TYSM for the tags @guacamolleee, @sorcerousadventurer, @xkatchy, @genjyoandgojyoandhakkai, @trashwithvariety, @seaglassmelody! I really loved getting a sneak peak at what y'all have cookin'!! 👀💕
In an attempt to break tradition and actually do a short snippet for once (lololol) here is a little scene I just finished for a future chapter of @sunny374940 & I's crazy Cowboy AU! 🤠
NO LONGER A WIP: READ THE FULL CHAPTER HERE!
Ayla, never more invested in a game of chess in her entire fuckin' life
"What's this one?" Ayla asked, flirtatiously leaning into Emmrich's shoulder.
"A mage, darling."
She smirked. "'Course it is. It's tall, just like you."
Em chuckled and beamed up at her before nodding across the table. "What about you, Bull?"
"Tamassran."
Emmrich made a pleased hum and repeated the name in Qunlat, momentarily distracting her. "What about the horsey?" she asked.
"Knight."
"Ben-Hassrath."
Ayla nodded, leaning further into Emmrich when she pointed to one of the only unique pieces on his side of the board. "And the one with the cute little hat?"
"The queen, dear."
"Arishok. Like our Ise." Emmrich raised a curious brow, and Bull explained, "'War-leader'."
"Ah, of course," Emmrich hummed, smiling at her. "Due to the extraordinarily versatile and powerful nature of the piece, I presume." Ayla fucking blushed, and Tal rolled his eyes as he wandered in to join them. But Bull just let out another loud laugh.
"Domineering, more like," he teased, making Tal choke on his wine.
Ayla flipped them off behind Emmrich's head, who surprised her by turning to shoot a sly smirk her way. "Looks like you've been promoted, darling." He snickered when she gave him a confused look. "From First Warden, to Arishok."
Tal damn near spilled his wine across the fucking chess board he laughed so hard, Bull and Emmrich right along with him. Ayla begrudgingly joined in, even though the look Em was giving her was gettin' her all hot and bothered. And fuck if he didn't notice it was making her feel something at least, given the sexy little wink he gave her too.
Andraste's tits.
🐴 Yeehaw Peepaw! Master Post
Tags below the cut! For all of y'all down below and anyone reading, show us what you got cookin' if you're so inclined! 💕
I was tagged by the lovely @mushrooms-x-moss, @notyourmamasdeerbat, @redaresss and @woundedsoul12 <3 ty guys, always love seeing what you're up to
And what am I doing? I'm still deep in the Yellow Bike AU I'm writing with Fern (I just remembered how we talked about it being like "three chapters tops" hahaha nope).
Tal and Rook decided to do love confessions in a crowded bar, because why the fuck not, apparently.
"Hey, gorgeous," Rook purred into his ear.
Tal set the drinks back down and half-turned to catch him by the waist and press him to his side. That happy sigh Rook always made when he did that was the best. "Had enough of stabbing people?"
"I could go for a different kind of stabbing now," Rook grinned up at him, eyeshadow sparkling in the dim light.
"We only just got here and you want to leave? Who are you? What happened to my Rook?"
Rook gave him a half-lidded look that would have been an invitation on anyone else, but Tal knew him well enough by now to see the wariness. "Your Rook, am I?"
"Only when you want to be, pretty boy," Tal shrugged, leaning down to kiss a golden cheekbone. "You're yours. Being with you is enough for me."
"Even though you love me?" Rook asked, eyes narrowed like he didn't want to believe him. "I know you do."
"I do, yeah," Tal said, catching his chin to tip his face up. "Love you too much to try and change you."
Rook's eyes crinkled at the corners with his usual bright smile. "Did you know that I love you too?"
"I noticed, yeah," Tal nodded, smiling back. It was impossible not to when those ocean eyes shone like that. "Doesn't have to change anything between us."
"I like what we have. No one's ever loved me the way you do."
"A lot?"
"Without wanting to cage me," Rook said, giving him the shyest smile Tal had ever seen on him.
"Never, little bird," Tal whispered and leaned down to kiss that smile away. "You're perfect just the way you are. Not gonna clip your wings."
Rook sighed into the kiss and caught Tal by the shoulders, fingers digging in just right. Everything was just right with him.
"So how about that stabbing?" Rook purred when he pulled away, breath ghosting over Tal's lips.
Tal burst out laughing, catching the back of Rook's head to rest their foreheads together. "You're the absolute worst," he chuckled, enjoying Rook's dumbass giggles. "Have a drink with me first."
Rook tried to pout at him, so Tal smothered his protests with another kiss. "I'll stab you later, yeah?"
TYSM for the tags @serensama & @in-the-drowning-deep!! I loved reading about our #friendwhofics Bellara and lookin' at your gorgeous gorgeous art!!
Have y’all ever wondered what it would be like if a flustered Emmrich & an adorably-in-love Iron Bull supervised a couple of chaos goblins who got high after drinking gingerwort tea?
Yes?
Well, that's awfully specific, but BOY do I have some good news for you!
@sunny374940 and I are in the process of writing an episode for our insane Cowboy AU fic where Tal & Ayla do just that. Big thanks to @redaresss' Rook, Zea for hooking them up with the tea! 😉 It's several episodes ahead, but we've damn near keeled over laughing while writing this, and we both have wayyy too little self control not to share some of it now.
Varric & Davrin make an appearance too.
So our WIP Wednesday entry is another collab, using the same unhinged writing process I explained in our last one. (We literally do not know of another way to write together lmao & I love that for us). 💕
Yes, it's a long for a WIP, but that's practically tradition now, and I couldn't bring myself to cut any of it lol. You can read it below! Especially if you want to learn how the picture Sunny sent me here factors into all of this...😂
🐴 Yeehaw Peepaw! Master Post
𐚁 Tal, fucked up on…what in the fuck was it called again?
El's cat Spoon jumped up onto the porch and rubbed himself against Ayla's legs.
Ayla was here!
"Ise!" Tal shouted, hugging his best friend. She was so fucking tiny he almost missed, but the porch railing stopped him from falling off.
"Tally boy!" she shouted back. "Look, Spoon's here! I love him so much!"
"Hey," Spoon said.
Tal grabbed Ayla's face to make her look at Spoon. "He just talked," Tal whispered loudly.
"I heard," Ayla whispered back. "Hiya, Spoon!"
"Oh dear," the doctor said behind them, and Bull started laughing.
Bull was here!
"Vhenan!" Tal shouted and made his way over. "Spoon just talked!"
"What did he tell you?" Bull asked and let Tal sit on his lap, which was very nice of him.
"He said 'hey'," Ayla said before Tal could figure it out and walked over to them to sit on the doctor's lap. Tal was glad she found a lap for herself and he didn't have to share.
"Hiya, Doc!" she chirped, grabbing his face in her hands. "You're so handsomeeeeee! And soooooo sweet. I could eat you right up." She wiggled the doctor's head a little and Tal definitely heard him sigh. And the sigh turned into a weird strangled noise when Ayla licked his jaw. The doctor made a funny face that made him and Ise laugh.
