MV LINK • translations by @/amodernpersephone • do not repost/republish • IMGUR LINK [TBD]
this is an unofficial comicalization of the honeyworks MV. i am not affiliated with honeyworks professionally, this is made for recreation and entertainment, not profit or commercial use. click/tap for better quality. long post ahead!
I… I did terrible things to my friend
She tried to help me, but I was running away, waving her off and ignoring her
I was just relieved when he turned to her
I know it's unpleasant.
But it always hurts
もう違う学校だし
会わないと思って
今更「ごめん」とか私バカだ
虫が良すぎ
I'm in a different school now
I thought I'd never see her again
And now I'm saying, "I'm sorry" I'm an idiot
It's so stupid
You shouldn't hate me
You don't have to forgive me
I just wanted to tell you that you're my hero
You're laughing
Your smile breaks the thread
I can't stop the tears
About your friends, about your boyfriend
You're a joyful complainer
It made me happy
It took me a while, but I made it
"I don't hate myself the way I am now"
That's what I think
忘れた日なんてない
やるせないあの感情
今も消えず残る
それをずっと背負っていく
Not a day goes by that I don't think about it
That feeling you can't live with
It's still there
I'll always carry it with me
You can be selfish
I don't care if it pisses you off
Don't change, my hero
I can't forgive you for being this way
Even if you're clumsy
You're someone who understands people's pain
過去は変えられないから
未来変えたいんだ
「もう一度友達になってください」
I can't change the past
I want to change the future
"Will you be my friend again?"
Would you say with a bored look on your face
"I won't stop being your friend"
You're a hothead
"Oh, no, no more mistakes"
That's my heart's oath
You're laughing
"It's okay to make mistakes when we're friends"
Here we go again
I made this bc I was bored and bc they are my standards (fell for a Kaname as a Tsubomi tho lmaoo).
Tbh, there was that long list in my drafts (way before my MochiAka post which says a lot) with me babbling about how they raised my standards more than Disney did, but I gave up since it got so long!! 43 characters are even featured in this vid lmaoo (+ Kumamaru coz why not?). I also don’t know if I’d give them proper justice in that post.
Anyway, rip to the samurai dudes, the “Can I Confess to You” guy and many forgotten characters. The music ran out XD
Unable to be her true self, Karen spends her days feeling suffocated. One day, Sumida, a member of the Baseball Club, confesses his love to her, only for her to instinctively reject him. She did not want to stand out— Will Sumida be able to convey his true feelings to Karen, who was stopped in place due to an incident in Middle School?
“That ribbon… looks good on you!”
Karen decides to face her true self, as well as Sumida’s feelings head-on— in order to understand the pain she felt. She also has to face the feelings of her best friend Chisa, who made her debut in “Minikui Ikimono”!
MV LINK • translations by @/amodernpersephone • do not repost/republish • IMGUR LINK [TBD]
this is an unofficial comicalization of the honeyworks MV. i am not affiliated with honeyworks professionally, this is made for recreation and entertainment, not profit or commercial use. click/tap for better quality. long post ahead!
TW for assault and violence in part 2 of this chapter! Take warning!!!
Previous part (Change 2)
Next part (Change 4)
-One-
It was the first day of the semester exams. After the English exam had concluded and the answer sheets were collected, the homeroom teacher dismissed the students with a “Hurry home.” before leaving the classroom.
Immediately after the teacher left, voices began to spread throughout the classroom. Some students were discussing their answers for the exam, while some others were lying down on their desks in exhaustion.
“Karen, how did you find the English exam?” Saki, who was seated in the seat in front of Karen’s, asked.
Karen, who was in the midst of keeping her pencil case into her bag, looked up with a sheepish smile. “It was rather hard, wasn’t it?”
“Are you guys talking about the English exam? I didn’t understand the long sentences at all,” Rie walked over from her own distantly-located seat to join in on the conversation.
“Well, at least we can leave early during this exam period,” Saki laughed, turning to look at the boys leaving the classroom upon noticing them doing so.
“Sumida, let’s stop by somewhere on our way back.”
“I have to study for the exams, though.”
“Eh, what? Are you taking supplementary lessons?”
“Don’t come to such conclusions on your own. If I had to take supplementary classes, I wouldn’t be able to participate in club activities.”
“How boring. Compared to club practice, supplementary classes are better. It’s cooler in the classroom. Hey, let’s join a supplementary class!”
