and so I have chronic mood swings quite often and it get’s so bad that my mother once told my therapist you can feel the energies change before I enter a room, like I could be in the basement and her in her room on the top floor and she’d be able to tell that something in my mood shifted. So realistically if I think about dating Calum I can imagine how hard it would be, like I’d come home after running some errands and I’d walk through the door and he’d be sitting on the couch, and he’d be frozen in his spot because my energies would be so strong and angry and he wouldn’t know why. And at the beginning on the relationship he’d always try to comfort me but I’d be too mean, saying things that I normally wouldn’t and at first he would get really angry at me all the time until he realized this was a problem I would never bring up in my sane state and I always had to cry and apologize at first when I’d make him want to leave, so now know better now. So he just kind of let’s me go to the bedroom and he hears me lock the door and scream and start throwing things and he has to take deep breaths and hope that it doesn’t last long because he hates seeing me like this but doesn’t know what to do, and if it goes on for less than 15 minutes and I unlock the door and fall asleep then he’ll sneak in and just lay with me, but when it goes over 15 minutes he get’s kind of scared because he doesn’t know how to deal with me and I don’t know how to deal with myself and the whole environment now feels hostile and scary and he calls up one of the boys and asks if he can come over for a while and leaves a note under my door that says “call me when you’re ready to need me” because I know you need him there but I can’t always have him when I’m like this.
