#stephweek2025

[aligum]

@stephweek day 7: ★ stars ☆ / recovery

since Damian likes stars, they went stargazing!

[its-not-purple-its-eggplant]

Extremely late art piece for @stephweek!

It's still august it's fine trust. Lyrics are from no good al Joad by the hop alongs. ("You are my favourite because you're a long shot, you are my enemy, because you forgot"). Apologies for the shitty quality lmao

[stephweek]

Stephanie Brown Week 2025 is coming soon! Here is the official prompt list for the event, which will run from August 8th to August 14th.

(Plain text version under the cut!)

Stephanie Brown Week Prompts:

Day 1 (August 8): Identity | Magic Day 2 (August 9) Parent | Child Day 3 (August 10): Games | Victory Day 4 (August 11): Birthday | Free Day Day 5 (August 12): Hidden | Loyalty Day 6 (August 13): Forgiveness | Revenge Day 7 (August 14): Stars | Recovery

Tag your posts #stephweek2025 and/or tag @stephweek in your posts to make sure we can see it and share it!

[casscainmainly]

For @stephweek Day 1: Identity, I wanted to look at the evolving ways identity figures in Steph's story. From the beginning, Steph's arc has revolved around identification. In Detective Comics #648, Tim pulls Steph on board after the "failed" identification of a body believed to be Arthur Brown. Then we get this exchange:

Connected to the 'failed' identification of Arthur, identities are predicated not just on the person with the identity, but on recognition from others. Bruce's immediate reaction to the Spoiler name is to voice his own opinion: "I like that". While this is positive, it plants the seed for the possibility that Bruce can revoke his endorsement. Steph no longer fully controls her own name.

This is emphasised by Detective Comics #649:

Bruce reveals Steph's identity to Arthur to prevent him from hurting her. But already Bruce is exerting his power over her names - she gets no say in being unmasked, figuratively by Bruce or literally by Arthur. Mirroring the way Tim unmasked her in a previous issue, basically every character in this 3-issue arc bypasses her identity as Spoiler. They are all men, too, showcasing a gendered power imbalance between who gets to have control over another's identity.

Afterwards, Bruce and Tim become dismissive of the Spoiler identity. Bruce mockingly calls her "Ms. "Spoiler"" in Robin (1993) #16, and Tim repeatedly refers to Spoiler as Stephanie (against her wishes). This leads to Steph developing complicated feelings on her own identities:

Robin (1993) #26 // #35 // #44

Steph says to Tim twice, "I used to hate it when you said my name." It's a romantic line, but the repetition highlights an underlying past anger - she hated him saying her name. 'Stephanie' has now become charged with negativity. Then in #44, when Tim says "I'm not sure which of you I find attractive," he's drawing a line between Stephanie and Spoiler. Though Steph asks if it "makes a difference," she's internalising these dismissals/separations of her identity too.

Robin (1993) #40

Tim doesn't pay any attention to "Stephanie Brown," only "the Spoiler". She is acutely aware that "Stephanie" isn't good enough for them, which impacts her self-esteem. When she realises she probably won't cut it as Spoiler either, she writes "time for little stephie to find something ELSE." "stephie" is paired with "little," and is a nickname from the worst men in her life (including Arthur) - she's being derogatory towards herself and her own name. She begins to think of herself in the dismissive terms other people call her.

Robin (1993) #57

The devaluation of her own identities causes her to be fine with Tim not sharing his. She doesn't deserve to know - he's "probably too good" for her, anyway. Him knowing her identity doesn't really matter, because her identity doesn't really matter. When Bruce tells her Tim's identity without his permission in #87, Tim is hurt and betrayed. Steph says to Batman, "he was betrayed. By both of us." She views learning someone's identity without permission as a betrayal, which provides insight into how she must've felt as her identity was ripped away from her, time and time again.

After being fired from Spoiler in Gotham Knights #37, both 'Spoiler' and 'Stephanie' are identities that have been effectively demolished for her. It's no surprise then that she turns to an identity she sees Batman does respect: Robin.

Robin (1993) #126

Even though she appears in the cave and asserts herself as Robin, she still desires Batman's approval - her joy comes from the fact that "he called me Robin!". Her identity feels "official" only when he confirms it. As it has been from the very beginning - whatever she calls herself, he has the final say.