"Isn't he handsome, Tally boy?" Ayla asked, leaning backwards to look Tal in the face.
"You're upside down," Tal giggled.
"No, you are," she said, and Tal gave it some thought.
"No, you," he said firmly.
"Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-huh."
"Nuh-uh."
Tal took a breath and found out that Bull had a hand over his mouth for some reason.
"That is quite enough, Ms. Lala," the doctor said as he pulled her back up, and Tal started laughing a lot.
"Doooooc," Ayla whined. "He's laughin' at meeeee."
The doctor laughed. "No one is laughing at you, darling."
Tal felt like things weren't adding up, but he had more important matters to worry about right now, like Bull's hand that still wasn't letting him go.
He licked his palm.
"We're laughing with ya," Bull said, wiping his hand on Tal's trousers, and that was bullshit. They were definitely laughing at her.
"I don't get ittttt!" Ayla wailed, crossing her arms and leaning into the doctor, when she suddenly started sniffing around like Bluebell did when she knew Tal was coming with sugar cubes. She grabbed the doctor's hand, kissed it, and sniffed it too and then his hat and then she put the hat on and sniffled.
"Is everything alright, my dear?" the doctor asked, producing a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. Why in the fuck was she crying?
"You smell soooooo goooood. Just like calendulas." Ayla sniffled again. "I like you a lot, you know? I like how you smell and your eyes are like honey and you're soooo handsome and it's soooo unfaaaair."
She cuddled up to him and rested her head on his shoulder and she almost looked cute like that.
If it wasn't for the hat.
The doctor wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head. "This is rather nice," he said quietly.
"Not sure if I'd agree right now," Bull sighed, because he apparently minded that Tal was standing on a chair and trying to figure out how to sit on his horns. They were very wide, so he would definitely fit.
The doctor jumped like he forgot they were here too.
"What are you up to?" Varric asked, and the doctor jumped again.
"Hello, Consort," Tal shouted and tried to get a leg over Bull's shoulder. "We got fucked up on gingytwat tea!"
"I can see that," Varric laughed.
Ayla unfolded herself from the doctor's lap – not like there was a lot to unfold, since she forgot to grow up – and went to hug Varric.
"Finally someone normal sized," she sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Look at those giants!" she exclaimed, pointing at Tal and Bull and the doctor. "They're soooo taaaaalllll. I fuckin' hate it, do you know how much my neck hurts when I have to look up all the time?"
Varric laughed and patted her back. "You're so right, Cookie. They're being real inconsiderate."
"I knew you'd get meeeeee," she squealed, pinching his cheeks.
"Always," Varric chuckled. "I'm going to the Feet, you want something?"
Tal made a face and Bull and the doctor shook their heads.
"Bring me coookieeee," Ayla sing-songed, kissing his cheek. "Please?"
"Alright, a cookie for Cookie. I'll be back," Varric said, leaving them. Ayla walked back up on the porch and plopped herself onto Emmrich's lap again.
He looked really happy about that.
Tal decided to change up his approach, and tried to get a foot on Bull's shoulder, but Bull took it and gently put it back on the chair.
"You're a little too big for this, kadan," he chuckled.
"Am not," Tal said firmly. "We do this sometimes in the bedroom and you never say I'm too big then," he accused. "You like my ass on your face.
"I do, but not when you're this high."
Tal looked down on the porch planks. He was high up, that was true, so he stepped onto Bull's lap and sat down to cuddle up to him. "Better?" he asked, kissing his pretty husband's cheek.
"Emmrich," Ayla whispered. "Emmmmmriiiich. Why don't we try that too?"
"Try what, darling?" The doctor raised an eyebrow. Tal tried doing it like him, but his eyebrows weren't nearly as agile, so he kissed Bull again instead.
"Me on your horns," she said grabbing his face to stare into his eyes.
The doctor laughed. He had a fun laugh. "I don't have horns."
"Bull could let you borrow them. Right, Bull?" Ayla chirped, and Tal grabbed Bull's horn before she decided to steal it.
"Sure thing," Bull chuckled.
Tal gasped. "Vhenan! We need those!"
Bull started laughing a lot and Emmrich did too. Emmmmmriiiich. Such a fucking weird name.
"Fine," Ayla snapped and made a face at Tal, so he made one back. "I'll just sit on your face, then," she said to the doctor. "You won't mind, right, sugar?"
"I suppose I wouldn't," Emmrich said with a smirk that was almost as good as Ayla's. She squealed so loud that it nearly took Tal's ears off.
"Really? You're sooooo sweeeet!" she shouted, licking his jaw again.
Probably to check if she was right.
The doctor went very red in the face and Ayla giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her cheek against his.
"Would you unstick that?" Bull suddenly asked, so Tal stopped watching those two and looked up at the prettiest person in the world.
"You're the prettiest person in all of Thedas," Tal sighed. "I have never seen anyone as pretty as you."
Bull laughed that rumbly laugh of his. It made Tal feel happy. "Thanks, kadan," he said and kissed Tal's forehead, which made him even happier. "And what about the unsticking?"
"What's stuck?"
"You are," Bull said and pointed to his horn, which had Tal's metal hand wrapped around it.
"I was worried Ise would steal it," Tal whispered.
"I would have!" Ise cackled. "But I don't need to anymore, 'cause Doc Emmmmmmriiiich Volcarnage –"
"Volkarin," Emmrich sighed. "It's Volkarin, my dear." He was still a little red about the licking.
"Volkarin!" Ayla shouted. "Thank you kindly, sugar," she said with a kiss to his cheek. "He'll let me sit on his face!"
"Good for you," Bull said, poking Tal's metal hand. Tal unstuck it, since the horns were safe now. Bull kissed his forehead again, which was really nice, and Tal rested his head on Bull's shoulder with a sigh.
Being with his husband and his friends was so nice.
Spoon jumped up on the table and bonked Tal's head with his. "Want me to show you something cool?" he asked, flicking his tail.
"Ise, he's talking to me again," Tal whispered. "Fuck yeah, I do," he said to Spoon, who hopped back down and walked out onto the street.
"Come on, then," Spoon said and started running towards the saloon.
Tal made a decision.
He jumped off Bull and pulled Ise out of Emmrich's lap. "Hop on, we're going after him," he said, helping her get on his back.
"What about Bull and Doc?" she asked as she wrapped her legs around his waist to hold on.
"They'll never catch us!" Tal shouted before taking off.
Ayla was cackling wildly and he joined in, because this was fucking awesome.
𐚁 Ayla, the most beautiful knight in all of Thedas, riding atop the most handsomest, faithfulest steed
"Yah, yah!"
Ayla kicked her bare heels into Tal's side, and he neighed and went faster just like a horse. A nice one, not like that evil fuckin' hellbeast of his. They were going so fast she could feel the wind in her hair and it tickled her face. And everything was blurry. But they had to keep up with Spoon, because he'd promised to show them something cool.