“Don’t wanna,” Kei, who had his bag slung across his shoulder, was about to leave with his friends.
Saki picked up her bag, which was next to her desk, and stood up. “Sorry, I’ll be leaving first.”
The corners of Saki’s lipstick-coated lips quirked up slightly as she followed Kei out of the classroom.
“Eh… What’s up with Saki?” Rie seemed to have been slightly taken aback by Saki’s actions. She had probably not heard anything about it.
“Sumida’s kinda cool, isn’t he?”
Karen remained silent as she kept her notebook into her bag.
“Karen, what are you gonna do?”
“...I’ll be heading home after dropping by the library.”
“I see. See ya,” Rie waved lightly to her as she returned to her own seat.
Karen’s forced smile immediately disappeared as she got up from her chair. She pursed her lips tightly, ignoring the vague and unclear feelings that seemed to spread throughout the back of her chest.
(It’s none of my business…)
☆◯☆
After the exam had concluded the next day, having changed her shoes and left the school building, Karen walked slowly next to the fence that surrounded the schoolyard. She would usually be able to hear the shouts of the students from the athletic clubs after classes had ended, but the schoolyard that day was quiet, with no one out on it. The well-maintained ground seemed to be wavering in the strong sunlight.
When she turned her gaze back towards her front, Kei had stopped by the fence as well. With one hand stuck in the pocket of his pants, he was looking at the schoolyard with a somewhat dissatisfied expression on his face. She wondered if it was because club practices were not held during the examination period. Every day, after classes had ended, he would change into his baseball uniform and practice diligently. She supposed that he really did love playing baseball that much.
Karen absently looked at Kei from a distance away.
At that moment, she heard a girl’s voice call out to him. “Sumida.”
Saki ran up to Kei and lined up by his side. As he started to walk away, she began to talk to him while following him. “You know, about today’s test…”
Karen looked away from the two of them as they left through the main gate together.
“Um… Could I join you for lunch?”
It had been about two weeks after the entrance ceremony that Karen dared to call out to Saki and Rie, who were chatting happily in the seat in front of hers. When the seats were first assigned, Karen had been allocated to the seat behind Saki’s.
As the other girls had either gathered around each other’s desks or left the classroom with their lunch boxes, the two girls in the seat in front of hers seemed to be the easiest girls to talk to.
Saki and Rie stopped their previous chatter and looked at each other.
“You’re Miura, right?” Saki had been the first one to speak.
“Yeah… Ah, it’s nice to meet you!”
When Karen bowed her head, Saki turned her chair around and put her lunch box on Karen’s desk. Rie also brought her own chair over and sat down. “Pardon my intrusion.”
“Miura, are you gonna join any clubs?” Rie asked.
“I don’t think I will… I need to help out around my house.”
“Hm, that’s pretty amazing. Really,” Saki said as she bit into her sandwich.
“...Are the two of you going to join any clubs?”
“I don’t think I’ll join any. I’m not interested in them. I’m not good at club activities, you know.”
“I totally get you. Summer practice seems hard. Forgive me for wanting to enjoy my Summer vacation~.”
“Same here,” Karen laughed as she agreed with Saki and Rie.
From that day onwards, Karen started to eat lunch with the two of them, and they would hang out together. They now referred to her as “Karen” instead of “Miura”.
She thought of the two of them as her friends. She did not want to be hated by them—.
☆◯☆
On the fifth day of the examination period, after the last exam had finally concluded, the classroom was in a greater uproar than usual, probably because everyone was feeling rather liberated.
The girls were gathering together and talking to one another. “Wanna go shopping on our way back?”
Many students had been studying for the exams, even during their breaks, over the past week.
Karen, too, had studied at her desk upon reaching home until her bedtime, so she was relieved that the exams were over. She had managed to fill in most of the answer boxes on the answer sheets for all of her subjects. When she got home, she checked her answer sheets over and found that she did not make too many mistakes, so her scores should not be too bad.
She kept her exam question paper, along with her stationery, into her bag.
(Should I stop by the bookstore on my way home…?)
The bookstore in front of the train station had a large stationery corner with a wide variety of pens for sale. In addition to stationery, the store also had cute miscellaneous goods out on display. As she had also used the same train station when she had been in Middle School, she would often visit that bookstore.