And then he fires her.

Robin (1993) #128

The dialogue pits Stephanie in opposition to Robin. Like she could only be Robin in spite of her being Stephanie. Just like Steph "hated" Tim calling her Stephanie, Bruce calling her Stephanie is a sign of disapproval, a sign she's not good enough. Her own name - and that of Spoiler - have been transformed by the men in her life into a symbol of failure. Like the "failed" identification of Arthur Brown, Bruce 'fails' Steph's identities as well.

There's lots more to be said about the way Steph, on her death bed, asks Bruce to legitimise the Robin identity - and yet Bruce still doesn't take off his mask, still keeping the barrier that is a fundamental warping of the trust between Batman and Robin. But to end this post on a more light-hearted note, that's why this moment from Batgirl (2009) #3 is so important:

Steph is asserting her identity explicitly for herself - no Bruce, no Tim, not even Cass. She doesn't need anyone to legitimise her tenure as Batgirl. Of course it makes a huge difference that Cass handed her the mantle, but in the end it is Steph's own tenacity that makes her Batgirl. Nobody gets to fail her this time. When Bruce asked her what she called herself in her introduction, she hesitated. Now, after all these years, there is no more hesitation.

HAPPY STEPH WEEK EVERYBODY!!!!

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

Steph Week Day Two: Mother | Child @stephweek

Stephanie Brown has experienced not one, but two separate dream sequences / visions of being a mother, once when she receives a c-section at the end of her teen pregnancy arc in Robin (1993), and later when, a pretty significant amount of time later, she undergoes the effects of Black Mercy and has a series of visions in the very last issue of Batgirl (2009).

The first vision is a nightmare, her birth dream sequence starts off mundane but almost immediately devolves into disaster, while the second is idealized: the intention of the Black Mercy dream is to trap the dreamer forever in a world so perfect they could never want to leave.

So effectively, we have two visions, one representative of Steph’s worst fears, a worst case scenario of her motherhood, and the other representative of her perfect, most ideal world where she is a mother.

If we take this premise seriously, if we assume even the small differences in these visions are representative of preference and not random chance, what are we being told about Steph? What might differences in the hair color of the hypothetical child, or the role vigilantism plays in either vision, or in Steph’s clothes and appearance represent? In what subtle ways do Steph's fears and hopes manifest in either?

Though the Black Mercy vision only takes up a single full-page panel and contains no dialogue, there is still a lot that I think can be gleaned from analyzing it in conversation with her first dream.

I want to take a look at three key differences in either of these visions and draw out what I think they say about Steph’s views on both motherhood and of herself.

(The panel in Batgirl #24 (2009) I will be referencing for the rest of this meta)

1. Steph as Child vs Steph as Mother

In the birth dream sequence, Steph and her baby are consistently compared.

For one, Steph’s vision of raising her baby reflects her own childhood. For instance, Crystal in the vision doesn’t act like the Crystal of the present day, who is more able to recognize Arthur as an asshole, but instead acts the way Crystal did for most of Steph’s childhood- as an enabler of Arthur unable to recognize his lies or the danger he posed.

Robin #65 (1993)

Robin #59 / Batman Chronicles #22 / Robin #111

Steph’s own childhood then is layered over the imagined childhood of her baby in this vision, with Crystal acting as she did in Steph’s childhood.

This conflation between Steph and her baby is furthered through how dream Steph speaks: in short, simplistic sentences. Even Steph’s outfit - her pink shirt and the overalls - evokes her young age. She curls around her baby in fetal position herself at one point. The setting also strengthens this comparison, the same place where Steph was raised is the same place Steph in the dream raises her baby.

In so many ways Steph is textually compared to her baby, in this dream where she is literally the mother, Steph is still partially taking on the role of Child.

But how about her second dream?

Steph is no longer embodying her young age, or being compared to her baby. This can be seen in the setting alone. As mentioned before, her first dream has her raising her baby in her childhood home, the home she still lives in during Batgirl (2009). But in her second dream, the imagined version of Steph ostensibly lives and raises her child somewhere new, in what appears to be a modern high rise apartment.