"Woahhhhh there, boy," Ayla murmured, pulling up on Tal's neck a little, since he didn't have reins for some stupid reason.
Spoon had stopped in front of the Golden Griffon Saloon.
Hah! That was fun to say.
Golden Griffon Saloon. Golden Griffon Saloon. Golden Griffon Saloon.
"Whatcha sayin' that for, Ise?"
"OH! I didn't realize that was out loud. Sorry."
"HEY," Tal started, setting her down and gently grabbing her face in his hands. "Don't you apologize to me."
"Whatever you say, Tally boy."
"Yes." Tal nodded his head and kissed the top of hers, which was very weird but super cute.
She patted his side so he'd know he did well getting her here, and he kissed the top of her head again.
Was he going to keep doing it?
Should she do it too?
But he was soooo taaaaaallllll.
Taaaaalllll Taaaaaalllll.
That was fun to say too.
"Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing, Ms. Thorne," tall Tal nodded his stupidly handsome head again, and she still couldn't reach up there. "You're so fucking tiny, though. Why?"
"Because you're so taaaalll, Taaaalll."
Tal looked like he was thinking a lot, he got all frowny and stepped closer to measure how much shorter than him she was with his hand on top of her head.
She was shorter by a damn lot.
"Alright," Tal shrugged.
"Come check this shit out," Spoon said, flicking his tail towards the Golden Griffon Saloon.
Ayla grabbed Tal's hand and they followed the cutest cat in the world. And he led them all the way to Zea.
"Zea!" she squealed. "Your hair is sooooo gorgeous. It looks like BLOOD."
"Uh…alright. Thanks?" Zea looked at the two of them with a concerned look in her beautiful lilac eyes that were right on her beautiful beautiful face. "You guys okay?"
Tal waved his hand in the air. "We're fine, Zea. That gingytwat tea we made from those gingytwats you sold me is really good, did you know? Look how fucked up we are."
Zea started laughing.
"Taaaaaaaal, she's laughin' at meeeeeeeeee," Ayla whined.
Tal stopped laughing along with Zea and glared at her instead. "Wait wait wait. Laughing at Ise is my job. You can't do that."
"No! I was laughing with her."
"Alright," Tal said, shrugging.
Ayla scrunched up her nose, because that still didn't make a fuckin' lick of sense for some reason, but it didn't even matter because Spoon had found the coolest, cutest thing. And all of a sudden there was a high pitched noise.
Oh, whoopsie. That was Ayla.
"Who is heeeeeeeee?!" she asked, kneeling down in the dirt next to Spoon in front of Spoon's friend.
Zea laughed again. "I just found him today!"
"Wow," Ayla breathed as she looked at what was definitely the most handsomest, cutest garden nug statue she'd ever ever seen.
"Fucking shit what in the fuck is that??" Tal asked.
"Don't be rude!" Ayla said, smacking him. "He's a nug, silly."
"But what is it?"
"No idea," Zea said, shrugging. "Found it in a tomb or something."
Tal stared at Mr. Nug for a loooooong time.
"Fuckin' cursed is what it is." He shuddered and made a face like he did when she danced with her pretty boob tassels. "It's got people hands."
Ohohohohohoho.
Ayla had an idea.
The very best idea, actually.
"How much for Mr. Nug?" she asked, reaching out to cradle him in her arms.
"Ise! Don't touch it! Creators, it's probably cursed or some shit."
Ayla held Mr. Nug up to Tal's face and shook him back and forth a little. "Awwwwwwwww but look at himmmmmmmm. Mr. Nug is just a widdle guy! He wouldn't curse nobody—right Mr. Nug!?"
Tal took a step back while making another face at Mr. Nug, because he was silly like that.
"What the fuck is that?"
"Davvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv!!!!" Ayla jumped up and gave Davrin the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek, being very careful not to squish Mr. Nug. Or to knock the big bag of peanuts off of Davrin's shoulder.
"Hey Ayla, you good?" Davrin smiled that big beautiful smile of his and he laughed his big booming laugh and Andraste's tits he was handsome. Was Davrin always this handsome?
She'd have to tell Sylvie.
"You mean 'who' the fuck is that, and the answer is Mr. Nug."
"He's cursed," Tal explained, incorrectly.
"And you're touching it?"
Tal gestured towards Davrin and rolled his eyes at her. "See? Fucking told you."
"Well, I'm buyin' him." Ayla dug around in her skirts. "How much did you say Mr. Nug was again?" she asked Zea.
"I didn't. But why don't you take him off my hands for free—I think he likes you."
"REALLY?!" Ayla ran over and gave Zea a big kiss on her beautiful cheek. She had a very hard time reaching. "That's okay Zea. It's not your fault you're so damn tall."
Zea started laughing again. "Thanks."
"No need to thank me!" Ayla said. "Thank YOU sooooooo much, sugar. I promise Tal and I will take good care of him."
"I won't," Tal snapped, which was mean of him. But he'd come around. And he bent over to talk to Spoon again before turning back to Ayla. "Come on, Ise!" he shouted, even though Ayla was real close and could hear him just fine. "Spoon said he's got something else to show us!"
Ayla took a running start and Tal caught her and Mr. Nug and threw them onto his back before galloping away after Spoon.
Damn. This was the best day. She couldn't wait to tell her handsome Em about this.
He was gonna love Mr. Nug.
𐚁 Emmrich, anxiously looking after a very intoxicated, yet very adorable madwoman
"EM!! There's that handsome ass of his!"
Emmrich's face lit up, and he and Bull both laughed when Tal skidded to a halt in front of them, a very exuberant Ayla still riding upon his back.
"Careful, Ise," he said, gently lowering her to the ground.
"What have you got there, darling?" Emmrich asked, suspiciously eyeing those lovely hands of hers as she ran over to him.
"Emmmmriiiich! We saw the coolest insect!" Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she helped herself to his lap again.
"Did you?" he asked, eagerly wrapping his arms around her.
"We did!" Tal nodded his head, once again at home in Iron Bull's lap on the other side of the table.
"That's nice, kadan."
Emmrich looked down at what appeared to be a rather grotesque nug statue on Ayla's—and now his—lap.
"And who's your little friend here?"
"Ohhh! This is Mr. Nug."
"Charmed."
Howdy y'all! Gently taggin' you just to say hiya. Me, Sunny, and Mr. Nug would love to see your WIPs if you got 'em! 💕
"Hey, doctor—is it true what they say about apples?"
"Apples?" Emmrich cocked a brow at Ms. Veryl and gave her a wary glance.
"Yeah. 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away,' or some nugshit like that."
"…er no, I can assure you that is demonstrably false."
Veryl threw her head back to let out a laugh and sarcastically replied, "No, shit?" She leaned her tall frame over the bar and swiped a jar filled with more cherries, and when Davrin opened his mouth to say something, the glare she leveled his way convinced him otherwise. Emmrich was sorely tempted to chuckle again, until she looked at him, and her glare turned teasing.
