HAPPY BIRTHDAY @permanently-stressed FOR REAL THIS TIME
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Sophie and Keefe visit her childhood fandoms inside her mind, there's some angst, there's some feelings realization, and there's even kissing! Tailored just for you, isa. love you
synopsis: the keeper gang strike up a game of base quest at everglen to test the skills they've accumulated over the years. but what starts as a game quickly devolves into chaos when sophie develops yet-another unknown, unmastered ability.
genre: time travel, light angst, eventual fluff, first crush
characters: keefe sencen, sophie foster, edaline and grady ruewen, biana and fitz vacker, dex dizznee, tam and linh song
a sokeefe songfic to smoke signals by cavetown & tessa violet. (it’s an amazing song, listen to it if you haven’t already!) this one was a labor of blood, sweat and sleep deprived tears y’all. not my best work but im kind of proud of it. :p no tw’s that i can think of, but please let me know if i should add any! reblogs and comments are amazing shdkdbsjbs- taglist is at the bottom under the cut, let me know if you want to be added or removed :D
i know i’m a freak
ripped the band aid,
broke the peace
took the lock but lost the key
it’s too easy, keefe thinks. it’s too easy to leave it all behind. it’s too easy to convince himself that he doesn’t care. he knows it’s going to come crashing down eventually. it always does. but oh, right now it’s too easy, too easy to pretend that he thinks he made the right decision.
guess i set you free
hope you found a place to sleep
i know you’re bound to think of me
it’s too hard, sophie thinks. it’s too hard to keep from blaming herself. she wants someone to be angry at- she needs someone to be angry at. and that person should be keefe. she knows it should be. she knows. he ran away again. he left her again. he left, he left, he left, and she should be blaming him, not herself. but oh, right now it’s too hard to do anything other than listen to the voice that’s screaming in her head, telling her that she should have done it all differently.
you can come home to me
when you’re ready
i left the gate unlocked for you
keefe wishes he could stop seeing her in everything. he wishes that he wouldn’t think of her every time the light shifts to golden hour, wishes that he wouldn’t see the pattern of her freckles in every constellation. he wishes he didn’t whip his head around at every voice in a crowd that sounds similar to hers, half expecting her to walk up from behind him and save him from himself like she always did. he wishes he was able to close himself off from her, in the way that he was able to do to everyone else, but when everything in the world still revolved around her, his too-transparent walls were shattered at his feet.
‘til then i’m sending out
smoke signals
hoping i’ll see yours too
sophie wishes she could stop chasing after him. she wishes she could stop waiting for him, waiting for the person that had left her (he left, he left, he left) to come back when she knows he never will. she wishes she could stop waking up in the middle of the night, reaching for her imparter expecting him to be right there before realizing that he wasn’t, that he would never be, and having to lose him all over again. she wishes the pain would go away, wishes she could hate him, wishes she could be angry at him but his ghost is still right there, right next to her. he’s always there and he’s always gone. always, always, always.
when the dust has set
settled up and done our debts
nothin’ left to go collect
it’s too hard, keefe thinks. it’s too hard to stop thinking about all of his irrevocable mistakes as temporary. it’s too hard to stop thinking about his existence in the past tense. it’s too hard not to want. it’s too hard, it’s too hard, it’s too hard.
when it’s heavy on your chest
when you think there’s nothing left
it’s too easy, sophie thinks. it’s too easy to give up. it’s too easy, when the only thing that kept her fighting is gone. it’s too easy to fall into that blackness, when her only light was ripped from her. it’s too easy, it’s too easy, it’s too easy.
you can come home to me
when you’re ready
i left the gate unlocked for you
“i asked you to hate me once,” keefe finally writes one night. “do you remember? after all the time you spent telling me that you could never hate me. i hope you were lying.”
he stares at the paper too long (no, it’s already been far too long, wasting more time doesn’t matter) before he writes again.
“actually, i’m tired of telling myself that. once i burn this letter, it’ll be gone, right? so it’s okay for me to say that i hope you miss me. it’s okay for me to say that i hope you don’t hate me. it’s okay for me to say that i still love you. it’s okay, right? i need someone to tell me it’s okay.”
‘til then i’m sending out
smoke signals
hoping i’ll see yours too
“you asked me to forget you once,” sophie finally writes one night. “do you remember? i hope you do. i hope it hurts. i hope it hurts, because you left me. you left, you left, you left. fuck you.”
a teardrop blurs the ink. she crumples the paper, hurling it out her window as hard as she can until it finally falls too-gracefully over the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean. she takes another piece of paper.
