were just talking about who is gay) and she was like huh?
And I was like yeah. What’s the problem? And she like when erre you gonna tell me this. And I was like well idk like what’s the deal, i don’t get it. And she whispers, well he’s a boy. And im like ohhhh, yeah, he’s trans. And my moms like really confused. And she’s like, what was he born with.
And like mother, I have only ever spoke of him with he/him pronouns, his preferred masc name, and just said he is trans. He is a transgender boy. So right I tell her what he was born with and my moms like oh thank god. Wait. So he’s “trans” (yes she put it in air quotes) and he’s gay, so he likes men. And im like, yeah? And she’s like, so he’s straight. And me not wanting to get into a conversation about this with my mom again, especially with my dad in the room, just decide to go for looking confused.
And she’s like, do you get it? They (yes she decided to convert to using they/them for the rest of the conversation) were born a girl and like men, so they are straight. And my dad pipes up and is like, haha there’s no need to complicate it. And im just like, yeah sure please dont make me pretend to agree with you again, can we be done.
So this goes on for a little bit longer and she’s like, i dont think you get it. I understand that you guys are just trying to figure yourselves out, but you can be a tomboy, and wear more boyish clothes, and get a masculine haircut, and prefer to be called a more masculine name or a shorter version of your name. That’s okay.
And im just like, yeah im aware mom, but he is a boy. He identifies as a boy, not a masculine girl, so I am going to call him a boy, but y’know whatever, I’ll just nod along complacently.
AND THEN she goes, what are you? And im like ‘panik panik’ and I say “a girl. I am a human being” and she’s just like, okay, well what do you like. And im like haha I get to be smart and I say “no one” and she’s like, well do you like boys or girls (im pretty sure my mom thinks im either bi or a lesbian, but she wont ask straightforward so im pretending not to notice) so I go “neither” and she’s like, well do you just not feel it or not care, and im like huh? What doth thou mean.
And she goes well not feeling it would be not feeling any attraction or sexual tension or any attraction at all to any one and not caring would be that you just dont care if they’re a boy or a girl.
But like, how do I explain that its both?? Cause like, i dont feel any sort of sexual attraction, but I am also omniromantic (technically omni oriented aromantic, but were not gonna get into that) but there is also no way im hell that im coming out rn so I just go “ohh, that makes sense. Yeah I just think i dont feel it at all” which honestly, I’ve come out as ace countless times but i havent actually said im ace, I’ve basically said im the definition of ace but now I’ve basically also told her im aro, which i am, but like, I would still date people, cause im omni and now she would get weird probably if I did date someone.
That was a lot, but I just needed to say it somewhere. Sorry, for wasting your time, if you read this.
