The main reason I’m writing this post is to tell you that things do get better and even though we make mistakes or life/people do us wrong, things do fall into place. A few things to note: 1) I’m from Argentina and some of the best universities with the most demanding programs are free. 2) There will be mentions of struggles with mental illness in this post, but I won’t get into detail. 3) This post is so sugarcoated it’s ridiculous.
In 2011, I was in my last year of highschool, and I decided I wanted to be an English translator. I knew it was a very challenging major but I was young and I thought “eh, what could go wrong?”. Fast forward to February 2012, I’m moved into my dorm, and classes are starting. I’m doing my best but I’m going to be honest here: I didn’t know what I was doing.
One month later, I’m hit in the face with a brick by repressed childhood trauma. I become severely depressed. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I skip classes because I’m too weak to go outside, I don’t have any real friends who know what I’m going through, my family is far away in another city and I lie to my mom and tell her I’m fine. I barely survive the entire year and when December comes, my mom comes to the city to visit. “Mom, please get me out of here. I can’t do this anymore.”
This was all out of the blue for my mom but she listened and I moved back in with her. I somehow managed to tell her about my trauma and I spent all of 2013 going to therapy and not talking about it.
2014 comes around and I decide that I’m not going to let what happened to me stop me from doing what I want to do so I go back to give my major another chance. Big mistake. Looking back, I clearly wasn’t ready. But I am stubborn that way. So I try again, not so depressed this time but constantly haunted by crippling anxiety. I start therapy again (with a different therapist because I’m in a different city), and we decide that I might need medication. Even with a good therapist and psychiatrist, I decide that living alone is too hard for me and I need to be close to my family to feel better.
So I move in with my grandparents (different town than my mom’s), and sign up for graphic design. I really liked the major but I was really unhappy with the dynamic my group of classmates had. I was lonely and I wasn’t enjoying class at all. So… I dropped out.
A while after that, my mom moves to my town, and we get a place of our own. I was determined to get a job and just, never have a diploma. But I wasn’t being honest with myself. I was giving up on my dreams and passions. My mom and grandma encouraged me to sign up for a new major: English education. I’m graduating in three years.
And here we are. I’m healthy and happy, I have a positive mindset and big plans for the future. Honestly, I would be happy studying for the rest of my life and that’s what I plan on doing as of right now. But who knows what could happen. I made all the changes and mistakes that got me where I am today and I wouldn’t change a thing. I couldn’t tell you how many times I felt hopeless and lost. How many times I gave up on my dreams, but here you have me, still chasing after bigger ones.
So please, ask for help. Talk to the people who are close to you and care about you. Give yourself time. Things happen when your heart is ready for them. Make all the changes you need to make in your life to make yourself happy. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do to be true to yourself. And trust yourself. Because no one knows what’s good for you better than yourself. And the universe will do the rest.