"Well, if it were true, I don't think Ayla'd eat another damn apple ever again."
Both Queenie and Veryl lost themselves in a proper laughing fit at that, and as Emmrich's cheeks once again flushed red for quite possibly the hundredth time that evening, he was rather surprised when Sheriff Gallus joined in. She shot him an apologetic look that was undercut by the numerous kiss marks all over her face. Sporting the same shockingly bright red as Queenie's lips.
"Lookin' forward to her big number?" Veryl asked.
His mouth went dry. "Oh! You mean to say…all that business earlier…wasn't…well, it?"
Queenie burst out howling in laughter, startling him, and Emmrich's stomach dropped when Ms. Veryl slowly shook her head while she plucked another cherry stem from between her teeth.
"Doc—you ain't seen nothin' yet."
…Oh dear.
Grab a drink at the bar & find a seat!
🍸 READ NOW ON AO3
More sneak peeks at the show below! 👇
𐚁 Emmrich, at Maker-forsaken Burlesque Night, because he is but a pitiful, lowly soul, disgustingly at the mercy of his desire
The stage lights dimmed, but Emmrich could make out a faint squeaking noise and the extraordinarily tall shadow of Mr. Iron Bull pushing something very large onto the stage. When he stopped, he stood next to it, and a much smaller shadow joined him on the other side just before the stage lights came back on, illuminating Iron Bull, Rook, and a giant…clam??
Gemma began furiously shaking her head out in the audience for some reason at the sight of it, and Zalan began a drumroll, only just covering up the muffled cursing in what Emmrich instantly recognized as Ayla's voice. The top of the clamshell jiggled once. Twice. Then once more, before Ayla herself burst out of it with a dramatic flourish, striking a provocative pose with a look of relief on her face.
Emmrich bit back a chuckle that died in his throat when Ayla took both Iron Bull and Rook's hands to step out of the clam—heavens, what a sentence—fully revealing a gorgeous gown made almost entirely of pearls, draped scandalously tight across her equally gorgeous curves.
Well…at least she was wearing something.
𐚁 Tal, having a little fun
"Tal! What the fuck?!" Davrin shouted as the horrible snofleur head above the piano crackled with flame. Neve threw a burst of ice its way, so it wasn't like the saloon was about to burn down, but the head was—fucking finally, if Tal was being honest—damaged beyond saving.
"You hated the thing anyway," Tal shrugged. He'd seen the disgusted glances Davrin kept throwing its way, but he'd never get rid of it, since Eldrin put it there.
Davrin sputtered, looking up at the charred thing in question. "That doesn't—you could have set fire to the place!"
"Davrin! I know how to aim!" Rook shouted, crossing his arms and shooting him a dazzling grin. Tal looked up at him in delighted disbelief.
"You did that on purpose?" he whispered.
"Fuck yeah, I did," Rook whispered back.
𐚁 Emmrich, not the faintest clue what he's in for
He gulped when Queenie hopped up on the barstool next to him, comfortably settling herself on it, locking him in a mischievous stare.
"Hmm, so Doc. Are you enjoying the friendly welcome to our little community?"
"Oh, yes. Ms. Thorne has been quite the attentive tour guide thus far. I'm grateful for her kindness. Truly."
Emmrich's stomach dropped when Queenie let out an amused cackle that was even louder than Ayla's, and her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them as Ayla fixed up drinks further down the bar, her tongue adorably poking out between her lips in concentration.
Queenie smirked. "Yeah, I bet." She tossed her feather boa around him and grabbed both ends of it, pulling him closer towards her, practically knocking his brandy out of the glass.
"I meant the show, darlin'," she clarified, her face inches from his.
He snickered. "While it's perfectly lovely, I'm not sure I've ever heard of a welcome quite like this one. In Nevarra, we're perfectly capable of being friendly with all of our clothes on."
Queenie let out another one of those laughs and mercifully released him, but leveled another smirk his way as he straightened out his vest. "I like you, Doc. So that's why I'm gonna give you a warning. You fuck with my girl Ayla, and you'll be answerin' to me. Do I make myself clear, darlin'?"
Emmrich nervously cleared his throat. "Crystal, Ms. Tabris."
"Good boy," she said, howling at the look on his face.
Yeehaw Peepaw! 🤠
Episode 5: GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!
A Nugflix Original Series
Directed by @sunny374940 & @mushrooms-x-moss
THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S FINALLY HERE!
It's Burlesque Night at the Golden Griffon Saloon, and BOY, do the ladies down at the Griffon have quite the show planned for tonight.
Sunny and I managed to pack this episode with so many hijinks that it ended up being way too big to post in one chapter, so we've split it at a natural stopping point and posted Parts 1 & 2 at the same time on AO3.
Part 1 is all the fun lead-up, and Part 2 is the show. We've also got a ton of Rook guest-stars in this one, and you can check them out below!
READY FOR THE SHOW?
💃READ NOW ON AO3: PART 1 | PART 2
Yeehaw Peepaw! Master Post 🐴
★ Featuring ★
Ms. Queenie Tabris
Saloon girl, arsonist/town menace, Ayla's best gal pal, and Sheriff Neve Gallus' beau. @lycheecatee
Mrs. Gemma de Riva-Dellamorte
Wife of Lucanis Dellamorte, and butcher at Patas de Gallo (Crows Feet) AKA 'The Feet'. @serialsforbellara
Ms. Veryl
Saloon girl and mystery woman with a knack for 'unreasonably threatening seductions'. (Emmrich's words). @hedwigoprah
Mr. Akela de Riva
Town saddler and upright bass player in A Murder of Crows jazz band. @brightbreezeblog
Mr. Zalan de Riva
Town barber, romance novel enthusiast, and drummer in A Murder of Crows jazz band. @blackwall-my-tiny-husband
★ Mentioned ★
Mr. Anselm Ingellvar
Town tailor and owner of Hawkmoth Habberdashery. @vishantikaffar
Mrs. Kione Forsythia
School teacher and archeologist, wife of Edmond Forsythia, and mother to Lenny, Rupert, and Amalia. She makes the best damn quesadillas in town. @onelooseskull
Looking to catch up on the latest Yeehaw Peepaw? 👀
🧪 Episode 4: Tal's Potion No. 9
📺 Minisodes
#7: Sylvie Comes to Town
#8: Sylvie Hunts with Dav
🐴 Yeehaw Peepaw! Master Post
Taggin' the usual cowpokes below to say howdy! Gentle tags as always, and absolutely no pressure to read! ILYSM!!! 🤠💕
Not only did he have to squeeze himself into a fucking wardrobe with Ayla's mountain of dresses – why the fuck did she need so many anyway? They did all fucking look the same even up close – but he had to be squeezed in there with the fucking doctor, and their legs kept touching, and the doctor kept shuffling around and apologizing, and Tal really, really wanted to be somewhere else entirely.