In this vision, Steph's appearance too places her more firmly in the role of mother. Her clothes are more mature and professional than the pink shirt and overalls of the first dream. Additionally, in the second dream, she also emulates the hairstyle that modern Crystal has been rocking all through Batgirl (2009). Steph's dream of motherhood no longer has her emulating herself and her own childhood, but instead emulating what she associates with her mother and specifically her mother at her best and most supportive.

Steph’s subconscious is still drawing on symbols of her mother, but this time ascribing the present-Crystal to Steph, portrayed the good of motherhood Steph has experienced, instead of fixating on the past the worst of it. In this ideal, she is a mother to her child like Crystal is a mother to her now, in the present moment of Batgirl (2009).

In Steph’s worst fears of motherhood, her youth is emphasized, indicating her fears of subjecting her baby to anything like her own traumatic childhood as well as her fears of her own inadequacy and feelings of weakness - something which her Black Mercy dream starkly contrasts. In her ideal concept of motherhood she is not only more visually mature and independent than her 15-16 year old self, but even more so than her present in Batgirl (2009).

2. The Child

In comparing both children, quite a few obvious differences jump out. For one, age.

In the first dream, Steph's baby is just that: a baby. Steph's nightmare melds the timeline of her present reality with her dream very smoothly. It's easy to imagine Steph receiving this C-section, awaking from this dream, and returning home with this baby to a situation not unlike her nightmare. It's immediately intertwined with her present moment, because this nightmare is based around her present fears. Her nightmare, this collection of things she fears would occur if she made the choice to keep her baby while concerned broadly with the future, is cemented in the present, in the immediate consequences of the choice to give up her baby or to keep it that Steph is grappling with through her nightmare.

Robin #65

The age of her child emphasizes its vulnerability, one of the things Steph obsesses over in her nightmare. Both the baby's mental vulnerability, how impressionable it might be as well as the baby's physical vulnerability, as it's launched into the air and Steph agonizes over her baby being injured as fighting breaks out. The baby is small, small enough to throw into the air, small enough to get easily crushed, small enough to be easily stolen away, young enough to literally REACH out to Arthur as it's stolen away, young enough not to know better at all, young enough for Arthur's influence to be potentially permanent.

Steph's nightmare has her imagining the immediate moment, the immediate consequence of bringing her baby home, of the disaster she fears would immediately follow. Her baby, so defenseless in this nightmare might not survive that one night, survive just one destructive moment.

And in contrast to Steph's Black Mercy dream, this frail moment of infancy has passed. Steph's child is still quite young, but not nearly as entirely helpless as her dreamt baby might have been. This child isn't able to be easily snatched as the baby in her nightmare was, and the child is also familiar with Steph and in possession of a greater cognition that means Steph's fears her child being corrupted somehow are less in play.

Another interesting difference between the two children is hair color.

One of the prevailing fears Steph fixates on up until her death is her fear over her connection to Arthur tainting her.

She repeatably assumes her friends and allies think less of her because of her (more times than I can easily portray), and she conceptualizes her relationship with both the Spoiler and Robin mantles with first her need to 'make up for' Arthur's evil and then secondly as proof of how different she is to Arthur.

Robin 80 Page Giant / Spoiler/Huntress: Blunt Trauma / Batgirl #53

This fear, as mentioned before, pervades her nightmare as this fear extends to her baby. Arthur steals her baby and threatens to "show him the ropes" and to have the baby "start a rap sheet". Steph's fear of being tainted by Arthur's villainy extends to her baby in this nightmare.

Detective #648 (1937)

In the nightmare, Steph, her baby, and Arthur Brown all have identical yellow blond hair. While a small detail, it is a connection they all share in this dream, and there is also some precedence for Steph connecting her and Arthur's own hair color. If Steph inherited her hair color from Arthur, and her baby inherits this hair color from Steph (likely enough given Dean is portrayed as more of a ginger), then a connection between Arthur and her baby is visually apparent.

In her nightmare, as her fears over her connection to Arthur and her baby's subsequent connection to Arthur manifest, the connection is perceivable through hair color, strengthening and pointing out that connection.