“fuck you. this is going to be gone soon anyways. i may as well write what i could never say. i may as well write that i can’t hate you, no matter how hard i try. i may as well write that i haven’t forgotten you, not one bit, because i still see the exact same pattern of flecks of the sky reflected in your irises every time i close my eyes. i may as well write that i love loved you.”
(i miss you, i miss you, i miss you, i miss you)
keefe is never going to live again. keefe is never going to live again, and that’s okay. he’s never going to have the world again, because the world was her, and he is never going to have her again. he is never going to not miss her again. and that’s okay.
(i miss you, i miss you, i miss you, i miss you)
sophie is never going to live again. sophie is never going to live again, and it will never be okay. she’s never going to be in the world again, because the world was ripped in half and tilted on its axis and no matter how many flimsy stitches are put through the gap that he left, the world is all wrong. she is never going to not miss him again. and it will never be okay.
(i miss you.)
taglist: @a-harmless-poison @an-ungraeceful-swan @countingthestarsaboveourheads AND I THINK THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE BUT I DIDN’T ADD YOU TO MY LIST ON NOTES SO IF YOU ASKED AND I DIDN’T TAG YOU I’M SORRY PLEASE TELL ME N I’LL FIX IT </3
"No, thats wrong!" Sophie shouted at the blonde haired devil that had decided that salt and sugar were the same thing.
Together they were creating chocolate chip cookies, one of Sophie's favourites back in the Forbidden Cities. She'd mentioned off-handily to Keefe about how much she enjoyed making them with her human parents when she was a kid, and he'd decided instantly that teleporting to the Forbidden Cities and gaining the ingredients just to make them was a completely sound plan.
Sandor had been super mad, lecturing them on how they couldn't just run to the human cities for ingredients to make some mediocre cookies without their bodyguards when the Neverseen was out there. She agree completely with his reasoning, unlike the stupid boy next to her.
"What do you mean?" Keefe asked, "this is sugar!"
"No, thats salt."
"What on Earth is salt?!"
She let out a sigh, forgetting elves didn't have the salty grains in their recipes. "Look, I don't know how to explain it, but I can tell you that it is NOT SUGAR!"
"Ok, ok, calm down, you're in charge of these human recipes, Fos-boss."
She glared at him, but inside she was the opposite of mad, her voice betraying her feelings when she grumbled at him, "don't call me Fos-boss."
He tilted her chin at him, meeting her strange brown eyes with his ice-blue ones. "You know, Foster, even if I wasn't able to read your emotions from metres away, I would still be able to guess that you're not actually mad at me."
"Perhaps your Empath abilities are failing, cause I will have you know that I'm completely mad at you—" He cut her off, crashing her lips down onto hers, kissing her softly and sweetly, hands wrapped around her waist as she reached up to place her hands in his blonde curly hair, tugging on strands as he kissed her harder and harder.
Her mood plummeted the second he pulled away, laughing as he felt the emotions waft through the air towards him. "I thought you were mad at me, Miss Foster," he said with a wink that she rolled her eyes at.
"You are so stupid," she muttered, before reaching forward to kiss him again. The cookies could wait, she decided.
I aM BACK BITCheS with the next installment of this fic! It was written a while ago but I forgot to post it on here :|
Sophie slipped inside the mansion of Havenfield by the back door, hoping to avoid her parents. Sandor had gone inside to give her some privacy, and her other bodyguards were around here somewhere, but distanced enough to let her cry in peace. She walked quickly but quietly through the hallways, but fortunately it seemed Grady and Edaline were outside working with the animals. Climbing the stairs to her huge room, she opened the door, walked inside, and fell face-first onto her bed, feeling the tears start to come again.
A few teardrops ran onto her comforter, but she pushed herself up sharply, wiping her eyes.
“No. I’ve got to stop crying.”
Determined to be calm enough to see Keefe, Sophie walked briskly into her bathroom and rinsed her face with cold water a few times. She wet a washcloth with some facial toner and pressed it to her swollen face until the redness receded and the swelling started to go down. She studied her reflection critically, then pulled a brush through her hair, swiped on some lip gloss, and, after contemplation, put on the gold-flecked eyeliner her friends thought was so pretty on her. (She told herself it was just to hide the fact that she had been crying.)