But he had to keep Ayla safe, and if this was what it took, then he'd do it, but he wasn't above bitching about it.
And he had a lot to bitch about, because, in addition to spending the evening here instead of with his husband, he still hadn't found out what the doctor's deal was. Filomena was very little help, because her sister only knew that his wife had died under "mysterious circumstances", and that could have been anything. But the doctor was twitchy, and Filomena was definitely right that he had guilty eyes.
If only Tal could figure out why.
"You and Ms. Thorne seem to be on quite friendly terms," the doctor whispered.
"Hm?" Tal hummed, leaning away from the crack in the wardrobe door he'd been using to spy on stuff. Not like there was too much stuff happening yet besides Ayla sitting on the bed and changing position every ten seconds, because she couldn't stay still to save her life.
"Let me put this plainly, Mr. Lavellan. It seems to me that you and Ms. Thorne are a touch friendlier than befits a married man and…" Volkarin trailed off like he didn't know what to say, and there seemed to be an edge of something in his tone that grated at Tal's ears. They had more important things to worry about right now, but since the doctor started it...
"A whore?" Tal spat. "That's what you fancy types call girls like her, don't you?"
"Why, that most certainly wasn't what I – I would never dare insult Ms. Thorne in such a way, dear sir!"
Tal bared his teeth in a snarl and regretted that the doctor couldn't see it. "So what the fuck is your problem? Ise is mine," he hissed, because she was, just like Halu and Rook and El and all the friends he'd found in this Creators forsaken hole of a town. "You don't get to tell her who to care about."
"And is Ms. Thorne aware that she is 'yours', as you put it?"
"Fucking shit, doctor, she's my best friend, I think she fucking noticed that –"
The wardrobe rattled with a loud bang as something slammed into the door, and if she got hurt because Volkarin decided to be all up in his feelings instead of paying attention –
"Shut the FUCK up!" Ayla shouted, giving the wardrobe another whack. Tal extinguished the flame in his right hand that he'd conjured up on instinct. "I told y'all to play nice! Don't make me come in there!"
"Is something burning?" the doctor whispered, sniffing cautiously.
Fuck.
🧪 READ EPISODE 4 NOW!
Yeehaw Peepaw! 🤠
Episode 4: Tal's Potion No. 9
A Nugflix Original Series
Directed By @sunny374940 & @mushrooms-x-moss
YES! Tal & Ayla are finally cooking up some mad science with Dr. Volkarin, and I'm sure Emmrich won't have any objections to their methods! They're GOOD at science, remember?! Sunny directed most of this one, including this hilarious scene of Tal & Emmrich hiding in Ayla's wardrobe (which you can read a bit more of below!)
Next episode, our lovely cast of weirdos and madwomen will be putting on a show! That's right, Burlesque Night is nearly upon us! But in the meantime, you can read more about Emmrich attempting to win over Ayla's grumpy BFF!
...Much like a prospective boyfriend would try to win over his date's extremely pissed off, volatile cat. 😂
READY TO NUGFLIX AND CHILL?
🧪 READ NOW ON AO3!
EPISODE 4 VIBE CHECK
🐴 Master Post | New On Nugflix | Library
"Tal? Did you just set my clothes on fire?!"
"Nope," Tal lied, quickly patting the hem of a dress with way too much lace to stop the flames from spreading.
"Are you lying to me, Tally boy?" she threatened.
Tal gulped quietly.
"Everything is just fine, Ayla dear, I assure you," the doctor said pleasantly. He reached for the definitely burnt dress, and there was a flash of greenish magic that left Tal blinking away spots of color, but the little glimpse he'd caught seemed to suggest the dress was really just fine now. Not a burn mark in sight.
"You sure, Doc?" Ayla asked, in a low, menacing tone, the kind she reserved for Tal's lies about where her baking went.
"Positive," the doctor lied cheerfully. "Do carry on with your seductions, if you would."
Tal had to suppress a chuckle. "Yeah, the horny bastards won't seduce themselves, will they?"
"Just be good boys and shut the hell up, okay?" Ayla sighed. "I'm having performance anxiety knowing you're starin' at me."
"We will merely be observing the 'horny bastard', as Mr. Lavellan so tactfully put it," the doctor said, and Tal had to suppress yet another chuckle. "Our gazes shall not wander towards you, you have my word."
"Believe me, I don't even want to look," Tal sighed when Volkarin gave him a very meaningful prod with his foot. "Pretend we're not here."
"Kinda hard with you makin' so much noise."
"We shall be quiet as mice," Volkarin said, prodding Tal again.
"Not a peep, First Warden," Tal said, since there was a door between them and she couldn't do things to him.
It made the doctor chuckle quietly, and Ayla guffawed a laugh of her own, before she muttered, "Loudest fuckin' mice I ever heard," under her breath.
"Thanks," Tal whispered when he heard Ayla get back on the bed.
"My pleasure," Volkarin replied.
Tal felt like it might be stretching things a bit, but maybe the man would turn out to be bearable. He cared for Ise in his own stupid way, and that would have to be enough for now.
They sat in silence for a while, because Tal decided he didn't need Ayla to come yell at them again, and even the doctor didn't seem too interested in talking.
But it was so fucking boring in there.
At least Ayla had space to fuck around – he looked out through the crack again to see her top half hanging off the bed as she watched the door – but Tal couldn't even move without bumping into the doctor, so he fiddled with his bracelet instead, running a finger over the braided leather.
The fucking things he did for her.
But there was finally a knock on the door, and Ayla scrambled up to open it and greet their experiment. She was purring at the man in that sultry tone she liked to employ to make people flustered, and Tal thought he heard the doctor suck in a sharp breath, which made him seriously hope this would be over soon.
He tried not to look as she did… whatever it was she always did to her victims. He also tried not to listen to both the inane chatter from Ayla and the idiot, and the doctor's breathing, which was doing some really weird things.
Glasses clinked, and Tal looked out after all to see the man downing the dosed wine in a few quick gulps.
Fucking finally.
Tal kept watching as the man's movements slowed. So far, so good. His pupils became tiny pinpricks, just like they should, and he seemed to be having a lot of trouble keeping his eyes open.
And then he dropped to the floor.
"Fuck," Ayla whispered.
The idiot would probably have a bit of a headache later from hitting his head on the floor, but really, who cared? Tal opened the wardrobe door and stood, stretching himself out. "Work like usual? Seemed good from my side of things," he said, walking closer to poke the man with the tip of his boot. He got a snore in response.
"Yeah, I was just so focused on dosing him that I forgot to take him to bed," she giggled, setting her glass down. "Woopsie."
The doctor crouched down to take the idiot's pulse. "Woopsie indeed," he sighed.
🧪 READ THE FULL EPISODE ON AO3!