Her pen had just run out of ink, and she wanted to buy a notebook. In addition, the light novel that she had wanted to read was already out on sale, but she resisted the urge to buy it due to the examination period. If she had bought it, she would have wanted to read it instead of studying for her exams.
When Karen stood up to leave, Saki, who was looking at her phone in the seat in front of Karen’s with her legs crossed, looked back at her. “Karen, sorry to trouble you. I’m supposed to hang out with my friends today, but I can’t make it. Can you go instead?”
“Eh… me?” Karen asked in confusion.
“They’re girls from another school, but it looks like boys would be coming along too. I was asked to go because there aren’t enough girls.”
“I see…”
Karen felt uneasy at the mention of boys. Up till then, Saki had never made such a request of her.
“It looks like you’ll be just going for karaoke before leaving. You’ll just have to try to fit in.”
“But… I don’t know who those people are?”
Karen figured that it would definitely be an awkward situation. She was not confident in her ability to speak with people that she was meeting for the first time. If Karen, who did not know the other people at all, were to go in Saki’s place, no one would have fun at all. Her presence would only create a bleak atmosphere.
“No one would mind at all. You can wait for them in front of the station. I’ll let the other girls know,” Saki stood up with a smile. “I’ll leave it to you, then. Rie, let’s go.”
“Exams are the worst… I may have to take extra classes. Even though I was planning on getting a part-time job during Summer vacation~.”
“Should I get a part-time job too? I wanna go to a live.”
Saki called out to Rie, and the two of them left the classroom together.
The people that Karen would be meeting were friends of Saki’s. As Saki had already told them that Karen would be going in her stead, they would already be aware of it.
Karen heaved a melancholic sigh and straightened out her back.
-Two-
Saki’s friends, two girls and three boys, were gathering in front of the station. Just as Saki had said, she had informed them about Karen, and they called out to her.
They rented a room in a nearby karaoke lounge for two hours. The two girls, who had talked to Karen at the beginning, stopped talking to her some time in the middle of it, and were having fun by themselves. When she tried to talk to them, she only got short replies, and eventually, Karen stopped talking to them as well.
However, the three boys persistently tried to get Karen to talk to them. They asked her so many questions about anything and everything, that she stopped answering them after a while.
Karen only sang one song. Being not that good of a singer, she rarely went to karaoke. She was not used to singing in front of other people either. She just felt terribly uncomfortable by all of it.
However, they were friends of Saki’s. If Karen were to leave in the middle of it, it may bring Saki displeasure. With that in mind, Karen had no choice but to force an ambiguous smile as she tried to fit in until it was all over.
When they left the karaoke lounge after the two hours were finally up, it had started to rain. To make matters worse, it was a huge downpour. Dark clouds continuously rained large droplets down from the sky.
(I’m glad I brought my umbrella…)
The weather forecast that morning had predicted that it would rain. Karen was fortunate that her mother had told her to bring her umbrella along. She opened her folding umbrella in front of the karaoke lounge.
“We have something to get to. See ya, Miura,” the two girls waved lightly to her as they quickly left.
“Ah, then… I’m also…” Karen mumbled, telling the boys “see you” as she tried to leave.
“Eh, you’re heading back, Miura? Why not stay a little longer?” one of the boys grabbed Karen’s arm.
Surprised by the sudden action, she instinctively took a step back, as if she was trying to escape.
“We’re going to the arcade after this, so come with us. It’s our treat.”
“I… I have errands to run,” Karen brushed his hand off and tried to walk away, only to be immediately stopped from leaving by another boy.
“Isn’t it fine to hang out with us for just one more hour?”
“If I don’t get home, I’ll get scolded… I’m sorry!”
“When you say errands, did you mean home errands? You can just ignore those. Or, we could all go to your place together, Miura.”
Karen’s face stiffened as she flinched away from the boy, who was closing in on her with a grin on his face. She would be in trouble if they really followed her back. As her parents would be back late, there was no one in her apartment.
“Could it be that there’s no one at home?” one of the boys asked, having noticed the change in Karen’s complexion.
“I’m really… sorry… I have to leave…” Karen reflexively pushed the boy away and dashed off. She felt bad for Saki, but she did not want to be involved with them for any longer.
As she ran, the water droplets that splashed about drenched her shoes, chilling her feet. She was gripping her umbrella tightly, but it proved to be of little use to her. The droplets of rain that slid down her tilted umbrella progressively soaked her school uniform.
