gn!reader x kokonoi hajime — angst — fluff — sfw
warnings: violence — possible typos
synopsis: never ending unrequited love from your childhood best friend who’s still in love with a passed love interest
You felt the cool breeze of spring as you walked along the sidewalk hand in hand with Kokonoi. The both of you were heading back to your shared apartment building. This was your first date with him after being in love with him since childhood. The date went perfect. Nothing could make you happier. However, shortly after stepping inside and closing the door you heard loud knocks. You looked at Kokonoi confused, and for some reason you couldn’t move to open the door.
“Don’t leave me.” He said, calmly.
“Don’t leave me out there.”
Your eyes burst open when you realized the knocking was coming not from your short lived dream, but from your real life. The life where Kokonoi is too hung up on old love and you’ll never be more than a friend.
You struggle to find your phone in the pitch black darkness of your room, but eventually do and check the time.
‘Two in the morning? Koko comes home later every day.’ You think.
You turn on your phone’s flashlight and grumpily stomp over to the front door while trying not to trip over your own feet because of your sleepy state.
While unlocking the door you picture how Kokonoi will look tonight. Maybe he’d have a bloody nose, perhaps some bruised knuckles, but nothing could’ve prepared you for what was actually on the other side of the door.
After unlocking the door you see him standing there looking like he has not a care in the world even though he has come home in a much worse state than he usually does.
“Oh my god, Koko!” You say, surprised.
Both of his eyes were bruised and his nose was actively bleeding. His face was scratched up, his clothes were torn, and when you looked down at his hand where he clutched his side, you noticed blood staining the area.
“I’m taking you to the hospital.” You said, about to run over to grab your keys.
“Hell no,” he said, grabbing your arm, “it’s just a scratch, I’ve had worse.”
You’ve had this argument with him before so you don’t even bother debating with him.
“Fine, but I’m gonna bandage you up.”
He doesn’t bother arguing with you here either because he knows you’re too stubborn to not give him some type of care.
He watches as you walk over to the closet and take out the abnormally sized medkit that you guys buy every so often for times like these. He analyzes all of your movements. How you search through the kit trying to find the alcohol pads, how you so carefully apply bandages, and apply pressure to his larger wound. During all of this, he feels nothing but guilt.
Guilty for not being able to show you the amount of love that you show him. Everything he feels for you he pushes away so that he doesn’t end up hurting you. The poor boy has a history of losing the people he loves most, and he can’t have that happen to you. He lets you think he’s still in love with Akane in order to protect you from whatever bad luck he thinks he holds.
“Done! I swear, the next time you end up like this, you’re going to the hospital!” You scold.
“You say that every time.” He laughs.
“But I mean it this time!”
You help him up from the couch and he lets you hold his hand for a little longer than necessary. You think he does it because he feels bad for you, but really he does it so he can feel your touch a little longer.
“I’m gonna finish getting cleaned up, thank you, y/n.”
You smile and happily head back to your room to continue sleeping and hopefully continue that dream from earlier.
Unfortunately, your dream did not continue, but the first thing you saw when waking up was Kokonoi. (it cancels out).
“Hey, there’s no food so I’m gonna go buy some.”
“Wait, I’ll go with you.” You grumble with your eyes squinted because of the brightness in your room.
“You’re barely awake, it’s okay.”
“No, seriously I was about to wake up anyways.”
He rolls his eyes and leaves your room so you can get ready. He knows you weren’t anywhere close to waking up because you tend to sleep in a whole lot on saturdays. However, he also knows you would do anything to get some extra time with him, and once again, he lets you, for the last reason you would think he’d do it for.
You get ready as quickly as possible and head over to the front door where he’s jokingly tapping his foot against the hardwood floor to insinuate his impatience. You giggle at his childish antics and drag him out the door as payback.
The both of you decided to walk to the store as it’s only ten minutes away and you guys weren’t buying much. As you walked along the sidewalk you suddenly remembered your dream from last night. You typically don’t let unrequited love get to you, but reality had hit and all you could think about was how Kokonoi would never let you get close to him, childhood friends or not.
Your mood changed immensely and Kokonoi sensed it immediately. He looked down at you and took note of your uneasy demeanor.
“Something on your mind?”