Mr. Anselm Ingellvar
Tailor & Owner of Hawkmoth Haberdashery
@vishantikaffar
Looking to catch up on the latest Yeehaw Peepaw? 👀
🗡️ Episode 3: Murder, She Cackled
📺 Minisodes
#4: Tal & Ayla Blow Shit Up
#5: Tal & Ayla Go to Jail
🐴 Yeehaw Peepaw! Master Post
Taggin' the usual cowpokes below to say howdy! Gentle tags as always, and absolutely no pressure to read! ILYSM!!! 🤠💕
Tal & Ayla Go to Jail 🍻
Directed by Fern
Read the whole thing on AO3
"Thanks, Dav," Ayla murmured across the bar.
Andraste's tits was she tired. She hopped up onto her usual stool and eagerly grabbed her post-set whiskey from Davrin, who already had it poured and waiting for her—the sweetheart.
"Don't mention it," he said with a shrug. "Long day?"
"Yeah." Ayla smiled. "Fucking worth it though." Tal dragged her ass out of bed way too damn early again to test out the latest firebomb they'd cooked up. It had become a little routine of theirs over the past few weeks, and Ayla's smile grew as the glorious vision of that morning's bright pink explosion danced around in her head. They were fucking around with the colors, and she was determined to make it even pinker.
It was just objectively hilarious to make shit pink when you blew it up. And pretty.
She took a sip of whiskey and let out a contented sigh when the familiar burn hit the back of her throat. Someone yelled for a drink, and Davrin gave her a nod before hurrying over, chuckling when she winked at him in return. Even though it was near closing time, the place was hoppin' for some reason. A whole lot more strangers, too.
"Hey, baby—let me buy you another."
Speaking of strangers.
Ayla rolled her eyes at the guy who appeared next to her. He wasn't unattractive, but he reeked of ale, and she could tell he was a dick just by looking at him. He had one of those way-too-fucking-smug smiles on his face that appear charming on the surface, but are too damn perfect to be real. Practiced. The kind of smile that turns into a steaming pile of nugshit as soon as you take one good look underneath.
And damn, she just wasn't in the mood to deal with assholes right now.
"Thanks, but no thanks, sugar. I'm good," she said, turning away from him.
"Aww, come on. A pretty gal like you shouldn't have to pay for her drinks."
"Yeah—I fucking don't. I work here," Ayla said with a smirk.
"Well, you look awfully lonely."
She cackled. "I ain't. Maybe you should get your damn eyes checked."
Ayla snickered at the stupid face the guy made and downed the rest of her whiskey. "Good luck with that, sweetheart," she quipped, nodding to a very grumpy-looking Davrin before setting down her empty glass on the bar. She tried hard not to laugh. It looked like a group of visitors had ordered a bunch of fancy fuckin' mixed drinks—Davrin bitched about any order that made him get out the cocktail shaker.
She hopped off her seat, looking forward to finally getting back into bed, and let out an annoyed sigh when the asshole moved to loom in front of her, blocking her way. He probably thought he was intimidating just because he was a couple of heads taller than her.
Well, in Ayla's experience—the taller the shithead, the harder they fall.
"Look. I'm really not in the mood right now," Ayla snapped, crossing her arms over her chest with a glare. "Get the fuck outta my way."
"Oooh! She's a fiery one, boys."
The asshole directed his stupid comment over his shoulder to a group of men Ayla also assumed were assholes, since they seemed to be his friends. Their snickering appeared to embolden him, because he moved closer to leer down Ayla's dress, and reached out to grab her ass.
Big mistake.
Her hand shot out and caught his arm by the wrist, and the tough guy's eyes went wide. Ayla started cackling at the whimpering noises he made when she bent his fingers back the wrong way. "Move the fuck out of my way, NOW—or I'll break them," she growled in his face.
He attempted to yank his hand away, but the jackass underestimated just how strong she was, and his friends jeered at him when it was clear he couldn't get her to let go.
"You better listen to her, idiot—she'll fucking do it."
Ayla laughed and couldn't help but smile when she felt Tal's presence next to her. She glanced up at that annoyingly handsome face of his and wasn't surprised by the angry scowl he wore. But he did surprise her when he gestured towards the man with his metal arm, and quipped, "How the fuck do you think I got this??"
The man stepped aside so quickly, Ayla cackled again before releasing his hand.
"Crazy bitch," he muttered under his breath. She gave a mocking curtsy in return, and his shitty friends looked about as pleased as he did—not one fucking bit—and that only made her laugh harder.
Tal glared at the guy, and Ayla was honestly kind of shocked he didn't burst into flames. “Come on, Ise, Davrin's gonna be pissed if we fuck the place up again," he muttered, grabbing her by the shoulder to lead her away.
“Yeah! Listen to Mr. Knife-Ear, baby—let us watch that pretty little ass of yours walk away!” the shithead shouted, his goons snickering obnoxiously behind him.
Tal and Ayla froze, simultaneously turning their heads to look at each other. All it took was one little glance at Tal's face, and Ayla's mouth twitched up into a matching smirk.
They exchanged the smallest of nods.
"They really are idiots, aren't they, sugar?" she muttered. Just before she turned back around, wound up her fist, and punched the racist asshole right in the fucking jaw.
The guy's friends gasped, and they all got a hilarious 'oh shit' look on their faces—which just made her and Tal laugh some more. She let out a particularly insane cackle when Rook started playing one of those fast rags on the piano he saved just for fights, her laughter taking on a malicious edge when she saw the men take a step backwards, glancing at her and Tal warily.
Which was just about the only smart thing they had done so far.
…Unfortunately for them, and the racist's dick she struck with a satisfying kick of her boot, it was just a littleeeee too late.
Asshole Number One's pack of friends stared in shock at the man, now doubled over and wheezing, just before everything erupted into chaos.
Ayla ducked when one of them took a swing at her, cackling again at the sight of Tal calling fire to his hand before giving Asshole Number Two a flaming punch of his own. The man yelped and staggered backwards, his skin sizzling from the contact, an angry red burn mark already forming on his cheek.
Behind him, another shithead—Asshole Number Three—unholstered his gun, so Ayla grabbed the closest barstool, hoisted it above her head, and chucked it his way, delighting in the outrageously pleasing 'thunk' it made when it hit him. And the sight of his stupid gun clattering to the ground.
She ran over and kicked it further away, laughing again when fucking Varric picked it up.
"Well, shit!" he said, letting out a whistle as he inspected it. "Didn't realize it was 'free firearms' night. Davrin should really put more effort into his advertising."
She snickered, Tal, joining in next to her when Mayor Cassandra smacked her husband while rolling her eyes. And Ayla kept on snickering until she felt something suddenly slam into her side, knocking her down onto the ground. Asshole Number Four had apparently decided to join the party, a wicked-looking knife his weapon of choice, and he brought it down in an attempt to hold it against her neck.
Attempt being the key word there, because as soon as Ayla hit the floor, Tal flung himself onto the idiot's back, resisting his attempts at wrestling him off—just long enough for Tal to set his hair on fire.
Fucking mages, man.
Those flames of his sure were pretty though. Even if Asshole Number Four didn't seem to agree.