“Watch it!” a passer-by yelled angrily at Karen when she nearly bumped into them. However, she was unable to apologise to them as her breathing rate increased.
“Oi, wait!”
“Don’t run from us!!”
When Karen looked back, the three boys from earlier were chasing after her. The distance between them was shortened in the blink of an eye, and Karen hurriedly escaped into a narrow alleyway.
(What should I do…)
Her limbs were trembling in fear.
She really should not have gone after all—.
She was scared. Tears welled up in her eyes.
As Karen walked under the dark clouds along a path that she had never taken before, she reached an underpass.
“Oi, don’t run away!” the boys yelled, as though they were frustrated with her.
Karen ran desperately through the underpass, only to emerge right by the bicycle parking lot that was behind the train station. She panted as she glanced behind her, finding herself to be cornered against the fence. There were no escape routes in sight.
“Didn’t you hear us when we told you not to run away?!” a boy grabbed Karen’s shoulder roughly. She almost fell when she pushed back against him strongly, though she grabbed the fence as quickly as she could.
One of the boys kicked a part of the fence that was right next to her, causing it to shake with a rattling noise. She screamed, her body instinctively retracting to the side. She closed her eyes as she gripped the handle of her umbrella tightly in her arms.
“St-stay away from me…”
“Huh? I can’t hear you well. Say it again!”
“Hey Miura. Don’t you know? We already know your school and your name. We can always pick you up every day from now on?” the boys smirked unpleasantly. “Got it?”
Karen’s wrist was grabbed forcefully, and she found herself being yanked forward.
“Aaah!”
As Karen screamed, the umbrella she was holding fell out of her hand and dropped to her feet. Her upturned umbrella began to amass rainwater.
“Don’t touch me!!”
“Shut up. We just want you to play with us for a little moment. It’s fine, isn’t it?”
“Go away… Stay away from me!!” Karen yelled at the top of her lungs, shaking her bag vigorously.
“Ah, how troublesome. Someone, shut her up!” one of the boys commanded. Another boy reached forward to try to restrain Karen.
“Stop it, don’t come near me!!”
“Don’t make a fuss!!”
Karen swung up her bag frantically, which hit the face of the boy who had yelled at her. The boy held his own chin and let out a pained groan.
Karen desperately held onto her bag as she slowly backed away, step by step, on her trembling legs. She was just scared. She was terrified and frightened. She had no other choice.
She did not know why the boys were so persistent in their pursuit of her. She wondered if it was because she had given them curt replies when they talked to her while they were at the karaoke lounge.
Even if she was able to get away from them that day, they may come for her at her school on another occasion, as they had threatened.
(What should I do… what should I do…)
Karen had no idea who she should call out to for help. Her head was completely blank, and she was unable to make a levelheaded decision. Her heart was beating at a faster rate, owing to her fear and unease. Every time she took a breath, she felt as though the volume of that sound increased.
Raindrops pattered against her entire body, causing water droplets to trickle down from her hair and face.
Karen swallowed a plea for help along with her breath. There was no way that she could ask someone to help her. There was no one around to help her in that place she was in. She had no choice but to do it herself. She was the only one who could possibly protect herself.
When she saw a boy raise his fist, Karen covered her face with her bag. His fist barely hit her bag as he swung it down. However, the impact was so great that her bag fell out of her grasp and into a puddle on the asphalt.
“Don’t mess with me!” the boy’s face turned a bright red as he tried to hit Karen again.
“Oi, that’s enough… just threatening her will do…” one of the other boys tried to stop him, perhaps feeling bad about it. However, the boy who was trying to hit Karen seemed to be so angered that he could not hear the voice of the other boy.
Karen paid no heed to the pain in her knees, which she had scraped when she had fallen, nor did she care about how drenched she was getting from the falling rain. She grabbed her rolled-over umbrella, which was completely filled with rainwater, and slammed it into the boy with a shout of “Aaaah!!”. The water splashed down onto him, and the umbrella hit his leg.
While the boy was cowering in fear, Karen stood up, putting all her strength into her trembling knees.
“I told you… not to touch me, didn’t I…!!” she yelled, glaring at him with all her might.
The zip of her bag had opened when she swung it, and her notebook and pencil case had fallen out into a puddle. She squeezed the handle of her bag tightly.
It was at that moment when—.
“Oi, what’s going on over there?!!”