Contrast this to the Black Mercy dream, where her child not only doesn't have blond hair, but has starkly black hair, totally disconnected from Arthur even tangentially. This also neutralizes the child's connection to Steph, which I suspect wouldn't register to Steph as an unfortunate side effect, but rather another boon. This child is a fresh start, untainted by Arthur's explicit evil and Steph's mistake riddled past, unlike the baby from the first dream who is completely embroiled in it's destructive connection to them both.

Steph’s nightmare illustrates a fear of her baby being corrupted by Arthur - a fear she clearly also experiences in reference to herself. Steph’s second dream therefore caters to her desire for a distance from Arthur by removing the association of blond hair. She also experiences a clear fear of her child’s physical vulnerability - that it could be injured or even killed, and a fear that Steph would be unable to stop it if it were to occur. Her fear of helplessness is similar to her fears of dependence and immaturity explored earlier. She’s assuages these fears in her second dream not only through the increased maturity and self support, but these fears are also assuaged by how she imagines her child’s age, no longer having the same physical fragility as a baby would have and creating the assumption that Steph is capable enough to have already succeeded keeping this child alive for multiple years.

3. Vigilantism

Vigilantism and the effectiveness about vigilantism is another point of powerful contrast between these two dreams.

Steph is very familiar with idolizing heroes as a child. We're shown Steph identifying with Superman as a toddler, and her later idolization of Batman pervades her childhood.

Secret Origins 80 Page Giant

Robin #111 (1993)

But this is not an attitude that follows her into her teens. Saddled with a distrust of adults at age 11 (and especially adult men) after almost being molested, Steph seems to cement what will continue to be a core component of her character: her self sufficiency and self reliance, and a deeply held belief others cannot be trusted to look out for her. By the time she actually meets Batman at 15, there is no trace of her young childhood idolization.

Secret Origins 80 Page Giant / Robin #69

Steph gave up on her faith in heroes, and as an almost direct consequence of that lost faith, she had to become her own. She becomes Spoiler because she couldn't rely on anyone else to protect her and Crystal, not Crystal, not the cops, and not Batman and Robin on their own. Steph has to do it herself.

In her nightmare, vigilantism falls uniformly into that view. Vigilante's can appear and fight, but when it comes to protecting what matters, they don't even come close. Her baby is in fatal danger, and as if a reaction to that fatal danger and the failure of the others to save it, Steph's Spoiler uniform suddenly appears on her body. But even her vigilantism is ultimately useless. She wakes before we see if she was able to catch the baby, but her expression, clear even through her mask, doesn't really bode well for her baby.

In this nightmare, vigilantes fail, mirroring how Steph viewed them in her disillusioned teen years, they can't be trusted to protect effectively. And worse - Steph can't rely on herself either. (This also connects somewhat to something I explored in another meta about Steph's pregnancy dream: how the purple tiles under her baby as it falls serve as a reminder of Steph's lost faith.)

But in her Black Mercy dream, the situation is solidly reversed. Behind Steph, totally ignored, is the light of the Bat Signal in the sky. She doesn't look to it and she doesn't seem to acknowledge it at all, her sole attention is fixed on her son as he plays. He looks back at her, not up to the sky. In his hand is a plushie donning the Batman cape and underwear. On the floor lay a scattering of other toys, dinosaurs and cars and robots.

While it's not conclusive, this scene seems to imply Steph may no longer be a vigilante, making it the only Black Mercy dream out of the seven total we see where she isn't a fighter of some kind, and it's definitely the only dream where Steph isn't actively fighting or seemingly about to engage in a fight. Even in the second most mundane dream, taking place at her college graduation, Steph still fights.

To me, the message is clear. To Steph, the ideal world where she is a mother is exactly the opposite of what she experienced as a child. It’s a world where a kid can rely on heroes, a world where Steph's child can rely on adults, and through the way vigilantism is represented as separate from Steph puts it in contrast to the world Steph grew up in, where she had to become her own hero. This is a world where her kid is absolutely safe, and a world where Steph doesn't have to be out at night fighting to make that true.

I want to be absolutely clear. One dream where Steph may no longer be a vigilante absolutely does NOT mean her secret dream is to give up fighting to be a mother.

