#spilled writings

[soulwr1ter]

Give to love

what it asks

when breath

comes to stir

the heart to

create light

where life

completely

surrenders to

be made peace

in the silence

of its embrace

to rest every

preserved beat

in the knowing

that what lies

here is always

promised to

be yours to

forever keep

-J.Wool, Preserved Beats

[tenderlypressed]

[aaja-pia-tohe-pyaar-du]

I read somewhere that the emotion you keep running from is the one that sets you free.

And I keep wondering; what if that’s true?

What if the thing I spend all my strength trying to bury is the very thing that could save me?

The fear of being seen exactly as I am.

Too sensitive. Too emotional. Too much.

A fool who feels everything too deeply and carries it like a bruise no one can see.

If I let it spill, if I stop swallowing it whole and finally speak, would it set me free?

Would it break these iron cages of anxiety that keep tightening around me?

Would it stop this trembling in my bones, this constant shaking like my body is always bracing for something terrible?

Would it quiet the ache in me that only wants to go home; to crawl back into my mother's arms and hide there until the world feels less sharp?

[plumandnightingale]

I only loved the sick child in you. I never loved you. I can never love wholly. I can never, truly, love.

—'Plum and Nightingale' 梅に鶯

© ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶜʳᵉᵈⁱᵗ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ'ᵈ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵘˢᵉ ⁱᵗ

[blossom-tape]

clean

ten months sober. i never thought i’d make it this far, but here i am. it hasn’t been easy—just because i’m clean doesn’t mean i don’t miss him. the memories would creep in when i least expected, tempting me with a warmth i’d almost forgotten. there were nights i felt his pull, that familiar weight tugging at my resolve. but each time, i held on. i reminded myself of what i was fighting for.

now, though, something feels different. there are no traces of him left—no whispers, no shadows lingering at the edges of my thoughts. for the first time, i can say i’m fully clean. it’s just me, clear-headed and free. and in this space he used to occupy, i feel something new—happiness, lightness, and a clarity i’d nearly given up on. i’m finally here, just as I am, whole and unbroken.

[sxyce]

Father, fuck off for this vile mouth of mine has your tongue and my mothers teeth.

- To the daughter's that fought against their fathers.

[vomitingwords]

Perhaps it takes a lot of courage to wait for hope and to rise again. As if looking at wilted flowers wondering when they will bloom again.

Here's to never giving up. // ma.c.a