A loud voice resounded out, almost as if it was trying to drown out the sound of the rain, surprising Karen. The three boys also turned towards the underpass, where the voice had rang out from.
Standing there was Kei, dressed in his school uniform.
Karen’s eyes widened when she saw him toss his umbrella aside as he ran up to them. Droplets of water entered her eyes as they dripped down her forehead, blurring her vision.
(Wh… why…)
They were not along a path that someone would just pass along by chance. Alternatively, she wondered, if he had been there to retrieve a bicycle that he had parked in the bicycle parking lot.
Karen’s strength suddenly drained from her body and she felt as though she was about to sit down on the ground. She was more relieved than she thought at the fact that someone she knew had come.
“Who the hell are you? Don’t butt in on things that don’t concern you!” one of the boys spat at Kei.
“I don’t care!!” Kei shouted, standing in front of Karen protectively.
“I should be the one asking you guys what you were doing…!” Kei muttered lowly, grabbing the collar of the boy’s shirt, his other hand curling into a fist. A pained voice leaked out from the mouth of the strangled boy’s mouth.
“It’s fine already!” Karen yelled the moment she saw Kei raise his fist. If he got into a fight with students from another school, he would not be permitted to remain in the Baseball Club. If that happened, he would not be able to play in the match.
Kei halted the movement of his fist, looking down as he released the boy’s collar.
“Oi… let’s go,” the boys glanced at each other awkwardly, and turned away as they left. One of them glared at Karen hatefully and clicked his tongue.
“...So she had a guy. I heard nothing about this.”
“How boring, dammit…”
“Let’s go to the arcade.”
Karen and Kei stood in the pouring rain in silence as the voices and figures of the boys vanished into the distance.
After some time had passed, Karen finally reached down for her pencil case, which had fallen out. Kei crouched down in mild surprise and picked up the notebook.
Kei extended the notebook to Karen, but she did not have the courage to look straight at his face.
“...Thank you,” she mumbled softly, looking down as she put her notebook, the pages of which having become completely wet, into her bag with her dirtied pencil case.
When she looked at her umbrella, she noticed that the metal fittings were broken. It had been her favourite umbrella. She had been using it since she was in Middle School—.
Her school uniform and shoes were soaked, and the blood that flowed out from her scraped knees mixed in with the rainwater.
“...Are you okay?” Kei stood up and leaned forward a little, extending a hand to Karen. Water droplets were also dripping from the tips of his short hair. She realised that her tearful face was reflected in his eyes.
Karen felt upset, miserable, and completely overwhelmed. No matter how strong she tried to be, she was not able to defend herself without another person’s help.
Karen’s face darkened as she looked down.
Kei hesitantly reached for her arm. She knew that he was probably trying to get her to stand up. However, even though she knew it, she did not want to take his hand at the moment, so she pushed it away.
“I’m sorry…” Karen choked out, gripping her skirt with her trembling hands. “I’m… fine, so… don’t mind me…”
Karen looked down as she spoke, stumbling a little as she stood up. She picked up her broken umbrella, which had fallen aside.
Kei withdrew his hand without uttering another word.
-Three-
Karen folded her broken umbrella and shoved it into her bag before beginning to walk, her legs feeling terribly heavy as she moved.
(For some reason, I’m kinda tired…)
She stopped in front of the bookstore, looking at the stationery corner through the door.
“Right, a pen and a notebook…” Karen muttered to herself as she pushed the door open to enter the store. Her school uniform and her skin were still wet, so the wind blowing out from the air conditioner made her feel rather cold.
When she reached the stationery corner, there was a stack of test writing paper in front of the pen display. She spotted her preferred pen that she always bought and reached out for it.
Her real plans for the day were—.
After school had ended, she had planned to buy a pen and a notebook from the bookstore, along with a light novel that she was curious about, before leaving. She would then shop at a supermarket that was near her apartment, and then proceed to cook dinner when she got home. She would wait for her parents to return home before they would eat together, which would be at about 9pm. After eating dinner, she would take a bath, before heading back to her room to read the light novel that she had been looking forward to reading.
Such had been how she had truly intended on spending her day—.
Nothing special would have been written down in her diary, but she would have been satisfied by how her day would have gone all the same.
She should have refused Saki’s request. If she had just said “I’m sorry, I have something to do today.”, she never would have encountered such a situation.