Steph loves being a vigilante. While at times it proves to be akin to a redemptive quest for her (a way to make up for the sins of Cluemaster, or prove herself good enough for Batman, or to in some way try to make up for the harm she'd unintentionally caused to Gotham), Steph also just loves being a vigilante. It's not just the rush, it's the good she can do, the people in her community she can help, the victims she can save and relates to, and the agency and power she can grant herself. It's no wonder that 6/7 of these ideal worlds Black Mercy infects Steph's mind with contain at least some reference her being a crime fighter of some kind.

Steph (potentially) not being a vigilante in the motherhood Black Mercy dream isn’t really about Steph’s desire for herself, it’s about Steph wanting to raise her child in a world where heroes are so capable Steph doesn’t need to be one of them to ensure her child’s safety, a world where her child is never going to be so scared he has to sew together his own costume to protect himself, a world where maybe Steph never had to either.

[616swanda]

Stephanie Brown has many different identities. Do you wish to find which one are you? Well, what are you waiting for? It's free!

For Steph Week 2025! Day 1: Identity

Want to find out which one of Stephanie Brown’s identities you are? This quiz got the answer! (No refunds)

[ladyloveandjustice]

Erase the Epitaph- A Stephanie Brown AU fanfic

Steph Week Day 6: Recovery

Here's my entry for Steph week, and I think it nicely fits the theme of recovery-- the first chapter of my AU where Leslie is in character doesn't fake Stephanie's death after War Games and so we get to see her journey of recovery, both physically and mentally, dealing with the fallout of her trauma and guilt, with an additional focus on navigating her relationships with her mother, Cass, Tim, and some others. Steph's gonna be around for a lot events now, and it may change some things! People were really enthusiastic about this one when I polled it, so I hope they enjoy the result!

I actually had to reread parts of War Games for this, so I feel I've really suffered for my art. So please, read it and tell me what you think! There may be medical inaccuracies, I might try a little harder when I post on Ao3 but the comics themselves are super vague about Steph's injuries so. I did do all that reading, but I also might get some details off due to hating War Games and not really carefully reading the non-Steph parts, so let me know if I do.

Erase the Epitaph

The pain was like a stone wall crushing her. She was going to break under its weight soon, she knew. But…

“Was any of it real? Was I really Robin?”

“Of course you were.”

Batman’s answer was immediate, effusive.

Stephanie swallowed, tasting blood, wanting to believe him.

“Good. Then I was really part of the legend. Even if it was only for a little while. No matter what, no one can take that away.”

As her vision blurred, she clung to those brief, shining moments—that time she was swinging along with Cass, feeling strong and free, finally feeling like she could really fight alongside her and not be a burden. The first time she’d comforted a victim who was too scared to talk to Batman, how she’d chattered until the guy’s shaking and crying calmed, how she’d actually managed to make him laugh. That time when she’d grabbed a little girl out of the way of falling masonry during the Killer Croc fight, how the child had looked at her with wide, wondering eyes. “Robin’s a girl? Cool!”

Even with all the horror and shame, those moments were still hers.

“No matter what,” Batman echoed her.

She tried to smile at him, but she couldn’t even move her lips right. Her throat had been scraped raw from talking, and her neck still felt like a mess of jagged, bloody broken glass, even though they'd supposedly extracted it all.

“I think I’m going to rest now,” Steph forced out. “Just for a little while.”

“You bet. I’ll be here, watching over you.”

She could tell Batman didn’t think she was going to wake up. He was trying so hard to be comforting and upbeat, and he was so bad at it. It was kind of funny. But he was trying, at least, and that meant he cared a little, and that was more than she’d expected from him, after everything.

She wasn’t expecting to wake up either.

She wished she could see her Mom before the end. She wanted to hold her hand so, so badly. To say she was sorry.

Tim and Cass too. She wanted to tell Cass she was sorry she’d let her down. Tell Tim she was sorry she’d hurt him.

 Batman had claimed Tim didn’t hate her, and that had to be a lie. But she hoped he hadn’t been lying when he said he, Cass and the others were all okay. She hoped they were truly safe.

Her swollen eyelids were too heavy. She let her them close hot tears spilling out when she did. She was drifting now, in the dark, everything indistinct.