Walking purposefully into her room, she squinted at her clothes, frowning. Dirty, covered in bits of grass and Panakes pollen, they certainly needed to be changed. She shucked off her tunic and pants, tossing them into her laundry bin, then walked into her closet to see what was available. She pulled out a purple fitted tunic and put it on, stepping into her favorite pair of pants, a high-waisted royal blue pair that were reminiscent of her favorite pair of human jeans. She added a pair of boots and grabbed a cloak, as it was cold in the evenings during this time of year.
She decided to hail Keefe and see if he was free. She hoped he was. If he wasn’t, she would change right back into some sweatpants and a cozy tunic and curl up under some blankets with some mallowmelt for the rest of the evening. But she didn't much want to wallow in her sorrows right now.
Keefe picked up on the second ring. “Hey Foster! What’s up? Did you miss my awesome hair so much you had to call me?”
“Hey, Keefe.”
“What, nothing about the hair? I’m embarrassed for you, Foster. You should be missing me. Actually, you should be asking right now if you can come over, because then I can say yes and avoid doing this boring Elvish History homework.”
Ro butted in. “Please get me out of this! Lord Funkyhair here won’t stop sniveling about how boring it is! Not that it isn’t extremely boring listening to a bunch of puny elves boast about how awesome and sparkly they are, but I don’t have to do the homework, so I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Well, actually, I was in fact calling to see if you wanted to hang out,” Sophie said, once she could get a word in edgewise.
“YES! Foster wants to hang out with me!! Score one for team Foster-Keefe! Wanna leap over now? We can eat mallowmelt and annoy Ro with our awesomeness!”
Sophie laughed. “Sure, Keefe! I’ll be there in a couple minutes.” She hung up and pumped her fist at the thought of seeing her friend. Grabbing her Imparter and stuffing it in a bag with a few other things, she called to Vertina. “Vertina! How do I look?”
Her mirror came to life with a smirk. “Whoa, you all of a sudden care? Who are you seeing? Is it that Fitz of yours?”
His name hit her hard, and Sophie winced. "I might as well get used to telling people we’re over", she thought. “No. We broke up today.”
Vertina paused for a minute, looking embarrassed for once. She said softly, “I’m sorry.” Sophie was surprised at the usually cocky and smart-alecky mirror’s compassion, but she appreciated it. She also didn’t know what to say in answer to that, so she just went with a simple “Thanks” and a half smile.
She continued, “It was for the best, I think. It hurts like hell, but I’ll be alright eventually. I just hope Fitz is okay.”
Vertina looked annoyed, saying, “Girl, you need to stop thinking about him. Wondering how he’s doing won’t help you get over him. Focus on yourself and getting over him. Why’d you break up, anyway?”
“We’re hurting too much,” Sophie explained. “Fitz and I are both struggling emotionally and we aren’t--I mean weren’t--helping each other heal. We have to become more happy and emotionally stable before we put emotional energy into a relationship, and I started to realize that recently. When I talked to Fitz about it today, I didn’t know if I wanted to break up, but he said he’d been thinking about it too, and thought it would be the smartest thing for us both to separate. We talked it over, and I agree with him. So that’s the end of us. We’re both sad about it, but I hope this means we can grow and heal more.”
Vertina whistled. “Wow. Well, I’m sorry you ended things, but it sounds like it was a smart thing to do. Anyway, you asked me how you look. I think you look great, but I’d suggest a hair clip to pull your hair out of your face.”
“Thanks, Vertina, but I’ll pass this time,” Sophie said with a shrug. “I don’t really want to have my full face exposed to the world today.”
“Okay, I get it. Have fun wherever you’re going!” Vertina said, clicking off.
Sophie grabbed her bag, quickly wrote a note to Grady and Edaline explaining where she would be, leaving it in the kitchen for them to see when they came inside. “Sandor! I’m going to Keefe’s! Coming?”
Sandor walked in from the living room, where he had been reading on the couch. “This is random,” he said in his squeaky voice. “Any particular reason you’re going to Keefe’s after breaking up with Fitz?” He sounded a bit suspicious.
Sophie raised her eyebrows at him. “No, not really, just wanted a friend right now.”
“Okayyy,” Sandor said, still seemingly unconvinced. “Let’s go, then.” They headed to the LeapMaster and disappeared into a ray of light.