#state exam

[lacy-crazy2]

mom woke up hungover and drunk at the same time ? idk . she woke us up late, im late for school and i have a state exam

[patient-in-med-school]

15/65

Time is flying. I didn’t notice that I hadn’t kept up to date here. So much has happened, but also nothing at all. I basically studied every day, watched the snow fall, went for walks and even to the gym (once, but it’s something!)

My mock exam didn’t quite go as I had hoped. Panic kept creeping in and I had a good therapy session about how to manage the pressure and focus on me (as I struggle to set clear boundaries with the people around me).

So today was a productive day, only two more days ‘till judgement day aka exam day.

[ley-med]

They said the state exam is going to be the easiest exam I've had, they said it's going to be a good memory looking back. They lied.

I thought if a few days passed, it will lighten my thoughts on the matter. It didn't. And while I know all that matters is that it's over and I passed, it wouldn't really had been my uni if they didn't kick me around one last time. And I'm really trying not letting it get to me, but it's hard, because they 100% found my insecurities and stomped on them. It's still not the worst exam I've survived in med school, far from it, but it's probably among the top 3.

Sorry, long and probably rant-like review of my last exam in med school.

The way the oral part of our state exam works, there are five doctors from five specialities (internal med, surgery, paeds, ob gyn, psychiatry or neurology) and there's a head of the exam, in my case, it was the surgeon. First you quickly examine a patient, then present your findings to the head of the exam, and then you sit all by yourself in front of those five old men and answer whatever question they can think of, the whole situation resembles more of an interrogation than an exam. And the next student in line for the exam is sitting in the corner, listening you trying to scramble every morsel of thought you can squeeze out of your brain.

And mind you, this is only the most important exam of my life. I was scared shitless.

I didn't know everything, very far from that. I will give it to the examiners though, the questions were fair and when I failed to answer correctly at first, they helped me figure it out. There were also topics I was better at, and there was even a time when I was on a roll, I could answer all of the surgeon's questions correctly, fortunately. In the end they gave me a fair grade, which I found pretty good even if far from the best, no complaints there. As long as I passed, I didn't care about the grade, still don't.

The surgeon was an A class A-hole. He was an asshole to some of the other students too, but for some reason he particularly hated me, to the point where the student who witnessed it all had to make sure after the exam if I was alright. (I was, because I just became a doctor, but still.) It was probably because I am a woman, and because I want to become an anesthesiologist despite being a woman. Gasp.

It started with the pt examination, where I didn't follow up on a scar with questions like "did they operate you under general anesthesia and were there any problems during anaesthesia?" And okay fine, it's important, but I had to do a quick shallow head to toe examination, not act like I'm already an anesthesiologist when I'm not even a doctor yet. Then apparently I did the examination of the peripheral vascular system all wrong (I didn't), but since I could answer all of his questions, he let it pass.

Fast forward to the end of my exam. The surgeon says, he expected more from me. Fine, me too, but as long as I pass I don't care. I was in there for an hour talking about the most random topics, I'm just glad I remember my own name. Then he says, in his most derogatory tone... (paraphrased) "You should rethink anesthesiology, it wouldn't be a smart choice for you. The intensive care involves a very complex knowledge and thinking. Why don't you choose dermatology instead? Or maybe pediatrics. No offense to the pediatricians." I was sitting there dumbfounded, did he really just say that? But he wasn't done. "You know, surgery is still a male dominated field. You seem too nervous type and as an anesthesiologist, the surgeons will eat you for breakfast." What could I have done? I just sat there, feeling like crying, but smiled and politely nodded instead. Sure, I will rethink my whole life. How nice of you to point out I'm too stupid and soft for anaesthesiology. But whatever, by the time I crossed the threshold of the room I was already forgetting about it.

And you would think that's the end of it. But no. We had to wait out until everyone in our group finished the exam (8 students, we started in the morning and finished at 4pm, it was fun) and then they called in everyone and read out our grades. (Because what GDPR)

So we are all standing there, relieved that all of us passed, when the surgeon locks eyes with me, and pronounces loudly, in front of everyone: "Rethink that anaesthesiology. You wouldn't fit in there."

Gee, thanks. Tell me some more how I'm maybe not even fit to be a doctor?

And the truth is, I don't take it personally. And I really don't care what a random old man who met me an hour ago says of me or thinks of my abilities.

But fuck, he found my biggest insecurity. What if I'm choosing wrong, what if I'm not smart enough to be a good anaesthesiologist?

I'm trusting the anaesthesiologists I have worked with and who were content with my work, and I'm trusting myself, so I will continue to pursue my dream. But I could have done without these last jabs.

And now I feel better after my rant, so I can go back to celebrating carefree 😁

[rodolphus-lestrangex]

I’m not ignoring anyone’s asks and threads by the way! I have the most important exam of my life coming up next week, so all I’ve been doing is study and read pages and pages of French texts. I’ll be back soon!

[tea-inquiries]

studyblr’s 30 days of learning challenge: learning Italian

Ok, so, I know I'm already late but I was at work yesterday and honestly, that was enough. Anyway, this is my belated introduction.

What is my goal?

My goal is to learn Italian. Are 30 days enough to learn a language? No. I am not delusional. However, I am aiming to get as proficient as possible in 30 days. Since I am already finished with school this year, I have no other responsibilities this month other than going to work, so I can dedicate all of my free time to learning.

And at the end of this month, I’m going to Rome so I can practice my Italian there. I am very excited and honestly, can’t wait!

What are my secondary goals?

Before I jump head first into Italian, I still have a state exam from English so I need to focus on that. I have to go through all my materials about the UK and the USA and I have to finish 2 books. However, I am positive that I can make it. 

I want to write more. I have been writing since I was 13 but for the last 3 years, I didn’t have as much time as I would have wanted to focus on writing. Since I’m done with high school I would like to go back to writing and focus also more on that. I promised myself that I’ll write a lot when I got this laptop, yet I have writer exactly 9 things since then (such as reviews, poems or short stories - stuff I enjoy writing the most).

What is my game plan?

From now until 6th I’ll put all my time and effort into preparing for my state exam, but I'm still planning to do 2 duolingo lessons (if I do 2 every day, I’ll finish the tree by the end of the month; seems pretty doable) and listen to the Italian boot camp as much as possible.

I’m also using other resources to learn and immersing myself as much as possible, but I’ll make a post about it when I’ll have more time to focus. 

I have also created an italian langblr to aid me on my journey so feel free to follow me @soldi-soldi.

[lawblrstudyblr]

06.11.2018

Another cafe study session today. I‘m so not motivated to study at the moment, although my last law school exam is less than a month away. So I went to Starbucks to stop procrastinating.

[kitten-teearss]

This leaving cert is a fucking joke

Turns out my idiot geography teacher lost my entire Geography booklet worth 20% and the principal is on the phone to my mam about it. I’m acc crying bc I’m stressed now. The principal is on the phone to the SEC explaining that it was the teacher who lost my booklet and seeing is there anything they can do, welp. First we’re the guinea pigs of the school and they fuck up everything they do and now this😅

Plus the geography teacher has lost 3 booklets already and tampered with one. He’s well getting sacked, he didn’t even teach. He was a dickhead bully😂👊🏻 I’m raging😅😅

[vero-niche]

Im so nervous!!!!!