It should have been an easy thing for her to do. However, she found herself unable to refuse, as she was afraid that Saki would be unhappy or even hate her if she did so.
Karen looked at the test writing paper while holding the pen in her hand.
(Why… am I… unable to change at all…)
She had been thinking as such ever since she was in Middle School. She had imitated her friends’ attitudes and nodded along to whatever they said, just so that they would not hate her. She was unable to truly speak her mind.
If she did that, she would not be outcasted. She would not be badmouthed behind her back, and she would not be on the receiving end of harassment. She had done so just to protect herself. She found it to be a necessity to protect the place that she belonged to.
“Isn’t that right?” Karen had nodded along with a smile as she badmouthed that girl with the other girls. She was not the only one saying such words. Everyone else was saying it too. Such was the excuse she had used to convince herself.
That girl, too— Arisa had been the same way.
When she was in her First Year of Middle School, Karen had been the first one to be outcast from the rest of the class. She was accused of being flirty towards boys just because she liked cute accessories and goods, and because she wore her favourite ribbon to school. When she had been in a good mood, others had badmouthed her behind her back. She did not have any intentions of showing off. She had just liked it.
It was not uncommon for her to find graffiti on her desk. There were also times when garbage and vulgar notes had been shoved into her desk—.
Karen had no one to help her. All of the other girls were afraid of being hated by others, so they turned a blind eye and avoided talking to her instead. Even if she called out to them, she would always be either ignored or faced with an unpleasant attitude.
Karen found herself wondering why she had been hated to such an extent. She wondered what had been wrong with herself. Such were the thoughts that plagued her mind every day as she sat in her seat.
Just like the other students, she had come to school and smiled normally. She had no intention of standing out. She had not been trying to get carried away either.
There had also been allegations that she was trying to act flirty towards the boys. Conversely, she was not good at dealing with boys, and she had never actively tried to talk to them herself.
When she tried to refute such claims, no one listened to her. No one had even tried to understand her.
No matter how hurt she was, no matter how many times she cried, no matter how many times she screamed, no one had sympathised with her.
As if she was reaping what she had been sowing, the more she lied, the more people began to gossip about her behind her back.
There was no one who would help her. No one would pull her out of that dark, narrow world she had been in.
That girl had been the same—.
She had talked to and laughed along with the other girls.
She was guilty as well. Karen had thought so.
So, if she was the one to become outcast instead, being on the receiving end of insults and harassment by their classmates, Karen felt that it was an unavoidable outcome, and that it was just a natural consequence for her.
Karen had thought so—.
Just up till the previous day, that girl had been talking about Karen behind her back with the other girls, saying “Isn’t that right?” as she laughed along with them.
Karen did not feel the pain of being an outcast any longer. She was not receiving any harassment either. She was able to live the normal school life that she had always longed for.
Karen was secretly relieved that it had been so easy for her. She no longer had to experience how hard it was to eat her lunch alone, to have no one to talk to, to be badmouthed over the smallest of details, and to be harassed by others. However, she still knew how even a heartless word could leave a deep and unhealable wound.
Karen pretended not to notice it. She pretended not to see it.
She remembered how that girl used to stare out of the window with a pained expression on her face. She remembered how that girl’s eyes would occasionally look towards her, as though she wanted to say something to her.
The truth was—.
It had been because of Karen that that girl had become outcast and badmouthed.
If Arisa had just laughed along with the other girls as they insulted Karen, she would not have been targeted instead. She must have known that it would have been the wiser thing to do.
Everyone has to fit in with others, even at the expense of sacrificing someone else in order to keep their place in the world. That girl would not have been wrong for doing so as well.
Even so, she still tried to reach out to Karen.
She tried to help Karen—.
“You can’t leave things as they are!”
Karen felt like she could still hear that girl’s determined and strong voice as she entered the classroom, back when they were still in Middle School.
(That’s… right…)
Tears spilled out from Karen’s moist eyes, running down her cheeks.
It had not been that there was no one to help her. It had not been that no one had heard her heart-wrenching, pained cries of “Stop it already!”.
Someone had reached a hand out to her amidst the darkness, and tried to pull her out of it.
The one who had shook off that hand and pushed it towards that place in her stead was none other than— Karen herself.
Karen made excuses, looked away from her own ugliness, and tried to save herself instead.
If only she made a different choice, she would have had a different future.
If only she had a little more courage, if only she had just been a little more honest with herself.