In the distance, there was a long, unbroken beep. A strangled gasp.

But then, abruptly, the beeping cut off.

“No. No, what am I thinking, I can’t do this. She’s alive, Bruce.”

It was the voice of that doctor, the one with kind eyes, who’d bandaged her and held her hand, softly whispering that she’d save her no matter what it took. There was no softness in her voice now. I had turned harsh and bitter.

“Leslie, what—”

“She’s alive, and hopefully she’ll stay that way. I was considering… but it would be too cruel. To her mother, especially. And even if it kept Stephanie safe, I…I can’t make those choices for her.”

“…You were going to fake her death.” Batman’s voice wasn’t accusatory. It was almost…sad.

“Yes. For a foolish, foolish second, I almost went through with it. She just reminded me so much of…”

There was a choked off sound, and some rustling.  

“I just…wish I could help her. Keep her away from this city. She can’t recover here. I’m sure she’s going to blame herself and jump right back in danger again.” The woman’s voice was getting higher, a little frantic. “But I can’t. I can’t just rip her away from the people she loves. I can’t abandon my other patients. God, I wish I could, though! Maybe you’d learn you can’t treat children like this!”

“Leslie, I—”

“But no, you wouldn’t learn anything, would you?” the doctor snarled. "Jason didn’t stop you, after all!  And you treated her just like you treated him.”  

“I know it’s my fault.” Batman sounded weak. Lost. Almost like a child. Steph had never heard him sound like this before.

A long silence.

 “We’re not completely out of the woods with her,” the woman said. “She is badly injured. I wasn’t lying about the internal bleeding. With that head injury, she has high odds of slipping into a coma. There’s a lot of things that can go wrong.”

“She’ll make it. I know she will. She’s a fighter.” There was something that almost sounded like pride in his voice, and it made Steph’s stomach twist strangely.

“You said that about Jason too,” Leslie said sharply. “That he was strong. And he was. But after a certain point, being strong, being a fighter, it has nothing to do with it. If the body goes through too much, it shuts down and there’s nothing anyone can do”

“I know that. I was worried about this turning out like Jason the whole time, Leslie—"

 “I’m going to try to persuade her mother to take her outside of Gotham once she’s stable enough,” Leslie cut him off, in a forcibly detached tone.  “In the meantime, the man who hurt her is still out there. Protect her. Send someone to guard her.” Her voice went flat and tired. “I love you, Bruce. I always will. But if anything happens to this girl, Batman won’t be welcome here anymore.”

Batman (Bruce?) said something back, but his words were getting fuzzier. Steph drifted away.

The pain came in waves and torrents now. Sometimes it was like choking on seawater, struggling for air, throat burning, her head barely bobbing above the surface. Sometimes she was dragged down to the depths, her chest caving in as the darkness swallowed her up.  

There were visions too, screams and cries and the last gurgles of a dying man, a ghoulish black mask and his laughter, the sound of a gunshot...

But then a familiar voice came in and washed it all away for a moment, and she was so glad to hear it, so glad he was alive, and sounded whole and healthy, even if his voice was cracked and miserable.

“—uce didn’t want me to know exactly…that he did to you, but you know me, too nosy for my own good. I can’t stand it if I don’t know, it means I start inventing all these things that could have happened in my head… so, sorry, I stole a look at your medical chart…”

A sharp inhale and his voice shook.

“I thought I was going to throw up. I-it’s a miracle you’re alive. That you even got yourself out of there.  But you’ve always been tough. You’re the toughest person I know, Steph. I…wish I had told you that before all this. But that’s how I know get through this. Because you’re not like me. You’re not a quitter.”

No, that’s not right, that’s not what it is, Tim. I don’t listen. I’m too stubborn. Look where it got me. You just know when to step back. I wish I could do that.

Tim’s breathing was uneven and ragged.

Bruce just wanted me to be like you, the entire time I was Robin. But I could never be good enough. You’re the one everyone wants, okay?

“You’ve never given up on anything in your life, Steph,” Tim whispered. ‘Please don’t start now. Please.”

But I want to, Tim. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. Why do you even want me to come back? Everything I did. To Gotham.  To you…

And she let herself be dragged into the dark again.

