#spiralling thoughts

[lilgayducky]

Lately I've been struggling

To write

To create

To exist

My mind and endless stream of thoughts

Itchy every corner

My stomach in knots

I think I'm going crazy

My mouth a weird waterfall of words

Lately I've been struggling

With endless spiralling worries

I keep telling everyone

I'm sorry

I don't understand what's wrong

When I'm listening to the same song

On repeat

Lately I've been struggling

My stomach a chasam

Waiting to be fed but forever empty

With the sickness that comes with overthinking

And hyperfocus so strong I keep forgetting

I'm dehydrated

Underfed

Wasting away

Lately I've been struggling

Although I'm trying to get better

I'm happier

My skirts are twirlier

My eyes are shining

With glittery eyeshadow during the day

But with tears when the light fades away

Lately I've been struggling

And even with a true smile

Plastered on my face

Behind my excitements hides denial

Denial of my worries

Denial that I'm struggling

Denial that I need help

I feel happy

But happy people don't cry into their pillow every night

Wishing they don't have to fight so hard

Just to survive

[astro-noob]

Low-key waiting for someone to just magically appear and fix everything broken inside of me but at the same time knowing that real life is no fairy tale and only you can save you And isn't that realisation so scary and dreary and cold

[jinxdragons]

i think i don’t belong,

but where else am i supposed to be if not here, if not now?

i do not know.

[selflovewarrior]

mindstilling // selflovewarrior

[scooby-snacs]

Spiralling Thoughts

The quote “I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things,” from Tyrion Lannister speaks to me on such a spiritual level it’s kinda fucked.

Like any character in any book, novel or series, that I grow attacked to is one of those three. They could truly be the most horrible person to be written in the novel— a villain with no redemption arc to ever be found, who does as they please when they please. They could be uncaring or cruel to everyone who shows them a glimmer of care and I still would love them. I don’t necessarily go out of my way to excuse their behaviour, I don’t try to make them a better person when I do write of them, I simply understand them and relate to them. I empathize with them, to an almost obsessive-like degree, despite most often never encountering their spirals myself.

I have a spot in my heart for those who are clawed up in self-agony, pain, hurt, deceit and rage— for those who would burn the world down simply to see how high the flames would rise, regardless of who is caught in the inferno. To make someone or something else feel the emotions swirling within them for once, to not be alone for once in their misery.

But do I revel in the pain that they so outwardly describe and feel in writing simply because of the character and the empathy I feel for them? Or, is it more likely that I relate to them because of the self-agony and hatred I feel for myself but would never vocalize or internally justify. Do I love these brutal and beaten characters because I too, am a brutal and beaten character, or because I have far too much empathy and sympathy for those that have been abandoned all their fictional lives?

[charlataninred]

apologies for the amount of notifications im giving u im going on my daily binge of ur tumblr

ngl I was expecting this to turn into “apologies for the deception”

[kindnessisstillhere]

Whirlpool

Spiralling down and round

Yet the same question again,

Just another stab at it all,

Then we’ll spin to something new

Or rather different than the last.

Time keeps going oh so fast

Here’s the questions once more

Still no answer

That’s for sure

Just another thing to ask

Distracting me from any task

With what if and possibly

And who the hell cares

It’s making me angry.

God my thoughts are spun too deep

No sense am I able to keep,

Except just enough to stay still

Fighting the whirlpool

Through force of will.