Perhaps she would have been able to befriend that girl normally, had lunch together with her, gone shopping at a shopping mall with her, and stopped by a bookstore to talk about their favourite light novels and manga with her.
If that happened, her three years of Middle School would have been more fun and fulfilling than those boring days that had filled her time. She would not have thought of those days as days that she did not want to remember.
Karen would have gone to the same High School as her, and now—.
When she realised it, her tears were unable to stop flowing. The spilled teardrops dampened the test writing paper.
She wondered why she could not have done that instead. She wondered why she did not do it instead.
When Karen was in Middle School, she had never thought that it was fun to hang out with the girls in her class. The girls probably did not think of her as a friend either.
Every day, they would just speak poorly of someone. They would harass them and giggle at their reactions. Karen truly did not want to take part in that, she did not even want to give them lip service for it.
She was also guilty, for accompanying them and for doing the same things as them.
However, if—.
If at that time, even once would have been fine. If only she had mustered up all her courage to say “Let’s stop this.”. If only she had said “I don’t agree with that.” instead of nodding along to the girls as they badmouthed others.
If she had done that, she would not have hated herself so much.
Karen gripped the pen tightly and closed her eyes. She had not changed at all, even after she had entered High School.
She was afraid of being isolated, so she just imitated her friends’ expressions. She was unable to say that she disliked what she disliked. She laughed and feigned innocence in her desperate attempts to protect herself and her small world.
Even though she really knew what was the most important thing to her. The way things were, she would lose that important thing again, just like she did before.
If she did not change—.
She wanted to avoid repeating the same mistakes from her past. She wanted to make a real place for herself this time.
An image of Arisa’s back, with her long hair tied tightly into twintails on either side of her head, surfaced behind Karen’s eyelids. She was sure that this was the same feeling that Arisa had felt at that time.
After three years, Arisa’s voice had finally reached Karen’s heart.
(I’m late… I’m too late…)
Karen’s tears grazed her lips, which were filled with self-deprecation, as they fell. She wished that she had realised it earlier. She had probably lost countless important things in the meantime.
Karen subconsciously gripped the chest of her drenched uniform.
“Huh… Miura, is that you?”
Karen quickly raised her head when she heard someone unexpectedly call her name.
A boy dressed in the uniform of Sakuragaoka High School had stopped on his way out of the store. He seemed to be a light-hearted boy, who had his bangs pinned up.
“Shi… Shibasaki…” Karen mumbled in mild confusion.
Shibasaki Ken, who had walked together with Arisa on an earlier occasion, widened his eyes when he saw Karen standing there, completely drenched.
Karen was surprised that he had remembered her name. She had never been classmates with Ken. She remembered that he had occasionally barged into her classroom when they were in their First Year of Middle School, as his friend was in the same class as her.
Karen had never talked to him. However, the other girls talked about him often, so she only knew his face and his name. Hence, she never thought that he even knew about her.
She wondered if Ken knew what she had been like in Middle School. She used to say bad things about Arisa along with her friends. Perhaps Arisa herself had told him about it.
Arisa— Karen wondered what she had thought of those days.
Karen returned the pen that she had been clenching to the shelf and quickly turned her gaze away.
Ken fiddled with his bangs in thought for a while, before turning around and heading towards Karen.
“Um, long time no see? We haven’t talked much, but we attended the same Middle School. You were classmates with Arisa, right?” he spoke with a friendly smile.
Karen’s gaze returned to him, feeling a little surprised by how naturally Arisa’s name had left his mouth. “Shibasaki… Are you going out with Arisa… Takamizawa?”
When Karen asked that question, Ken fell silent for a few seconds. His face had unexpectedly turned red.
“Ah… uh… It’s too bad, but my feelings for her are one-sided?” he replied shyly, holding a hand over his mouth.
Karen found herself looking at his face involuntarily. “I… see…”
“By the way… Just out of curiosity, but how did you get this drenched?” he asked in a light tone, picking up a pen to test it out, as though he had nothing better to do.
“M-my umbrella… broke…”
When Karen replied, Ken’s gaze shifted back to her from the pen he was holding.
“It started really suddenly, huh. I was on my way to the station, but I didn’t have an umbrella, so I rushed into this bookstore. I thought that it’d stop if I waited for a while, but it didn’t stop at all,” Ken looked at the door with a smile. “Oh, the rain stopped.”