Ayla took the opportunity to swipe his fancy fuckin' knife before he catapulted himself up off of her, furiously trying to put out the inferno his hair had now become.
"Maker's breath, Tal—it smells like shit!" she grumbled as he helped her up off the surprisingly clean floor, the stench of burning hair making her nose wrinkle and her eyes water.
Tal rolled his eyes. "You're fucking welcome," he said with a smirk, adding, "Asshole incoming!" and nodding over her shoulder at Asshole Number One, who had apparently recovered from her groin kick and was hell-bent on revenge.
Ayla dodged out of the way when he lunged towards her, knocking his feet out from underneath him. She watched Tal land another blazing punch on the fast-approaching Asshole Number Three, the flames narrowly missing that freaky-ass snofleur head Davrin had mounted on the wall for some reason, the saloon proprieter himself yelling curses at Tal for almost singeing it.
Ayla pinned the original asshole that started this whole mess onto the floor by sitting on his chest, his friend's knife pin pricking blood where she rested it against his throat.
"You just had to get in between a gal and her post-work whiskey, didn't you? I sure as shit hope you learned your lesson, pal." She cackled at the scared look on his face right before headbutting him. "And that's for being a racist piece of shit." He didn't hear her, though, 'cause it looked like she had knocked him out cold.
Damn.
A burst of blue light lit up the bar behind her, and Ayla turned to find Sheriff Gallus putting out Asshole Number Four's hair. The glare Neve gave them was as icy as that damn magic of hers.
Tal helped Ayla up off the floor again, but didn't release her right away, and she had no fucking clue what he was doing, until he held her head in his hands and gave it an assessing look.
Her lips twitched up into a smirk. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Making sure you didn't fucking hurt yourself."
"Awwwwwww!"
"Shut up," he growled, smirking.
"You're such a sweetheart, Tal."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Nope. I'm fucking not." He finally released her head with a little nod, so Ayla grabbed his and kissed him on the cheek, cackling when the tips of his ears turned red.
"You are too. But agree to disagree, Tally boy."
"You can't keep doing this, you know."
Both Ayla and Tal rolled their eyes as they turned to face a very annoyed Sheriff Gallus.
"What—clean out the bar?" Ayla huffed.
"'Cause we definitely can. And will." Tal folded his arms in front of his chest. "That fucking asshole was getting handsy with Ise," he said, gesturing to the man on the floor.
"And he called Tal a slur—they deserved it. We don't need shitheads like them in the Griffon. Tally boy and I are doing a fucking public service!"
Neve scoffed, but the smirk she directed towards them was awful close to a smile. "Speaking as the actual public servant in the room, I can't argue with your reasoning, but you know I can't approve of your methods." She gestured towards the door. "Come on, you know the drill by now."
"Aw, Neve!! Really?!" Ayla whined, incensed. "At least tell me you're locking up those fuckers too."
"Ayla, you can't be serious." Neve looked around the room and laughed. "The only place they're going is Dr. Mac Tir's."
Ayla opened her mouth to protest, but stopped short when Tal put his hand on her arm. "That's actually worse than jail, Ise."
She sighed. "Fineeeee." Ayla dipped into one last sarcastic curtsy before linking arms with Tal to follow Neve out, Varric's cheeky applause and Rook's whistling bidding them farewell as they did. "But tell Deputy Stick-In-The-Mud I want an extra blanket this time. And real coffee."
Neve rolled her eyes. "I'll see what I can do."
👊Read the rest on AO3!
Yeehaw Peepaw! is a Nugflix Original Series directed by @sunny374940 & Fern of Chaos Labs Productions™️
This is a special minisode y’all - the origin of Ayla & Tal realizing they’re each other’s ride or die. 🥲
The next episode will be out soon! The one where Ayla and Tal cook up some mad science with Doc Volkarin!! (I know, FINALLY!!!) 😂 Sunny boy and I have been itching to post this next one for a while now lol.
Looking to catch up on the latest Yeehaw Peepaw? 👀
🗡️ Episode 3: Murder, She Cackled
📺 Minisodes
Taliesin Lavellan, 9:48 Dragon
'AKA Tal Meets Ayla'
Ayla Thorne, 9:27 Dragon
'AKA Ayla Meets an Enemy'
^Emmrich, Tal, & Ayla, posing for photog Queenie, by @lycheecatee
We all know that a cornerstone of Online Fandom Friendship is sharing memes, Pinterest pins, and just generally spinning out on crazy bullshit. But when you do this with Rose? Y'all better watch tf out (in the best way possible) 'cause sometimes she'll use her mad art skillz and genius brain to make stuff REAL when you least expect it.
Like an Art Ninja.
Many a morning have I woken up and sat down at my desk with my coffee, only to almost immediately spit it out onto my computer, laughing when I saw what she had waiting for me.
And I think it's only fair that I share some of it with y'all. 'Cause it deserves to be seen. 😂💕
Early on in our acquaintance, Rose sent me this Pinterest pin with the following labels, and I've had it saved ever since. Rose, @sunny374940, & I reference it regularly, and one morning we woke up to the art below.
It's perfect, your honor 🤌
Rose: 'Ayla is exactly where she wants to be'
I save a lot of pins ft. Dennis & Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, because their energy is very Tal & Ayla lmao. But this is hands down one of my favs, and I'll never be over Rose's version of it 🤣
Rose snagged Ayla from one of my #TextPostTuesday memes and made it even better 🙂↕️
I'm just gonna present this next one of Emmrich and Ayla without context, because I think it speaks for itself 🤣🤣🤣
And finally, one of my favorite Rose doodles of all time: me tucking Mr. Shroom into bed. 🥹💕
He works hella early so most weeknights I 'tuck him in' before crawling back down to my office where I stay up until 1 AM writing fanfiction like the little goblin I am. Not sure how Rose got this photo of us tho!
(Special shoutout to @onelooseskull who coined his nickname lol).
TYSM Rose for blessing us with your hilarious and gorgeous art! 🫶
Plopping the taglist below to share the silly! HAVE A FABULOUS SUNDAYYYY!! 💕
TYSM for the tags @sunny374940, @redaresss, @sorcerousadventurer, @kogarashi-art, & @xkatchy, I love y'all and I very much enjoyed seeing all the cool stuff you're working on! 💕
This one goes out to all my Crow moots! But especially @serialsforbellara, who (possibly unknowingly) provided me with a few of Lucanis' and Gemma's lines near the end. 😏
Y'all know the drill by now, it is just not humanly possible for me to post a short WIP. #SorryNotSorry or something lol
I've been unofficially referring to this passage as 'The Knife Fight', and it's only one of the reasons the next chapter of Sunny & I's Cowboy AU is called 'Knives Out'....so do with that what you will.😂🗡️
TO SET THE SCENE: Emmrich is visiting the Dellamorte's specialty foods shop, Patas de Gallo ('crow's feet'). No one besides the other Crows in town can pronounce it, so everyone just calls it 'The Feet'...which, as I'm sure you can imagine, Lucanis is just absolutely THRILLED about.