The next voice was soft and deep, words slow and carefully considered. Steph recognized it with a surge of warmth.  She was okay too. Of course she was, nothing could defeat her.

“I looked for you. Looked everywhere. But I…wasn’t fast enough. Didn’t find you. I’m sorry. If I’d gone after you…not just then, but that night you told me…that you were fired. I should have made you stay. Talked to you.”

A wet swallow.

 “Would have realized if I knew more about… friends.  I never… had a friend before you. You always talk to me like I’m …normal. You were never scared. Not once. It means…a lot. And I never told you. Wake up so I can.”

Cass, you mean everything to me too. But you deserve better friends than me, come on! There are so many people out there who will love you, Cass, you just haven’t met them yet. You’ll be okay. You’re strong.

It’s not your job to save me.

So she sank. Down, down, down again.

The next voice made something ache deep inside her. It was the voice she’d known the best and longest, the one used to sing her to sleep. It stirred up so much inside her she almost wanted to block it out. But she also found herself reaching for it, like she was a child again, looking to nuzzle in those soft arms, looking for safety that had never existed.

“-that damn costume, but I know it’s my fault. I should have protected you, but instead you spent your childhood worried about protecting me from your father.”

Her Mom was crying. That wasn’t unusual. She cried a lot, she always had. Sometimes it really pissed Steph off, and then she hated herself for that.

“You had to do it all yourself. I made you think it was you job to fix his mistakes, but it’s not, Steph, it…was your job was to be a kid. To be happy. But I never gave that to you.” A horrible, hitching sob. “I ‘m trying to be strong like you. I know you’d be frustrated how I’m falling apart right now…but I can’t stop thinking about…what  if I lose you?”

She sounded small. Broken.

“You’re the reason I get up in the morning, Steph. The only thing in my life I’m proud of.  If you—if you—I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on.”

Something about the way she said it made Steph go cold.

No.

No.

Don’t  you dare say that, don’t you dare. None of this is your fault, and if you..if you…

I swear to God, Mom.

She’d finally found it again. Her anger, the  one companion she could always count on, the one thing in her life that had never abandoned her. When she’d been a child, alone late at night, cold with fear…the anger had curled up next to her, held her in his embrace, kept her warm and alive. Whenever she’d wanted to give up, stop moving, the anger had been a friend that pushed her forward. It swelled now, hot and fierce, that feeling that made her want to take on the world, because it wasn’t fair, because her Mom shouldn’t be saying shit like that, shouldn’t be hurting like this, because life should be better than this, and after everything, everything…

For the first time, Steph tried fighting back against the black water. She swam up, arms thrashing and desperate. The pressure bore down on her, and it was almost too much, but she could break the surface, she knew she could.

 And her eyes opened.

She saw a vague, blurry outline. The shape of her mother. And oh god, it hurt, why did it hurt so much---

“No, Mom. You can’t give up. Don’t you ever scare me like that, don’t you ever—"

She tried to say it, tried to scream it, but all that came out was a “nuh.”

But her Mom heard it. And then she was the one screaming.

“Stephanie! Stephanie, you’re awake! Oh, my baby girl! Dr. Thompkins, she opened her eyes, she—”

Steph tried to keep them open longer, for her Mom, who was clasping her hand and crying. She wanted to tell her…but she was fading already, going into the darkness again.

But at least it didn’t feel like she was drowning anymore.

Authors notes:

And that's the first part! Got real emotional while I was writing. I actually got this idea because I've seen a few fanfics on Ao3 that do a "Steph survives and things happen differently" and they’re good but I wanted a bit more focus on Steph.

I've already written a bit more, but please let me know if you want it! I have a TON of ideas, this might end up long. Also since it's likely a question: I'm going to do my best for this not to be Let's Just Bash on Batman, in spite of how horrible he was to Steph I think it's more interesting for him not to be a monster and have some sympathetic qualities and nuance and all that, but I do want him to have to face conflict and be held accountable for stuff he pulled with Steph (and Tim!), rather than being excused like he was in canon.

[eyeballglitter]

Day 1: Identity

if I haven’t gone to bed yet, legally it’s still the 8th actually

@stephweek