Karen turned her gaze outside as well, to see the visage of the setting Sun reflected onto the wet ground.
“Miura, you’ll catch a cold if you remain this wet, so you should hurry home immediately, right?”
The atmosphere surrounding Ken, as well as the impression he gave off, had changed. The way he talked and the way he smiled seemed to be more natural than before. In Middle School, the smiles he had worn while he was talking to girls seemed a little more empty than it did now.
“Shibasaki… Is Takamizawa doing well?” Karen found herself asking. She hesitated to call her ‘Arisa’. They were not close enough to be considered friends. They had just been classmates who had attended the same school— That was it. She was sure that she was not qualified to call Arisa by her first name, like Ken was.
“If it’s Arisa,” Ken rephrased, looking at Karen with a smile. “She’s doing well. How about you, Miura?”
Karen looked at him in confusion when he asked the question back to her.
(I’m…)
Even though it would have been a lie, she could have said “I’m fine.”, but she was unable to voice those words.
“...Is Takamizawa having fun at school?”
When Karen had seen Arisa walking together with Ken, she looked more lively than before. She was not visibly gloomy, nor did she have a heavily troubled expression on her face. Even if Karen did not ask that question, Arisa was probably having fun.
“Is she doing well in her class? Was she able… to make friends too?”
“You wanna know?” Ken looked straight at Karen as he threw the question to her. “If you’re curious, why not ask her yourself? You’re friends, right?”
“We’re not… friends…”
(I can’t say… that I’m a friend of hers… I was so… so, terrible… to her.)
She was sure that Arisa was already—.
Karen frowned deeply.
“Eh? Then… you’re best friends?”
“We-we’re not!” Karen hurriedly answered as she looked up.
Ken laughed in amusement. “I don’t know much about what happened, but you called her ‘Arisa’, right? Yeah, you called her that, in Middle School, that is.”
He had probably noticed it when Karen had inadvertently mentioned Arisa’s name at the beginning. Feeling embarrassed, she turned her reddened face down in an attempt to hide it.
“Do you really care this much about people who aren’t your friends? I think Arisa’s the same way too,” Ken smiled and waved lightly as he left the store. “See ya, Miura.”
(Arisa too…?)
Karen raised her face and hurriedly wiped her wet cheeks.
“Shibasaki, wait!!” she grabbed her bag tightly and rushed out in pursuit of him.
The rain clouds had since parted, leaving the sky shining in a golden hue. Occasional droplets of rain pattered down from the clouds above.
“Shibasaki!”
When Karen called out to him again, Ken stopped and turned around.
Karen pursed her lips, which were on the verge of voicing out “Takamizawa”, before opening her mouth again, as if in resolution. “If you see Arisa, tell her…!”
Ken looked at Karen and listened to her words with a smile on his face.
“If I come to like myself just a little more… I’ll come to see you!” Karen declared as loudly as she could to Arisa, who was not there with them at the moment.
It was fine if Arisa hated her.
It was fine if Arisa did not forgive her.
She wanted to tell Arisa that her words from that time had reached her heart properly.
She had been so happy when Arisa had courageously spoken up for her.
She had wanted to talk more with Arisa when they were in Middle School.
She had wanted to be friends with Arisa.
She wanted to apologise to Arisa for being weak, for being too occupied with defending herself that she had hurt her instead.
Karen knew that it was awfully convenient of her to only be saying such things now. She did not want to start over from the beginning, acting as though nothing had happened between them.
She knew that she was unable to turn back after she had made her mistakes. That was why she at least wanted to find a way to reach the correct answer this time.
She wondered if it was alright for her to have such thoughts.
She wondered if it was alright for her to wish for such things—.
“Somehow… You’re pretty similar to Arisa, Miura,” Ken grinned broadly as he spoke.
“Is that… so?”
“You’re similar. Like… What's with that awkwardness? Instead of saying that, you should just see her right now.”
Finding his words to be undeniably true, Karen found herself unable to resist the urge to smile along with him. However, she was still too weak at the moment. She wanted to see Arisa when she had changed herself.
She wanted to be proud of herself, like Arisa had been at that time. She wanted to be able to face her past self and tell her “I’m sorry.” with utmost sincerity.
“...I’ll be sure to tell Arisa that properly,” Ken said with a serious expression on his face, before immediately smiling again.
As she saw him off towards the train station, Karen smiled as she bowed her head down.