Emmrich nodded as Zalan held the door open for him, both of them wincing when they were greeted with the loud grumblings of a very incensed Lucanis. But Emmrich found himself smiling when he heard Ayla cackling in response.
"Maker's breath, y'all are such snobs."
He was grinning wildly now, even more so when he neared the back of the shop, and the madwoman herself came into view. Ayla was leaning over a tall worktable, only able to reach it because she was atop another little stool. Her sleeves were rolled up as she was kneading dough of some sort, and despite the apron she had put on over her rather fine teal dress, she was absolutely covered in flour.
"Guns are crude—rudimentary weapons at best," Lucanis spat over his espresso.
Gemma nodded in agreement, Sylvie right along with her, adding, "And they're too bloody loud!"
Ayla scoffed. "If I'm usin' a gun, it's to save my damn skin!" Lucanis glared at her when her enthusiastic arm waving tossed a bit of flour onto his vest, but Emmrich snickered.
"Knives ain't exactly range weapons, sugar," she huffed, cocking her hip to the side and sassily putting a hand on it, leaving a flour print in its wake. "And I ain't givin' a rat's ass over how loud it is when I got a pack of fuckin' darkspawn runnin' after my tail."
Emmrich snickered again when Ayla added an impertinent eye roll in Lucanis' direction. He noticed she tended to drop even more of her g's than usual when she was all riled up, and despite her foul language, he found it extraordinarily charming.
"Hiya, Doc!"
Ayla's face lit up upon spying him, making him grin even more. They leaned towards one another for her customary kiss hello on the cheek, the act such a habit by now that Emmrich thought nothing of it until he stood back up only to find the entire room staring at them, mouths agape. If Ayla noticed, she certainly didn't act like it, so Emmrich decided to follow her lead and ignored them altogether.
"Hello, dear. What are you up to?"
She scoffed. "Gettin' ganged up on, that's what." Ayla leveled another glare towards Lucanis and his court of Crows.
"Hm, that hardly seems fair," he declared, returning Ayla's mischievous smile.
"She exaggerates. Do not listen to her, Emmrich," Lucanis said with a smirk. "Welcome to Patas de Gallo. Would you like one?" he asked, nodding to his espresso.
"Hey! You didn't offer me shit!" Ayla interjected. "And half this bread's for you!" She laughed and flicked more flour towards Lucanis' vest—this time on purpose—making him curse, then chuckle whenever he successfully maneuvered away. "I even made your favorite, you asshole."
Lucanis rolled his eyes, but his smile was sincere. As was the one creeping across Ayla's face as he teased, "Yes, how rude of me. I only give you unfettered access to my bakery whenever your little loca heart desires. You're right—I absolutely should give you free coffee too."
"Really?"
"No! Mierda."
Gemma nudged him. "Come on, Nugchop."
"No." He smirked. "Not until la jefa admits she is wrong, and that knives are better than guns."
Ayla cursed under her breath. "Well, guess I ain't ever gettin' that damn coffee, then. 'Cause you're the one who's wrong."
Lucanis rolled his eyes, but gave him a warm smile. "Emmrich? What would you like?"
"I'll take a latte, please, if it's not too much trouble," he said, despite the fact that he was really more of a tea drinker. But he recalled the excited look on Ayla's face when she came into the apothecary the other day, raving about a latte of some sort that Lucanis had given her.
"Excellent choice," Lucanis declared with a nod. "Coming right up." He whisked away on those ridiculously silent feet of his, and Emmrich could no longer hold in his smirk when he turned to see Ayla's quizzical expression.
"I thought you didn't drink coffee," she whispered under her breath.
He leaned down to murmur into her ear, "Quite right, darling," reveling in the look of pure, wicked delight on her face when she understood. "What are you making, by the way?" he asked, absent-mindedly wiping a bit of flour off her nose. "It smells delicious." In fact, the entire place did. Like roasted coffee beans, fresh herbs, and sweets.
"Rosemary bread," Ayla explained, her eyes lighting up. "I'm makin' a loaf for Granny, you, and Bull—plus Mr. Grumpy Goose over there."
Emmrich's heart melted, and he murmured a thank you before remembering why he was there in the first place—as he'd strangely completely forgotten—and he relayed Bull's lunch invitation with a grin. Just as Lucanis arrived with his latte.
"Thank you, Lucanis," he said, accepting it gratefully before startling and asking Ayla, "Oh! Would you like to have a taste, dear?" as if he'd only just thought to offer.
She accepted it with a pleased smirk that he mirrored back to her, although it slightly wavered when she kissed him on the cheek in thanks, an incredulous Lucanis staring at them all the while.
"Knives are absolutely ranged weapons by the way," he muttered from across the room, taking a sip of another espresso.
…My word. How much coffee did the man drink?
"Well, duh, Lucanis," Ayla sassed. "But I can't exactly go grab my fuckin' throwing knife out of a darkspawn's neck when I got about a dozen other ones chasin' after me."
Lucanis scoffed. "Every situation you're using is the same. How often are you really getting chased by those things, la jefa?"
"All the damn time?! Or have you forgotten I'm a Warden??" Ayla flashed him an incredulous look. "Fightin' darkspawn's literally my job!"
"SHE. LIES," Spite growled through Lucanis' teeth, who added. "No. Your job is singing at the saloon. Name one other situation you would actually encounter around here where a gun is better than a knife."
Ayla glowered at Lucanis beside him, but it was Emmrich who spoke next. "Just the other day, Ayla shot a coyote mid-air right in the head as it was lunging towards us." He gave her a nod. "It was most impressive. I dare say a knife would have been quite useless. And the noise scared off the rest of the pack stalking nearby," he added while Ayla beamed at him.
"Well, damn," Sylvie breathed.
"Badass!" Gemma grinned, and Zalan nodded in agreement.
"Hmm. I will admit that does sound quite impressive," Lucanis conceded. "But knives are still better weapons overall."
Ayla let out an annoyed huff. “What about that saying 'don’t bring a knife to a gunfight'?”
Lucanis shrugged. "That does not apply to us."
"That’s not taking into account who’s wielding the knife," Gemma argued.
Lucanis wrapped a smug arm around Gemma's shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Exactly, querida."
"Also—I don't have to load a knife," Gemma added.
"Do you know how expensive ammo is?" Lucanis asked him with a grin.
Now it was Emmrich's turn to shrug. "Er…to be quite honest, I haven't the faintest clue."
Ayla burst out in a loud cackle. "Damn, I love y'all," she said, taking another sip of her latte before giving them a cheeky look.
"…Even if you are full of shit."
🐴 Yeehaw Peepaw! Master Post
Tagging the usual cowpokes below to say hi and to gently ask you to show us what you've got cookin' (if you'd like to of course)! @tricksy-hobbitses-ao3 I'm taggin' you too since you said you were a newly-minted veteran Crow fanatic. 💜🫶