You get snapped out of your self-sabotaging thoughts by his voice and quickly look towards him. Your heart was screaming at you to confess your love, but your brain was telling you to save the friendship.
“Yeah sorry, I just remembered a dream from last night.”
“How I would feel if I was truly happy.”
He turns his head back forward and looks down at the sidewalk. He doesn’t say another word relating to the topic.
Once you guys arrive at the grocery store he goes one way to buy the actual things needed to make food and you go another way to buy snacks. During this time away from him you were able to compose yourself a bit better.
Meanwhile, Kokonoi was debating on how much longer he could practically lie to you about still being in love with Akane. During his brief time of working against Seishu he learned a lot on how to accept that Akane is gone, and will not be coming back. Seishu guided Kokonoi into realizing that you were around and willing to be there for him no matter if the feelings were reciprocated or not.
He wanted to find the courage to confess to you and finally be able to show you the love that you’ve been craving for years, but his need for your safety was much greater than his want for your happiness.
The two of you ended up bumping into each other in one of the aisles and when you guys saw each of your full baskets, you both shared a chuckle.
Both you and Kokonoi were so engulfed in your thoughts that you didn’t realize how much food you were grabbing.
“Do we really need this much?” You ask.
“At least we won’t have to come back for a while.” He smiled.
After checking out and trying to fight Kokonoi for holding all of the bags of groceries, you stepped outside where it was more windy than it was earlier.
“We should’ve taken the car.” He says in an unfortunate tone.
You shrug, “Oh well, I’m not the one carrying anything so I don’t mind.”
He rolls his eyes after realizing the consequences of his actions.
You both walked in silence for quite a while and were only about five minutes away from your home when something had you stop in your tracks immediately. Kokonoi looked back at you, startled by your sudden action.
“You okay?” He asks, his eyebrows wrinkling a bit.
“Koko, I love you.” You say, rather calmly.
His pupils expand similarly to the eyes of a cat. He has no clue how to respond. He feels that admitting his feelings is too dangerous.
“I…,” His sentence doesn’t continue.
“Koko, say it back. Whether you mean it or not.”
He shakes his head nervously.
“You’ll regret it, Koko.”
He’s holding the grocery bags so tight that his palms must be red. His hands and the rest of his body have never felt so sweaty in his entire life.
“What’s gotten into you?” He asks with his eyes still wide and his head still shaking back and forth slowly.
“At least know that I love you.” You repeat once more.
You tug on his black sweater and move him a little behind you. You go on your tippy toes and hug him by his neck.
“I love you.” He whispers by your ear.
His face is moist with his own tears and his shirt is moist with yours.
In less than two seconds later, three gunshots go off and not one of those shots reaches their target. They all hit you. One in your stomach, one in your chest, one in your thigh. The car which acted as the getaway vehicle for this criminal sped off so quickly that Kokonoi wasn’t able to get a good look after you collapsed to the floor.
“Why… why would you do that!” He screams.
His voice is choppy with voice cracks and tears pour endlessly down his face. They trickle down onto your own face and it’s one more thing helping you stay a little bit aware of your surroundings.
“Don’t scream, my ears are ringing.”
His lip trembles and his hands are shaking. He looks like how you found him after he saved Seishu instead of Akane.
“You do love me, don’t you?”
“That’s all I needed to hear.” You smile.
Your eyes flutter more slowly and your breath begins in an inconsistent pattern.
“I have to take you to the hospital.”
His eyebrows are scrunched together, his nose is entirely runny and the tears seem as if they will never stop falling. He has your head laying on his lap.
Your clothes have become drenched in your own blood and it has now gone from his clothes to the pavement as well.
With each cry he gets louder and louder, like a little kid. He holds your hands and adjusts you so you might feel less uncomfortable on the sidewalk. The spring breeze continues, but you can’t even shiver due to how weak your body feels.
“Don’t leave me.” He says close to your ear.
He feels your hand lose strength, he hears your rough, choppy breathing end, and he watches as your eyes slowly shut. His life is unfortunately full of ridiculous patterns and coincidences. Everyone he’s ever opened up his heart to has been so easily ripped from his life that it is too damaged to feel for anyone anymore.
This time around, only Kokonoi feels the spring breeze, only Kokonoi is holding hands, and only Kokonoi is heading back to your (no longer) shared apartment.
