I'm thinking about how Vex warned Percy that "emotions aren't meant to be bottled up" in season 1 to Percy more or less urging Vex that they should be honest with themselves and then confessing his love for her in Season 3.
Stratt is so much meaner in the book, when she tells Grace he's going on the mission, and I love it. It's so effective. Because Stratt isn't mean. Not to anyone else. She's brusque and ruthless, but she often chooses to be kind, when she can afford to be. She's not cruel.
Except in this one scene. She tears Grace apart, she lies to him to make it hurt more, because she's furious with him. Because he's disappointed her so profoundly. Because he couldn't do the right thing, and now she has to tear her heart out of her chest to do it for him. If he had only been brave enough to do the right thing, she could have said goodbye. Her last memory of her best friend could have been of somber solidarity, of pride in their shared purpose. But no. And now she has to live with the memory of him begging her for his life instead. She has to remember telling him no.
Jax wasn't trying to "start shit for no reason". His world was breaking down, he was scared and wanted a taste of normality.
I have some issues with the way people are seeing this scene here. At face value, it does look like Jax just wants to start fighting for no reason and Zooble and Pomni are ignoring him for that.
That isn't what's happening here.
See, Jax's coping mechanism is to keep things predictable, and keep himself in control. All he's ever known in his life was negativity, being yelled at and condemned and shamed for everything he does, and everything he does wrong. He acts out and bullies and abuses because that's what's normal to him.
It's shown right here in this scene,
Jax thought Zooble was going to yell at him. He turned to them, scared, anticipating a scolding or something to the nature of "Get out, nobody wants you here."
But no, Zooble offers him forgiveness and community. He's hit with that reality, the reality that people love him. Zooble is a kind person, not "the grumpy one", and they truly do want nothing but the best for him.
Here he was, antagonizing everyone, thinking they all want him to die. Assigning them roles because he believes they're as fake as Caine is.
Thinking Pomni would laugh at him.
Thinking Ragatha would try to downplay his feelings with her positivity.
Thinking Gangle would agree with Zooble and pin everyone against him.
But no. Jax realizes that the people around him are forgiving and kind and they actually want him around. He realizes that these people... they're actually his friends. That's pretty shocking for someone like him.
He jokes about it, saying "Hah, you guys worry too much!" when they tell him they're worried about him abstracting.
But he opens his eye, and looks at Pomni. The person in the group he trusts the most. Almost as if to ask...
You'd still be worried though, right? You still care about me, right? Even after everything I did...?
In the café scene, Jax was subconsciously testing that. He didn't intend it, of course, because he doesn't have that kind of self awareness. But subconsciously, he was testing Pomni and Zooble. Trying to see if they really were telling the truth.
So, he drops that bitter remark.
"Y'know things were just fine before you and Zooble came along."
But why? Why those words specifically?
Because Zooble and Pomni antagonize Caine. They call him out. And look what happens when that happens! Jax wants to avoid that!
Let's pause for a second, and go over to Ragatha. We're all familiar with her coping mechanism, and she even demonstrates it to Caine!
She's happy, positive, kind, always ready to help, and always ready to give you a little encouragement when you need it!
She's a people pleaser because her mother was a controlling matriarch. She learned that being a little doll, the perfect little daughter, the perfect little friend who never says anything you don't want to hear, will help her survive.
She. Fawns.
And so does Jax.
Jax, no matter how much he denies it, no matter how much he wants to pretend like he's in control, is doing the exact. Same. Thing.
Jax plays by Caine's rules. He gives the circus members their roles. He abides by his own, loyal to being the funny one. He's the perfect plaything, the perfect little cartoon character for Caine.
The perfect circus bunny, performing just for his ringmaster.
And what do Zooble and Pomni do?
They disrupt that. They disrupt that peace. They threaten Caine, they threaten HIM.
Now, let's get one thing absolutely clear here.
Jax HATES Caine. He hates him, he thinks he's a liar, he controls them, he abuses them, he's been stuck here with this controlling overlord that uses him like a fucking puppet for his own sick and twisted desire to stroke his own ego.
I'm sure Ragatha hated her mother as well and never actually cared about her, she only pretended to be positive and happy to appease her and avoid being punished.
Jax pretends to be a sadistic, funny, sarcastic, jerk to appease Caine. To avoid being punished.
"Caine's not gonna do anything malicious, it's not in his nature."
He's scared of what Caine might do to him. So he lies to himself thinking that if he's good enough for Caine, if he's artificial enough, cartoon enough, if he throws away enough of what makes him human, he can avoid punishment.
Now, back to what he said. "Y'know, things were just fine before you and Zooble came along."
Jax waits for an answer, because he wants Pomni to jump at his throat and scold him. He wants to be hurt, he literally uses them to self-harm. After all, his biggest fear is being laughed at by his closest friends.
And to his surprise, they ignore him. They don't engage.
And he's testing Zooble on what they said. Do you really care if I abstract? Even if I degrade you? Even if I'm an asshole to you?
That's the best way to deal with someone like Jax. Just don't engage, as Zooble said. Just ignore him. He wants to use you to harm himself, don't let him do that.
"Okay."
One last offer to give it to him. Let him have it.
But no. Nobody engages.
That is the confirmation in Jax's mind that Pomni and Zooble were telling the truth.
He...can trust them. He can trust Pomni.
So when Pomni starts her plan with Kinger, he jumps up to ask what's going on. Of course he TRUSTS her but he didn't think anything was ACTUALLY going to happen, right!?
Now he's finding out Kinger is actually capable of being sane! He's not a crazy old man!
What the fuck is happening right now!? Gangle is happy, Ragatha is being genuine, Zooble is forgiving, and now Kinger is sane and normal?
And look what Jax does about this information.
He doesn't double down. He doesn't take the bucket off Kinger's head, he doesn't throw a rude joke to catch everyone off guard, he doesn't try to sabotage what Pomni is trying to do.
When he says "Wait!" while Kinger is talking, it's not because he wanted to stop him. It's not because he wanted to distract him or make him crazy again so he'd stop talking.
It's because he remembered that Caine is always watching. He was trying to get Kinger to stop talking because he knew Caine could appear out of nowhere and throw this entire plan out of the window.
So he gets up, and he says,
"I gotta distract Caine so he doesn't listen in on this."
Jax gets up to help them. Jax chooses, on his own volition, under absolutely no pressure or request, to go and volunteer himself to be the distraction AGAIN, despite how much he hated it the first time. Despite how angry he knows Caine is, despite the fact he knows he could suffer greatly if he does.
Just so the others could have a chance.
"I'm never doing anything for you guys ever again."?
Yeah, right, Jax.
This progress is insane for someone like him. And he goes to have a mini panic attack about the fact it's all real, that these really are human beings and not Caine's playthings or his NPCs.
But he still goes to distract Caine. Because he trusts Pomni, he trusts that her plan is going to work.
Because what does Jax accuse Caine of doing?
"You lie to us constantly!"
Honesty is something Jax values so closely that he abandons his coping mechanism and OFFERS to get tortured by the AI overlord just so the others could have a chance.
It's not one of Caine's adventures or some random NPC he's never seen trying to tell him that there's a chance at escaping.
It's Pomni.
He trusts Pomni. Pomni is his friend.
And by extension, he trusts Kinger, and Zooble, and Ragatha, and Gangle, because they're all humans. They're not Caine, they're not AIs, they won't betray his trust like he does. Jax finally was able to break out of his delusion to see that.
