I’ve been planning to give my squeesh my phone number on the last day of classes. Ive recited how it could go a millions times over the past 2 months. I wrote a letter and everything. I felt things may be mutual and i could actually have a friend for the first time in my life. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. At the end English (our last class together), i was going to go up to him in the hallway and give the letter with my phone number to him. The time came and it didn’t happen. He usually goes left and he went right this time. My legs just kept taking me away from him. I decided that I’d give it to him the next time we crossed paths; we never did. He wasn’t in any of his usual spots or walking down the same hallways that he usually does. I didn’t see him again.
I had the chance to do it and i chickened out. I’d been waiting and preparing for this for weeks and i just didn’t do it. The entire time i was screaming at myself to walk the other way and just fuckin give it him. It’s so fuckin easy. I’ve probably had so many other things like that happen and i just blocked them out of my memory. It’s my fault I don’t have friends and never will. There’s always a common denominator in my squeeshes AND ITS ME.
He deserves better anyways. Maybe I’ll see him during finals tomorrow or the next day. I doubt it. I ruin everything. Even if I did give it to him, he probably wouldn’t have even looked at it.
I’m just a retard and retards don’t get friends
