That Stupid Sexist Scientist
Last week a CERN scientist revealed he’s only a particle physicist because quarks think his brain’s a subatomic particle too. Professor Allessandro Strumia went on stage and destroyed his career so fast the OPERA experiment swear they’ve really detected faster than light events this time. Strumia lied about his talk’s title to deliver 26 slides of Mens’ Reddit Assholery to CERN’s first workshop on High Energy Physics and Gender, a room filled with women scientists, and upload them to the internet. He couldn’t have fucked things worse if he’d snuck into the accelerator tunnels and stuck his cock in an antimatter beam, because at least then this dick’s annihilation would have generated usable data.
He spent hours carefully assembling a powerpoint shit accelerator and aimed it at those fans on the side of the SHIELD Helicarrier, except he targetd a real organization with much more impressive equipment. CERN slammed down on him so fast and hard it counted as a test of general relativity. The only reason it wasn’t detected by LIGO is all scientists were wincing in embarrassment before adding him to every mute list in existence.
His employers and funders at the University of Pisa and European Research Commission immediately launched ethics investigations, because when someone calls all women scheming liars from the stage of a gender conference God alone knows what he’s done to women students on their own. Because they’re both backwards concepts based on older men insisting their assholery is the natural order of things.
We don’t have to engage his points because a dude telling you there’s no sexism is like a dude telling you there’s no gravity: the fact he’s standing there doing so automatically proves him wrong. He’s not an academic mind to be convinced, he’s a problem to be solved. If someone says your name is “Lying Hysterical Scumbag” you don’t dig out your passport to prove him wrong, and that’s what these dicks do to at least half the population every time they open their mouths.
These assholes are computer viruses: you don’t argue with them, you delete them from anything important. Every cry of “debate me” or “prove my research wrong” is a mail from “Y0ur b@nk” telling you to click on “shithead.exe”. Their arguments are cheese slices melted by ball sweat: easy to poke holes in, but doing so at their command is only playing into their stinking scrotal desires.
The only reason to take them apart is demonstrating their idiocy to other people with working brains. Which is what the brilliant Particles for Justice have already done, hundreds of scientists burning him with more educational and scientific precision and throwing him into the National Ignition Facility.
Which is why I’ll look at the dumbest parts instead.
Has talk started so tediously it might have been an attempt to reboot viewers brains in safe mode.
Presenting personal opinions in fake scientific formatting works for maybe half a birthday card, and even then only if your target works in the exact same research group and already likes you. Neither of which is even possible for Professor Strumia from exactly this slide. His talk could only have self-defeated earlier if he’d traveled back in time and used it to send his horny parents to sleep.
Strumia started his sexist shit in supersymmetry jargon.He might as well have pulled his dick out and declared it the meter: everything afterwards is clearly wrong, obviously offensive, and that way he would have been tackled off the stage before doing more damage. It also lets everyone know his data is going to be pathetic. His is a mindset which can’t grapple with new viewpoints because it’s too busy clutching its own cock as the axis of all realities.
The slides went straight on into Women be nurses, but men be truckers. Because the almost total gender bias in those fields is proof there isn’t sexism now. It isn’t often an invited CERN speaker makes homeopaths look intelligent because they at least understand an atom of the relevant elements, but here we are. And someone, please, ask him to comment on that "legal professions (where real power is". I want to see if enough shitheadery can exceed the Chandrasekhar limit and collapse this asshole into a black hole where he can no longer affect the outside world.
Behold the most accurate scatter graph you’ll ever see:
The way he not only fit that line to those points, but then felt confident displaying it to the world, is the perfect summary of sticking his stupid dick into a global mess. And he considers this enough mathematical foundation to launch into an incel manifesto complaining about how the real discrimination is against men! In 2018! At CERN! To an audience of mostly young women scientists! Forget rechecking his papers, I’d check this asshole’s math as he writes all his own future birthday cards.
He presented this slide to CERN’s Gender conference:
He presented this 4chan shit to the most concentrated counter-example in the history of the world! This guy thinks cupping his balls counts as peer review. Though “thinks” might be a strong description for testosterone molecules wandering down the whistling axon alleys and deciding to see what these receptors do. He then completed the center square of every shithead bingo card with “Cultural Marxism”, for real, written down in a presentation to one of the most advanced scientific facilities on Earth.
On a lighter note he demonstrated his true scientific ability by devoting another whole slide to previous shitheads who got fired for doing exactly what he’s doing, but much less so. So when CERN immediately revoked his status we didn’t lose a major predictive mind.
He mentioned but misspelled James “Darmore”, which is perfect in more dimensions than his precious superstring theory. That’s you, Damore! Even fellow shitheads don’t care enough to spell your name right! Hope those entire dollars you got from a week of rightwing podcasts are making up for the loss of Google pay! Haha!
This asshole event horizon thinks that insulting everyone on Earth is same as disagreeing with a particular variant of the theory of tiny superstrings. In his mind women are infinitesimal objects only really noticeable in a highly specific and deeply and unsupported theory.
He’ since doubled down on dickheading by telling Nature “I hope they will want to talk and tell me what it was about my talk that was illegal.”, then achieved the rare tripling down by describing the reaction as “lynching”. If nothing else it’s depressingly unoriginal. You’d hope a theoretical physicist could at least achieve original new breakthroughs in being a prick.
More science fun at ZERO POINT COMEDY
Thanks to @shmeezee for the slides
